The Billionaire's Voice (The Sinclairs #4) (21 page)

“Thank you,” she answered in a tremulous voice as she stood.

He put up a hand. “It’s not a big deal. I was planning on attending anyway. It is my charity.”

Micah attempted to bury his pain. If Tessa didn’t feel the same way he did, he didn’t know what else to say right now. She didn’t need him around. For him, the rules had changed. For her, they obviously hadn’t.

He needed to get away, and he needed to do it quickly. “I have to go.”

“You don’t want to run this morning? Or practice?”

He shook his head. “Like you said, I have a lot to do. And you don’t need me anymore.” He motioned toward the couch. “I picked you up a few things while I was in New York. I thought you might need them.”

He didn’t wait to see what she said. Saying two words he thought he’d never say, he muttered, “Good-bye, Tessa.”

Swiping up his keys from the table, he turned his back on her and walked away, exiting through the front door and striding to his truck.

He knew if he turned around, he’d make a complete ass out of himself, so he got in his truck and never looked back.

CHAPTER 20

A week later, Tessa wasn’t any less depressed than she’d been the moment Micah had walked out the door.

“Seriously? You just told him you didn’t need him anymore?” Randi said, signing with her words as they sat in the living room of Evan and Randi’s home.

She was glad to have her friend back, but Randi had been digging for information since the day she and Evan had returned a few days ago.

“I didn’t blow him off, Randi, I
had
to let go. I knew Micah wasn’t going to stay forever, and I was starting to feel like he was only coming back for me. I was getting too attached; things were getting too intense. I was afraid if I didn’t let him know that I would be okay without him, I’d beg him to stay forever. I can’t do that to him. He did so much for me.”

By now, Randi knew the whole story, everything that had happened since the day Micah showed up with her naked in the shower.

Randi gave her a doubtful look. “And
are
you okay?”

Tessa’s eyes welled up with tears, something that had been happening since the day Micah left Amesport to return to New York, which was just a few days after Micah had told her good-bye.

After a meeting with all of the family in town present, Xander had reluctantly agreed to go to the rehab facility, and Micah and Julian had gone with him to make sure he got settled before leaving to return to their primary homes. Tessa wondered how long Xander’s rehab would last. More than likely, Xander had crushed under family pressure, but at least he’d taken the first step.

“No,” she admitted. “I’m not okay. I feel like my heart is so shattered that I’ll never be able to put it back together again. How stupid was I to think I could just have a fling with someone like Micah? How stupid was I to think I wouldn’t be completely devastated when he finally left? I knew I was going to hurt, but it’s even worse than I imagined.”

“And how dumb was he to think he could just screw a woman like you?” Randi shot back. “Evan saw him in New York today. If it makes you feel any better, he’s not handling this very well, either. Evan said he looks like hell, and was drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Scotch. Doesn’t sound like either one of you was prepared for what happened.”

“Evan saw Micah?” Tessa asked breathlessly.

Randi nodded. “He’s in New York overnight. I decided to stay home because I have a lot to do for the planning on the new school. Sometimes I think I should have just gone with Evan. I think we text every half hour or so. You’d think we’d be sick of each other after our long vacation together. We were almost never apart.”

“I think that’s how it is when you really belong together,” Tessa said glumly.

“Evan said Micah is in love with you, Tessa,” Randi disclosed quietly.

Tessa shook her head fervently. “He’s not. He knew it wouldn’t last—”

“Things change,” Randi interrupted. “Just like you never knew you’d fall for him, maybe he didn’t realize it, either, when you were first together.”

“But he . . . left.” Tessa was afraid to hope that Micah felt even a portion of the love she knew she felt for him.

“You told him you didn’t need him anymore. You told him he could go. How is he supposed to take that? Was he supposed to confess his love after you blew him off?” Randi paused before adding, “I know you two were at cross-purposes, but I have a feeling he concluded that you wanted him to leave. That’s what Evan said.”

“Oh, God. It isn’t the way I meant it. I just knew if I didn’t give him an out, I might do something stupid.” Tessa sighed nervously.

Was it really possible Micah had misunderstood? “The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt him, Randi,” Tessa said tearfully, large droplets beginning to pour down her cheeks. “Meeting him changed my life.”

