The Death Class: A True Story About Life (32 page)

To my agent, Kathy Robbins, for being on my team, and for offering instructive feedback and steady support, and to The Robbins Office, Rachelle Bergstein, Mike Gillespie, and Micah Hauser, for all of their valuable assistance.

This book arose out of a
Los Angeles Times
Column One, which was my favorite section to write for, and I want to thank my editors Millie Quan, Scott Kraft, and Roger Smith, who gave me the freedom and encouragement to stretch and push myself as a writer within that space.

From the
Los Angeles Times,
I would also like to thank Efrain Hernandez, Frank Sotomayor, Randy Hagihara, Craig Matsuda, Tracy Boucher, and Susan Denley for supporting the Minority Editorial Training Program. I always felt humbled to be working for such talented editors, especially John Carroll, Dean Baquet, Marc Duvoisin, Beth Schuster, Julie Marquis, Larry Gordon, Sue Horton, the late Don Hunt, and Shelby Grad. I learned from their leadership and guidance.

To the journalism mentors who first helped me find my voice and write about Sangeeta, among other stories, when I was in high school: Susan Best, Lynn Jacobs, and Carole Carmichael. And in college, to the professors whose literary journalism inspired me, Walt Harrington and Leon Dash.

To my mother, Bev Harris, a fearless investigator, gifted writer, nurturing soul, and the strongest woman I know. To my father, Yoshi Hayasaki, who boarded a cargo ship to America when he was eighteen not knowing English and made his dreams come true. To Lisa Hayasaki, a second mom to me, and to my siblings Casey Hayasaki, Mia Hayasaki, and Megan Melton. To my grandmother, Ruth Harris, and grandfather, the late Carl Harris, who ran his own writing group into his mid-eighties. To the other prolific writers in my family, my uncle, the late Richard Harris, and my aunt Tamalyn Dallal.

To the friends who have been my steadfast foundation: Sandra
Murillo and Steven Campos, Tanya Miller, Marjorie Hernandez, Kenyatta Anthony, Jia-Rui Chong and Bryan Cook, David and Tessa Pierson, Melissa Murillo, Portia Marcelo, Thuy Ngo, Shermaine Barlaan, Rachana Rathi, Tami Abdollah, Garrett Therolf, Kurt Streeter, and to a few other writing friends: Christopher Goffard, Miles Corwin, Amy Wilentz, Carol Burke, Cara DiMassa, Teresa Watanabe, Ching-Ching Ni, Lorenza Munoz, Lisa Richardson, Julie Price, Stephanie Hoops, Kim Gregory, Azita Fatheree, Milton Carerro, Clayton Verbinski, Lubov Dean, Tara Zucker, Victoria Aguayo, Deborah Essner, Angela Ledgerwood, Rodrigo Lazo, Lilith Mahmud, Kimi Yoshino, Arlene Keizer, and to the UC Irvine English Department faculty.

Especially to my loving husband, G. Hayward Coombs. You keep me calm and smiling, and remind me of what I appreciate most in this life each day. I love you.

E
RIKA
H
AYASAKI

Each year Kean University in Union, New Jersey, offers an exclusive course called Death in Perspective, designed “to develop an understanding of the nature and experiences of the stages of dying, death, and bereavement.” Led by Professor Norma Bowe, “The Death Class” is the most popular on campus. But what Dr. Bowe does in the classroom goes way beyond making students confront the mechanics of death. Attracting students whose lives are haunted by death, the real purpose of the death class and the goal of Dr. Bowe, is quietly rescuing students from tragedy. From an obsessive compulsive young woman who has devoted her life to saving her drug-addicted mother, to a young man who watched his father kill his mother, to a former gang member who turns his entire life into a community service project, Norma Bowe’s students learn over time her most important lesson, one it took her years to learn and accept—that you can’t give to others if you have not first healed yourself.

1. “Tell me, what is it you plan to do / with your one wild and precious life.” Why do you think the author chose to use this Mary Oliver quotation to open
The Death Class
? What resonance does it have with the book’s themes?

