The Daughter He Wanted (27 page)

“What else? Have any deep, dark secrets you want to share? I mean, swearing about Santa is one thing, but I hopped on a Harley and disappeared for spring break.” Funny, that was the first time she’d been able to joke about that night.

Alex reached for a light blanket at the end of the bench and covered their legs. “I’m an open book. Ordinary childhood. My parents were different but not terrible, and then they died. I think I might have more anger toward them, but...” He trailed off.

“But?”

“But I started seeing Deanna soon after their deaths and her family pulled me into their circle without any drama. I think that helped me come to terms with their not being around any longer, even though there had been times I wished they weren’t around.”

Paige settled against the bench seat and pulled the blanket over her arms. “You still love her, don’t you?”

He was quiet for a long moment but Paige didn’t feel him pull away. Not physically or emotionally as they watched the night sky and he considered his answer. Finally he said, “I think I’ll always love her. I don’t want that to scare you.”

“It doesn’t.” Relief washed over Paige as she said the words. She wasn’t scared, not about his feelings for his former wife. She wasn’t upset about the barbecue with their parents and she wasn’t nervous about what might happen down the road. It all felt normal. Like life, and wasn’t that what she wanted? A real life with real people and real emotions? “What was she like? Not the kind of work she did or her bad driving. What did you love about her?”

“You can’t want to hear this.”

But she did. Paige needed to know what made him love his wife. What kept her in his heart. Not out of jealousy or a need to quash his feelings, but to understand him. She loved Alex. Love meant accepting every part of the person, not just the easy things. “She was important to you. You’re important to me. That makes your past important.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed. “She played the piano, mostly when I annoyed her. I think I annoyed her a lot, at least in the beginning, because the first few nights we lived in our home she banged on the keys for hours.”

“Annoyed her about what?”

“I wanted a man cave. You know, leather furniture, sports posters and trophies. She wanted pink and flowers and roosters in the kitchen. God, I hated those roosters. On the backsplash and the tile floor and the freaking pot holders. I still use the pot holders and I hate them.”

“But you can’t get rid of them?”

“They were her, you know? We watched foreign films—subtitles, the whole nine—and I never knew what the hell was going on, but she liked them so I watched because being with her was more important.”

Paige’s heart pinged as he talked about Deanna, how she loved the summer sunshine and being on the lake. The way she shoveled the walk sideways so that the piles of snow made a kind of fort leading to the mailbox. That she worked out to Lady Gaga and Van Halen and that no matter what she cooked for breakfast, it always burned.

“That’s why you’re such a good egg chef.”

He squeezed her hand. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

“I’ve heard.” They were quiet for a long time, but Paige didn’t mind. The Monday-morning rush would begin by seven the next morning, but she was content to talk with Alex. Sit with him.

Be with him.

“Thank you for telling me about her.”

He nodded and after a moment said, “So Halloween. What a birthday.”

She chuckled. “It was more than awesome when I was a kid. Who doesn’t want more candy and chocolate? Now it gets lost in the shuffle of costumes for Kaylie, but I don’t mind. Speaking of, I need to make a trip to the costume store in St. Louis sometime this week. Kaylie’s still stuck on Snoopy and none of the local stores have him in stock.” Alex’s heart thundered beneath her cheek and Paige sat up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just... I can maybe help with that. If it isn’t overstepping the new-dad bounds?”

“What, you have a Snoopy costume in your truck? SuperDad to the rescue?” Paige joked but Alex didn’t smile.

“On the counter at my house, actually.”

Paige had trouble computing what he was saying. “You have a Snoopy costume?”

He nodded. “Kaylie mentioned it, and I saw them online. Then I decided to send them back because you didn’t ask for my help, but—”

“You bought a Snoopy costume for Kaylie?” Why were tears pricking at the corners of her eyes? He had overstepped. She hadn’t asked him to swoop in to the rescue with a Halloween costume, but Paige couldn’t muster even a hint of anger toward him. Because he bought Kaylie a costume.

“And Sally and Lucy and Charlie Brown, too, in case we all decided to go together.”

The tears spilled over. Of all the overstepping, thoughtful things anyone had ever done for her—for her daughter—this was at the top of the list.

