The Choice (21 page)

White heat flashed through her body, rippling beneath her skin. “Drake, I can’t—” His tongue slid inside her, and she came apart, back bowed, legs trembling, gooseflesh prickling over her skin. Breathless and spiraling, Jillian watched him rise over her, his dark beauty an ache in her heart.

The silver eyes of the sorcerer gave way to the haunted gray velvet of a man in need. More naked than she’d ever seen him, Drake’s soul shone out from those eyes, asking her to meet him.

Still flying high, Jillian yearned to hold him, to cherish him, to push away every barrier fate had put between them. When he slowly entered her, filling her to aching completion, slow tears fell, and her heart cracked in her chest.

For no matter that she needed him desperately, and he needed her...

They still had to face tomorrow.

And each knew, only too well, that these might be the last, precious moments of goodbye.

* * *

Jillian stirred, and Drake tightened his arms around her, turning his face into her hair, breathing in her scent. Wished for a way to cheat fate, to buy time before she awakened.

Once she did, the questions would begin.

And when that happened, he’d have to begin pulling back from this, resume the mask of Cullinane and play games once again. He’d give a lot to be able to just tell her what he needed and know she’d comply, but he understood the power of Jillian’s guilt, the strength of her sense of honor and duty.

He understood because he had demons of his own. Tiny voices, crying out for justice.

He could push her, could see if what they’d found together was strong enough to challenge the chains that bound her to her quest, but he was reluctant to put their own fragile bond to such a test so soon. 

He’d never thought love would be his lot, had given up the dream long ago, yet with Jillian.... 

Life certainly had its ironies—with the worst possible timing, after so many years alone, into his life had walked a woman he wanted to keep.

A woman he still wasn’t sure he could trust.

It wasn’t that Jillian was faithless or weak—on the contrary, her loyalties were so strong, her sense of responsibility such a part of the very air she breathed, that it would be agonizing for her to choose between what she believed she owed those she cared for and what she might want for herself.

How could he not understand the struggle? It was his own.

So he would say nothing of what he felt for her yet, though it might mean he never could. If he were lost in this battle today, he’d never get the chance, but that was his burden, one he would not load upon slender shoulders that already carried too much weight. The future he wanted with her was a precious burden he’d take alone into the fight.

And having admitted it to himself, Drake felt both fear and strength. Jillian filled up the hollow spaces inside him, the empty shell. Her vitality and spark lit up the dark corners of a soul long ago resigned to the cold. The fear came from at last having something to lose.

For a very long time, he’d had a mission. He’d wanted to live to see it completed, but outside of that, Drake’s life was worth very little, there to sacrifice in the service of his duty but meaningless to anyone else.

Jillian had changed all that. Now he wanted to live, to see what they could be together. But even more than his own life, a chill invaded his heart at the thought of danger coming to her.

That’s why he had to convince her to play this his way. More than his own life, he wanted to preserve hers. There were too many dangers lying in wait on this day, too many possibilities for her to be harmed. Though he knew very well she could take care of herself, still something within him needed to protect.

The best way he could think of to accomplish that was to convince Jillian to leave the compound. He thanked his lucky stars for Alice and her children. Jillian would never leave on her own, but she might be persuaded to do it to protect them.

Just then she rolled closer, her face nuzzling into his throat, her warm breath tickling his skin. “Drake?” she murmured sleepily.

“Sh-h-h,” he whispered, wrapping her in his arms. “Sleep. It’s not morning yet.”

Sliding one hand across his belly, she snuggled closer. Half-hard already, his response was immediate. Drake battled the temptation to tilt her head back for a kiss, to lose himself inside her once more.

Then he felt her awakening and knew it was too late. She pushed her hair away from her face, drowsy whiskey-brown eyes opening. “Hi,” she murmured, smiling.

“Hi, yourself.” He stroked her hair.

For one suspended moment, their eyes met in memory, in silent wonder at the power and magic of what they’d shared.

All too soon, awareness returned, shadows stealing back into her eyes as they stole over his heart. “We don’t have much time, do we?”

Drake shook his head.

“Drake...”

