The Better to Eat You With: The Red Journals (18 page)

I
flinched.

“Something’s
pissed you off. I won’t work with you if you’re going to lie to me!”

My brows
shot up again and I gave a bitter laugh. “You won’t work with
me
?”
Cheeky,
scurvy bastard!
“I’m the one who shouldn’t work with
you
!” I
bellowed back. “Look at what you’ve done to me so far!” I started to count off
on my fingers. “You made me drink from you.”

“You
needed it.”

“You
called me Wendy.”

“It
suited you.”

“And made
me where heels.”

“For the
job.”

I stomped
my foot. “And you almost kissed me.”

He
sneered. “Didn’t feel you pushing me off, pet.”

“And then
went to bed with
the fucking maid
!”

My raised
voice seemed to ring in the silence that followed my words. Felix looked
startled, taking a step back. My cheeks heated and my lips thinned at the
inadvertent omission and all that it implied. And no, those implications were,
unfortunately, not lost on me.

Jealous,
much? Shuddup!

“So
that’s what this is about?”

“Jesus H.
Christ.” I spun for the door and managed to open it an inch before Felix’s hand
slammed it shut again. My complete and utter humiliation had me squeezing my
eyes shut, my ears practically on fire.

“You
think I’ve been with the maid all day?” His voice was soft, coaxing, his breath
brushing my temple.

My spine
tingled with awareness of just how close he was. My mind flashed briefly with
how good he felt on the plane, but the strangling force of my stupid, emotional
hurt feelings trumped it like a bug.

“Let me
out,” I demanded. Pleaded.

He
ignored me. “This evening, I called room service for fresh towels, and figured
I might as well feed while room service was here.” His free hand slid over my
hip and squeezed. It burned. “The maid…had other ideas.”

“Let me
out.” I stiffened at his touch, at his words. I didn’t want to hear it. As long
as I didn’t have to hear it, it wouldn’t hurt. Well, at least not any more than
it already did, but it would make me cry. And like hell was I going to cry in
front of him.

“I
entranced her, implanted a memory, and sent her out.” Slowly, as the words sank
in, my eyes opened. I didn’t see the door right in front of me, my mind
consumed with the image of the maid as she left.

“Her hose?”

“She took
them off all by herself,” he murmured, his thumb brushing under the hem of my
polo shirt, smoothing back and forth over my bare skin.

“Her hair?”

“I did
that. Buns always look so neat and uptight.”

My
forehead bumped the door. “Did you unbutton her uniform too?”

His quiet
chuckle was warm and rumbled against my spine as he pressed in close. “I fed
off her, turned around to get her a tip for the towels, and when I turned back,
she was half-naked. I just stood there with my mouth open before I even thought
to re-arrange her memories.”

He
could be lying,
I
thought, but knew he wasn’t. Something hummed in my bones that told me he spoke
true. And yet, the phantom pain was still there, the residual dull ache in my
chest, the nausea in my stomach.
God…I can’t do this again.
The gentle,
resolute promise of loving someone forever, even the mere possibility, had been
ruined for me. Forever was a long time for me, and I could pretty much
guarantee that I was going to have to mourn all over again.
Oh, Glenn…

Sighing
loudly, I banged my head repeatedly against the door. I felt so bloody hot with
embarrassment; I probably clashed with my own hair. I also felt really bloody
stupid. I’m a grown woman, better off than most for the fact I’ve lived so
long; you’d think I’d know better than to feel played by a man. And yet, if
anything, I’m more naïve than the average woman who only lives one lifetime.

I’ve
spent my entire immortal existence
not
getting close to males out of
some guilt-induced, self-castrated, inner-shrine to a dead man. So, yeah, I
admit it. I was in over my head with Felix. Hell, I was in over my head with
Vince. The only male I allowed in my life was my super genius tech-guy who was
also my best friend Jade’s twin! What the hell did I know about being courted?
I could flirt because I use it for hunting, but anything more than that, and I
was…lost.

I
squeezed my eyes shut again and took a deep breath.
Now or never, Red.

 “Did you
know,” I started softly, barely above a whisper. “I was married once.” The
thumb brushing my skin stopped.

“No. I
didn’t know,” Felix replied gently.

I nodded
my head. “I was mortal then. We were young. We’d been in love with each other
our whole lives.” Nothing could ever compare to that kind of love, or that kind
of pain. Glenn had been my best friend. I loved him with the entirety of my
young, idealistically foolish heart, as only a young woman can. When he died,
something inside me had died with him. It’s an empty space inside me now, a
hollow space, and a void. It’s cliché to say it, but that’s how it feels. Nothing
would ever fill it, I’d come to realize. Nothing will ever be able to replace
the one and only love I’d ever known.

