The Chance: A Novel (11 page)

She positioned the pen at the top of the page.

Dear Nolan,

First, I’m only doing this because you won’t read it for eleven years. Ha ha. Okay, here I go. You want to know how I feel about you?

She stopped and stared at the same sky. They weren’t in a hurry. It was just after nine o’clock, which meant they had two hours. How did she feel? Her eyes found the paper, and she started writing again.

These are the things I know for sure about how I feel. I love that you’re my best friend and I can come over here whenever I want. I love that you stuck up for me at recess in third grade when Billy Barren made fun of my pigtails. Sorry you got in trouble for tripping him, but not really. I love that, too.

I love that you’re not afraid to get mad, like when those jerks on the football team dumped their Cokes down that skinny kid’s shirt. I love that you were the first one to bring him a bunch of napkins. Really, Nolan, I love that. And I love watching you play basketball. It’s like . . . I don’t know . . . like you were born to play. I could watch you on that basketball court all day.

Let’s see . . .

She looked at him again and tried to imagine saying good-bye in a few hours. Tears stung her eyes.
Not now
,
Ellie. Don’t think about it
. She sniffed and found her place on the paper.

Here’s the part I could never tell you right now. Because it’s too soon or maybe too late, since I’m leaving in the morning. I loved how it felt earlier tonight when you hugged me. It never felt like that before. And when you took me to your garage and then over here to the park, I loved how my hand felt in yours. If I’m really honest, Nolan, I love when you tell me you’re going to marry me. What I didn’t really understand until tonight is that it isn’t only those things that I love.

I love being here, me and you, and just hearing you breathe. I love sitting beneath this tree with you. So, yeah, I guess that’s it. If we don’t see each other for eleven years, then I want you to know the truth about how I really feel.

I love you.

There. I said it.

Don’t forget me.

Love,
Ellie

Not until she signed her name did she feel the tears on her cheeks or notice that one of them had fallen onto the paper. She dried it with her fingers, folded the page, and sniffed again. She handed him the paper. “Your turn.”

He must’ve seen her tears, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he put his arm around her shoulders and held her for a long time. “We’ll see each other. We will.”

Her tears slowed. She nodded, because there were no words. Finally, he let go of her, settled against the tree trunk, and took the flashlight. He positioned it beneath his arm and started to write. She didn’t want to stare at him, but whatever he was putting on the paper seemed to come easily. He stopped and grinned at her. “I’ve been waiting for a chance to say this.”

She laughed, because that was the effect he had on her. His letter wasn’t overly long. Most of one page, but he didn’t take another break as he wrote. When he finished, he folded his the same way she had. Then he lifted the old tackle box to his lap, opened it, and held it out to her.

She felt a ripple of doubt. “You’re not gonna come back and read it, right?”

“Ellie.” He raised his brow. “We’re burying it. Neither of us can dig it up for eleven years. No matter what.”

She ran her thumb over the cool yellow lined paper and then dropped her letter in the box. He did the same, and then he shut the lid. Using the flashlight, he found the shovel and stood, staring at the ground. “How ’bout right there? Between the tree roots?”

“Where we usually have our feet.”

“Exactly.” He handed her the flashlight, got down on his knees, and began digging. She aimed the light at the spot where the hole was appearing. The ground was soft, and he had the hole dug in no time. “There.” He stood and wiped the back of his hand over his forehead. “That’s big enough.” He set the shovel down and lowered the box into the space. It fit with five inches of room on top. “Perfect.” He brushed the dirt off his hands. “You bury it.”

Ellie passed him the flashlight. She took the shovel, slid it into the loose dirt, and dumped it on top of the box. With every shovelful, she tried to picture it. Digging up the box eleven years from now. She would be twenty-six, out of college, and on her way to a writing career. Maybe even an author by then. Gradually, she filled in the space around the sides and top of the box. When she was finished, Nolan pressed his foot into the fresh-packed dirt, and it settled some. Ellie added a few more shovelfuls, and they repeated the process until the ground over the box was solid.

They sat down, and Nolan turned off the flashlight. “I can’t believe you’re leaving.”

“Me, either.” The laughter from earlier was gone, the reality sinking in. For almost two hours they sat beneath the tree and
talked about every wonderful memory they had shared. At last they stood and stared at each other, dreading what was ahead. He looked down at the ground. “What’s in your backpack?”

She had almost forgotten. “I grabbed some things from my room. When I left.” She released his hands, stooped down, and unzipped it. She brought out a small, worn plush bunny. “Remember this?”

His laugh interrupted the seriousness of the coming good-bye. “I won it for you . . . at the church carnival.”

“It’s been on my bed since I was in fifth grade.” She handed it to him. “I want you to have it.”

The lightness of the moment fell away again. He took it and brought it to his face. “It smells like you.”

She rummaged around in the backpack and pulled out a framed photo, the two of them at eighth-grade graduation. “My mom had these made. One for each of us. I forgot about them until tonight.”

Nolan took the picture. It was too dark to really see it, but that wasn’t the point. He set the frame and the stuffed rabbit down on the tree root and took her hands again. “I don’t have anything to give you.”

“You already have.” She felt her eyes blur again, felt the tears overflow from her aching heart. “That diamond ring you won me from the machine at Pete’s Pizza. I kept that.”

“You did?” He looked as happy as he was surprised. “I didn’t know.”

“I kept everything you ever gave me.”

“Hmm.” He took a slight step closer. The humidity was thick around them, the moss low in the trees, marking this magical place that had been theirs alone. “You have to write that novel. The one you always talk about.”