“It’s okay, I’ll send them back.” He swiped his thumb over the tears streaming down Paige’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Halloween is your birthday, your time with Kaylie. It’s not a big deal.”

Paige could only shake her head. She pushed his hands away from her face and swiped the sleeves of her jacket over her eyes. Put her hands on either side of his face so he had to look at her. “Don’t you dare send them back. Come trick-or-treating with your daughter, in a Charlie Brown costume. Please.”

“Really?”

Paige nodded. “Other than Alison and me, no one has ever thought about what Kaylie would want.” Tears threatened again and Paige cleared her throat. “These are happy tears. Stupid, crazy, happy tears. Please, come with us.”

“Okay.” He put his arms around her, pulling Paige into his lap. He dropped a kiss on her cheek.

The happy tears were dwarfed by her response to the simple gesture. Paige wanted more than a chaste kiss from Alex. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his, feeling his immediate response to her. Her heartbeat thundered between them as he tasted her, as she inhaled the sandalwood scent of him.

Alex tested her boundaries, teasing the tip of his tongue against the seam of her mouth. Paige opened to him, allowing him entry. His hands at her hips urged her forward a hair, until she was seated over his hardness. Paige dug her fingers through his short hair as his hands worked over her ribs close, so close to her breasts. His knuckles teased the undersides of her breasts, and heat pooled between her legs at the near contact.

Then he was gone, leaving her cold and shivering on the bench seat. Alex paced to the railing, running his hands over his head as he bent at the waist. “We can’t. Not on your back porch. Not with Kaylie a few feet away in her bed. Not when she still thinks I’m the guy who comes to her swim lesson and gives horses a tomato bath.”

He was right. Realization of what they’d nearly done washed over Paige, chilling her to the bone. They couldn’t make love on her deck.

She’d nearly made love with a man in her backyard.

“We need to figure out how to do this when a toddler is underfoot.”

“I think the basic rules still apply.” Paige couldn’t stop her smart-aleck half from saying the words.

Alex’s laugh was loud in the dark. Rich and inviting. He took her hand. “We need to make a few plans.”

* * *

O
VER THE LAST
week of October, Paige and Alex fell into a familiar routine. He stopped by her house most nights and the three of them would eat dinner together. He’d tell Kaylie silly stories about the parks or show her pictures from his hikes, if the weather had been nice enough for him to get out of the office. On Wednesday they took Kaylie to swim practice together. They hadn’t been on another date, but once Kaylie was down for the night Paige and Alex would watch TV, sitting close together on her love seat. Or Alex would build a fire in the pit on the deck and they would watch the sky.

They talked and kissed and Alex went home most nights to take a cold shower. At least that was what Paige supposed he did because it was what she did once he left. Not that it helped. She wanted him.

Badly.

Privately Paige referred to this routine as the New Normal. And she liked it.

She looked out the window but no blue truck had parked before her house and the street was quiet outside. The clock ticked on past five-thirty and she reminded herself people were late all the time. He would be here. He wouldn’t disappoint Kaylie.

She peeked her head around the corner, watching Kaylie for a moment. She was dressed and ready, the Snoopy costume’s head making her own neck bobble a little. Her hot-pink jack-o’-lantern bucket sat by her side as she drew a picture at the low coffee table.

Paige sat down with her. “What are you drawing, sweetpea?”

“You and me, at the pool.” She held up the picture, which had a tall stick figure and a shorter one floating on a blue square. Both figures had long hair and big smiles.

“Nice job. Are you ready for trick-or-treating?” Paige tacked the picture to the fridge and returned to the coffee table to sit with Kaylie on the floor.

“Mmm-hmm. Do you think Mrs. Purcell will have caramel apples again this year?” Kaylie put a new dress on the doll next to her.

“We will have to wait and see. Sweetpea, do you like it when Alex comes around?” Paige helped her put the doll arms through the narrow sleeve openings, watching her face for any uncomfortable emotions. Kaylie seemed unfazed by the question.

“Alex is my swimming buddy.”

“Right. Alex likes you a lot.”

“Alex is funny. Like you, Mama.”

“I’m funny?” They finished with the doll and Kaylie admired the new dress.

“You smile a lot when Alex is here. Smiles are for funny things.”

