The Heart of Tomorrow (Book Two) (The Tomorrow Series 2) (17 page)

I watched as our mothers smiled at each other and then I turned to Drew. His hand rested on the small of my back and he kissed me on the temple, pulling me close to him. I could feel the nerves lessening and I thought I might enjoy the evening after all.

The guests started coming in steady streams after that. I stood by Drew’s side as he introduced me to everyone, doing my best to appear steadfast and confident as the future wife of Andrew Saben. I had to admit my smile was more eager though when my friends showed up. Court and Anna Beth were welcome sights and shortly after, Ava and Kara arrived. I chatted with them for a little while before Drew and I continued to make our rounds together. It was going well and the butterflies in my stomach were almost completely gone until a striking head full of black hair caught my eye and I suddenly felt sick.

“Well,” Christina said as she approached us with a fake smile, “I haven’t had the chance to congratulate either of you personally since I heard the good news.”

She leaned in, kissing Drew on the cheek and then hugged me a little too tightly.

“Thank you, Christina,” Drew said. “I didn’t think you were coming. Mom said you’d be away with some friends.”

“That was supposed to be the case, but plans can change. You really thought I would miss this?”

“I’m glad you could make it, Chris,” Drew said and when I looked at him again, I knew he meant it even if I didn’t share his sentiments. “Now if only Ella could’ve made it.”

“Seattle’s a little far for an engagement party, but you know she won’t miss the wedding, which will be when?”

Her green eyes darted between us, that phony smile still donning her face.

“We haven’t set a date yet,” Drew answered.

“You’d better get on that,” she said, resting her hand on my arm momentarily. “We’ve got bridesmaids dresses to pick out, don’t we, Natalie?”

I felt my mouth hanging open, not knowing how to address this. There was no way in hell she was going to play any role in my wedding party, is what I wanted to say to her, but settled on, “We’ll have to discuss that.”

“I’m just giving you a hard time, Natalie.” She laughed, touching my arm again. “But, if you need any help with anything, I’m more than willing.”

“Thank you,” I said and then Christina looked at Drew.

“Well, I’m going to go mingle. You’ve got to have one eligible bachelor amongst all of these suits.”

“And I’m sure you’ll have no problem sniffing them out.” Drew laughed and Christina waved before she began her search.

“Is your sister bipolar?”

“Excuse me?”

“Does she have some kind of mental illness like bipolar or multiple personalities?”

“Of course not, Natalie.”

“Well, she seemed like a totally different person,” I said, my suspicions rising.

“Perhaps,” he said, but I watched as his eyes followed his sister for a moment before looking back at me. “I know you’re doubtful, Natalie, but let’s enjoy tonight.”

“I am,” I told him and he leaned in, kissing me softly before pulling away and taking my hand, gently pulling the engagement ring off my finger.

“What are you doing?”

He didn’t say anything though as he linked our arms together and led me into the sea of guests.

“Excuse me,” Drew called out loudly, his deep voice carrying through the apartment and the conversations started dying down. “Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” he asked again and the extra voices began to quiet. I looked around as all of the eyes in the room rested on us. I tried not to appear nervous and on the outside, I probably didn’t appear anxious, but on the inside, I was a mess. I felt Drew reach down and take my hand. “I wanted to take a minute to thank you all for joining us tonight. It means a great deal that you would take time out of your lives to celebrate this special time for Natalie and me. If you had told me a year ago that I would be standing here an engaged man, I would’ve said you were crazy, but that shows how much I know because here I stand with the most incredible woman in the world and somehow I convinced her to spend the rest of her life with me.” He paused for a moment, turning his body so that he was facing me. “She walked into my life seven months ago and to say she caught my eye would be an understatement. I didn’t need to say a word to her to know I wanted to know her better and the more I got to know Natalie, it became more and more obvious that she was not just beautiful on the outside, but even more beautiful on the inside.” He brushed his fingertips across my cheek as our eyes met again and it was as if we were the only ones in the room. “I proposed to Natalie on a beach in Santa Barbara,” he continued. “It was a moment for only us. Our moment and no one else’s and when she said yes, I have never been filled with more joy than I was when I heard her say that one little word…yes. I want to share that joy with you all now,” he said, bending down on one knee and then turning and grinning at the crowd momentarily. “Plus, I want to give her a chance to come to her senses and say no.” A low rumble of laughter flowed through the room before it grew quiet again and Drew focused his attention back on me, holding up the ring he’d just taken from my finger. “Natalie,” he said and I thought I heard his voice crack. “I thought my life was perfect. I had everything I wanted: success and the perks that come with it, but that was before I met you. You came into my life, filling a void I didn’t even know existed. It wasn’t until I fell in love with you that I became a complete man. The only thing that could make me even happier is if you would do me the honor of allowing me to be your husband, the one you turn to in all your troubles, the one who will always protect you and take care of you. Will you do me this honor, Natalie?”

