The Chance: A Novel (72 page)

“But at some point . . .” His words came slowly, marked by a sad truth he was still trying to understand. “You didn’t want me to find you.”

“True.” Guilt darkened her eyes. Her tone spoke volumes about her regret. “I . . . I changed my last name. Legally.” She waited, as if she could only hope he would understand. “I’m Ellie Anne now. My middle name.”

“Ahhh. No wonder.” Nolan hurt for her, for what she’d been through. He hoped she could see the understanding in his eyes. “I hired a private investigator. As soon as I signed my first pro contract. Didn’t help, obviously.” He touched her hair and ran his fingers along the back of her head. “The guy guessed you might have changed your name.”

“You did that?” Her shock was genuine.

“Of course. I told you, I missed you.” He brushed his cheek against hers. “I never stopped trying to find you.” He ran his knuckles lightly against her shoulder. “What happened next?”

“After I sent the letters . . . you didn’t write to me. I thought . . . I thought you moved on. You know, busy with high school and basketball.” She looked ashamed by her long-ago assumptions. “I didn’t know about your dad.”

“I mean after high school. What happened after that?” He led her to a smaller sofa across from where Kinzie was sleeping. They sat facing each other, and again he took her hands in his. He couldn’t get enough of the way he felt alive just being with her again. “Tell me, Ellie.” There was no judgment or condemnation in his voice. “What was his name?”

Her hesitation didn’t last long. “C.J. Andrews.” There wasn’t much to the story. Ellie explained that at a time when her father suspected her of doing any number of sinful things, C.J. was a ray of light. A reason to laugh again. “I never loved him. But, I don’t know, he made me feel good about myself. After years with my dad, I guess that was enough.”

The truth hurt more than Nolan had guessed it would. If only he’d been there, if only he’d found a way to reach her sooner. “I’m sorry.”

This time she didn’t get mad at his apology. She smiled and looked briefly at her sleeping daughter. “I have Kinzie. I’ll never be sorry for that.” She told him how she’d earned her cosmetology license and started cutting hair for a living. “Kinzie . . . she’s been everything to me. I love her more than life.”

Nolan looked across the room at the girl. “She looks so
much like you.” He hesitated. “Her name? The street where we always met.”

“Yes.” She didn’t waver. “Happiest times of my life.”

He touched her hair again, still trying to believe she was here with him. “Having Kinzie . . . It’s like the Bible says. God works everything to the good for those who love Him.”

She was quiet at that. He might’ve imagined it, but her expression seemed a little more closed off. It was something else they hadn’t talked about—her faith. His was public, of course. People knew him as much for the way he gave credit to his Savior after every game as for his basketball skills. But she hadn’t mentioned God since they found each other at the park. “Ellie . . . do you still believe? In God . . . in His word? His plan?”

“I’ve struggled.” Her eyes had been dry since they walked into her mother’s apartment. Now they grew wet again. “My mom told me to ask God if He was real.” She sniffed, and the heartache she’d lived with was evident again. “I think . . . finding you tonight, knowing how you feel, how you’ve always felt . . . that was God’s way of telling me that He is real. He loves me no matter what I’ve done. And . . .” She paused, her voice strained by the depth of her emotions. “Even when I felt most alone, He was there.”

“He was.” Nolan pulled her close again, running his hand along her back. “He is real. He’s here now.”

“Kinzie . . .” Ellie leaned back so she could see his eyes. “She prays for me all the time. That I’ll find my happy-ever-after in Jesus.”

Nolan smiled. He loved Ellie’s daughter already. “Not a lot different from my prayer for you.” He grew more serious. “That and my constant prayer that I’d find you. I never stopped asking God for that.”

The sky was getting light, the sun coming up. “I have today. But after that I report back to the team.” He hesitated. “We fly to Los Angeles on the third.”

“The Lakers.” She already knew. “They clinched it yesterday.”

“They did.” He grinned, proud of her. “You still love basketball.”

