The Guide to Getting It On (184 page)

FRENCH—term for oral-genital contact, not to be confused with “French kiss,” although one often leads to the other.

FRENCH EMBASSY—place where there’s lots of gay sex going on.

FRENCH KISSING—kissing with mouths open as opposed to closed. Usually involves transfer of tongues (in the nonbiblical sense); “suck face.”

FRENCH TICKLER—any form of condom that has bumps, projections or ridges that are marketed to increase a woman’s sexual pleasure. Some women will like these, while others find them to be uncomfortable or obnixious. Ask first!

FRENULUM—sensitive part of the penis just below the head on the side of the shaft that faces away from the belly when the penis is erect.

FRESHMAN 15—urban myth that college freshmen put on 15 pounds their first year. Research shows it’s actually two to five pounds. How much of it is from beer and how much from dorm food has not been determined.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (FWB)—see “fuck buddy.”

FRIG—British for “jerk off;” “wank,” “five-against-one.”

FROG KISSER—person who believes that she can turn a loser into a winner.

FROT—gay term for when aroused males rub their erect penises together; “C2C,” “bone-on-bone.”

FROTTAGE—see “dry hump.”

FSD—stands for “Female Sexual Dysfunction.” Beyond that, all bets are off as to the specific meaning, or as they say, “The definition and correlates of female sexual response and female sexual dysfunction continue to evolve.”

FUCK BUDDY—friend or acquaintance you occasionally (or often) have sex with. While the sex might be serious, the relationship isn’t, or not in an engagement-ring way; “buddy sex,” “hooking up,” “friends with privileges.”

FUN AND GAMES—in the swinging lifestyle, a term that refers to having sex.

FURRY—someone who is fascinated by the idea of animals having human qualities, like being able to talk or having a body that is a blend of human and animal qualities. The “correct” terminology for animals with human-like qualities is “anthropomorophic animals.” For those who want to take their intrigue with animals a step further, there is an entire furry community with websites like furcadia.com and conventions where people dress up like their favorite animals. There is special furry art and furry fiction. Do not assume that people who are furries are into furry sex. That is only a subset of furries. See “yiff.”

GANG BANG—when a woman enjoys having intercourse with several men in rapid succession, at her invitation; “pulling a train.” This is something that women who are in the swinging lifestyle can do without much fuss.

GANG BANGER—member of a street gang.

GAPE or GAPE SHOT—the flower of Gonzo Porn, where the camera does a close-up interior shot of a woman’s anus right after intercourse. The hallmark of the gape shot is that the woman’s anus is still open and male ejaculate is dripping out. Can be of a vagina as well. See “Gonzo Porn.”

GENDER-BENDER—person of one sex who has become, is becoming, or fantasizes about being the other sex. Requires a person with a fluid sexual identity; see “transgendered.”

GENDER DYSPHORIA—when the genitals you have and the genitals you wish you had are not the same. This is when a guy seriously wishes he were a girl or a girl seriously wishes she were a guy. May lead to taking feminizing or masculinizing hormones of the desired gender, and sometimes sex-reassignment surgery (SRS).

GENDER FUCK—mixing and matching gender attributes, such as wearing a lacy bra with an athletic supporter, having a beard and wearing a dress, or wearing a hard hat with high heels. A watered-down version is when a woman wears a frilly dress with Carhartt boots or Doc Martens. While this was originally a gender fuck, it is now an acceptable part of fashion and no longer has the defining elements of being a gender fuck (in most cases).

GENDERQUEER—when the normal definitions of male and female don’t quite do it for you. Has become a blanket term for all things having to do with gender and transgender.

GENITAL ACNE—a condition caused by the eruption of small glands on the labia and scrotum called apocrine glands. Looks like zits, but isn’t really.

GENITAL BEADING—a form of body modification where beads are implanted under the skin that’s on the shaft of the penis.

GENITALS—the part of yourself that you play with under the covers; in the UK, the term “bits” is often used, especially for female genitals.

GETTING OFF—coming or having an orgasm; “getting your rocks off.”

GFE—stands for The Girlfriend Experience, which is when an escort or prostitute goes that little extra and acts like a girlfriend for the night, including kissing, hugging and holding hands. BFE is The Boyfriend Experience.