I cleared
my throat. “He was killed by wolves,” I finished.

Felix was
silent for the longest time. The feel of him at my back was a hot, distant
presence, like the sun. But I was chilled to the bone. How could I even
contemplate letting someone get that close to me again, let them mean so much,
only to have them ripped away? What kind of life would I have if I had to live
with that fear? I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t.

“I’m not
going anywhere, pet.” Felix’s lips skimmed softly over my neck, and I shivered
despite myself. His fingers, warm from feeding, unpeeled my death-grip on my
files.

“Can you
promise?” I breathed as he pulled my iPad free. Moments later, his hands were
back on my hips, gripping as he pressed into me, burying his face in my
shoulder.

“Yes.”

“You
can’t promise such a thing.”

“You
obviously haven’t recognized how stubborn I am,” he told me, his east-London
accent seeming smug. “Looks like I’ll have to show you.”

He spun
me to face him, and all thoughts left my mind. The cold in my bones shuddered
under the heat of his intent look. His eyes were a swirling, spiraling whirl of
lime, moss and emerald green, a faint shimmer of gold at the very outer edge of
his irises.

I sucked
in a sharp breath, inhaling anise and ice, sparkling yellow tinting my own
vision in response.
A man should not smell so goddamned enticing.
His
collection of scents had me guessing every moment, combining to make a varying
aroma whenever he was near. The curiosity to find out what he smelled like each
instant was addictive. With each breath in, the smell of him eased back the icy
center of my soul like a heated blanket over cold feet. I shivered anew, skin
prickling and rising, as if reaching for more of him.

“Are you
about to take advantage of my emotional state?” I gasped.
Say yes say yes
say yes say yes…

“Yes.”

Thank
you, sweet baby Jesus!

His knees
pushed mine apart as my hands slid up his chest, pushing his shirt off his
shoulders.
Were those my hands?

He suddenly
dipped and grabbed the back of my thighs, hauling me up in one swift motion to
wrap my legs around his hips.
Were those my legs?

He
pressed me into the door, and his hard length settled against my heat. My
breath caught, and then escaped in a soft moan as he ground into me, little
sparks of delight flashing through me like little blips of heaven. My fingers tunneled
into his cool, damp hair, gripping tight as my gums started to ache. My canines
descended.

Felix’s
intense gaze held mine rapt, halting all painful, guilty, secret memories from
flitting through me, keeping me grounded in the now, in the feel of him, hard,
thick and rubbing against me. His hand crept up my spine, wrapped around the
length of my hair, and pulled until I was arching back, my throat exposed.  

I wasn’t
afraid, though I should have been. No, I was excited. Unhindered, unimaginably,
unexpectedly excited. His tongue left a trail of white-hot fire from my
collarbone to my chin, sending shivers of pleasure and lust cleaving straight
down to my core and pooling hot and heavy with need. My hips rolled hungrily
against him.

As he
released my hair and I lowered my head to meet his eyes once more, my whole body
was screaming to be kissed, to be taken, to be ravaged until my memories were
nothing but vague shadows in the back of my mind. Gold splayed in his eyes, his
nostrils flaring to take in the erotic scent of our excitement. Such a unique
scent; all citrus and chocolate and spices. He pressed forward, leaning in, his
intent clear, his lips barely an inch from mine. I hungered for a taste of him.

Boom,
boom, boom!

We both
froze, the door reverberating against my spine. Our rasping breaths filled the
sudden silence as we waited. I throbbed between my legs. My skin tingled
everywhere. I felt ravenous for more of Felix, and yet, as we waited, my ardor
cooled, and the golden glow left my vision. Felix blinked, and golden lightning
fizzled out of his green gaze.

“Maybe
they’ll go if—” His hushed whisper never finished.

Boom!
“I’m not going away.”

Des. Great.
Her growly man-voice practically
blistered me through the wood.
What did this female have against my back?

I sighed
as Felix released me with an arched brow. I sank down to the carpet, reluctant
to release him. I scowled at the door. “What do you want? We’re working,” I
snarled back through the panel.

There was
a grumbled, “Doesn’t smell like you’re working.” Which made my lips twitch and
my cheeks warm, and then, “Vince wants you to meet him for dinner.” Her tone
was practically grudging. I pursed my lips as Felix continued to stare down at
me.