She smiled, their eyes connected again. “I still love watching
you
play basketball.”

He pictured her over the years, cheering him on from a distance while she hid from him. Something he would probably never completely understand. “Anyway.” He eased the two of them to their feet again and slipped his arms around her waist. “I can’t leave without telling you something.”

She looked unsure. “Okay.”

He pictured the tackle box with both letters in the back of his SUV. Before leaving the park, they had filled the hole again. They would have anyway, but something about the act felt like closure. The search was over for both of them. He looked deeper into her eyes. “It’s about my letter.”

“Your letter?” She didn’t ask more than that. Her eyes showed a hint of the fear she’d brought with her to Savannah.

“Yes.” He paused. How he loved the feel of her in his arms. “Ellie . . . I still mean every word.” He moved one hand softly to her cheek, looking into her heart. “Do you understand?”

She searched his eyes, clearly confused. “Not really.”

He felt his smile start in his heart and work its way to his eyes. “I want to marry you. I still mean it.”

“Nolan . . .” She gave the slightest shake of her head. “You only just found me.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He held her face tenderly with both
hands. She was the rarest gift, his Ellie. “I’ve wanted to marry you for as long as I can remember.”

She looked like she might disagree with him, but after a few seconds, she let her forehead rest on his chest. “Nolan, I’m not laughing now.” She seemed to summon all her strength to lift her head and look at him again. “Please don’t tease about this.”

He couldn’t wait another minute. If she was going to doubt his feelings even after all he’d told her, there was only one way he knew to convince her. He drew her close, and slowly, as if all of his life had led to this moment, he brought his lips to hers. The kiss started like a slow burn, but after a few seconds, he was struck by the passion between them, how badly he wanted her.

“Mmmm.” He stepped back, forcing himself to keep at least a little distance between them. He felt dizzy, his body screaming for her. He could feel the smoke in his eyes as he looked into hers. “I’m serious, Ellie.” Each word was measured, rich with the fullness of his love and desire for her. “I want to marry you. I don’t have a ring, but I’ll get one.” He smiled at Kinzie, tuckered out across the room. The little girl with no father in her life. “I’ll be her daddy, Ellie. No one could ever love your little girl more than me. I want you both. For the rest of my life.”

Her smile mixed with happy tears, her own passion giving way to the childlike joy he had always loved in her, the one he would never tire of, for the rest of his life. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rocked with him. “It’s more than I can take in.” When she pulled back, her cheeks were wet, but her smile remained. “Like I might need a lifetime to believe this is real.”

“Fine with me.” Once more he kissed her, not as long this time. He wouldn’t put either of them in a situation they’d
regret. He’d waited all these years to find her. They would honor the God who had brought them together by waiting until their wedding. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. I always have.”

“Can we pray?” He looked at her, into her soul. “Do you believe enough to pray?”

“I do now.” She smiled as if just saying the words brought her more peace than she could contain. “After this week, I’ll believe in God as long as I live. He didn’t need to prove Himself to me.” She seemed to understand at a deep level. “But He did anyway. Because He loves me.”

“So much, Ellie.” Nolan bowed his head so that their foreheads touched. He thanked God for letting him find her, and for helping Ellie believe again, and for Kinzie. “The prayers of children are sometimes the strongest of all. Thank you for the faith of Ellie’s daughter. Help us always have faith like a child, Father. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

“Amen.”

He needed to get some sleep at the hotel where he was staying. But he promised to come back as soon as he woke up. They could spend the day together, and at night he would head back to Atlanta. She promised to stay at her mom’s until the play-offs were over. Until they could make a plan. They hugged again for a long time, and finally, he pulled himself away. On the drive back to the hotel, he did the one thing he hadn’t done when he was with her.

He let the tears come.

Tears for all they’d lost, the seasons and years. And for the way they’d almost missed each other even at their eleven-year mark. But most of all he broke down because of God’s faithfulness. The Lord had prompted him to head to the oak tree at
midnight instead of waiting for daytime or the evening. The Lord who had helped him survive his dad’s death and the years of missing Ellie had faithfully brought the girl he loved straight into his arms.

