The Family Plan (26 page)

“No. But you can tell her what
you
want. Might be the answers aren’t all that different.” Fayrene reached for her purse. “Guess I’d better go before I push my nose any deeper into your business. But what’s the benefit of having the wisdom of age if you can’t share it with a couple of confused young people?”

“Now you sound like my mother.”

She smiled. “I’ll take that as a compliment. Good night, Mr. McCloud. I’ll see you Monday, unless you need me beforehand.”

“Thanks, Mrs. T. I’ll…consider your words of wisdom.”

She left him standing in the kitchen wondering just how far apart his and Caitlin’s desires really were.

Lindsey studied Caitlin from across the restaurant table. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

Caitlin frowned intently at the menu in front of her. “I’m trying to decide what to order for dinner. I think I’ll have the veal.”

“You know I wasn’t talking about food.”

“That’s all I want to talk about right now. I’m starving.” It was a lie, of course. She hadn’t been hungry since Nathan had stormed out of her office, but she was determined to at least give the appearance of normality this evening.

Lindsey glanced up at the server who approached their table, order pad in hand. “I’ll have the scampi.”

Caitlin felt her throat tighten. She wasn’t sure she would be able to eat a bite. Lindsey hadn’t intentionally tried to upset her, of course, by ordering Nathan’s favorite food. She didn’t even know the choice would remind Caitlin of Nathan. But then, just about everything did.

She placed her own order mechanically, unable to force a smile.

“You look like someone’s twisting a knife in your gut,” Lindsey said inelegantly when the server had moved away. “Are you going to talk to me or not?”

“What do you want me to say? That you were right? I should have told Nathan about Tom’s offer before Nathan found out for himself? Okay, I’ll say it. You were right.”

“He was pretty mad that you hadn’t told him, huh?”

“He was livid that I would even consider looking at another firm.”

“Did you talk to him about it?”

“He didn’t give me a chance.” Caitlin rather viciously tore into a crusty breadstick, scattering crumbs on her bread plate. “He acted like a betrayed lover who’d overheard me setting up a tryst with another man.”

“Interesting. You think he’s jealous of Tom?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, he didn’t give me a chance to explain anything.”

“Well then, you have to make him listen,” Lindsey pronounced matter-of-factly. “Tell him how you feel. About everything. The job. Him.”

“I can’t make him listen to me.”

“Sure you can. Tell him to put his butt in a chair and don’t let him get up until you’ve had your say. Men are like children, you know. If you don’t lay down the law at times, they’ll walk all over you.”

Rolling her eyes, Caitlin muttered, “Since when are you suddenly an expert on men?”

Lindsey grinned. “Four brothers, remember? And every one of them thick as stumps. If they hadn’t all married well, heaven knows what would have become of them.”

“Nathan is hardly thick as a stump. And I’m not going to treat him like a slow child. He has some reason to be hurt that I didn’t tell him about Tom’s letters.”

“So now you’re defending him. Just what is it you
do
want, Caitlin?”

“What I want,” Caitlin said from between clenched teeth, “is for everyone to stop asking me what I want.”

Lindsey studied her for a moment, then reached for her wineglass. “There’s the rub, you see. Until you decide exactly what it is you want, and learn how to put it into words, you’re never going to have it.”

Caitlin looked back at her friend with tormented eyes. “And do you know what it is you want?”

Lindsey lifted her glass in a “touché” gesture. “Not yet. But I’m working on it. Here’s to us both deciding what we want—and having it all.”

Caitlin obligingly sipped her wine, but the excellent beverage tasted a bit like vinegar on her tongue. Lindsey was absolutely right, of course. Until she decided exactly what it would take to make her truly happy, she didn’t have a prayer of finding it.

Or had she already found it and was even now in danger of losing it forever?

All in all, she decided, it was much easier to decide what to do in the most complicated lawsuit than in her personal life.

Carrying a small bouquet of yellow roses, Caitlin entered the nursing home room with the bright smile she always wore when she visited her mother. A uniformed, mocha-skinned woman was singing softly as she finished making up the room’s single bed. She broke off the gospel tune almost in midword to greet Caitlin cheerily.