2. Caitlin, Jonathan, Israel, and indeed Dr. Bowe herself all spend much of their time and energy helping others in their community, and far beyond it. What influence does the Death in Perspective class have on their volunteer or community service efforts? Alternatively, what draws people already interested in these things to Death in Perspective?

3. The popularity of Death in Perspective at Kean is one of the things that drew the author to Dr. Bowe in the first place. Having read the book, what do you think it is about the class that makes it so popular? Would it be as popular if someone other than Dr. Bowe taught it?

4. If you were a student at Kean, do you think you would be likely to try and sign up for Death in Perspective if you knew only a little about Dr. Bowe and her work? Why, or why not?

5. In many ways Dr. Bowe is a very atypical professor: her closeness with her students, her teaching methods, and the very nature of her class are very unlike most college professors. What do you think is more (or less) effective about her style of teaching? Do you think more professors should be like Dr. Bowe?

6. Most, if not all, of Dr. Bowe’s students have traumatic and difficult pasts, and most are still dealing with those traumas. How do you think their traumatic events have affected their perspectives on death? What are some of the similarities between the way Dr. Bowe, Caitlin, Jonathan, and Israel think of death? What are some of the differences, and where do these differences come from?

7. Caitlin, Jonathan, and Israel are all from hugely different backgrounds, dealing with very different issues. Whose story did you feel closest to as you read
The Death Class
? Why? If you had the opportunity to meet one of them, whom would you choose?

8. On page 85, the author writes, “Adulthood, Norma believed, is about giving back and passing lessons on to the next generation, so that the virtues you work so hard to develop live on even after your death.” Do you agree or disagree with this sentiment? Why do you think this is so important to Dr. Bowe?

9. Jonathan and Caitlin’s relationship goes through a number of phases as they get together, break up, get back together, and ultimately break up over the course of the book. What lessons do they learn? What was preventing them from working as a couple? How are the lessons of their relationship applicable to other relationships, romantic or not?

10. Much of
The Death Class
is structured around Erik Erikson’s stages of life (you can find a chart of these stages in the appendix). What do you make of Erikson’s theory? Do you agree or disagree with it? Why or why not? Why do you think it has such a crucial role for Dr. Bowe?

11. In Chapter 19, the author revisits the family of her friend Sangeeta, whose murder she recounts early on in the book. How does the story of Sangeeta’s family and their recovery from her murder reflect the lessons of Death in Perspective? How has the author’s encounter with Dr. Bowe changed her view on Sangeeta’s death?

12. In the last chapter of
The Death Class
, Dr. Bowe allows the author to join her on her birthday trip, which she traditionally spends alone. Why do you think Dr. Bowe finally allows someone to join her for her birthday? What significance does this have for Dr. Bowe, for the author, and for
The Death Class
as a story?

13. On page 170, the author quotes Erikson on teaching: “man
needs
to teach . . . because facts are kept alive by being told, logic by being demonstrated, truth by being professed.” Do you agree with this perspective on facts and truth? How might this affect Dr. Bowe’s perspective on teaching? What truths does she keep alive by professing?

14. 
The Death Class
does an excellent job balancing different perspectives on the concept of death—from the physical and medical to the social, psychological, and personal. Discuss what you learned about death from reading this book. Do you think differently about death and dying after reading
The Death Class
?

15. One of the virtues of Dr. Bowe’s class, and of
The Death Class
itself, is how it escapes being pessimistic and morbid. How do you think Dr. Bowe and her students, so focused on death, loss, and trauma, can end up being so positive and outwardly generous? Do you see a paradox in thinking so much about death and still being optimistic and focused on life? Does it take a particular kind of person to have this outlook, or is it just a certain kind of attitude?

1. Many of the chapters in
The Death Class
end with a writing assignment. Choose one of the writing assignments that speaks to you and complete it before your group meets. Share your responses with the group and discuss your process: Why did you choose the assignment you did? What did you learn, or what surprised you, in the process of writing your response?

2. Death in Perspective takes much of its shape as a class from field trips to would-be surprising or unusual places for any other class—such as graveyards, mortuaries, and prisons. Plan a field trip for your group based on one of the field trips from
The Death Class
, or plan to have your discussion in the location of your field trip.

