The Cowboy's Gamble: Destined For Love Series (20 page)

T
he time had come for truths, Seth decided, because guilt was clashing with his growing feelings for Josie. He intended, once and for all, to absolve himself of the cruel lies he’d inflicted on Josie eleven years ago. Lies that still stood between them and preyed on his conscience. Lies that impeded a deeper, emotional level of intimacy in their marriage.

Leaning against the porch railing in the dark, Seth gazed out at the expanse of stars scattered in the night sky, mulling over the different ways to approach the sensitive subject that needed to be addressed.

It had been a week and a half since Josie had so willingly opened herself to him physically, and with every day that passed Seth was beginning to realize how much he cared for Josie. Despite logic, reason, and a past filled with resentment and bitterness, he was falling hard for his beautiful, stubborn, spirited wife.

What had happened eleven years ago was an issue that hung over their marriage like a dark cloud, threatening the tenuous treaty they’d forged. Neither one of them spoke of the past, but that was part of the problem, he’d decided. Until they resolved the hurt and personal grudges still buried beneath layers of polite civility, their marriage would grow stagnant. And he wanted more than a marriage of convenience with Josie.

He wanted a real home, and a family. Her, him, Kellie, and maybe a few babies of their own. The thought filled him with warmth, and a contentment he hadn’t realized was missing from his life until that moment.

He was willing to confess his youthful wrong-doing of eleven years past. Hopefully, in turn, Josie would extend the same faith in him and they could put that part of their lives behind them and look toward the future, which wouldn’t include any burdens from the past.

Both he and Josie had grown and changed over the years. No longer did he view Josie as the scheming girl he’d thought she’d once been. The weeks since their marriage had shown him a strong, independent woman who’d struggled with running a ranch, raising a daughter alone, and attempting to thwart her father’s gambling habits. A woman with an enormous amount of pride, a mulish streak a country mile wide, and a heart that embraced her family.

He wanted that heart to embrace him, too.

The creaking of the screen door brought Seth out of his thoughts. He glanced over his shoulder just as Josie stepped from the house and onto the porch. She was wearing a soft lavender summer dress and sandals, and the curly tips of her unbound hair shimmered from the light filtering out from the foyer. Her face glowed with femininity, and something much sweeter. Love, he wondered?

She slipped behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle, tucked her thumbs into the waistband of his jeans just above his belt buckle, and pressed her body against his. He felt the crush of her supple breasts along his spine, the slide of her thighs along the back of his, and his belly grew taut.

She rose on her tip-toes and nipped lightly at his ear lobe. “What are you doing out here all alone?”

“Just thinking,” he said, enjoying her sensual play. Since making love, she’d grown bold and uninhibited, more times than not initiating caresses and kisses of her own. He was reaping the benefits of an insatiable, incredibly sexy wife.

Her flattened palms slid over the muscular ridges of his stomach and up to the hard plane of his chest. “About what?” she murmured.

A groan of pleasure rolled up into his throat, and he managed to swallow it. “You, and me.”

“Hmmm.” She found his nipple through his cotton shirt and toyed with the hardened nub. “Sounds serious.”

Serious enough that he didn’t want Kellie to overhear their conversation. Serious enough that he didn’t want to be distracted by the lure of her touches, and the promise of where those soft, stroking hands could lead to.

He turned around, breaking the contact of their bodies, and held his hand out to her. “Take a walk with me?”

“Sure.” A vixen smile curled her mouth, and she trustingly folded her hand in his, following him down the steps and across the lawn toward the stables. Hugging close to his side, she said in a low, sultry voice, “What do you say we sneak into the barn, climb up to the loft, and I’ll show you the moon and stars from the window there?”

He didn’t doubt that his feisty wife would show him the moon and stars, and take him to heaven while she was at it. While the idea of whisking her away for a private tryst was a welcome way to spend the next hour or two, he wasn’t about to let the temptation distract him from tonight’s mission. “Maybe later?”

A slight frown creased her brows, as if she couldn’t quite believe he’d refuse such an invitation. “Okay,” she said softly.

He veered off toward the fence bordering the pasture, moonlight guiding the way. Crickets chirped a serenade, along with other night insects. The whinny of horses in the nearby corrals added to the cacophony.

The familiar sounds should have relaxed Seth, but they did nothing to ease the rush of apprehension swarming in his belly. He had no idea how this overdue conversation might turn out, or how Josie would react to a truth that had devastated her eleven years ago. Just because she’d used him for her own means didn’t make the lie he’d fabricated to hurt her any less malicious.

So why couldn’t he shake the unease curling through him? Because, he realized, he was actually nervous of the outcome. A part of him feared losing Josie all over again.

And that’s when he knew he was in love with her.

Coming to an abrupt stop on the dirt and gravel road, he plowed all ten of his fingers into her lush curls, cupped the back of her head, and brought her mouth up to his for a soul-searing kiss. She returned the embrace, sliding her arms around his neck and offering herself so freely, so sweetly, to him. His heart thundered behind his ribs, his emotions crashing on a wave of sentiment so powerful, he was helpless to resist its allure.

He loved her.
Had he ever stopped? At that moment, he didn’t think so. She was the only woman he’d ever craved, even when he fought to forget her.

He kissed her fiercely, hungrily, desperately, and she accepted his sensual assault, returning it with her own brand of desire. So much passion. So much need. It nearly consumed him.

When he finally lifted his head, Josie looked up at him with a dazed expression. “Seth . . .” Her voice was breathless, but not enough to mask her concern. “What’s wrong?”

He pulled in a deep breath that had no effect on his rapidly beating heart, nor did it ease the ache they’d created. “I’d like to talk to you.”