Even though he’d already proposed, hearing him express his feelings for me again, especially in front of all these people, was different. He wanted the world to know that he loved me and as he looked at me with adoring eyes, I smiled and nodded.

“I will, Drew,” I answered, trying to keep my composure when what I really wanted to do was bury myself in his chest as he held me.

Our guests started clapping and there were even a few whistles as Drew slid the ring back on my finger, rising to his knees and kissing me deeply. If the rest of my life with him was filled with even half the happiness I was feeling right now, knowing how completely loved I was by this man, then I couldn’t wait to begin our lives together.

~~~

The apartment was quiet. Everyone was gone. The caterers had packed up and left. It was just us and I was relieved to be alone. I’d gone into the bedroom to get out of the dress and relax. It felt good to be in my sweats and when I heard Drew walk in, I turned around and suddenly felt very inadequate when I saw him leaning in the doorway, arms folded, still in his navy suit.

“I like you like this,” he said, his eyes scanning over me.

“Like what?”

“Like this. Sweats and a t-shirt. Hair all askew.” He walked towards me, sliding his hands around my waist, pulling me to him. “I think tonight was a success. What do you think?”

“It was nice.”

“Nice?” he asked, his eyebrow rising in surprise.

“It was lovely, Drew.”

“That it was.”

He cradled my face in his hands and our lips met softly before he pulled away, stripping off his jacket and shirt, draping them over the chair as my eyes focused on his bare chest and hard stomach. I watched the way his muscles moved as he made his way into the bathroom. I heard the water turn on and I waited for a moment before walking to the bathroom myself, stopping in the doorway, watching as he finished up brushing his teeth. I could see him eyeing me in the mirror.

“What are you doing?” he asked after he’d rinsed his mouth.

“Watching you.”

“Am I that interesting?”

“You’re very interesting, Mr. Saben.”

“I’m glad you think so, Miss Vasser,” he said, wiping his face with a hand towel, brushing by me, our bodies touching as he made his way back to our bedroom. Again, I watched him as he took off his pants and traded them in for a pair of shorts and then slipped on an undershirt.

“What you said tonight…in front of everyone…I didn’t expect that,” I said and he paused for a moment before turning around to face me with a serious look.

“I meant every word of it, Natalie. The only thing I want in life is to make you happy.”

Our gazes locked from across the room for a few intense seconds until we both started walking, meeting in the middle. He brushed the hair from my forehead as his fingertips glided down my cheek.

“I can’t wait long, Natalie,” he said softly. “I can’t wait to call you Mrs. Saben. I’d marry you yesterday if I could.”

“That’s an awfully bold statement,” I said with a light laugh, but Drew’s face remained serious. “I hope I don’t end up disappointing you.”

“You could never disappoint me,” he replied, brushing his lips gently over mine and then scooped me up and lay me down on the bed as his lips started dancing across my skin.

“All I could think about tonight was the fact that I get to make love to you every day for the rest of my life,” he whispered as his tongue traced my throat.

“Every day?”

“I have no problem with that,” he said, hovering over me for a moment before his mouth landed on mine, his tongue diving in greedily. “And I plan to start right now.”

I didn’t say anything, but my body told him I was perfectly fine with that.

Twenty-Four

I was relaxed after the party. My parents had spent a couple of more days in the city before heading back to Iowa. Despite some of the tension with my mom, part of me was sad to see them go. Still, I couldn’t deny it was nice having our little bubble back. Drew was only in New York for the rest of the week, but I had easily fallen into our routine again and it was easy for me to delude myself into thinking he wasn’t going back to California.

We spent our evenings making dinner together after work and watching TV the way we used to before his relocation. We even went on a few walks together through Central Park and for that week, the world seemed right again. Inevitably though, Sunday came and Drew was flying out first thing Monday morning.

We’d stayed in the apartment most of the day, except for a morning jog. We’d taken a memorable shower together, but after that, we’d remained in our sanctuary, binge watching on Netflix while I lay in his arms. He insisted on making dinner for me though and from the smells emanating from the kitchen, I could tell it was going to be delicious.

“Dinner’s ready,” he called out to me and I walked in to join him, eyeing the meal he had spread out on the table.

“Chicken parmesan? I wasn’t expecting something so fancy.”

“I’m always trying to surprise you, Natalie,” he grinned at me and I walked over, kissing him before sitting down. He joined me a moment later, placing a salad and garlic bread down alongside the main dish. He poured us each a glass of wine then and sat down.

“This is delicious, Drew,” I told him after the first bite.