He placed a finger over her lips. “I know. And I think you’d better forget that name for now. We can’t afford a slip.” But the moment she nodded, cold invaded his heart. Cullinane was back. Time to face the end.

“It’s happening today, isn’t it?” she asked.

“Yes. In the morning. Before Hafner’s up.”

“Where do you need me?”

Here goes nothing.
“I have one big worry that I can only trust you to handle.”

Her expression was solemn, but her eyes gleamed pleasure. “What is it?”

He sat up against the headboard. “The other children will have left for school, but Mary Beth will still be here—and Alice.”

“You need me to watch them.”

“I need you to take them away from the compound. Pretend you’re driving Alice to the market and take Mary Beth with you.”

Jillian’s dark eyes narrowed. “You want me away from Hafner.”

Yep, knew it would get dicey.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“But it’s what you mean. You don’t trust me not to take him out.”

“Jillian, the trust has to go both ways. I promise you that Hafner will not go free, but I need your help. It’s the one part of the plan I wasn’t happy with because I had no way to send Alice and Mary Beth away without arousing suspicions that could foul everything up. I’d tried to resign myself to just making sure they stayed hidden, but it was still a risk. This, though, would work. Everyone here knows how close you’ve become to those children, and you and Alice have been very friendly. Alice doesn’t drive herself much, so it’s the perfect answer to be sure they’re out of harm’s way.”

She frowned. “But what about Hafner? What about watching your back?”

“I’ll be careful, but there’s no one else I can trust to do this. The task force was alerted to watch out for Alice and the kids, but you know anything can happen in a raid.”

“Which is why I should be here,” she insisted.

“I won’t be here that long.”

She eyed him carefully. “The contingency plan—you’re going to take Hafner out of here, just like we’ve practiced.”

Cullinane hesitated, mind racing. She hadn’t exactly agreed, but she wasn’t actively fighting him over this. If he hoped to convince her of how important her cooperation was and secure her agreement, he’d have to share this much of the plan with her. He nodded. “I’m going to try. Will you help me?”

He could see the war going on inside her. She’d chafe at being away from the action, but he wasn’t kidding—this part of the plan had worried him. Also, given Alice’s sense of obligation toward Hafner, she was too much of a wild card. He’d been prepared to lure her and Mary Beth to the security command center and lock them inside the extra-thick walls if it came to that. They would be safe there, but they would be safer completely away. Jillian’s invitation to drive Alice to the market would be the perfect plan, arousing no suspicions on Alice’s part. Ron did it often; Jillian would simply substitute.

Jillian eyed him skeptically, obviously not happy about his request. “How sure are you that someone else will be watching out for you?”

“Very sure.” In truth, he wasn’t. Everyone on the task force had plenty else to do without guarding him. Realistically, he would be on his own. They could only observe from outside the walls until the raid actually began. He would be vulnerable to anything Hafner might have cooked up with the men inside the walls, but he’d have to hope that Hafner’s paranoia would prevent him from using anyone Cullinane had hired and trained. He’d more likely use an outsider.

She almost smiled. “You knew I would hate this, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Damn you, Cullinane. You knew I couldn’t risk them. Did you plan all this out ahead of time, in that serpentine mind of yours?”

He had to smile at that. “Nobody could plan for you, Jillian. You’re the wild card that throws every ops planner into a cold sweat.”

Her fingers picked at the sheets, worrying the fabric. “I’m afraid.” Soft brown eyes rose to meet his, and he saw the fear rising. “Not for me but for you. I don’t trust fate. I’ve lost too many people I love.”

He’d think later about her use of the word
love
, but right now, he had to make sure she was safe. “I won’t die, Jillian.”

Tears brimmed, her face strained and pale. “You can’t be sure of that.” She crushed the sheets in a fist.

He let down his barriers and answered from the heart. “I’m not leaving you, not when we’ve barely begun. You can take that to the bank. I’m coming out of this, and I’m coming straight to you.”

She tried for a smile, but it died, stillborn.

There was nothing he could do but wait.

Finally, she looked up at him, her gaze assessing, measuring how much she dared to believe. Sorrow washed over her face, chased by resignation. “All right, you win. I’ll do it your way.”