“Good morning, Ms. Briley. How are you today?”

“I’m fine, thank you, India. And you?”

“Oh, can’t complain.” Gathering the used sheets, she nodded toward the silent wraith sitting in a chair by the room’s only window. “She’s doing real good today. Ate all her breakfast.”

Sylvia Briley had to be hand fed at every meal, one bit of soft food after another placed into her mouth. Sometimes throat massage was required to induce her to swallow. It was a slow, tedious process that Caitlin had done herself on countless occasions. “That’s good to hear.”

She crossed the room to set the roses in a clear plastic vase she kept there for that purpose, since she always brought flowers. Yellow roses or white and yellow daisies—those had always been her mother’s favorites. And even though Sylvia no longer appreciated the beauty of the blooms, Caitlin would continue to bring them.

Saying she would see Caitlin later, India left the room, taking up her song again exactly where she’d left off.

A couple of framed photographs sat beside the vase of roses. With a rush of nostalgia, Caitlin picked one up and looked at it a long time before carrying it with her to her mother’s side. She pulled up the straight-backed visitor’s chair and sank onto it, positioning herself where her mother could see her, had she bothered to look.

“Remember this day, Mama?” She turned the photograph toward her mother. “My college graduation. I was so self-conscious in that oversize gown and dopey cap, but you looked very nice in your best Sunday dress. And Daddy—”

She traced a fingertip over the image of a very large man in a cheap white shirt and limp polyester tie, his round, ruddy face creased by a huge, sweet smile. “Daddy was so proud I thought he would bust all the buttons off his shirt.”

She sighed. “Remember how he was always nagging me about doing my homework and taking the hardest courses? How he fretted about my school résumé because he said it would lead to an impressive career résumé? It was so important to him that I ‘make something’ of myself. ‘Caitlin,’ he would say in that big, booming voice of his, ‘you’ve been given special gifts. It would be a sin to waste them or to throw them away.’”

Sylvia showed no reaction to the change in Caitlin’s voice. But then, she rarely showed a reaction to anything, other than the occasional loud noise that would make her start, sometimes whimper a bit. Caitlin gazed down at the smiling woman in the photograph, seeing her real mother looking back at her from there.

“I listened to all Daddy’s lectures,” Caitlin whispered to the mother in the photo. “I believed him when he said I could be the best of the best if I was willing to work hard enough. Sometimes I wonder if I learned his lessons a bit too well.”

She looked back up then at her mother’s blank face, searching for any sign that she was heard and understood. Any clue at all. As had been the case for more than a year, she found absolutely no evidence that the woman who had once been Sylvia Briley still existed.

“I miss you, Mama,” she said. “I wish I could talk to you about Daddy. I’d like to ask how you really felt about him. I know you loved him, you always made that clear. But did you ever regret falling for him? Ever wish you’d married someone else or never married at all? Were you ever sorry that you gave up your own dreams—whatever they might have been—to take care of him and me?”

Sylvia’s clouded eyes moved, and for just a moment Caitlin wondered if there was some understanding there, after all. But then her mother’s eyes half closed again, obviously looking at nothing.

Caitlin cleared her throat. “I’ve had a job offer, Mama. Sort of. A nibble, anyway. I think I could get it if I go after it—just the way Daddy always said. If I decide to take the job, it would mean I’d have to move to California. I’m not exactly sure what I would do with you. I doubt that such a big move would be good for you, and you get such good care here. But if I leave you here, I wouldn’t be able to visit you very often. It’s a very demanding firm, and there would be little time off for me to fly back here.”

She stood to replace the photograph in its position beside the yellow roses. And then she walked back over to her mother, laying a gentle hand on Sylvia’s thin gray hair.

“I know you don’t even know I’m here. You wouldn’t miss me if I never came again. But I’m not so sure I could get on a plane and leave you behind. Because whether you would know or not,
I
would know. And it would haunt me.”