God had moved all of heaven and earth to see that the impossible might happen tonight. On what had been their last chance to find each other. And as Nolan’s tears dried, he was consumed by gratitude for his Lord. For the one who loved so much that He didn’t only die for him. He had brought him Ellie Tucker. Not only yesterday and today.

But forever.

Chapter
Twenty-nine

N
olan had more to say, and Kinzie needed somewhere to sleep.

That was how he came up with the plan to head back to her mother’s home. Ellie could wait and leave in a few days. Or a few weeks. There was no way he was letting her go tonight. Caroline answered the door in her bathrobe, and though she clearly had countless questions, she asked none of them. She hesitated, but only for a few surprised seconds. “Ellie. Nolan. Come in. Please.”

Nolan smiled; he hadn’t been able to stop smiling. “Thank you.” He held Kinzie in his arms, and now he laid her on the sofa near the front window. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Caroline and Ellie hug. For a long time. When he returned to them, Caroline turned to him and hugged him, too. As she pulled back she met his eyes. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me, too.” Nolan hoped his next question wouldn’t be awkward. “Ma’am, it’s late. Do you mind if I stay on the sofa? So Ellie and I can talk?”

“Not at all. Please.” Her mother’s eyes grew teary. She smiled at Ellie for a long moment. “You did what I asked you to do.” It wasn’t a question.

“I did.” Ellie hugged her mom again. “I have my answer.”

“Yes.” She looked at Nolan and back at Ellie. “I believe you do.”

After that, she bade them both good night and headed back to bed. When they were alone, Nolan turned to Ellie. He took her in his arms again. “Where were we?”

“Dreaming.” Her expression was a mix of shock and joy. A joy that reminded him of the girl he had grown up with. She searched his eyes. “I keep asking myself . . . is this really happening?”

Relief continued to make its way through Nolan’s soul. This was his Ellie, the girl he remembered, the one he had missed and searched for. “It’s real. I’m not going anywhere.” He wanted to kiss her so badly, but not yet. They had more to talk about. Like a pair of middle-school kids slow dancing to the last song of the night, neither of them wanted to let go. Their faces were inches apart, both of them swaying to the feel of their beating hearts, lost in the moment. “You really thought I didn’t remember?”

“You didn’t say anything.” Her words came easily, her expression open. She was even more beautiful than he remembered, and now that she wasn’t pretending to be someone who didn’t care, her laughter, her words, the way she spoke all went straight to his heart. All of it was familiar, as if they’d never lost a day.

He put his hand alongside her face and ran his thumb along her cheek. “You acted like you didn’t know me.”

A soft bit of laughter came from her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Tell me everything, Ellie. All of it.” He breathed in the sweet smell of her perfume, the hint of jasmine in her hair. All the years of searching and wondering and missing her. Now he wanted to know everything he’d missed. “Please.”

She searched his eyes. “Where do I start?”

“June second, 2002. The day you left Savannah.”

She laughed again, careful not to wake Kinzie. “All of it?”

“Okay.” He grinned at her. “How about the main points.” His smile held her, captured the feel of her in his arms. “We can talk details tomorrow. And the next day.”

They kept slow dancing, but slowly, gradually, the story began to pour from her. She told him about moving to San Diego, and together they remembered her frantic call to him from the grocery store.

“You were going to send me your address.”

“I did. Three times.” A look of resignation filled her eyes. “I figured it out a few years ago. My dad always sent postcards instead of letters. The three times I sent you a letter, I used the stamps from his bedside table. I never put a return address, because . . . well, I didn’t want anyone to return the letter to me. Besides, we didn’t have our permanent address then. But since I was sending a letter with a postcard stamp, I never had enough postage. When they didn’t come back to me, I didn’t know you never got them. I never dreamed the letters wouldn’t make it to you.”