The Good Sister (9 page)

“I used to be an officer in the United States Army.”

Even tougher to imagine. No soldier he knew flinched and shook and shuffled and wrung her hands over stupid things like making coffee or punching numbers into a computer or answering more than one phone line.

“I used to know how to do things. I just… I lost it all. One day, I was Lindsey Bains, soldier, and my father’s beloved daughter. Then, I found Jessie lying in a bath where she cut herself on purpose.
After that, she and Will told me about what happened to her. And how my father ignored it. Then, later, everything… I learned everything. All the things I missed for twenty-five years of my life! Suddenly, I saw how wrong I was about everything. I was so wrong. And now, I can’t shake that I’m still always wrong. It overwhelmed me to a level that I can’t even explain. I doubt everything I do now. And well, Elliot is very exacting, so I don’t like to disappoint him. Or you. Or anyone. I just can’t remember the general’s daughter that I used to be. She, I’m sure you would have liked. You would have respected her.”

He stared at her. He didn’t think he’d ever heard her express one genuine, real, emotional thought or feeling that wasn’t scripted or what she thought was expected of her to say. He knew the story, how Jessie was always so abused, and Lindsey so cherished. How they were divided for twenty-four years of their lives: one shielded by her father’s love and the other yearning for it. He knew Lindsey spent a long time ignoring what Jessie had to live through. He witnessed it firsthand on the one visit he took to North Carolina, when Jessie had her final run-in with the general. He smacked her and threw her from a car, and she had bruises to prove it. Only then, did Lindsey realize what everyone else knew, that Jessie was assaulted by her father. However, it literally required practically hitting Lindsey over the head before she got it.

Noah never once considered how shattering it must have been for Lindsey. Everyone, he included, always felt so sorry for Jessie, but poor Lindsey had to learn her entire life and love was a complete and utter lie. And such an ugly, mean, horrible lie that must have twisted up her insides and everything she held to be true. Suddenly, nothing she previously believed in and relied on was real: who she was, what she was, or what she could do. Noah tried to imagine if Penny suddenly started describing their childhood in the horrifying terms Jessie thrust onto her unsuspecting sister. He assumed it would have changed his entire life’s memories. Maybe, he too, would have temporarily forgotten everything he knew and was.

“My husband will insist I go home if he knows what I’ve been up to. He is very controlling. I don’t want to go home yet. I want to stay here. I haven’t wanted anything so much in a really long time. So, you see, I
have to
answer his calls.”

Her mouth was turned down and her face became ashy white. She pressed her lips together. Telling him such personal stuff was not easy for her. That was blatantly obvious.

The front door opened. Startled, they both turned towards it.
Hannah. Shit!
He forgot she was coming there before they went out. Everything, it seemed, time included, was suspended with their discussion.

“Hi, Noah. Are you ready?” Hannah smiled deeply, and her eyes shone in greeting. He stared at Lindsey a second longer. He wished they had the time to finish this. It was the first time mannequin Lindsey vanished and a real, breathing woman replaced her. But his manners won out and he smiled warmly at Hannah. “Yes, just let me grab my coat.”

Quickly shrugging off his white lab coat, he looked at Lindsey, who stood there, frozen. He passed her and threw her his set of clinic keys. She caught them mostly out of reflex or reaction than realizing what she was actually doing.

“Clean exam room one. The instructions are written inside the third cabinet. Follow it to the letter. Finish the bill for the Drummonds and make sure you mail it, along with a condolence card. All the signed ones are in the second drawer of your desk. Add something nice and personal to it.
Then, be sure to put the bill and the card in
separate
envelopes. Set the answering service following the instructions in the file that Jessie made for you. Set the alarm. Lock the door behind your desk, as well as the front door after you leave. The rest of the building is already locked. And leave the light on in here.”

Her mouth dropped in astonishment. She slowly raised her gaze to his while Hannah waited with the door half open. She tapped her foot impatiently. She had no clue of the source for Lindsey’s stunned shock. Lindsey had never cleaned an exam room; that was something Jessie always did. She never handled a bill completely on her own either. Noah had never given her his keys with the responsibility of closing up because he did not trust her. He still didn’t trust her, but after hearing her monologue, she must’ve gotten to him. He would give her one more chance. And after what she said about her exacting husband and not knowing how to do things, maybe if he tried something different, it would work better. Maybe he should have been expecting her to get things done, instead of asking or coddling her. And if he gave her the time to figure it out, maybe she could do what he asked of her.