She dragged her tongue along her bottom lip, moonlight illuminating the uncertainty in her gaze. “All right.”

His hands were still tangled in her hair, and he lowered one of them so he could skim his thumb along her soft cheek. “About what happened between us eleven years ago.”

If he’d meant to put a damper on the tender moment, his request certainly managed the feat. She visibly recoiled, her entire body tensing. Grasping his wrists, Josie removed his hands from her face and stepped away. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

He didn’t like that she was retreating, seemingly hiding from an issue that needed to be discussed. “Why not?”

Crossing her hands over her chest, she rubbed her bare arms as if chilled, though the night was pleasantly warm. “Because nothing will change what happened in the past, and I think resurrecting those old memories will only create more problems, rather than resolve anything.”

He strongly disagreed. “Don’t you think we need to resurrect those memories and discuss them rationally before we can leave them behind?”

“Not necessarily,” she said, then sighed deeply. “It’s a part of our past, Seth. Neither one of us will ever forget that.”

“Forget, no,” he agreed. “But what about forgiving?”

“I forgive you for being such a jerk.”

He stared at her, his mouth twisting ruefully. He couldn’t tell by her expressionless features if she was joking or not, but he didn’t like being solely implicated for an offense that had been shared. “How gracious of you,” he said, his tone faintly sarcastic. “But there’s more to it than that. It works both ways, Josie. I need to forgive you, as well.”

“What for?” There was no mistaking the rising irritation in her voice, or the defensive straightening of her back. “You’re the one who used me for your own personal vengeance against a McAllister!”

“And you slept with me, then tried to pass your unborn child off as mine,” he retorted just as heatedly.

An incredulous sound escaped her. “And you don’t think that’s at all possible?”

Her question threw him for a loop and he shook his head. Had he lost the thread of conversation somewhere? “I don’t think what’s possible?”

Her mouth pursed. “That the child might be yours?”

It was his turn to snort incredulously. “
We
used protection every time!” His reasonable tone had escalated into a temperamental shout.

She said nothing, but even in the moonlight he could see the flare of emotion sparking in her gaze. Despair tumbled into hurt, which gradually heated to the blaze of fury. Then she jutted her chin out, reminding him of the obstinate, tough woman who’d greeted him with a rifle a few months ago.

Seth blew out a harsh breath and scrubbed a hand over his face. Their discussion had totally taken a turn for the worse, and he struggled to get it back on track. “Josie . . . this isn’t how I meant for our talk to go.” Wanting to make amends, he reached for her, intending to pull her back into his arms where she belonged.

She stepped back when he would have touched her, the inarticulate gesture as effective as if she’d slapped his hand away. “Then you shouldn’t make accusations that you can’t prove.”

“Accusations?” What the hell did she mean by that?

“You accused me of sleeping around, didn’t you?”

He jammed his hands on his hips. “I didn’t accuse you. It was a . . .”

“A rumor?” she supplied waspishly.

He clenched his jaw. She was twisting his words around and confusing him, and the issue! “If that’s the way you want to label it.”

“Tell me, how would
you
label it?” she asked, her acidic tone provoking him. “Rumors? Hearsay? Locker room gossip?”

If she had a point, he felt as though he was missing it by a mile, and that fact made him as surly as a bear. “What difference does it make?” he roared, frustration riding him hard. “I don’t understand what you’re getting so damned worked up about!”

“No, I guess you wouldn’t.” Her voice was calm, but the emotions he saw in her eyes were as turbulent as a storm swept sea. “A woman’s reputation is more easily destroyed by a few simple victory claims than a man’s.”

“I’m sorry that your reputation was ruined,” he said, forcing a placidity he was far from feeling. “But
I
didn’t do it!”

“Of course you didn’t. You were too intent on pursuing your own brand of revenge.” Bristling with anger, she brushed past him toward the house.

He swore under his breath, feeling as though the entire situation was unraveling on him. “It was a lie,” he called after her.

That stopped her retreat, and she slowly turned around, her gaze intent on him. “Excuse me?”

Since he had her undivided attention, he decided to go for broke. He had nothing left to lose at this point in their conversation. “I lied to you.” When she just stared at him like she didn’t understand, he continued. “I fell hard for you back then, Josie. I never lied about my feelings for you. When you told me you were pregnant I was going to marry you, even though I was scared of what my father would do to me.”

Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, remembering confiding in Robert, and what his brother had told him. He hadn’t believed Robert’s claim at first . . . he glanced back at Josie, who was still standing there, waiting for more. “Then I’d heard that you’d slept with other guys, and I was furious. Guys I
knew
were talking about scoring with you! Your baby wasn’t mine. That’s when I lost it and told you that I’d slept with you out of revenge. I only wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me.”

Excess moisture glittered in her eyes, combining moonlight and more brittle emotions. “That certainly did the trick.”

He was beginning to feel like the sole bad guy in this scenario, and didn’t like it one bit. “What did you expect, Josie?”

“I don’t know,” she said quietly, and swallowed back what he suspected was a rush of tears. “But I certainly can’t compete with the rumors. I never could, and it seems I never will be able to.”

She turned again to walk away, but pride and fury collided within Seth, and he acted upon it. Grabbing her arm, he spun her back around, guessing by her disarming gasp and the widening of her eyes that his expression was as dark and thunderous as his mood.

“What are you talking about?” he demanded through gritted teeth.

“They were rumors, Seth!” she yelled at him. “
All
of them.”

He scowled darkly at her. How could she profess what he’d heard with his own ears as rumors? He’d
heard
the allegations, the bragging, and it had made him sick. And now she was claiming they weren’t true? Did she think he was that stupid that she could dupe him all over again with a few pretty lies?