The satisfaction he would have expected to feel didn’t emerge. He didn’t want it to be a contest. And only time would tell how much they’d both lose.

But knowing that this had cost her, he laced her fingers with his. Voice husky with emotions he couldn’t share, Cullinane brought her fingers to his lips and spoke the only words he trusted himself to say. “Thank you.”

Jillian’s troubled gaze studied him as he felt her retreat emotionally. Tightening his fingers on hers, he willed her back, though he knew it was futile. They both had to cope however they could.

“I should go to my room,” she said quietly.

“I know.” He kissed her fingers again. “We both need to sleep.”

“Yes.” But she didn’t move.

He held on tightly. “I don’t want this night to end.”

Jillian looked at him sadly. “It already has.”

“No.” He would hold back the dawn a little longer, just to hold her. “Stay with me, Jillian. I’ll set the alarm so we’ll get you out of here in plenty of time, but I want to sleep with you in my arms.”

She wanted it, too, he could tell, but he could also see her awareness of what lay ahead. Finally, he seized the decision in hand, swiveling away to set the alarm for four-thirty. The sheets rustled behind him, and he waited to feel her weight leave the bed.

Instead her arms circled him from behind, hugging his waist. Turning, he took her down to the mattress, holding her close, so close he could feel their heartbeats mingling, keeping time with the sands of the hourglass that were slipping away.

She needed to sleep; he needed his rest. Tomorrow would be grueling and they would need to be in top form.

But somehow he knew that the feel of her would restore him more than sleep ever could. He would watch over her and hope she would rest. 

In the heart of the darkness they would draw sustenance from each other, arm their souls against what was to come.

And together, they would struggle in vain to hold back the dawn.

Chapter Fifteen

Blood smeared the bathtub rim, Loretta’s life trickling away in dark, angry tears down the porcelain. Heart pounding, Jillian raced to her until Belinda stepped between them, hair a tortured tangle, her face a mask of anguish, her lacerated flesh a rebuke.

Why, Jillian? Why didn’t you help me when I needed you? Look what you’ve done...look what you’ve done...

“Jillian, wake up. It’s only a dream.”

Heart ramming against her chest, lungs burning as she clawed for air, Jillian gasped, scrambling to escape the restraints lashing her to the bed.

“Jillian, it’s all right....” His deep voice rumbled, hands stroking her hair. “You were only dreaming.”

Drake. It was his arms holding her down. She sagged in relief.

Struggling to clear her head, Jillian pulled away, her mind still full of the horror of what she’d almost let slip away in the night.

Belinda.

Loretta.

Justice too long denied.

She looked at the clock. Three a.m., the time when humans were at their lowest ebb. Shoving her hair from her face, she rose to her knees, staring at him, trying to reconcile what she’d done. For too many moments last night, she’d let herself forget, let herself believe in something that she wanted desperately, an end to this mission. An end that would free her.

But her dream was a reminder, a wake-up call from her conscience. She’d known going in that they could only have this night, but she’d allowed herself to hope for more. Now she was bone-deep scared of the risk she was taking. She could lose both Drake and her chance at justice today.

Retreating from him while she still could, Jillian rose from the bed, unable to meet his eyes. She searched for her clothes and began slipping them on.

“Jillian, look at me,” his low, urgent tone commanded. “You’re having second thoughts, aren’t you?”

She worked to compose her features, then slowly, she faced him.

It hurt to see him. His dark beauty stung her, raven hair falling around his powerful shoulders, the streak of silver like a badge of command. But it was the eyes that hurt her most, for they were still open to her, still haunted.

Suddenly she had to know.

“Why do you hate him? You do, don’t you?”

The flash of pain answered. He nodded. “It was a long time ago. I wasn’t quick enough to understand. I misread the signals and the children of an orphanage in Bosnia died in a bomb he planted, him and his terrorist buddies. I don’t think Hafner even stayed around to see the damage, probably never gave them a second thought. But I was there. I saw...” He cleared his throat, then continued, “I saw the results of my miscalculation. I’d played with those children, even thought about trying to adopt one. Instead I killed them because I made a mistake and underestimated Klaus Hafner. I swore then that someday I’d get him, that I’d redeem myself.”