The Bonding Ritual (Girls Wearing Black: Book Four) (43 page)

“We met before that night at the diner, didn’t we?” Zack said. “I swear I knew you before then.”

They were driving away from campus. Jill couldn’t stop fidgeting in her chair. It was disarming to have Zack appear in her life like this.

Disarming, and wonderful.
As easy as it was to tell herself this was a terrible idea, she didn’t care. She liked sitting in his car. She liked being with him.

“Yes, Zack. We met before that night.”

“I knew it! Oh God, it’s so good to hear you say that. I’m not going crazy. At least, not completely crazy. Tell me more. What’s our story, and why can’t I remember it?”

He turned onto River Road. He seemed to know exactly where he was going.

“Zack, you and I, we had an encounter with an immortal,” Jill said.

“An immortal? Why? What were we doing?”

“It’s not what we were doing. It’s what I was doing. I’m the one who put us in danger. The immortal came for me. You were just with me when it happened.”

“And the immortal did something to us. That’s why I can’t remember everything, right?”

“She commanded you to forget part of your life,” Jill said.

“Yes, that’s what happened,” Zack said, excitement growing in his voice. “The hole. Jill, there’s been this hole in my life. I haven’t been able to make any sense of it! I haven’t been able to fill it!”

“You and I met a few months ago,” Jill said.

“At the carnival!” said Zack. “I was just there yesterday. The rides were torn down, but I remembered them. You and I rode the Ferris Wheel!”

Jill felt more tears welling in her eyes, but not because she was sad. It had been a mistake to push Zack away. He was in pain. She had left him all alone to deal with the fallout by himself.

“Yes, we went to a carnival together,” Jill said. “And we rode the Ferris
Wheel. But that isn’t where we met. We met at the Riverwinds coffee shop.”

Zack’s eyes opened wide and he slapped his hands on the steering wheel.

“It was raining!” he said. “Your car…something was wrong with your car! I remember it! It’s like it was a dream or something.”

“It wasn’t a dream,” said Jill. “It’s just been pushed deep into your subconscious. And yes, I had a problem with my car that day. You were a gentleman and helped me.”

“Tell me more!” said Zack. “I have to know more!”

“Zack, the reason the immortal programmed you to forget about me is because of who I am, because of what I’ve done. I’ve committed treason. It’s dangerous for you to be near me.”

“I don’t care,” Zack said. “I’ve never cared about the danger, have I?”

“No, I don’t think you have.”

“You’re fighting them,” said Zack. “I remember that. I remember admiring you for that.”

“I nearly got you killed, Zack.”

“I’ve been dead for months! That night at the diner, seeing you, Jill, it changed everything. You gave me something to live for. I’ve spent every day since then looking for you.”

Zack took another turn and they entered Jill’s neighborhood.

“Where are we going?” Jill asked.

“There’s this house,” said Zack. “It isn’t supposed to be there. I’m hoping you can explain it to me.”

Another turn. Now they were headed directly to the Wentworth estate.

“What do you mean a house isn’t supposed to be there?”

“I’ve driven up and down this road a hundred times,” said Zack. “Every time, I feel like I’m coming up on something important, and then I lose it.”

He stopped the car.

“Right here. This is where I lose it,” he said.

“Lose what?”

“You. I’ve been looking for you.”

Jill looked out the window of the car. They were parked right in front of her house.

“It’s like, driving up the street, I’m getting closer,” Zack said, “but right about here, I’m lost again.”

Jill looked up the driveway to her house. The lights were off. Her parents were already asleep.

It was time to make a decision. Either she was telling Zack the whole truth or she was sending him home.

“Pull ahead and park under that tree,” she said. “Then turn off the car and come with me.”

A minute later, they were standing at the gate in front of Jill’s house. Jill keyed in the access code and the gate opened.

“You live here?” Zack said.

“Yes,” said Jill, leading him through the gate and up the driveway. “The reason you get lost right at this house is because that’s exactly what Bernadette programmed you to do.”

“Bernadette?”

“The vampire who meddled with your mind was named Bernadette Paiz. You were here when it happened. She came to the house looking for me.”

They were nearing the top of the driveway.

“She commanded you to forget all about me,” Jill continued. “That’s why this house is like a black hole in your memory.”

“It’s not just the house,” Zack said. “My whole life, for months, I’ve felt like there’s been this huge chunk missing. It’s a lot more than this house.”

“I’m sorry, Zack. I never meant to hurt you.”

They came to the front porch. Jill had Zack stop at the stoop and look back at the lawn.

“You rescued me once,” she said. “On that patch of grass. I was in trouble. Someone was chasing me. Do you remember?”

Zack nodded his head. “I remember I felt something for you,” he said. “We were…”

“Yes, we were a couple. I felt something for you too.”

“I want to start over,” Zack said. “I want to fill in the gaps completely. I know that it’s like…it’s like we’ve barely met.”

“It isn’t like that to me at all.”

“
My life without you wasn’t right. I knew something big was missing.”

“Zack, it’s even more dangerous than it was before. Any day, at any moment, everyone close to me might find themselves standing in front of a vampire having their memories examined.”

“I want to help you. We were getting close to something, weren’t we? We were holding on for something—can you tell me what it was? I’ve got to hear. Start at the beginning and tell me everything. Please.”

“Okay,” Jill said. “We’ll go inside and talk. We have to be quiet though. My parents are sleeping. It will only complicate things more if they see you.”