“Glad you like it,” he said and it grew quiet for a little while as we ate. We’d grown accustomed to this heavy feeling that settled between us before we had to separate. “Have you looked at any more colleges?” he finally asked.

“I’ve been browsing.”

“Application deadlines must be coming up. You should probably make a choice if you want to start in the fall. You can always request an extension, but if you’re really serious about this....”

“You don’t think I’m serious?” I interrupted.

“You say you are, but you haven’t applied yet. If you want this, you’ve got to get this done.”

I glanced up from my plate and met his eyes in a harsh stare.

“Are you upset about something, Natalie?”

“No,” I answered.

“You’re lying. I can tell something’s bothering you,” he insisted.

I’d been excited about applying to graduate school, but the more I looked and the more I thought about it, I was torn. Drew was splitting his time between both coasts and that made it difficult for me to make any real decisions about anything.

“I guess I’m having a hard time figuring out what to do in the future when I don’t know about our future.”

He put his fork down and leaned in towards me, his eyebrows furrowing angrily.

“Where is this coming from? We’re engaged. I asked you to marry me. What’s there to be confused about our future?”

“I’m talking about living 3,000 miles away from each other. It’s hard to make decisions when I don’t know what coast my husband will be on.”

“Why are you just now bringing this up? We’ve had all week to discuss it and yet you decide our last night together is the time to do it?”

“Because I didn’t want to fight.”

He was quiet, taking a long drink of wine and setting it down forcefully.

“Well, it looks like you’re not getting your wish.”

It grew quiet for a few seconds as I thought about what to say.

“You’ve been so supportive with me applying, but it’s hard to make plans for my life when it’s contingent on yours,” I said and he seemed to freeze, an icy stare meeting my eyes from across the table before it softened and he sighed, leaning back in his chair.

“I told you I would make it work on my end whatever you decided and I’m a man of my word. Whether it’s in New York or L.A., we’ll do what we have to do if this is what you really want.”

“And what if I want to go somewhere else?”

“Somewhere else? Where else is there?”

“I don’t know. I’m just saying I only have two choices according to you.”

“According to me? You sound as if I try and control you. We had a perfect week, Natalie. Where is this coming from?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said, shaking my head.

“Then what do you mean?” he asked, our eyes meeting again, the tension palpable between us.

“I don’t know,” I said, honestly a few seconds later and our eyes remained locked until he picked up his fork, staring down at his plate as he stabbed at his food. “I want you here. I don’t want to come home to this apartment being empty again tomorrow.” I waited for him to speak, but he continued to eat in silence. “Drew…say something.”

“What do you want me to say, Natalie?”

“I don’t know. Something,” I pressed and he sighed again, bringing his eyes to mine.

“Do you think I like this anymore than you? Do you think I want to get on that plane tomorrow and leave you here? Hell no. That’s the last thing I want to do. I’ve asked you to come with me, to be by my side, but you won’t and so we must learn to deal with the predicament we’ve found ourselves in until you find a way to pay for all of this, unless, of course, you’re content going back to that lovely one bedroom palace on the Upper Eastside that you used to live in.”

His sarcasm was sharp and I could feel my mouth open as I thought of something to say in rebuttal, but my vocal chords didn’t seem to work. I could feel the warmth in my eyes though.

“It’s always going to come down to this,” I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I never felt it until just now, but it’s always there, even when I tell myself it’s not. It’ll always come down to your money and the fact that you have it and I do not.”

“No, Natalie,” he said, his face softer now.

“I’m tired, Drew. Thank you for cooking,” I said, standing up, hoping he didn’t hear the defeat in my voice as I took my half-eaten dinner to the sink and dumped it into the garbage disposal.

He was beside me a moment later, his hand on my back.

“Natalie,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound insensitive.”

“You’ve never made me feel my station in life wasn’t equal to yours until this moment,” I said softly, walking away from him.

“Natalie, baby,” he pleaded, coming towards me, reaching for me, but I backed away. For the first time since I’d met Andrew Saben, I just wanted him to leave me alone.

“Please don’t,” I said, not waiting for him to say another word before escaping to our room.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face, trying to put his hurtful words aside. I could feel my chest tightening, wanting to cry to release the hurt and as I stared at myself in the mirror, I lost my battle of trying to hold it back when a tear slid down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly and climbed into bed. It was only seven o’clock, but I didn’t care. I curled up under the covers, grabbed my Kindle and read to escape until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer and I drifted off into a restless sleep.

