The Heart Denied (46 page)

To that she sat forward and allowed an adorable little crease to mark her forehead. It was a moment before she finally took the bate. “OK, you have my attention. Just what are you thinking?”

“I am thinking that we can work together toward the same goal, that is, if you truly don’t want this marriage, because I can reconsider the arrangement…” I hopped my bluff would not cost me.

“Just tell me what you mean already! Lord knows I don’t want this marriage.”

“If you could talk to your father and make him see how doomed this is…”

“I already have told him I do not wish to get married.”

“I believe I was talking. If we are going to work together then we must allow each other to talk before adding our own.”

“Don’t expect an apology out of me, just continue.”

“I am going to do everything in my power to convince my father tonight that this is a failed endeavor and it would be a good thing for you to do the same with your father.”

“May I?”

I smiled at her obvious hatred of asking my permission to speak. “Yes.”

“Our parents already know of our dislike of each other, how will we convince them this is a bad match?”

“Do you have anything that you could possibly use against your father? I hate to suggest blackmail, but it’s the only thing I’ve got that could possibly work against my father and I was hoping you had something of the sort.”

“As a matter of fact I just might have a bargaining chip or two now that I think of it.”

“Like what? I want to know its not some silly thing you think will work but any self respecting man wouldn’t think twice about.”

“Thank you very much, it’s none of your business, and this is something he will defiantly not stop thinking about once I bring it to his attention. Just what do you have that’s such good leverage?”

“Well, Morgan, as you so delicately pointed out, it isn't any of your business.”

“If all else fails you can always tell him you’re more interested in men.”

To that I had to laugh, “Morgan, my father has caught me with too many women.”

“Just because you kiss a girl or two does not mean he will not believe it.”

“My father has caught me doing a lot more than kissing a girl.”

“I knew that, but you didn’t have to say it! I could have thought of you just kissing them but now every time I look at you I am going to see your rump in the air!”

Shock rolled threw me then suddenly it hit me, “You’re not a virgin!”

“Yes I most certainly am! Just because a woman has never done it does not mean I don’t know how it’s done or that it’s done, especially when my father wanted me to know just what any young lad would want from me! Not to mention the time I walked in on two of the servants doing it!”

This time I really couldn’t control myself. I burst out laughing. The thought of Morgan walking in on some poor unsuspecting servant was just too much! “I wonder who was more embarrassed, you or the servant!”

“I’m not sure, but I can tell you who was
bare assed
!” Surprisingly she began to laugh. The single most musical sound I had ever heard in my life. “Truly, I think he was more angered than anything, until he realized I might tell my father.  Then he began begging that I forget the entire thing! As if my father would care! I told him and he only laughed and told me the lass was screaming in pain because sex hurt women!” Then through her laughing she snorted, and began crying she was laughing so hard. “As if any woman would scream,
‘more, more, it feels so good, more!’
…If … if… if it truly hurt!”

I lost all control then and began laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. This was too much! Her father had almost succeeded in frightening her away from sex even in the marriage bed! Suddenly I realized the footman staring at the two of us as if we had gone mad. Then it hit me how loud she had imitated the girl she was talking about.

I cleared my throat and tried to stop my laughing, “Morgan was just telling me a story.” I watched as one brow rose in suspicion.

“I found two servants doing some rather inappropriate activities in the kitchen pantry and was just telling Brian how my father had tried telling me the girl was in pain as she was screaming she liked it.” Morgan did her best to explain soberly.

Then our parents were there eying us questioningly. “We were coming down the hall when we heard Morgan’s… rather loud reenactment.” Robert said eying his daughter with a half smile on his face. “Seems you caught me in a fib Morgie. Had I known the words you heard I may have told you something else.”

Morgie?
That was just wrong for her. It must have been a childhood nickname Robert couldn’t let go. I wondered how irritating it was to her? I know I would kill father if he called me any of my childhood nicknames.

“Now you do realize that it will hurt the first time though, that I’m not lying about.”

“Father!” I watched as Morgan turned bright red at her father’s openness.

“The two of you will be doing it soon enough, why not tell you what to expect on your wedding night now?”

“Father! You could have waited until we were alone to tell me this!”

“I guess you’re right, We’ll be going now anyhow unless you two have more to discuss?”

“Just one thing Morgan, I am afraid I will not be able to escort you to the ball. You see, I have some business that I have to take care of that I had completely forgotten about.”

“That’s not the real reason. I know why you aren’t taking me.”

I felt a moment of panic then quickly tapped it down, “Oh really? Why?”

“I’d bet you can’t dance to save your life, and you’re afraid that I’d ask you to dance.”

Sighing inwardly to myself I replied, “How did I ever think such a thing would get past you? Well, now you’ve caught me. So you’ll find another escort?”

