The Color Of Her Panties (3 page)

“But they're very strong, ugly and stupid, and justifiably proud of it. You're-”

“A very poor excuse for an ogress,” the other said.  “I can't even crunch bones very well.”

Mela decided to let that pass.  “Do you think you might row me across the lake?  I think the Good Magician is somewhere on the other side.”

“He is?” the ogress said, brightening.  “Sure!  Do you know the way?”

“Not exactly.  Just in a very general sense.  But if you want to go there too-”

“Yes!”

“Then let's introduce ourselves.  I'm Mela Merwoman.

I 'm looking for a husband.”

“I'm Okra Ogress.  I'm looking for my fortune.  I want to be a Main Character.”

“A main character?  Why?”

“Because nothing really bad ever happens to a main character, and a whole lot of bad things are going to happen to me if I don't get away from them.”

“Now that's interesting!  Do you mean I could get a good husband if I became a main character?”

“Sure.  Main characters always live happily ever after, so if you need a husband to make you happy, then you'd get one.”

“Well, Okra, I'm glad I met you!  Let's get on across Lake Kiss-Mee, and we'll see if we can find the Good Magician together.”

“Lake what?”

“Kiss-Mee.  Didn't you know?”

“But I was rowing on Lake Ogre-Chobee!”

“You must have rowed right up the river to Lake Kiss-Mee without knowing it!” Only a very strong and stupid person could have done that, but that made sense in this case.

“Okay.” Okra hauled the red boat around and plopped it back into the water.  “I'll row.  Maybe it will work better if you can tell me where we're going.”

“It should,” Mela agreed, realizing that this was part of the ogress's problem:  she had not been able to look forward.

So they got into the boat, and Okra started to row.  The boat fairly leaped through the water with each heave.  Mela looked ahead-and saw the cloud, King Fracto, changing course to intercept them.  “Urn, maybe we should turn back and wait for Fracto to go away,” she said.

But the ogress was working so hard that she didn't hear.

Well, maybe they could make it across before the storm hit.  Mela hoped so.  She did not relish the thought of getting doused with fresh rainwater.

It was a perfect day for a picnic.  They would smell flowers and eat red, yellow, and blueberries and sun in the sun.  With luck they would encounter a winged dragon or a griffin.  From the time of her association with Che Centaur, she had had no fear of winged monsters, for all of them were his friends.

Gwendolyn Goblin could not remember when she had been as happy as during these last two years as the guest of the winged centaur family.  She had been well treated at home in Goblin Mountain, but confined to her apartment, because, well, because.  Then little Che Centaur had come to be her companion, and his friend Jenny Elf who was the same age as Gwenny, and they had gone to be with Che's family.  For the first time Gwenny had experienced the freedom of the great outside, and she reveled in it.

Of course there were bad things too.  Che's parents, Cheiron and Chex, insisted that every creature in their household be properly educated.

Thus the teenage goblin girl and elf girl shared seven-year-old Che's fate, and had to spend weary hours learning how to count and figure and read and write, and all about the geography and history of Xanth.  They even had to learn the various types of magic, and the rules of human and nonhuman cultures.

What a bore!  Sometimes Gwenny and Jenny pretended to lose their spectacles so that they couldn't study, but the adults were hideously astute at finding them.  It was the one awful thing about centaurs:  they were intellectual.

They represented the very most extreme case of the dreadful Adult Conspiracy, which dictated that anyone young enough to be a non-Conspirator must Know and Not Know a rigorous schedule of things.

Naturally most of the interesting things were in the Not-Know category.

But overall, the positives outweighed the negatives.

Gwenny was well fed and well cared for and safe, and she had close companions who didn't like studying any better than she did.  The alternative was to be locked in her suite at home with only her mother, Godiva, for company-and the truth was, Godiva also had distressingly adult notions about education and behavior.  The rest of Goblin Mountain was a total loss; it was dark and gloomy and full of goblins.  Who wanted to be in a mountain full of goblins?

They skipped along the path, Che running beside Gwenny so that she would be guided by him and would not misstep.  A visit to a healing spring had cured her lameness, but not her eyesight.  Her eyes weren't ill; they merely were unable to focus quite right at ordinary distances.  Jenny Elf had the same problem.  Healing water restored a person's body to its natural state, and their natural state was a different way of seeing than that of most folk.

They had hardly reached the first field of flowers before there was a figure in the sky.  Gwenny put on her spectacles so she could make out what it was.  It was Chex, Che's dam, flying down to intercept them.  She landed lightly on her four hooves and folded her wings.  “Gwenny, I have what may be bad news.  Your mother is here.”

There was a pause.  Then the three young folk burst out laughing.  They knew Chex didn't mean it the way it sounded.  All of them liked Godiva Goblin despite her adult tendencies.