“Care to
explain, pet?” he asked.

I cleared
my throat. “He was in my room last night.”

“Is that
so?” Felix purred, instantly predator-still.

“He wants
to know about the freak in his territory,” I grumbled, staring at Felix’s bare
chest, fingers lightly passing over the swirling ink on his ribs. If he hadn’t
shivered at my touch, I’d have thought him a statue just then. “I told him if
he buggered off and let me rest I’d answer his questions.”

I looked
up at him then, and he arched his brow at me as if to say ‘
You made a deal
with a wolf, pet? Tut, tut.
’

Suddenly,
Felix swung around and marched for his bed, shoving his jeans down and giving
me a spectacular view of his backside. I spun away and nearly head-butted the
door, my breath catching in my throat and my ears burning all over again.

“What are
you doing?” I squeaked.

He was
behind me in an instant. “Dressing for dinner.”

I peeked
over my shoulder to see him buttoning the shirt I’d nearly ripped off him. He
had on a pair of pale grey slacks, shiny black loafers and was tucking in his
white shirt. I could have drooled, if his words hadn’t just registered.

“You
can’t come to dinner,” I squeaked again. “I can’t deal with you both together.”
Oh crap, mini-panic.
“I’ll end up killing one of you!” I never knew my
voice could maintain so high an octave. “You can’t come.”

“Oh, yes
I can, pet. I’m not missing Vince’s first lesson in house training.” His smile
was all teeth as he reached past me before I could say anything. He shuffled us
out the door, past a startled Des. “Dinner sounds smashing. I’m starved.” Felix
beamed.

Seeing
the look of determination on his feral face, Des scowled and stalked off. I
couldn’t keep the grin from curving my lips.

I
followed Des down the corridor, but only as far as my room. With a murmured,
“Hold up,” I shoved my key card in the slot and ducked into my room, pulling
the clip out of my hair and my shirt off over my head.

“What are
you doing?” Felix asked, moving into the room.

Des
remained at the doorway as I quickly ran a brush through my hair and hastily
tied it back in a high ponytail.

“Changing,”
I replied simply. Werewolves may be part human, but they are still animals, and
most things on four legs, I’d learned, had a thing about touching. They played
with hair, stroked skin, fingered clothing, usually without being asked. I
wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, as the only two animal people in my world
who had such skin privileges were Jade and her brother Fletch. And maybe Felix…if
he were so inclined.

Shiver—blush—mental
note to have a cold shower later.

 If I
went into a room with Vincent with my hair down and my skin on show, he might
take it as an invitation to…play. Well, even if it wasn’t an invitation, I get
the impression that it would be all no-holds-barred when it was just me and
him. I don’t think he’d hold back. That civilized demeanor shrouded in rock
bands, big boots and a faint southern drawl would disappear the instant I
became prey.

I braided
my hair, twisted it into a bun and pinned it in place, then grabbed my duffel
and turned, heaving it onto the bed.

Des
hissed in a shocked breath, and I froze.

Turning
my head slowly, I looked at her. Her eyes were on my shoulder, her face a
little pale. I realized then that she hadn’t seen it properly when my scars
were facing away from her and my arms had been raised to fix my hair. Now,
though, with my hair clear of my neck, everything was on display. Even Felix
had gone preternaturally still. My stomach dropped down to my shoes and my ears
and cheeks burned. I yanked out a cream-colored sweater with thin red lines and
a hood, and tugged it on; making sure it covered my scars.

Immortals
didn’t scar, but I am a true freak of nature.

I’d
forgotten how hideous it was, it took me a moment before I could look at either
of the near strangers in my room. To think, only a few minutes before, Felix
had made me feel like the most beautiful thing in his world. Then I’d taken my
shirt off and brought the world crashing down around our ears. Some reality
check, eh?
Thank God Des had come along. I couldn’t have handled that if
we’d been in bed.

Taking a
deep, silent breath, I blinked furiously and steeled myself. I snatched up my
phone, slipped it into my back pocket, exhaled, turned away from the bed and
strode for the door, gaze fixed on the hall.

Des
flinched away when I passed her, and my lip trembled slightly, making me so
goddamned angry my blood pounded in my ears. You’d think, after so long, the
reactions of my disfiguration would have made me immune, but all it’s done is
make me more and more conscious of how I don’t look like all the other
attractive young women out there. Des might look more masculine than I, but I
bet she doesn’t have men cringing away from her when she takes her shirt off.