“Got it?” he prompted when she stood stock-still.

She swallowed and slowly nodded her head. “I got it.”

Their eyes met in a brief look. She finally nodded. She got what he meant. And it was far more than just closing up.

She licked her lips. “Thank you.”

He nodded back. “Goodnight, Lindsey. I’ll see you at seven tomorrow morning.”

“Seven?” She usually didn’t start until almost noon. Jessie only worked from twenty-five to thirty hours a week. Maybe Lindsey needed forty hours to do the same amount of work as Jessie did. “Yeah, you got my keys. I open at seven-thirty. So, I’ll see you, right?”

She nodded quickly. “Yes, yes, you will.”

He started after Hannah, before pausing and saying over his shoulder, “This job is more than paperwork. Start wearing more casual and appropriate clothes. I need for you to handle some of the more physical chores. No more heels. No more skirts. Got it?”

She slowly smiled. “No heels. No skirts. Got it.”

He nearly fell over when she smiled. She was, as his sister
perceived, breathtaking.

Will stepped out onto the back deck and sat down next to Lindsey, who was staring out at the dark sky and land before her. The stars shone in brilliant, pristine dots and the land was swallowed up in emptiness. It was such a secluded, private spot where her sister now lived. Neither Jessie nor she had ever lived in such rural, remote surroundings. They’d always spent their childhood on Army bases around the world. They were never alone either.

Lindsey often sat out there because she liked the quiet and the vast emptiness. She also liked the fact that nobody could see or judge her. Soon, her breath came easier.

“How’s Jess?”

Will leaned back against the bench as he stretched his legs out. “Still whining that she can’t eat sugar.”

“She’ll be okay, Will. She isn’t like she used to be. She can handle this.”

“I know. Most of the time. There are moments, however, when that look comes into her eyes and I wonder where she’s gone. To Mexico? To her first child? To her father? Sometimes, I forget the hardships that brought us to where we are now. I told myself for a long time we could not even attempt to have kids. It would be too much for her. I couldn’t do it to her. But then, I thought, doesn’t she deserve that? So here we are. And why I pressed so hard for you to come.”

“You deserve it too, you know. She is better. She’s happy and stable. All she is now, Will, is a grumpy, pregnant, budding new mom, who craves sugar, but isn’t allowed to indulge her desire.”

He smiled finally and the grim, serious look left his face. “And you? How are you, Lindsey?”

“Why worry about me? I’m great.”

Will sighed deeply. “I’m not stupid. I know Elliot dislikes us. I know he let you come only on the condition that I support his campaign.”

Her smiled slipped. “How did you know?”

“Because he emailed me and asked me. He also reminded me what a sacrifice it was for  him to let his wife be away from him for so long. I speak Elliot, Lindsey.”

She shut her eyes in horror. “I’m sorry, Will. I was planning to broach the subject eventually.”

“I’ll do it. For you. Only for you. Is he… is that what you want, Lindsey? I mean all of it? This political stuff he’s launching, and his grandiose plans? His strange compulsion to call you twelve times a day? If there’s anything you need, or want, you know you can trust me. After all you did for Jessie and me, I’d do anything I could for you.”

She turned her head, suddenly glad of the dark. She could tell him, but Will would probably leave her sitting there; and the next thing she’d hear was that her husband was dead by some mysterious means,
and no one had a clue who did it. No one would ever know. She was confident Will would make sure of that. Will didn’t take kindly to men who beat up women. Men who beat her. But, no. Jessie needed Will. Her tongue grew thick. Why couldn’t she just tell them? Or anyone else? But she couldn’t bear the thought of them realizing that the kick-ass officer who once helped rescue Jessie, now cowered in shame and indecision, allowing her husband to kick, hit, beat, and rape her, while remaining silent about it all. She could not tell anyone.

“Will, I know you and Elliot are different types of men. He’s a good man. He is planning to do great things for the world. And yes, I’m part of that. I’m okay. Really.”

“You don’t seem the same.”

“People change. Jessie has. So have I. My father wanted me to be the perfect daughter. Now, I want to be the complete opposite of the capable, competent officer he trained to always take a blind eye while he pimped my sister. So you know what? Of course, I’m different now.”

