The Fountains of Silence (20 page)

45

“I have an important meeting. I am not to be disturbed. Do you understand, Purificación?”

“Yes, Sister,” says Puri. “But . . . did the boy find my surprise from Ratoncito Pérez?”

“Indeed. He was overjoyed.” Sister Hortensia removes a small envelope from her desk drawer and hands it to Puri. “I’m going to trust you with something important. While I am in my meeting, take the tooth downstairs and put it in the boy’s file. The file number is on the envelope. Are you responsible enough to handle this?”

“Yes, Sister.” Puri slips the small envelope with the tooth into the pocket of her apron.

“Good.” Sister removes a large ring of keys from her rope belt and extends a key to Puri. “You will give the keys to Sister Pilar when you are finished.”

Puri swells with pride. She has won Sister’s trust. As long as Puri can remember, her parents have been overprotective, not allowing or trusting her to explore on her own.

The locked file room, located underground, is generally off-limits to anyone but the doctors, nuns, and priests. The dark basement is much cooler than the upper floors. The heavy keys echo in the windowless space as Puri unlocks the door. Her hand feels along the rough stone wall for a light switch. She pushes the button and a dim, caged light glows from above. Puri decides it’s best to do her work in private. She shuts the door.

Rows of wooden filing cabinets create aisles in the room. Puri
walks down the lines of cabinets, looking for the range of numbers that will house the envelope in her hand. She finds the drawer and pulls it open. The files are neatly arranged in numeric order.

“There you are,” says Puri, retrieving a file. She puts the envelope with the tooth in the file. She pauses, curious. What sort of information is kept in the files? She begins to leaf through. The file contains the child’s arrival form, annual medical summaries, classroom reports, and various other notations and correspondence. A postmarked envelope addressed to Sister Hortensia is included in the file. Should she? Puri peeks inside.

Thank you for your letter, Sister. I am happy to hear that José is a good little boy and that you feel he is gifted and smart. Unfortunately, we cannot accept him back at home. We have seven other children and no means to care for them. José will be better off with an adoptive family. Since he is smart, he will be able to make his own way in life.

Puri’s heart sinks. How could parents not want their son back? How can a six-year-old make his own way in life? Adopting couples and families want newborns, perfect infants they can raise as their own. Chances are very slim that a family will adopt the sweet boy. This means that José may never feel truly wanted or loved. She returns the file to the cabinet and closes the drawer. Puri is grateful for the information. She will dote on little José. It is her duty to serve the children.

Heartsick, Puri suddenly thinks of Clover. She makes her way down the cabinets and looks for 20 116. She finds files for 20 115 and 20 117. The file for 20 116 is missing. Perhaps Sister Hortensia has the file in her office because she is so actively looking for a good home for Clover?

Near the door, Puri spies a table with several files. Maybe Clover’s
is among them. She opens an unmarked file and sees columns with the assigned numbers that correspond to each orphan. In a row to the right of each number is a list labeled
ADOPTION FEES
.

They can’t be correct.

Puri looks at the numbers more closely. The figures are astronomically high.

She scrolls the list to find 20 116. She runs her finger across the line and lands on Clover’s adoption fee. There has to be a mistake.

200,000
pesetas
.

46

Rafa steps into the dark confessional box. He kneels and awaits the priest. Bound by the sacramental seal of confession, Rafa knows the Vallecas priest will not divulge his sins. The words spoken in confession are guarded by complete confidentiality.

The small square window slides open and through the latticed screen, Rafa sees the silhouette of Father Fernández. He greets the priest with the sign of the cross.

“Hail Mary the Purest.”

“Conceived without sin,” replies the priest.

“It has been seven days since my last confession.” Rafa takes a breath. “
Padre
, I have trespassed upon another’s property.”

“And where were these sins committed?”

“In the pasture of Don José Isasa Cuadros,
Padre
.”

The priest remains silent.

“Oh, and I fibbed again to my sisters. They still don’t know about my girlfriend.”

Rafa clears his throat. “For these and all my sins, I ask pardon of God, penance, and absolution of you,
Padre
,” he recites.

Rafa hears the priest breathing behind the screen. He issues the penance.

Rafa begins. “I am deeply sorry for all of my sins and for offending Thee, my God, who art deserving of all my love. I detest my sins and will make efforts to do better.”

“May God bless you,” replies the priest.

Rafa exits the confessional. He feels lighter, grateful to be absolved of sin.

Rafa loves confession.

47

Julia kneels in the confessional.

“Hail Mary the Purest.”

“Conceived without sin,” says the priest.

“It has been two weeks since my last confession.
Padre
, I am withholding truth from those I love in an effort to protect them.”

“And these truths you are withholding, do they relate to your own actions?”

“No,
Padre
. They relate to actions during the war . . . and current actions by those of authority in our beloved country of Spain. I have told no one what I suspect. The risk is too great. As a result I am forced to be dishonest with my siblings in order to protect them. But each lie leads to another lie. The pressure is mounting and soon it may all explode.”

“You are not alone, my child.”

“But,
Padre
,” says Julia. “The children of Republicans—we’ve been alone for years, frightened and hiding, punished for something we had no role in.”

“But you are not alone in your hardship. You are safe in the arms of Vallecas.”

Fear is Julia’s constant companion. But with Father Fernández, she feels peace and freedom to unburden all that troubles her. Since it is presumed difficult, some clergy avoid Vallecas. But so moved by the desperation and needs of the people, Father Fernández wrote to the bishop. He asked to delay his next assignment in order to stay with the flock in Vallecas.

The priest issues Julia’s penance of three Hail Marys.

She is grateful for Father Fernández.

Julia is grateful for confession.

48

Ana steps into the confessional.

“Hail Mary the Purest.”

“Conceived without sin,” replies Father Fernández.

Ana pauses. Could she ever be truthful about her sins? She imagines the confession:

Bless me,
Padre
, for I am full of rage. I am seen by many but understood by few. My heart, so capable of love, is instead lined with hatred for our country’s leader. I detest that the coins I earn bear his image and the phrase “Caudillo by the grace of God.” I detest that my future is determined by the past. I detest that I am made to feel unworthy and unable to pursue my heart’s desires. I dream constantly of leaving Spain, of being wanted, yet the hands that have reached for me have never loved me. My sole intimacy is with silence and the taste of tears. Where, dear
Padre
, is the Grace of God for the children of war, the children judged so unfairly? Am I allowed to ask that?

The priest clears his throat. “Shall you make a good confession today?”

His voice revives Ana from her daydream.

“
Sí, Padre.
I told two lies, gossiped once, and engaged in flirtatious behavior with an American boy.”

Ana is too frightened to confess her true feelings to anyone but herself.

Ana fears confession.