But in a moment they sobered.  Godiva would not have come here without good reason, and that was indeed likely to be bad news.  “Did she say-?”

“No.  But I think you had better talk with her immediately.”

“I'll hurry back to the house!”

“I will take you.”

“But Che and Jenny-”

“We shall get back on our own,” Che said quickly.

So Gwenny climbed onto Chex's back, and Chex flicked her with her tail, making her feather light.  Then Chex spread her wings and leaped into the air.  They were airborne.

Gwenny still thrilled to this experience.  She hung on to Chex's mane and peered down as the centaur circled to gain elevation.  There were Che and Jenny, waving.  Jenny was holding her little orange cat, Sammy.

Then Chex straightened out and headed across the forest, not far above the treetops.  It seemed almost like walking through waist high bushes, looking down on them, only these were frill trees.

Soon they landed in the yard before the house.  Godiva was there, her flowing black hair forming a cape about her body.

Gwenny jumped off-and sailed high into the air, because she had forgotten how light she was.  Chex reached up with a hand and caught her ankle, bringing her down.

She set Gwenny gently on the ground.  It took a while for the lightening effect to wear off.

Gwenny walked-carefully-to her mother and hugged her.  “My dear, you have lost weight!  Have you been eating enough?” Godiva exclaimed.  Of course it was humor, because she understood the centaur magic and could see that Gwenny, far from being underfleshed, was now a rather pretty figure of a gobliness.  She was, after all, fourteen years old, which was just about old enough for a goblin girl.  Naturally no adult would tell her what she was old enough for.  Adults could be real pains at times.

“Why are you here, Mother?” Gwenny asked.

Godiva became extremely serious.  “Your father is dead. You know what that means.“ She did not pretend any grief; Gouty Goblin had been a typical male, which meant that he had few if any endearing traits, and had done his best to eradicate those.

Gwenny felt a sudden chill.  Indeed she knew what this meant:  that her idyllic time with the centaur family was over, and perhaps her life itself.  For she was the next in line to be the chief of the goblins of Goblin Mountain the first female ever to aspire to that role.

“Mother, I'm not ready!” she said.

“I know that, dear.  I had hoped that your father would hang on a few years longer, to give you time.  But he was unobliging even in this.  It is now or never.”

“But the spectacles-I can't wear them at home, and I can't see well enough without them to do anything.  That would disqualify me immediately.”

“I know that too, dear.  But there are other ways.  We must find you some magic contact lenses.”

At this point Chex cut in.  “We have been searching for a suitable lens bush for two years, but there seems to have been a blight on them.”

Godiva sighed.  “I was afraid of that.  Then there is only one thing to do:  we must take her to the Good Magician to find out how she can nullify this liability.”

“Wait, Mother,” Gwenny said.  “You mustn't do this for me.”

“But, dear, time is short.  There is only one month before the ascension of the new chief.  Only the Good Magician can possibly know where contact lenses may be obtained immediately.”

“I agree, Mother.  But I must go to him myself.  If I am unable to do that much without adult help, how can I ever be chief?”

“She is correct, Godiva,” Chex said.  “She must rise to her own challenges, now.  They will not allow you to assist her at Goblin Mountain, and the challenge of reaching the Good Magician is surely less arduous.  She must have practice in the intervening time, little as it may be.”

The gobliness was silent in an appalled way.  Centaur logic was impossible to refute.

“But I think it would be legitimate for her companion to accompany her,” Chex continued.

“But Che is even younger,” Godiva said.  “The danger-”

“The winged monsters will protect him as one of their own.

Godiva nodded.  “We have seen the manner of that protection.”

Gwenny knew it was all right, then.  Recently she had been coming to understand some of the nuances of adult dialogue, which were sometimes more subtle than children appreciated.  The centaur had in effect said that the winged monsters would take care of Che and his companion, which was Gwenny herself.  Chex herself was a winged monster, and she had been taking care of both of them all along.  Godiva had acknowledged it:  she was complimenting Chex on it.

So they would allow Gwenny and Che to travel by themselves to see the Good Magician.  If anything really bad threatened, the winged monsters, all of whom had taken an oath to protect Che, would intervene.  That intervention could be formidable; they had at one time almost destroyed Goblin Mountain itself when they had thought Che was captive there.

“We'll start tomorrow,” Gwenny said.  “We can use the magic paths and Grandam Chem's map.” Actually that would be a copy, for Chem Centaur's maps manifested in air.  They were extremely accurate.

So it was decided.  Godiva Goblin agreed to stay the night, and in the morning they would go their separate ways, for the nonce.  Godiva had to keep an eye on things at Goblin Mountain, until the new chief took office.  With luck and management, that chief would be Gwenny.

Che and Jenny Elf arrived back from the field.  Gwenny explained about her need to go to see the Good Magician, and how it was all right for Che to come along.

“But what about Jenny?” he asked.