~~~

I knew when he walked in. I’d been waking up off and on and the sound of the turning doorknob roused me awake fully. I didn’t move though. I stayed on my side, staring at the blackness of the walls. I heard him walking towards the bed and when I felt the indentation of the mattress, I knew he was beside me. He brushed the hair from my neck and I could feel his presence heavily behind me, his warm breath tickling my skin.

“Natalie,” he whispered. “Are you awake?” I didn’t answer at first, but then he asked me again and I responded with a quiet yes. “You don’t have to say anything, but please listen to me.” His lips rested on my neck, kissing it gently before he started talking. “I love you, Natalie…in a way I never knew I could love someone and I’m sorry for hurting you tonight. I wake up every day thinking about how I can show you that and when I saw your face tonight… how I hurt you with my words…I never want to see that look again.” His lips were on my neck again, this time lingering longer as goose bumps found their way under his kiss. “But I can’t bear to think of our last night together like this, to know I’ve hurt you. It was my frustration talking, nothing more. The frustration of leaving you again tomorrow. I didn’t mean to demean you in any way and there is no excusing my words.”

His lips were on my neck once more and they remained there as I felt him breathing. I lay in silence for a few moments before I finally turned to him, a look of worry covering his face in the shadows of the room.

“Every night I’m not with you, I dream of you,” he whispered, his fingertips brushing my cheek. “And of lying with you and coming home to you every night. I want to be in New York. I want to be here and I assure you, I will be back as soon as I can.”

I could see the apology all over his face. I knew he was sorry and I knew my silence was killing him.

“How do you see me, Drew? Honestly?” I asked and I could tell he was looking for clarification. “Am I your equal or am I a doll you have to take care of?”

His face immediately transformed to worry and he sat up, gazing down at me fiercely.

He took my hand, pulling it up to his lips and kissing the back of it.

“It gives me great pleasure to do things for you and see you happy. I enjoy taking care of you, but the truth is, when I think I’m taking care of you, it is you who’s actually taking care of me. Before you, I lived my life for me, but you’ve shown me living my life for someone else is so much greater. So, when you ask me that question, the answer is that I see you as neither. You are not my doll and you are not my equal. You’re my superior, Natalie, because everything about you is better than me. Bank accounts have nothing to do with anything. I am a better person because of you and it crushes me that you wouldn’t know that by now. I love you to the point it scares me sometimes,” he said, kissing my hand again, this time holding it against his lips for a few seconds. “I can’t go back to L.A. tomorrow without your forgiveness.”

I felt the tears stinging my eyes as his words resonated through me. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to spend one more moment of our limited time doing anything but lying in his arms.

“I forgive you,” I whispered and a smile graced his face before disappearing again as he hesitated. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but he was waiting for my permission. My lips were aching to feel his and when I inched slowly forward, they met and I could feel the tension from earlier eroding. “I’m sorry for getting so upset. I’m frustrated by this whole situation,” I said between kisses and he pulled back.

“Don’t apologize. I want to know when you’re not happy. I want you to tell me how you feel so I can make it better.”

Our eyes met and I knew the discussion was over. We didn’t need to talk about this anymore. He’d said something in frustration and I’d taken it to heart, but I didn’t want to waste any more time on it.

“I miss you so much when you’re gone,” I whispered.

“I miss you too, baby. More than you know.”

“Please come home as soon as you can,” I pleaded quietly and he nodded slightly.

“You know I will, but right now, I want to focus on you and making sure you don’t forget me when I’m gone.”

“I could never forget you,” I said, grinning up at him.

“And I’ll make sure of it.”

“Oh yeah? How’re you gonna do that?” I asked coyly and a wry grin spread on his face as he came towards me, crawling slowly onto my body, his lips finding my neck as his hands inched up my shirt.

“Like this,” he said, his voice fading as his mouth covered mine and his hands continued to move over my body. I closed my eyes and got lost in his touch and sure enough, just like he’d warned me, by the time he was done with me, he was the only thing consuming my thoughts.

“You won’t forget me now, now will you?” he panted in my ear as I clung to him when it was over.

“Never.”