Gripping
my key card, I paused in the hallway and looked back at Des at my doorway, her
large, hazel eyes fixed on my shoulder as if she could see my scars right
through my sweater. Felix came out of my room, shut my door, and paused to look
between Des and me.

“Lead the
way, lieutenant,” I said, and she jerked again, despite the softness of my
voice. Her eyes came up to mine and I saw the brief flare of shock and pity in
her gaze. I turned away. I didn’t want her pity, or anyone else’s. Nothing
could be done, and making me feel like a bloody freak wouldn’t help. “When
you’re ready,” I said stiffly, when all she did was look at me.

“Of
course,” she said, clearing her throat. She strode past me with a murmured,
“Follow me,” and headed straight for the elevators.

I watched
her walk, seeing in her steady, soundless stride a subtle grace that made me
think she probably was a very good soldier. She was probably still miffed I had
hurt her and Mark, seemingly unprovoked, and no one had reprimanded me. Although,
now that she’d seen my scars, maybe that flash of pity I saw would make her
back off.

Only
wolves left wounds like mine, and mine was more savage than most.

Felix’s
hand alighted on the small of my back and I flinched. My eyes flickered up to
his, and seeing they were dark with concern, I wanted his pity even less so
than Des’s. I gave him a smile, though I could feel it was wobbly.

“I’m in
the mood for a fackin’ ‘uge slab of steak,” I said, overly jolly. “How about
you?”

Felix’s
mouth quirked at the corners as he slowly shook his head, urging me down to the
elevators behind Des. “Blimey, pet,” he murmured at my language. “What company
do you keep?”

Vincent’s
room was one floor up from ours. Felix leaned casually against the wall beside
the door, watching me as Des knocked and waited. He looked deliciously sinful
in his smart slacks and soft silk shirt, a far cry from the ruggedly gorgeous
he usually looked in his jeans, tees and biker jacket. Yet, he still managed to
ooze that predatory I-could-kill-you-before-you-knew-I’d-moved, which was, of
course, totally inherent with his and-you’ll-like-it persona.

I
wonder if he spanks…

I jerked
at the thought and fixed my gaze on the door numbers. I tilted my head. Vincent’s
room was right above mine. I had a balcony. Vincent probably had one too. My
lips pursed.
So that’s how he got into my room.
I glanced over at Felix,
his brow arched and a hint-of-dimple showed. Was he impressed? I bloody wasn’t.
Bloody Alpha’s wandering around, nosing in on my shit.
Jeez. Why
doesn’t he just cock his leg on me then we can all go home!

The door
swung open, and Vincent’s smile froze on his face the instant he saw Felix, who
beamed. Vincent’s eyes swung to Des, who looked defiant.

“What is
the Vampire doing here?” he snarled softly. He was wearing faded jeans and a
white shirt that was undone at the collar with the sleeves rolled up. His
tanned skin was covered in tattoos that showed faintly through his shirt on
both arms

My
fingers itched to touch as my eyes zeroed in on the swirling designs and odd
little details. A nudge in my side and my gaze shot up to Vince’s face. I
instantly noticed his hair was ruffled and sexy.
Damn, this wolf is hawt!

Des
shrugged. “He said he was hungry.”

“Indeed I
am, mate.” Felix straightened and breezed into the room before either Des or
Vincent thought to stop him. “We’re in the mood for steak. You?”

Des
followed the Vampire in, and Vincent scowled at me. “Not part of the deal,
darlin’,” He growled low enough for me to shiver.

A
shiver? Seriously? Where is my zoned-out kick-ass self that tossed him across
the room?
Obviously, he
wasn’t being threatening enough, or some part of me knew—the damn wolf part,
I’m sure—that he was an Alpha and refused to slam dunk his ass for the second
time.

Bristling,
I stepped over the threshold. His room was exactly the same as mine, only it
smelled like a beach and the faint musk associated with werewolves.

Interesting…

“Neither
was she.” My gaze flicked to Des as Vincent pushed the door shut, and then
wrapped his arm about my neck, cupping the back of my head in the crook of his
elbow. My lips thinned as I pressed my hands against his chest, trying not to
soften under the enticing scent of sunshine, sea salt and dominating Alpha
wolf. Jeepers, his potency was intoxicating.

“I only
ordered for two,” Vince said, eyes fixed on Felix. The Vampire turned elegantly
on his heel.

“I’m sure
Red won’t mind sharing with me.” He grinned softly as he dropped elegantly into
a chair at the table set for two.

What
do ya know? –
.