GIVE HEAD—to perform oral sex; “a blow job.” The term “give head” usually refers to performing oral sex on a male, as opposed to “going down” which can involve either sex, or “munching carpet” or “eating out,” which are specific to doing oral sex on a female.

GLANS—head of the penis.

GLORY HOLE—a crotch-high hole in a partition between two enclosed areas that a penis can be stuck through. Located in places where gay guys cruise: the baths, video booths, tea rooms, etc. The penis can be sucked or played with by whoever is on the other side of the glory hole, or the other person can look through the glory hole to watch what you are doing with yours. Can also be used for anal sex if the giver is long enough. It is not wise to ask a guy on the other side of a glory hole to go outside and have sex in your car, as sex in cars that are parked anywhere but your garage is illegal in most municipalities and why would you want to invite someone you’ve never said two words to into your car? (Some people would ask why you would want to have sex with someone who you’ve never said two words to, but that’s a different discussion for a different time.) Also, don’t assume that the glory hole is legal–it depends on the location. Origin of the term might be from British ships, where a “glory hole” was a small storage space between decks where treasure or unwanted items were hidden or stored. See “cruising” and “glory-hole protocol.”

GLORY-HOLE PROTOCOL—one shouldn’t indiscriminately stick his penis through a glory hole and hope for the best. He might try looking through it first. If the person on the other side is hard and stroking, he might then poke a finger through. If a finger from the other side returns the gesture, it’s time to play ball. Or he might stroke his own penis as a sign of availability until a guy on the other side bites. All is nonverbal. There is no room for small talk in the world of cruising and glory holes. And whatever you do, next time you are at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport, don’t tap your shoes under the stall.

GOATSE.CX—a bit of cyber-history. Contained the infamous Hello.jpg which shows the rear end, dangling penis and testicles of a skinny man who is reaching back and spreading his rectum wide. Uh, very wide. Put a flashlight beam up that man’s gaping anus and you could see the roof of his mouth.

GO DOWN ON—to perform oral sex on.

GOING COMMANDO—not wearing underwear. When it’s a woman, our gyno consultant feels it’s good for vulva health, especially while sleeping under hot covers with no air circulation.

GOLDEN ENEMA—kinky enema where the “nozzle” is a peeing penis.

GOLDEN DOUCHE—kinky douche where the “nozzle” is a peeing penis.

GOLDEN SHOWERS—peeing on or being peed on as a sexual turn-on; “water sports.” Silviculturally speaking, a tree of the legume family that’s native to India whose Latin name is cassia fistula.

GONAD—sex gland, “nads,” “wank tanks,” “testicles ” or “ovaries.”

GONZO PORN—a style of adult movie making that intentionally appears to be low budget and over the top. It is filled with close-up shots and has even more sex and fewer attempts at cheesy plot lines than the usual fare. The actors are often brash, highly enthusiastic and playing to the camera. The camera angle is frequently from the male point of view (aka “POV”). The term “Gonzo” is associated with Hunter S. Thompson’s tendency to be over the top and in your face, not that Mr. Thompson ever directed porn. One of the more unfortunate twists of Gonzo porn is that it has become particularly disrespectful and increasingly violent toward the female actors. Names often associated with Gonzo porn are directors Seymore Butts and John “Buttman” Stagliano.

GREEK—usually refers to anal intercourse or to the author of The Guide.

GRINDR—GPS-based social networking app to locate the nearest gay or bisexual penis.

GROMMET—a young, rookie surfer who often substitutes gumption for intelligence, and hyperactivity for poise; “grom,” “surf rat.” Sex is a matter of great concern and mystery for the young grom: “What does one do?” “For how long?” “Is it all right if I don’t get completely naked?”

GROT SITE—a term used in the UK for a porn site. In the UK, “grot” is a similar term to “filth,” but not quite as strong, e.g. in the same way you could say that something is “filthy,” you could also say it’s “grotty.”

GROUP SEX—sexual activity by more than two people at once, see “swinging,” “Roman culture” or terms with “poly” in front.