She leaned over to kiss her mother’s cheek. Sylvia automatically turned her face away. Caitlin didn’t take offense. “I love you, Mama. And I know that somewhere deep inside you is a kernel of the woman who once loved me, too.”

She straightened and moved toward the door. “’Bye, Mama. I’ll see you again soon.”

As she left the facility, she waved to the nurses she’d come to know so well during the past year. She was no longer sad when she left the nursing home; she’d long since come to terms with her mother’s condition. Her visits were brief, but she still found some peace in them. Maybe only because she felt some satisfaction at doing her duty toward her mother. Or maybe it was the connection, however tenuous, to family.

Her way of remembering who she was and where she had come from.

It was something she never really wanted to forget, no matter where her career path took her.

Chapter Fifteen

B
ecause it was still early when Caitlin arrived back in Honesty, and she had nothing else to do on this Saturday afternoon, she drove straight to her office. She remembered to lock the front door behind her this time as she entered.

Everything had been left neat and organized for the weekend, thanks to Irene and the janitorial staff. It was an ideal time to get some work done.

As she wandered through the empty offices, she found herself looking around through critical eyes. Maybe it was time to update the decor a bit. The muted greens and beiges were peaceful but could be modernized. Maybe a brighter color scheme was in order, with some interesting artwork displayed here and there. The McCloud and Briley Law Firm was doing quite well, and they really should dress the part.

She’d bet Tom’s firm in L.A. was decorated in the latest, cutting-edge style.

There were a couple of extra offices at the back of the renovated old house. They were used now only for storage. She remembered Irene’s suggestion that they take in another lawyer to share the workload. McCloud, Briley and Associates. Nice ring to it, she had to admit. For a small-town firm, at least.

Usually she enjoyed the quiet on Saturday mornings. Today she missed hearing Mandy’s cheery chattering with the rest of the staff, Irene’s sergeant-at-arms bark of instructions and the sound of Nathan’s laughter. Especially that.

She wondered how much laughter rang out in Tom’s firm. Was foolishness discouraged there, even when no clients were around to hear? Were the partners and associates friends or did their cutthroat competitiveness preclude such bonds? Would anyone there willingly spend long extra hours covering for an associate who was dealing with pressing family matters or would they all take advantage of such an opportunity to advance their own positions?

Surely someone would be kind, she told herself with an impatient shake of her head. People were people, right? She was sure there were both nice guys and jerks in the big L.A. firm. It was just on a different scale there.

She wasn’t intimidated by the thought of a large, fiercely competitive organization, she assured herself. She could definitely hold her own when necessary. She had no doubt that she could vault right over Tom in the hierarchy there if she set her mind to it, despite his head start. All she would have to do was concentrate exclusively on work, sacrifice every hint of a social life, be willing to take immediate advantage of every opportunity for her and every sign of weakness from her rivals.

A partnership would eventually be hers, she had no doubt. Her father had certainly instilled confidence in her, in addition to the other gifts he’d passed on to her. And she would have the long-term security she had always hoped for, never having to worry about money or a place to live or lack of respect from her peers.

And yet—couldn’t she find those things here? When she’d joined Nathan’s firm, she’d worried that there would be little financial security in a small-town law office. Now she didn’t foresee any slowdown in business; just the opposite, in fact. She was making a very respectable living, particularly for this area, and handling some interesting cases.

Sure, she put in long hours, but no more than she was willing to work, and certainly not as much as she would in L.A. Here she had the freedom to pursue a personal life, if she so desired. Maybe even a family. She wouldn’t be derailing her career here if she decided to, oh, marry, for example. Have children, maybe.

Family had always been important to her. Had she somehow forgotten that in her single-minded quest for career success? Had she forgotten that she had always wanted a balance between work and family, something her father had never found? She had once wished he had an important and secure career, but she had never wanted him to sacrifice all his time with his family.

Would money or a fancy house have replaced all those hours she had spent playing board games with her dad? Watching their favorite television shows together? She remembered how he’d struggled to help her with her homework. His own lack of education had been a major stumbling block for him, and he had been determined the same wouldn’t be true for his “smart, beautiful daughter.”