I pushed
a little harder against Vince’s chest. “I’m not staying if she is.”

Vince
leaned down, putting us nose to nose and then some, making me arch back to keep
his lips from brushing mine as he spoke. “If
he
stays, I
won’t
behave.”

My mind
scrambled for definition of what he meant, and as I snagged on the thought of
him touching me, feeding me and wrestling me into submission with Felix
watching, my eyes widened.
He wouldn’t… would he?

His baby
blues sparkled in amusement, and he gave a barely imperceptible nod of
affirmation, as if hearing my thoughts.

“Felix!”
I snapped my head to him. “Out!”

The sexy Vampire’s
smile dropped. “What?”

“The wolf
and I had a deal.”

“Your
point?” he snapped, coming to his feet and striding for me—fierce, gorgeous and
breath-taking. Vince leaned back and moved away, smug written all over his
swagger.

“My point
is,” I said, teeth gritted, “he’s living up to his end, so I will live up to
mine.” I crossed my arms and kicked out a hip, staring at Felix while shock,
rage, indignation, and then jaw-clenching acceptance whipped across his
handsome features.

“Fine,” he
said, and then turned to Vince. “If she screams, I’ll rip you apart.”

“She
might be enjoying herself.” Vince smirked, and my hands clenched.

I
scowled.

Felix’s
face went cold.

“Like I
said, if she screams….” He spun for the door, letting his words trail off in
meaning.

Basically,
if Vince hurt me and I screamed, Felix would rip him apart. If Vince pleasured
me—
gulp—
and I screamed, Felix would rip him apart.
Wow… I suddenly
feel so much safer
. I glanced at Vince as he sprawled in the chair opposite
the one Felix had sat in. It wasn’t quite as elegant, but it was powerfully
provocative to see him lounging so negligently, knees spread wide and inviting.

I’m
only half-wolf. I will not drool!

“Des?”
Vincent murmured, gesturing to the door, his eyes never leaving mine.

Clearly
unsettled, Des fidgeted on the spot for a moment, and then followed Felix out,
her brows arched down in fury. I beamed at her.

With a
flourish, I swung the door shut, and turned to face the Alpha wolf who wanted
to dominate me. Even as that thought skipped like a stone over the calm waters
of my psyche, the full weight of his hunter’s focus fell on me. Vincent’s whole
demeanor shifted into predatory and dominant, and my hands twitched against my
thighs. My smile faltered.

I do
not want to touch him. I do not want to touch him. I do not want to touch him…

“You said
you’d behave,” I pouted, gripping my sweaty palms into fists around the seams
of my slacks.

Vince
tilted his head in that very un-human way of his. “No, I didn’t.” His sensuous
lips curved into a very rapacious grin, all teeth. “I merely confirmed that I
definitely
wouldn’t
while the Vampire was here.”

Damn…
out-smarted by a dog. How low I have fallen.

“And now
you are undecided?” I asked, not moving, my ego taking a thorough mental
bashing.

He merely
shrugged in reply and gestured to the empty chair. “Take a seat, darlin’.”

I eyed
the comfy looking tub chair with its padded circular back and thick cushion,
the upholstery a fresh off-white with shiny silk flowers sweeping over it in
the same color. Tilting up my chin, I moved slowly to the chair, and sat down,
casually crossing my legs at the knee.

“So,
what’s for dinner?” I asked, when he only stared at me in silence.

“Steak,” he
replied, lips curving to show pearly white and slightly large canines.

My eyes
narrowed. “Why steak?” Surely he hadn’t heard me tell Felix I wanted steak…
right?

“It was
either that or meatballs,” he replied, and I nodded. “But I thought I’d save
those for later.”

His tone
was suggestive, just like his smile, and I felt myself flush from breastbone to
hairline when my gaze inadvertently dropped to the V of his spread legs. He
chuckled, and I covered my face with a hand.

“I could
have been a vegetarian, y’know?” I murmured.

“Highly
unlikely,” he said. “You’re a hybrid of two of the most ravenous species on
this planet. Common sense dictated that you would be a very avid meat-eater,
darlin’.” His voice was a provocative rumble and I decided right there and then
that I would more than likely be flushed with embarrassment for our entire
conversation.

Meat-eater?
Good God, by the end of this I’ll know exactly what he tastes like!

I decided
to play along. “It has been a while since I had something meaty.” Vince stilled
as I tapped my lips, his eyes trained on my mouth. “Nothing quite fills you up
like a big, juicy, bit of meat.” I arched a brow.