Jill slipped her key in the lock and opened the front door. Quietly, she and Zack went upstairs.

They sat in her bedroom, with the door closed, and she recounted their entire relationship for him. More than recounted. They relived it together. And while Zack didn’t remember the details, he seemed to know the truth of it. He changed as he sat there listening. The twitchy, anxious guy who sat across from Jill at Marty’s diner faded away as Jill continued her story, replaced by the Zack she knew. As she neared the end of her tale, Zack was himself again. She could see it in the way he carried himself. Confident, content, and cool.

“And so I just walked away?” Zack said.

Jill nodded. “Bernadette asked you to walk out the front door and drive back to your apartment.”

“I can’t believe I listened to her,” said Zack.

“There’s no shame in obeying a vampire’s command,” said Jill. “They toy with your mind. They turn you against yourself.”

The memory of her own programming, of the fantasy Bernadette made her accept as reality, weighed on her, and suddenly she felt like it was all too much.

“What you went through, Zack,
I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. To have that happen to the person I care about most in the world was an absolute nightmare.”

And then she lost control of her emotions. Years of putting everyone around her in danger, the guilt she felt not only for what happened to Zack, but for what happened to Gia
also, and to Dante, to Kendall, to Patrick, to Annika! Could it possibly be worth it? In what world was it okay for her to endanger so many people?

She began to cry.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Zack said. Jill tried to turn away from him but he grabbed onto her arms and pulled her back.

“It’s not fair to you,” she said. “Your life was f
ine before you met me, and now it’s not.”

“My life was boring and going nowhere before I met you, and it was a disaster after I lost you,” Zack said.

“It’s just—this is so much bigger than I ever imagined it would be,” said Jill. “I was a kid when I went looking for the Network. I was an angry fourteen-year-old. And then it all happened so quickly. I’m caught up in this mission that I don’t know we can complete, people have died, my life…God, my life is a giant lie!”

“That’s not how I see it,” said Zack. “From what I see, you’re one of the very few people in the world willing to face the truth.”

“No, it’s not like that. At school, I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. That guy I was with tonight, Ryan. He and I are pretending to be a couple, and the lies are so big and complicated I can hardly remember them all, and if any of us makes even one mistake it could all come shattering down and I can’t see how we’re going to pull this off. We’re trying to do something impossible!”

“You’re trying to save the world. And it’s a good thing, because the rest of us are too chicken-shit to do it.”

Jill let out a little laugh amidst her sobs. “The rest of you aren’t delusional like I am,” she said.

“I want you to listen to me,” Zack said, leaning in closer to her, “and I want you to believe the words I’m telling you. We are meant to be free. Human beings are meant to be free. But at some point before you and I were even born, powerful monsters settled into the positions of power in Washington and enslaved us all. They take our money, they restrict our movement, they listen to our conversations, and we just let it happen because we’re terrified of what they’ll do to us if we anger them. It’s not right, and as far as I’m concerned, this entire country should be in a full-scale revolt. What you’re doing, Jill Wentworth, might seem impossible, but you’re doing it anyway, and I can’t even describe how much I respect you for that. You’re the only person I’ve ever met who sees this world for what it is and is trying to do something about it.”

“It’s nice that you see it that way, but--”

Zack kissed her before she could finish the sentence. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, like the time they were on the Ferris
Wheel together, or a slow kiss, like the ones they shared on those mornings when they slept in late at his apartment, but a powerful, urgent kiss. He wrapped his hands around her back. He pushed her down on the bed. He kissed her harder, first on the lips, then the neck. His hands grabbed onto her shirt, yanked it apart, and he kissed her chest. He didn’t come up for air until her shirt was off and her bra was unsnapped, and when he did, it was only to say, “I’ve missed you, Jill.”

“I missed you too, Zack.”

Jill and Zack snuck out of her house just before six in the morning. She walked him to his car, still parked on the street, intending to say goodbye.

And failing. Zack talked her into having breakfast with him at a nearby pancake house. After breakfast, he convinced her they should take a short walk along the river. The short walk stretched into a morning-long excursion, up and down the harbor, the two of them holding hands as they moved among the Saturday morning crowd.

Jill felt an incredible release just being with him. All the fear and stress of her life meant so little when she walked beside him. He didn’t make her forget the danger that was all around her, but he helped her put it in perspective.

They were fighting for the right of people to enjoy moments like these. Jill and Nicky and Helena and Phillip and even Ryan—they were risking their lives because everyone deserved a chance at happiness. For people born on the Farm or taken off the streets there were no moments like this one. And there never would be unless someone did something about it.

As they walked along a bridge overlooking the loading docks, Jill thought about what Winnie had said to her back in Richmond.

The clan’s money is insignificant when compared to
their ability to create a new vampire every year. Killing Sergio is everything.

She understood that now. The mission, the original mission that Jill nearly abandoned, was the Network’s best chance to do something important. The next few months, however they played out, would be the most significant of Jill’s life.

Killing Sergio is everything.

“Look at all that stuff,” Zack said, nodding his head in the direction of the shipping port below. A freighter was docked and a huge crane was pulling off the shipping containers, one by one.

“What stuff?” Jill said. “You mean the containers?”

“I mean the stuff inside the containers,” said Zack. “There’s hundreds of containers on that boat, and each one has tons of stuff inside of it. Thousands of pounds of junk from China.”

Jill watched as the crane dropped a container on the back of a truck. The workers locked the container into place and the truck drove away, only to be replaced by another one, which received another container.