She smiled even as a few tears slipped onto her cheeks. “I will.”

When it was almost eleven, Nolan reached for her hand again. This time he slid his fingers between hers. The way he might if he were her boyfriend. “You know what I’m afraid of?”

“What?” She leaned against his shoulder.

“I play my best basketball when you watch.” He looked at her, his eyes searching hers. “How am I supposed to win a state championship without you?”

“You have your dad.” She smiled, but her heart beat fast again. They had only a few minutes. “You’re the coach’s son, Nolan. You’ll always be the best.”

“See.” He still faced her, their hands joined. “You say things like that. Around you, I feel like no one can stop me. Like I’ll play in the NBA someday.”

“You will.” Her smile fell away. “I . . . have to go.”

He hung his head, and his grip on her hands grew tighter. As if he were angry at time itself for daring to take them from this place, this night. When he lifted his eyes to hers once more, he looked broken. “I
will
call you. When you get there, call me and give me your number.”

“Okay.” She knew his number by heart. That part would be easy. “But . . . how will you visit?”

“I’ll get my license next year.” He ran his thumbs along her hands. “It’ll be fun. A road trip.”

She didn’t want to say it, but his parents would never let him drive cross-country by himself. Not at sixteen years old. But she only nodded, wanting to believe it because he said so. Because there was nothing else to do.

He paused, watching her, as if trying to memorize the moment. “Ellie . . . don’t forget me.”

She wanted to ask him if he was crazy. Because she could never forget him, never stop trying to find her way back, never stop believing he would find her again somehow. But she didn’t want to break down, so she only fell slowly into his arms and put her head on his shoulder. “I don’t want to go.”

“I’ll walk you back, since you don’t have your bike.”

The idea breathed a few more minutes into their time together. He slung her backpack over his shoulder, and they walked to his house across the street first, so Nolan could leave the shovel and flashlight, the paper and pen. Then he eased his fingers between hers once more and walked close beside her all the way to her house, their shoulders brushing, their steps slow and even.

The lights were off, but that didn’t mean her dad wasn’t waiting up. He would never stand for her being out past curfew. Even tonight. They stopped near a large bush, so if her dad was watching, he couldn’t see her saying good-bye. Again Nolan pulled her into his arms. “I hate this.”

“Me, too.” She wiped at her quiet tears. “I have to go.”

He put his hands on her shoulders the way he had earlier, and in the glow of the streetlight, they could see each other better. It was the first time she had ever seen Nolan’s eyes full of tears. His hands found their way to the sides of her face, and without either of them talking about it or questioning it, he leaned in and kissed her. Not a long kiss or anything, like in the movies. Just his lips against hers long enough that she had a hint of what he might have written in his letter. A hint of how much he cared.

He held up one hand and mouthed, “Good-bye, Ellie.”

Her voice was less than a whisper. “Good-bye.”

As if each step physically hurt him, he backed away, and
then he turned and began running down the street, away from her and out of her life. Ellie dropped to her knees on the grass and buried her face in her hands.
God . . . how could you let this happen?
Her mother cheating, her father moving her away. And this last night with Nolan—when they could no longer pretend about being only friends.

Her tears came fast and hard, the sobs as strong as they had been when she first heard the news about her mom, about the move to San Diego. They would miss their freshman year at Savannah High together, and she wouldn’t get to watch him play basketball. They wouldn’t sit next to each other at the school’s bonfires, and they wouldn’t go to dances together. They wouldn’t have another summer night beneath their old oak tree. It was all over, all behind them.

The one thing that gave her strength to stand and make her way into the house, the only reason she could draw another breath at all, was the old metal box buried between the tree roots. The box and the letters and the possibility that remained eleven years from today.

Their one last chance.

Chapter
Four

E
llie had never run so far or so fast in all her life. Anything to get away from the terrible news.

The backpack bouncing against her shoulder blades held everything she could ever need. Maybe she would never come back. Maybe she would go to Nolan’s and say good-bye and keep on running. Until she stumbled into someone else’s life. Anyone’s life but her own.

Lightning flashed in the distance, and the air was hotter and more humid. Ellie’s breathing came in jagged gasps, but she didn’t care. With every stride, she felt herself move farther away from the terrible truth, her new reality. Her mom really was pregnant by someone else. Her dad wouldn’t talk about the baby’s father. But five minutes ago he’d told her the worst part.

They were moving to San Diego in the morning. Which meant she wouldn’t get to say good-bye to her mom.

There had been no time to get her bike. As soon as Ellie understood her dad was serious and this was her last night in Savannah, Ellie grabbed her things and started running. She hadn’t
slowed since. Faster, longer strides. Her lungs hurt, but she didn’t slow down. Maybe she should run across the city to Ms. Lena’s house so she could at least hug her mother one more time and tell her good-bye. She had never loved and hated someone so much in all her life. Ellie felt tears slide onto her cheeks, and she slapped them away. Her mother wouldn’t care. She had cheated on her dad. All those nights when she came home super late she’d been with . . . with the other guy.

When she could’ve been with Ellie.

She felt faint, like she might pass out and die on the sidewalk. So what if she did? She would go to heaven, and she could skip this nightmare, the one she couldn’t outrun.

Finally she reached Nolan’s front yard, just when she couldn’t take another step. Half crying, half gasping for air, she went to his front door and knocked. She didn’t think about how she must’ve looked or what his family would think. She only knew that she couldn’t go another minute without him.

Nolan answered the door, and his smile turned to shock. He—if no one else—cared about her. “Ellie . . .” He stepped onto the porch and shut the door behind him. “What is it? What happened?”