“Of course. Thank you for letting me know.”

“Sorry it took me so long to realize this.”

“No problem. I’ll simply go with my friends and make a girls outing of it.”

“Sounds lovely. Now that I know you’re going with a few other girls I regret not being able to attend.”

“It’s a shame; you could have gotten on well with one of them.”

“You may have to introduce me to a few of them.”

“Maybe.” She said as she climbed into her carriage.

I had to admit that had been a nice move by her, talking as if she would introduce me to one of her friends. Mayhap one of our parents would see it as a sign that this was not a good idea. Then again, mayhap Father would see it as another one of the challenges I should take up, winning over Morgan or making her jealous.

“What the hell was that?”

Maybe he wouldn’t, I smiled to myself, “I believe that was Morgan and I were discussing the better option of other people than each other.”

“Not that! You were discussing sex with her? What the hell happened to the two of you hating each other? You had one hell of a show of dislike for one another at the table over dinner, and now you’re talking of sex with her? Talking about other women!”

“Are you saying you were hoping I would drive her away? Because I have plenty of ways to do that one.”

“No! I’m saying that whatever game you’re playing at, I’m not biting! So you had better get used to Morgan and only Morgan, no other women. In fact, I am ordering all the maids to not so much as change your sheets!”

“You think I want to get involved with anyone? I don’t want to get close enough to anyone that I can be a danger to them, that’s why I leave two days before I become the monster that I am! What the hell makes you think that this betrothal is a good idea!? You want me to hurt, or worse, kill that lovely young woman!? I sure as hell don’t!”

“I think that if you were to woo her until she falls in love with you it won’t matter to her, and she will understand and know how to keep herself safe from you!”

“You think it’s that easy? What makes you think that she even could fall in love with me? And what makes you think that even if she falls in love with me that it will be enough to accept what I am?”

“Because I accept what you are!”

“You’re my father, you’re a man! She is a delicate woman who can’t even eat when she is upset! She can’t even stand her father telling her that it will hurt her the first time!”

“She was comfortable enough to talk to you about finding a few servants doing the deed!”

“I started that conversation by asking if she were a virgin!”

“Just why in the hell would you ask if she were a virgin if you have no interest in wedding her?”

“It was all a part of the conversation and I can’t remember now but she said something to make me think otherwise. I was shocked and just blurted the question out. It doesn’t matter anyhow.”

“It’s a good thing that she is a virgin though, it means you will not have to worry that she carries another man’s child when you wed.”

“Why can’t you see it’s not a good idea for us to wed?”

“I honestly think she would be able to handle it! And who’s to say you won’t have found a cure for yourself by then?”

“I have to leave in two days time and will not be back for seven days or more after that. I am no closer to finding a cure than I was four months ago! All I know is if I were to eat the amount of wolfbane it takes to cure me that I would not only be cured but dead! There is no guarantee that any cure I come up with will not kill me! Do you wish to make her a widow so young if she can handle being married to a monster looking for the cure?”

“You are not a monster! You haven’t hurt anyone and you certainly haven’t killed anyone!”

“That’s right, I haven’t yet, and I certainly don’t want her to be the first.”

“You won’t hurt anyone!”

“Just because I would never hurt anyone unless I had to right now doesn’t mean I won’t when I’m an animal! Don’t you see it? How I start to change as I get closer and closer to the change? It’s not just physical! I can’t concentrate! I start thinking in a less civilized way and start getting angry easily! I don’t want to hurt anyone!”

“There is something about her that tells me that she could take care of herself if something went wrong. Under all that propriety and femininity is a backbone stronger than this castle, and if you were to give her a chance you might just see it! I don’t want to hear any more on the subject. As far as I am concerned, the only person that can call this off is Robert, and he seems to think you are just what his headstrong daughter needs.”

“I will never tell her because she will never accept it! She would think that the werewolf that has been terrorizing the town is me and tell the first person she can, and have me shot with a silver bullet before I even turn!”

“We’ll see.”

I couldn’t believe it! He just turned and walked away as if I hadn’t said a thing! Was he really that eager to see me married? What could he think would happen; that she would ask to have my puppies! The woman could hardly stand being in the same room with me, let alone her ever falling in love with me!

I stormed up the steps to my room and forced myself to go over my notes once more. There had to be something I had missed. If I did find a cure that ended up killing me, maybe I could get lucky enough to find it before I got married. If wolf bane wasn’t the answer, then there had to be something. I just had to find it! I had to!

~~~

I
sincerely hoped he didn’t think I was serious about introducing him to anyone. I also hoped that Father’s silence lasted until we got home. I didn’t know how to go about talking him out of this just yet. I just knew the angle I wanted to work from. In fact, it was the only angle I had. Once I used it up, I had nothing else.