G-SHOT—the latest sex scam where a so-called healthcare professional gives a woman a shot of collagen in what they claim is her “G-spot” to somehow make it bigger and miraculously increase her sexual pleasure. Do not be naive or dumb enough to fall for this inane and potentially dangerous scheme. What if it causes long-term damage inside of your vagina?

G-SPOT—area of potential sensation on the roof of the vagina named after the lucky man (Grafenberg) who claims to have discovered it.

G-STRING—about a quarter of a bikini bottom. See “thong.”

guiche—a piercing on the male perineum.

GUSHER—term for when a man has an orgasm at the same time that his prostate is being stimulated. For some men, it feels spectacular; others find it is annoying. Refers to female ejaculation when large amounts of fluid squirt out just before or during orgasm.

GYNECOMASTIA—when boys appear to be developing breasts; happens to about 20% of boys during puberty and usually goes away in two years.

HANDBALLING—see “fist fucking.”

HAND JOB—bringing either yourself or a partner to orgasm with your hand.

HAND WARMERS—Australian term for breasts.

HAPPY ENDING—if you are in Thailand getting a massage and your Thai masseuse asks if you want a happy ending or “han-mei,” smile, and say, “Yes, please!” After she’s done, be sure to remember the Guide To Getting It On in your prayers.

HARD-ON—when the penis becomes erect; “wood,” “trouser tent.” For a rap variation on the term, Dr. Dre might say, “Ya dick’s on hard.” In the UK: “stiffy” or “pitch a tent.” In Australia: “crack a fat.”

HAVING IT OFF—British slang for having sex, “My roommate and his girlfriend were having it off while they thought I was asleep;” aka, “Have a naughty.”

HEART—that which contains all love, caring, passion, tenderness, happiness, courage, loyalty, gentleness, awe, hope, beauty, feeling, play, laughter, trust, charity and joy. An important thing to have.

HEBEPHILIA—this is when an adult man is sexually attracted to pubescent children and teens, roughly between the ages of 11 to 14, which is different from pedophiles who are attracted to younger children. While some men are both pedophiles and hebephiles, they usually tend to be in one camp or the other, with the majority of incarcerated offenders being hebephiles. A true hebephile who cherishes 11-year old boys might find little arousing about the same boys when they are sixteen, and nothing arousing about young children. Another category called ephebophilia is where an older man has an obsession for teens who are approximately 15 to 18.

HELLO.JPG—see “goatse.cx.”

HENTAI—animated Japanese pornography. Includes Japanese cartoon porn, or graphic novels in the anime, manga, or doujinshi forms. Can be described as amine with all female orifices occupied by large penises. Huge breasts unaffected by the forces of gravity are obligatory. In Japanese, hentai means “pervert” or “abnormal.” See “anime” “tentacle sex.”

HERMAPHRODITE—A misleading term that is hopefully going out of usage. See “Intersex.” In spite of what your friends tell you, you are probably not.

HERPES—a virus that is transmitted through sexual contact including intercourse, oral-genital contact, and rubbing naked genitals together. Seventy percent (70%) of new herpes cases are transmitted by someone who shows no obvious symptoms. Most genital herpes symptoms are mild. They are easy to miss. Please see the chapter “Gnarly Sex Germs” for a discussion on herpes that is different than most.

HERSHEY HIGHWAY—refers to “anal sex” or specifically to the anus or rectum.

HETEROFLEXIBLE—a person who identifies as straight but is not beyond the occasional same-sex hook-up after having enough beers.

HICKEY—love bite resulting in a bruise. A source of embarrassment for some, a badge of honor for others. For how to cover a hickey, see the “Kissing” chapter.

HIPSTERS—low-rise briefs that offer full coverage without looking like granny panties. Close cousin to “boy shorts.” Hipsters stop higher on the thigh while boy shorts have the start of a leg. Materials range from cotton to lace.

HIRSUTISM—male-pattern hair growth in women.

HIT A HOME RUN—to have intercourse.

HOBBYIST—slang term for a man who likes to visit prostitutes and makes it a bit of a lifestyle. Prostitution is referred to as “the hobby” and the Johns prefer to be known as “hobbyists.” One of the more famous websites for hobbyists that rates “the providers” in different cities is www.TheEroticReview.com.