Gwenny hadn't thought of that.  Of course she didn't want to leave Jenny Elf behind!  Jenny had been Che's friend before he came to Goblin Mountain, and she had been Gwenny's friend too.  “Jenny, too, if she wants to come,” she agreed.

“Of course I want to come!” Jenny said.  “I'd like to see the Good Magician's castle when I'm not distracted.”

“Maybe he can tell you how to get back to the World of Two Moons,” Gwenny said.

“Yes, maybe he could,” Jenny agreed.  But she did not seem completely excited by the prospect.

In the morning they bid farewell to Che's sire and dam, and to Gwenny's mother.  Then Godiva took one path, heading east toward Goblin Mountain, and the three of them took another, heading south toward the Gap Chasm and the Good Magician's castle.  The copy of Chem's map showed that they could use the invisible bridge to cross the Gap and then go right on down to the castle.  Then they would have three challenges to surmount before they could get into the castle, and after that “oops,” Gwenny said.  “I will have to give a year's service to the Good Magician, for his Answer to my Question, but I have only a month before I must be chief.”

“Then I will ask on your behalf,” Che said.

“No, I will,” Jenny Elf said.  Her cat, Sammy, was riding in her backpack.  “You two must stay together.”

“But-” Gwenny started to protest.  Then she realized that this was help she needed, and that perhaps Jenny had looked ahead and realized that their juvenile friendship could not endure beyond the settlement of the chiefship.

Gwenny would then either be chief, with its pressing responsibilities, or dead.  In either case, she could not truly be with Jenny.  So their separation was coming, regardless.  It was not as if service to the Good Magician was onerous; the word was that often it was as beneficial for the person as for the Magician.  “Thank you, Jenny.”

There was more to be said, but she couldn't figure out how to phrase it.

They walked down the path, not hurrying.  They had a fair way to go, and there was no point in wearing themselves out.  Also, perhaps, they were not eager to separate, and that separation could occur at any time after they reached the castle.  This was the last of their carefree association.

The abode of the winged centaurs was not far from the Gap Chasm.  They reached it in the afternoon.  The path led right up to it, and stopped.

There was nothing but the great deep awesome expanse of the Gap ahead.

Che looked at the map.  “The invisible bridge is supposed to be right here.”

“I don't see it,” Jenny said, smiling.

He flicked her hair with the tip of his tail, making it float about her head.  “We must verify its location, and cross, making sure no creature is below it.”

“What does it matter whether there is anyone below?” Jenny asked.  “I mean, we aren't going to drop rocks on him.”

“Gwenny is wearing a dress.”

Jenny laughed.  Gwenny felt her dark face doing its best to blush.  She was indeed in a dress, because she had deemed it to be more ladylike than jeans.  Now she wished she had followed Jenny's example and settled for the jeans, because it would be a horrible disaster if anyone below looked up and saw the color of her panties.  No one was supposed to know that they were goblin black.  No male, anyway.  Jenny knew, but not Che.

She hoped.

“Well, first we have to find it,” Jenny said.  “I'm not stepping out there until I'm sure there's something to step on.“ It seemed that there were not such things as invisible bridges on the World of Two Moons where Jenny came from, so she was slow to accept them.  She found a length of wood that would do for a pole, and used it to poke along the edge of the cliff.

When she passed the section where the path ended, without result, she extended the pole farther and tried going back.  But there still seemed to be nothing solid.  “Are you sure it's here?” she asked.

Che took another stick and probed for the bridge himself, with no better success.  “I must admit that it doesn't seem to be.  Perhaps someone misdirected the path.”

“Who would do that?” Jenny asked.

“Oh, anyone with mischief in mind.  Perhaps Com-Pewter, the evil machine who can change reality.  He's been in a snit, I understand, ever since his plot to make Grey Murphy his slave was foiled.”

“But how will we find it, if we can't see it and don't know exactly where it is?  “ Then she turned her head to address her cat.  “No, I'm not setting you loose to find it, Sammy!  I'm afraid you'll forget what you're after, and bound into the Gap.” Sammy pretended he was asleep.

Che shook his head.  “I fear that finding it could take a long time.  It will probably be better to walk on along the Gap until we come to the main bridge, which is both substantial and visible.  I believe it is not unduly far out of our way.  I can make us all lighter so that we will not get tired from the extra walk, and we can perhaps proceed more rapidly.”

They did that.  They walked along the cleared region near the brink-it seemed that trees did not want to grow too close, lest they fall off-toward the west.  It was fast going, because Che had flicked them, making each girl weigh only a fraction what she usually did.  This could have been dangerous when the winds were high, but this was a quiet day.

They came to the main bridge-and paused, dismayed.  There was a horrendous demon standing on it, blocking their way.  The thing stood ogre tall, had tremendous tusks, and a glare so intense that the air in its path flickered and smoked.