3. One of the themes that emerges from
The Death Class
is the importance of giving back to your community, and how helping others can be a crucial component of understanding and valuing your own life. Research how you can best help your community and volunteer at a local women’s shelter, soup kitchen, or nursing home.

1. What was it like having someone write a book about you and your class? Did it change your perspective on your teaching and community service work? Did you surprise yourself with how much access you allowed Erika Hayasaki?

I was excited to have someone write about the class, a little less excited to have someone writing my life story because I’m a pretty private person. But I feel like Erika captured the essence of the class and also did a great job describing me and my life, and how it intercepted with many of my students’ lives and their stories. When you think about it, I’m asking people all the time to talk about their life stories and how they relate to their lives speaking about death and loss and grief.

2. What was the very first class of Death in Perspective like? Was it successful? Are you still in touch with any of the students from your first time teaching it?

It’s been thirteen years, but I’m still in contact with many of those students who were in the very first Death in Perspective class. I have one student whose father died because he waited three years on the liver transplant list and never received a liver. I had another woman who was older, in her seventies, and so she was able to give an incredible perspective on living your life to the fullest. I was developing the course as I was teaching it. I wanted to be a little didactic, and then I knew I wanted to do some interpersonal work, as well as experiential work. From there I kept fine tuning . . . I’m always changing and adding. Each time I have a new class it’s a room full of new stories. It’s a different group of people dealing with loss and grief. Even when I run two classes in the same semester, each section is different. And sometimes, they even get different assignments depending on the dynamic of the class.

3. How do you think your background in medicine has helped you as a teacher?

I think having a medical background and teaching this particular topic is really useful because I’m able to talk about the anatomy and physiology of the body, and I’ve been with so many patients who’ve died. I have a lot of critical stories that I can tell.

4. What would you say is the easiest or most pleasurable part about teaching Death in Perspective? What is the most difficult?

The best part of this class is the personal relationships that I can make with the students. I feel like I’ve had a peek into all of their lives so when I’m sitting in the classroom, I know which person’s life story is going to connect to another’s. The most difficult part of this class is that it’s draining: I’ve had students who have attempted suicide. I have students who are depressed. I do a lot of hands-on work and I see a lot of students even outside of the classroom, so it can be exhausting.

5. What do you think it is that draws people to your class? How do you explain its consistent popularity and resonance with people? What do you see as the common thread in your students?

Death is something that we are all going to experience in our lives. I ask my students on the very first day of class, “Who knows someone who’s attempted suicide?” Three-quarters of the room raise their hands. “How many people know someone who’s committed suicide?” Three-quarters of the class raise their hands. “How many people know someone who’s been murdered?” I would say maybe five out of twenty-five people don’t have their hands raised. We’re dealing with a lot of urban violence and issues that maybe other populations across the country don’t face. A lot of my students were raised by grandparents. They’ve had absent mothers or fathers. And many have fathers who have been incarcerated so there’s loss already in their lives. In their senior year as they’re about to be launched into the world, a lot of them yearn for that sort of introspective kind of experience, such as asking, “Who am I?” “How am I going to be in the world?” “What do I do with this loss that I’ve already had?”

6. Do you think there’s something about the concepts that you teach in your class that turns so many people on to volunteer and community service work? Or is it more the exposure you provide to struggling communities and individuals?

Be The Change is the community service group that grew out of Death in Perspective. It all started when we were on a field trip to one of the hospice centers and one of the students in the class suggested that we go do some painting and cleaning up. We turned three rooms there into a craft room, a sitting room, and a dining room for the patients. Once we did this, there was no stopping the students. A lot of them have joined Be The Change. We feed the homeless every week, and when something happens, the students are all over me. When Sandy hit here in New Jersey, three days after the storm we were at the shore helping people get the stuff out of their basements. It’s really driven by the interests of the volunteers. Once we get the projects set up—we do several projects a week at this point now—people can volunteer for them, and we post them up on the Facebook page. I think there’s something really healing, when you’re grieving, about giving back or at least experiencing people who may have it even harder than you do.