The Best of Fools (Jane Austen Book 2) (21 page)

It didn't help though. Not like I thought it would. I never cried, but my eyes were warm and wet and my chest tightened every time I breathed in. Brooke touched my shoulder. I closed my eyes and inhaled, shaking.

This was my dream.

My dream from forever ago.

Failing.

"It's just the first day." Brooke tried. She wanted to encourage me, I guess. "More people will come in and love this place. The styles are amazing. Don't let it get to you."

"You know what bothers me the most about this?" I sniffed. "I really tried to create a line I knew people would like. I analyzed the industry for years to see where it was going, to try to be ahead of the game, but still make something people would love."

"People will love it. Don't get so down. It's only been open a few hours."

"We shall see."

Another set of young girls came in, walked around, and left.

I stared at Brooke.

"Give it some time," she said.

I nodded.

Donovan and Han walked in from the back. Holding hands. Smiling.

My eyes twitched as I held the tears in.
Don't cry, Jane. Don't do it.

Han looked at me, then Brooke. "Is everything okay?"

I nodded emphatically while pinching my lips together. Don finally looked at me. I looked down and tapped my foot. Another group of two older men and a business-looking woman came in. I greeted them, they walked around for a half of a second, and out they went.

I wanted to hold myself together. Seriously wanted to be mature and businessy and deal with setbacks.

But I literally dreaded this very thing happening. And it happened.

I casually walked to the front door, turned the sign to
closed
, and looked at Brooke, doing my best to avoid Donovan's eyes.

"Change of plans," I said. "Meet me here tomorrow." I still avoided his eyes, but felt them burning a hole into me. "Whoever wants to help. I'm changing things. I need a change." I shrugged again and walked to the back, up the stairs to my apartment, inside, plopped on the couch, and inhaled the deepest breath ever.

I would not give up. Imagine if Batman gave up. Imagine if he said, "Hey, guys, this is hard and I've got psychos on my ass. Yep. I give up. Not worth it."

Giving up would not be in my vocabulary. And I had a plan.

A text came through. From Alistair.
How's it going ducky?

I laughed and typed back,
Can I call?

The phone rang. I picked up.

"Jane." That voice.

"Alistair."

"What's wrong?" he said. "Are you okay?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I can tell by the tone of your voice."

I tried to find something to say.

"Jane? What's going on?"

My bottom lip trembled. "It's just...."

"Listen to me." He paused. "Listening?"

"Mmmhmm." I pulled my lip into my mouth and bit down.

"Failures don't make us who we are, right? My biggest dream is to write an amazing album, something I'm proud of. And I'm shit at it, Jane. Can't do it." He sounded out of breath. "I'm playing drums for a band I can't stand and I hate it. Perhaps...." His tone lightened. "Jane, perhaps we have failed at these things because we should be doing something else. Yes." I heard the smile in his voice. "Let's do what we want to do. Let's check it off our bucket list."

I couldn't help but laugh. "What do you mean? Which ones?"

"Bad day with the store, right? Plan B, Jane. Open back up with your Batman-inspired line."

His excitement erased my desire to disappear or give up or give in and replaced it with my own excitement.

"Alistair...." I wanted to cry happy tears. "This is exactly what I needed."

"I'm quitting the bloody band."

I almost laughed at the way he said it, but he was serious, so... "You are? When? Are you sure?"

"Batman made the climb in
The Dark Knight Rises
. Now it's our turn. If I fall, pick me up. If you fall, I'm here." He paused. "I'm going to start now. I'll call you back later."

"Wait. So you're quitting the band? And I'm doing a Batman-inspired clothing line?"

"Precisely."

"Alistair."

"Jane."

"Thank you."

That helped. That really helped. I stayed up almost all night sketching new designs and pulling out old ideas. I planned on doing outfits inspired by all Batman movies and even the comics and I hadn't been so excited to set my pencil to paper in years.

Here are my two favorites:

Zoe came downstairs to take a shower before work. "Please tell me you slept on the couch."

"No sleep for me. I'm too excited."

"Excited? Thought you were depressed?"

"I was bummed out, but Alistair cheered me up."

"Gonna keep going with the store?"

"Kinda. You'll see." I closed the sketch pad and stood. "Think I'm gonna go sleep now for a little bit."

"Good idea. Hey, how's Donny?"

"I guess he's pretty good. Haven't talked to him in a while."

"I can't believe he chose someone like that over me."

"I don't think he chose. I think he just moved on, then found her. Don goes through girls so fast though. He'll be single again in no time."

"She barely speaks English and she's so short."

I shook my head. "Now you're being rude again."

She covered her mouth with her hand, then walked toward the bathroom and turned around. "Oh, my clothes need to go in the dryer now. Thanks!"

Sometimes with Zoe all you could do was just stare and wonder if people are born like that or if they are somehow conditioned to be so oblivious of their own words and actions. I didn't like her at first. She annoyed me. She came across as extremely self-centered and mean. Plus she's a little too Cher from Clueless for my tastes. Majorly. But I guess we all annoy others with our flaws and weird antics. I loved Zoe now. She made me laugh. Plus how could I be upset with someone who had a past like hers? She didn't talk about it much, but I could tell she longed for the kind of family I had. As weird as my family could be, it was still a loving and encouraging situation. I don't think she ever had that.