Will nodded. “Okay, that’s fair. I just wanted to check.”

“And you? Is all this okay?” She waved her hand to encompass the house, barn, and land surrounding them. “Is being out of the Army a big adjustment for you too? Working at the nine-to-five managerial job was not exactly something you ever planned on, was it?”

He shrugged. “No. I never planned on that. But then, who could ever have planned for Jessie Bains? Anyway, I still do the Reserves and that helps and gives me something of my former life.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Yes.” His answer was immediate and strong.

“Does Jessie know that?”

“Yes, of course.” He tilted his lips into a half smile.

“Do you regret giving it up?”

“No. I don’t. I wanted Jessie more than I wanted a lifestyle. Besides, your sister is about the most exciting person I’ve ever met or been around, so it’s not like even the ordinary is ever ordinary with her around.”

Lindsey smiled. “No, she’s never been
dull.”

“She’s fun, Lindsey. Being with her and around her is always fun. I like it so the rest: where we live, and what I do, is okay. It should continue to get a little more okay as I get more used to it. But living without Jessie, or losing her, is definitely not okay for me.”

Lindsey expelled a breath. God, what would that be like? To have someone love you, the real person who exists inside of you, that much? She guessed she’d likely never know. Turning her head away, she didn’t want Will to witness her envy and longing for the love her sister now possessed.

She faked a smile of reassurance before she stood up and yawned. “I’d best go to bed. Noah wants me to start at seven tomorrow. So I should get some rest.”

“You don’t have to do Jessie’s crazy idea of filling in. You came here to visit, not to work.”

“No, no! It’s good. I like it.”
I suck at it, but I like it.
She grinned at herself, but didn’t say it out loud. Noah wanted her there early! She spent over an hour doing his last minute list. She was half certain she accomplished it, but would only know for sure when he got there. Still, the fact that he even gave her another chance was motivation enough to try, no, to succeed, at the tasks he assigned her. Perhaps, not having him there to judge her also helped her find the courage to do them. She was always so worried about his reactions, she sometimes failed to perform.

That was a byproduct of countless times when she was cleaning, or on the phone,
and out of nowhere, Elliot would grab her and pin her to him or onto the furniture, explaining why she did this or that wrong. She totally lost all capability of believing she could do anything at all, correctly. But Noah was not Elliot. She
knew
that. She did. Her brain rationally knew that Noah would not suddenly beat her if she filed the paperwork wrong, or used the wrong brand of coffee. Or took a phone call at a completely inappropriate time. She
knew,
she really did, that not all men punished or hit their women. Some men never did. Like Will Hendricks. She believed that with all her faith. She wasn’t so jaded or conflicted that she didn’t know there were still men out there who would never hurt her, no matter what she did. And damn, if Noah Clark wasn’t one of those men.

But, she wasn’t used to trusting in anything anymore because it proved to be such a traumatic experience in her life. Noah should have followed through on his obviously strong urge to fire her and refuse her further entry into his establishment. But… he didn’t. He gave her additional responsibilities and tacitly trusted her to do them. Important tasks. Especially, letting her take care of closing up his business for the day.

And though he kept referring to his small vet clinic as
just
a “rural practice,” she thought the complete opposite. She found him extraordinary in the way he took flawless care of the town’s pets and animals. She also appreciated his genuine concern when his clients were so upset over their dying cat.

Elliot would have told them they should have killed their cat long ago. He hated cats. Lindsey wasn’t allowed to have an animal because Elliot said they were so dirty and hairy. Not to mention all the dander. He’d probably pop his temporal artery if he only knew she was working in a small, rural vet clinic, and
for a man
. Maybe that was exactly why she so begged Noah to keep her. By being there, she was disobeying Elliot, something she hadn’t done in years. And it felt really good.

She told Noah things she did not tell Will or Jessie. They were the only two people on earth she ever remotely
shared her thoughts with or sometimes told the truth to. But somehow, maybe because Noah was so removed from Elliot and her real life, she found her voice again and could be truthful about things she didn’t dare express for the past five years. She was almost thirty years old and she didn’t know how to do or be anything but Elliot’s mannequin. With Noah, she wanted to be just a little bit more, even if only for a little while.