“I know that,” Randi replied as she held out a box of tissues to Tessa.

Tessa pulled a few from the container and wiped her eyes. “Maybe I can talk to him in New York. He’ll be at the performance.”

“You’re going to discuss your relationship during a large event like that?”

Tessa shrugged. “What else can I do? I can hardly go to New York and throw myself at him. I don’t even know where he lives, and I doubt they’d let me through the door.”

Randi reached out and placed a supportive hand on her forearm. “Why can’t you go to New York? I know where he lives. And all you have to do is have the doorman call up to his place and he can get you in.”

“Maybe I should just text him—”

“No! Micah will bullshit you . . . I guarantee it. He’s an arrogant, prideful Sinclair. You’re going to have to go, and you’re going to have to be pushy to get him to be honest with you. One of you is going to have to put yourself out there, risk rejection if you want to get a reward.”

Tessa pointed at herself. “Me?”

“Since your rejection caused the problem, then yeah. It will probably have to be you. Micah thinks you wanted him to go. I doubt he’ll put his ass on the line again until he has some reassurance. Men are funny that way.” Randi paused before adding, “We do dumb things when we’re hurt, Tessa, especially when it’s somebody we love so much that we can’t stand the pain. Evan and I almost lost each other over a stupid misunderstanding. I was so hurt that I forgot everything, including how much he meant to me. Don’t let that happen to you.”

“What if he still rejects me?” Tessa said nervously.

“Is he worth it?” Randi questioned.

“Oh, yeah,” Tessa answered quickly. Micah was one man who was worth risking it all. “I think not knowing is worse than having to give up completely because we can’t work things out. I’ve discovered that I’m not big on living with unknowns.”

Tessa’s brain was still whirling with the possibility that Micah really might care. Thinking back to their last conversation, it was possible that he’d felt rejected. She’d been the one who had brought up the subject of him leaving, and he hadn’t ever really said he wanted to go. He’d simply agreed, his demeanor changing when she’d encouraged him to do what she thought he really wanted to do.

He’d left her two gifts, one of them the most amazing performance outfit she’d ever seen. It had been custom made by one of the best figure-skating designers in the country. To have it finished, Micah must have commissioned it almost from the minute she’d agreed to do the charity event. No doubt he’d taken sizes from her clothing at some point, because the ensemble fit perfectly. It was bright cherry red with gold embroidery and embellishments. Glamorous without being too gaudy.

The second item she was still wearing, and hadn’t taken it off since she’d opened the jewelry box. The charm bracelet made of gold with beautiful matching charms was no ordinary piece of jewelry. Every gold charm meant something, a symbol of something they’d experienced together: an ice skate, a plane, a parachute, a dog that looked like Homer, a hiking boot, and two other charms that she wasn’t quite sure how they fit in. The last two were a filigree heart and a golden rose. The bracelet and charms were beautifully crafted, and it spoke so much of things she’d experienced with Micah that she’d never been able to take it off. She knew she should send it back to him. It had to have been outrageously expensive, since it was solid gold with diamonds between the charms. But she hadn’t been sure where to send it, and she’d fallen in love with it the minute she’d seen it nestled in a box of red velvet.

“Jared is getting his plane ready. You can drive right to the airport,” Randi said excitedly as she clicked off her cell phone.

“I don’t have anything with me.” Tessa was still living in Micah’s home, Randi’s old place, but she’d been looking frantically for somewhere else to live.

“I’ll put some stuff together for you, and you can shop there. You know you’re loaded now, and you’ll be in New York City,” Randi told her adamantly.

“My skates and my outfit,” Tessa protested. “In case I don’t want to come back.”

“Done. I’ll pick them up for you and have them delivered to Micah’s place,” Randi offered.

“Thanks,” Tessa answered, rising to her feet.

She waited, pacing the living room while Randi went and threw together a suitcase of necessities. They weren’t exactly the same size, but close enough to make it work.

Unconsciously, she fingered the charm bracelet Micah had left her, putting her finger over the heart. What had he been trying to say by adding a heart and the rose?

“God, I was so stupid,” she choked out on a sob, knowing in her heart that they were things that Micah hoped would be their future.