I tossed her clothes in the dryer, did the dishes, then got comfy in bed. It wouldn't surprise you that I woke up around noon to a text from Alistair. We talked all the time now.

He quit the band.

It's weird and good all at once
, he typed.

I responded, half asleep, by typing an incoherent string of words, then fell back asleep before sending.

He woke me up again.
Jane?

Then he called.

I forced my eyes to stay open and finally answered. "Sorry, I had typed a mess of words and fell asleep before I sent it. I stayed up all night drawing. What did the guys say when you quit?"

"The guys are okay. They don't enjoy it much either. It's always been so contrived, but my manager had a fit about it. It's over now and I'm feeling good about it. Already started messing around with some melodies. I'll play it for you tonight."

"Tonight, huh? What makes you so confident that we will talk tonight?"

"The smile on your face right now."

I touched the corner of my mouth. "How'd you know?"

"I always know. Your voice gets a little higher. It's cute."

"Oh." I blushed.

Zoe tapped on my bedroom wall as her shadow moved behind the curtain.

"Come in," I said.

Donovan stood in the doorway. I sat up as fast as possible and dropped the phone.

"Donovan?" I whispered. "What are you doing here?"

He held up the spare key I gave him. "Checking on you."

Oh! Alistair! I picked the phone back up. "Hey," I said. "Sorry. My friend just randomly showed up and I dropped the phone."

"Who is he?" Crap, he was on speaker.

I fumbled to get it off of speaker as Donovan waited patiently.

"He's my ... um ... just a friend." I watched Donovan's reaction.

"Why do you say it like that?" Alistair said.

"Like what?"

"Nervously."

"I don't know." Donovan put his hands in his pockets and kicked his feet around as he waited. "He's in love with someone and don't worry, it's not me."

"Are you in love with someone?"

I watched Donovan and hoped he couldn't hear the conversation.

"Jane?"

"How do you know when you are?" I said.

"I'll let you go. I don't want to be rude to your friend."

"No, it's okay."

"Go ahead. We'll talk later."

"Okay. Yes, call me tonight."

"Will do. Have a nice time with him."

"Alistair?"

"Yes."

"Alistair."

"Jane."

I smiled and we hung up after arguing about who should hang up first. When I finally ended the call Donovan continued to look at the ground.

"Why are you checking on me?" I said. "The boutique thing?"

"You sound pretty serious with him." He nodded to my phone. "Are you?"

"He's a friend. I've been going through a lot lately and he's been there for me. Vice versa too."

"Jazz..."

"Yeah, Don."

"Sorry for being a jerk."

"Don't worry about it."

He sat at the edge of my bed. "I'm glad things are going well with Alistair. Finally some guy has broken through your indomitable barrier."

I laughed. "He hasn't broken through yet."

"Yes he has. I can tell."

"How?"

"You still haven't stopped smiling."

"I don't know."

"You don't know what? You've been smiling since I came in and when you hung up the phone you paused, stared at it, and sighed. Jazzy's finally in love," he teased.

"I am not." I slapped his arm. "Stop with that."

"Lover boy's accent won you over, didn't it?"

"Annnyway, Don. How are things with Han?"

He smiled and stared off for a few seconds. The longer he stared the brighter his eyes got.

I swallowed. "Gonna propose?"

"No." He turned back to me. "It's not like that with her. It's different. Less of an emotional ride and more of a ... well, it's all things. Mental, physical, emotional. She hits every part of me, Jazz. She's amazing."

"She is pretty amazing. Very sweet."

"And smart, cute, funny. She's got this naive childlike part to her that makes her adorable." He gazed off into dreamland again. "She's perfect."

"No one is perfect."

"You know what I mean."

"This is different for you."

"Yeah." He smiled. "Yeah. It is."

"Is she okay with you being here? You're in my bed."

He nodded. "She's sitting in the living room. I just needed to talk to you. Wanted to tell you that Han and I are here if you need help. Don't give up the shop."

Han andI
. He was officially becoming one half of a whole.

"I'm not giving up," I said. "Regrouping. I'll tell Han all about it."

"Why can't you tell me?"

Good question. I didn't even realize I said that. See, we were drifting. "I'm keeping it as a surprise from everyone," I tried to redeem myself.

He searched my eyes.

"Fine," I said. "I'm trying not to hide from the truth anymore. So the truth is ... we're growing apart, Don," I whispered. "This friendship is changing. Han is good for you. She's changing us though."

"What about Alistair?"

"Him too."

"I guess it was bound to happen. I always knew when I found the one that our friendship would take a few steps back. There's only room for one girl in my heart, Jazz, but I'll always be here for you."

I nodded and kept a straight face, tried to smile, tried to pretend like that last one didn't shoot an arrow through some sort of festering wound I had. "I know," I said. "And there's only room for one guy in mine."

But it's you, Donovan. It's you that I love. I've always loved you.

We looked at each other for a few seconds. I couldn't tell if he saw pain in my eyes or affection, because I felt both and without a mirror I had no idea which one I had painted on my face.

He squeezed my hand and stood. "I better get going."

"Yeah." I stared at my blanket. "Yeah, you better."

And he walked away. Hands in his pockets, heart in the palm of her hands. I listened as his footsteps met Han's, then a pause, a kiss maybe. The curtain continued to sway as two sets of feet clapped across the floor below, then the front door opened. And closed.