Paige tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and hugged Kaylie to her side. She had been smiling more over the past couple of weeks. “I love you, Kay.”

Kaylie snuggled against her neck. “I love you, too, Mama. Can I play ‘Angry Birds’?”

“Sure, but just for a few minutes.” The clock read five forty-five and she checked the front door. She should get ready.

It only took a few minutes to secure her long hair in a bun, don the blue-and-black dress and saddle shoes. She put more blusher than normal on her cheeks and pulled the black foam wig over her head, still wondering where Alex might be.

She settled into her favorite wicker chair on the porch with her sketchbook and pencils, doodling.

Why was she so antsy? Things were going well. She felt warm and cozy when he texted her a picture or a funny thing that happened during the day. Or just wanted to say hi. Those were her favorite texts, the ones that had absolutely no reason. They just were. Like Alex. He could text her a “happy Monday” note and her day was made.

Even her mother’s usual haranguing didn’t bother her. Or maybe it was that Dot seemed to have given up on the backhanded compliments since that last blowup. She’d called twice, reminding Paige of gallery deadlines, but didn’t bring up Alex. Or his connection to Kaylie. She’d been...almost normal.

Maybe that was the cause of her discontent. Dot was never this laid-back about anything.

No, that wasn’t it.

The phone rang, and Dot’s number glowed on the readout. Paige sighed. “Think of the devil,” she muttered but picked up the call. “Hello, Mother.”

“Paige, sweetheart. I was just calling to remind you that if you want to send something in to the curator, the deadline for local artists is today. Halloween, of all days, can you imagine?”

Halloween. Maybe that was the source of her angst. She turned thirty today. Paige twisted her mouth to the side. No, thirty was a big number, but she wasn’t worried about gray hairs or sagging boobs. What was wrong with her?

“Paige, are you there?”

“I’m here, Mother. We talked about this. I have a lot on my plate with school, and there is a new project we’re planning for the spring—”

Dot cut her off. “Please. You know you could snap off a canvas that would thrill them, if you’d just try. I talked to the curator today and he said as long as you emailed him the plan for your painting, he would get it in the next showing.”

Paige gritted her teeth and held back the angry retort. Dot wasn’t turning over a new leaf. All her quietness over the past two weeks had been a buildup to this call. Paige should have known.

“He leaves at seven. You only have a little time left,” her mother continued. “Why don’t you go ahead and email your ideas? You know, I think a landscape around the Chain of Rocks bridge in St. Louis would be a great addition.”

Except the area didn’t interest Paige. Not that Dot would care.

“Did you need anything else, Mother?” Like to wish Paige a happy birthday? “I’m planning to take Kaylie trick-or-treating in a few minutes. We need to get ready.”

“No, I only wanted to remind you of the gallery deadline.”

The words were like a punch to Paige’s midsection. They shouldn’t have been, not really. Over the years her parents had forgotten more of Paige’s birthdays than they’d remembered. And she didn’t want to argue with her mother, not again. Not with Kaylie just inside the house. Not on her birthday.

“Don’t forget to email a picture of Kaylie’s costume. She’s a fairy princess again, right?”

Paige sighed. “No, Mother, she’s Snoopy this year. She didn’t want wings and a crown.”

“But Snoopy is a boy’s costume. A boy dog. Surely you told her that.”

No, Paige hadn’t. Who cared if Snoopy was a boy dog? Her kid wanted to be Snoopy so Paige would let her be Snoopy. She closed her eyes and counted to five. Getting upset with her mother would spoil their evening with Alex and Paige was loathe to do that.

He deserved better than more Kenner family complaining. “She insisted Snoopy was the costume,” Paige said in a level voice.

Dot sighed. “Well, I still want a picture, I suppose. Don’t forget about emailing the curator. He’s waiting for you.”

Right. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask, darling. Your father just walked in the door, would you like to speak with him?”

“No, that’s okay. Tell him I said hello. Would you like to talk to Kaylie?”

She went in search of her daughter and found her playing “Angry Birds” on the iPad. Her completed drawing showed a little girl, a dog and a tall man. Paige smiled. No matter how messed up her own childhood, she had to admit she was raising a pretty cool kid.