She’d panicked, knowing she’d fallen so deeply in love with Micah that she couldn’t breathe. In a moment of uncertainty, she’d let him go, even though he’d never mentioned ending their relationship. It had been she who had been afraid of rejection, thinking she could save herself some heartache and embarrassment by cutting their ties so Micah could be free like she assumed he wanted to be.

While giving him what she assumed he wanted, she’d hurt him.

“Here you go,” Randi said as she sailed back into the living room and stopped in front of her, shaking Tessa from her thoughts. “This will hold you until you can shop.”

Tessa let her put the bag on the floor and then she hugged her friend tightly. “Thank you.”

Randi squeezed her back before moving so Tessa could see her face. “You’ve been through so much. You know I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t certain he cares,” Randi explained, a thoughtful look on her face. “Evan and Micah are fairly close, and I trust Evan.”

“I think he might be right,” Tessa admitted. “I’m the one who got worried about being hurt. I chased him away. Even if it doesn’t work, I have to try.”

“You know Beatrice hasn’t been wrong yet about a Sinclair,” Randi teased. “I don’t think she’s wrong this time, either.”

“Do you know what I love about him, Randi?” She loved almost everything about Micah, but one thing in particular.

“What?”

“He loves me just the way that I am. He doesn’t see me as handicapped. It doesn’t matter if I’m deaf. For him, it’s just part of who I am, and he doesn’t make it an issue at all. He never has. He sees right through my bullshit. It’s like he can really
see
me. I guess he just wasn’t looking at me the last time we spoke.”

“Oh, Tessa. We all love you just the way you are. You’re deaf, but you are still . . . you. I’ve known you since we were kids. Not being able to hear hasn’t changed who you are here.” Randi put her hand on her chest.

“I know. But Micah showed me that my fears were just fears. That they didn’t define me, that my deafness didn’t define me. I guess I never realized that until I met him. I finally know who I am, and I don’t think I ever really knew myself until he challenged me to find out.” Tessa knew she wasn’t entirely fearless, especially since she’d messed up so badly with Micah. But she was determined to look what she dreaded in the face and fix it.

“Tell him that. Tell him exactly how you feel. If he can’t handle it, then he isn’t the man we think he is,” Randi said, stepping back and squeezing Tessa’s arm gently. “Do you want me to have Evan meet you there? I texted him while I was putting stuff together. He’s sending a car to pick you up and take you to Micah’s penthouse, but I know he’d be happy to be there for moral support.”

Tessa thought for a moment and then slowly shook her head. It was tempting to have Evan escort her, have him around as a distraction or intermediary. “This is something I need to do alone.”

“Then text me,” Randi insisted. “I want to know you’re there and safe.”

She nodded at Randi, then collected her purse and extended the handle on the suitcase so she could pull it behind her.

When she patted her thigh, Homer got up from his watchful spot in the corner and sat by her side.

“I want to take Homer with me,” Tessa decided.

“Take him. If I can take Lily to Asia, you can take Homer along to New York. Besides, he gets free entry anywhere. He’s a service dog.”

Luckily, Tessa had put Homer’s doggie jacket on before leaving home because she’d wanted to stop a few places on the way to Randi’s house. She had his special cover that marked him as a service dog.

Tessa hugged Randi one more time, grateful for all of the friends she had.

“I’ll text Liam after I leave. He won’t be happy. All he knows is that Micah went back to New York, but he doesn’t believe that I broke it off.”

Randi smirked. “I’ll cover for you.”

Tessa smiled back at her friend, remembering all the times they’d covered for each other when they were children. “I’ll owe you one,” she answered automatically, using the same expression they’d used as kids.

“I’ll be sure to collect.” It was the standard answer they both had used forever.

“I love you, Randi. So much. Thank you for always standing beside me.” Tessa was beginning to learn that she never wanted to let an opportunity pass to tell the people she cared about how she felt. Randi had always been there for her, whether she wanted her to be or not. She was the one friend who had stampeded over Tessa’s fears and hung on to her during her darkest times. How did you thank somebody for that?

“I love you like the sister I never had, Tessa. I always will.” Randi hugged her with tears in her eyes, then pulled back. “Now go straighten out your stubborn Sinclair. Don’t take
no
for an answer. Seduce him if you have to,” Randi joked.