The Best of Fools (Jane Austen Book 2) (15 page)

Autumn nodded. Brooke nodded. I figured I should nod too. So I did.

Han went back to her machine and smiled as she worked. I looked over a few times over the course of the day and I can assure you the smile was now a permanent part of her face.

For the first time ever—that I could remember, anyway—I knew what people meant by a pang of jealousy. Except it's kinda more than a pang. More like a twisting knife-in-the-chest desire to have something someone else has.

Of course.

No matter how much I never wanted to admit it ... Mom was right. She was always right.

I liked Han. Really liked her. Maybe more than Donovan liked her. Okay, that wasn't possible, but she had to be the sweetest person to ever walk the earth. She always stayed late to help me out and she worked so fast and rarely made mistakes. If I asked her to come in and help at nine in the morning she would show up at eight. What I loved most was that she did it out of genuine care and not to kiss up to Donovan's best friend. She smiled. All day. Even on bad days. She always went out of her way for others and put herself last. She amazed me.

Zoe, in other news, did not share these sentiments. So I sat her down with a big bowl of ice cream and let her vent. The first thirty minutes sounded like insanity and I barely understood a word, but finally she calmed down a little and made more sense.

"It's not like we weren't serious," she said. "We were talking about getting married."

"Zoe, you have to remember that he's never committed to anyone. Ever. He thinks he's in love whenever a girl smiles at him. It's an illness."

She stared at her ice cream.

"Don't take it personally. Someone better for you will come along."

"He was the best." A tear took a stroll down her face. "For me."

"This is exactly why I don't like this stuff."

She blew her nose. "What stuff?"

"Romantic relationships. My life is perfectly fine right now. Guys bring nothing but drama, tears, and confusion."

"There are good things that make the pain worth it."

"No." I shook my head. "No break up is worth this many sleepless nights. No guy is worth that, I don't care who he is. If he was willing to leave you, then you need to move on. The only one worth crying for is the one who never leaves you."

"I just really thought Donny was the one."

"You and seven thousand other girls."

She set her empty bowl on the table beside the couch. "Want to watch a movie?"

"Absolutely. How about
Shutter Island
?"

"What's that? I was thinking
The Best of Me
or
If I Stay
."

"Romance movies?"

She nodded.

"No way." I pretended to hide the remote behind me. "I am not interested in deepening your depression."

She smiled. "It's inspiring."

"Right. Ten minutes in and I'll be carrying a heap of sadness to her bed."

"Fine. Let's do your manly one."

I laughed and started to bring the movie up.

"Jane," she said.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I'm one of those people. Either I fall asleep immediately because I'm exhausted, or I stare at the ceiling until the sun rises and try to turn my brain off. Oh, how I wanted to turn my brain off.

I checked my phone. Lovely. Two in the morning. I had gotten into bed at eleven.

I rolled to my side and opened the Kindle app on my phone, scrolled through the books, and closed it out. Already read them all. So I opened the Internet on my phone and browsed for a new book. Nothing really caught eye. Then it happened. Again. An email from Alistair.

Dear Jane,

It's morning here. I've got a cup of coffee in my left hand and my phone in the other and wanted to write you real quick.

Hey, I don't want to bug you ... it was great to hear from you, but if you want for me to leave you alone just leave this message go. No need to respond.

Alistair

I sighed and rolled to my back. The screen lit my skin as I typed back.

Dear Alistair,

What's your real last name?

Jane

Jane ... what time is it there??

It's Gladwyn.

It's after 2am. What time is it there?

Get some sleep, okay? It's 7:23am here. Please get some rest. Sorry to wake you.

You didn't wake me. I'll try to sleep. One of those nights.

A few minutes passed. My eyes wanted to close. Finally my breathing slowed a little. Sleep was coming. So close.

And ... another beep.

Jane....

Alistair....

Goodnight, Jane.

Good morning, Alistair.

I didn't realize that I had emailed Alistair until halfway through the afternoon. It bled right into a dream about texting him that turned into a weird nightmare about a bird trying to eat my eyes out while I tried to have a conversation with Beethoven. If anyone knows a good dream interpreter ... that was definitely one of the strangest....

After a hectic morning of sewing, I took a break. Thread in my hair, fabric remnants stuck to my pants, way too many needs for the seam ripper—I just wasn't myself today. Or maybe just a more frazzled version of myself.

I walked away from the machine and exhaled.

"You okay?" Brooke looked up from her work.

"Tired. Couldn't sleep last night."

"Maybe a walk for fresh air," Han said. "I will try to finish the dress you are working on."

"Thank you, Han." I smiled. "I'm gonna head out for a few minutes, maybe get some coffee. No need to work on the dress though. I'll be back in a few."

"You are sure?" she said. "I would be happy to!"

Brooke handed me a five. "Could you get me a coffee too? Latte if they have them."

I pushed her hand back. "My treat. Han, you want anything?"

"No, thank you."

She was too nice. And I planned to buy her something anyway. I noticed she liked chocolate. Always had chocolate on her desk. So chocolate it would be.

I set off into the city. Walked around the block and tried to relax. The store didn't need to open by a set date, but I wanted to get it going as soon as possible to make sure I didn't lose too much money with rent payments. Seriously started to stress me out. I stressed myself out though, constantly. And I annoyed myself because I hate stress.

My phone made the sound for a new text, but I kept it in my purse and tried to enjoy the scenery. Quite different from the suburban neighborhood I grew up in. Busier, dirtier, and prettier all at the same time. I loved it though. Living right in the heart of a biggish city. Those tall buildings reaching toward the clouds made me feel small. And I liked feeling small in a world that likes being big. Something about it made me feel more alive. Kinda like a carefree kid playing in the yard versus a grown adult struggling to pay bills and make ends meet. For kids, their ends aren't hard to meet because they don't want much. At the most maybe a Batman toy. So yeah, it never hurt to have an extra reminder to stay small.

I turned a corner just as a girl—eyes glued to her phone screen—walked right into the street as cars were coming. Some businessy guy screamed, "Hey! Watch yourself!"

Her eyes shot up as a car slammed its brakes. I stood paralyzed on the sidewalk as another girl flung her body into the street and pulled the girl back to the curb. The car grazed her leg and the phone dropped.

"My phone!" the girl yelled, reaching toward the now crushed device.

"That damn phone coulda been yo ass," some guy said. "Best be countin' them lucky charms you ain't dead."

"Yeah," I agreed. "You may want to rethink your level of devotion to that thing."

The guy looked at me and swung his hand out to give me some kind of cool person handshake that—apparently—I wasn't cool enough to figure out.

The girl stared at us, shaking her head in disgust. The person who saved her already disappeared. I did one of those okay-I'll-just-scoot-on-out-of-here faces and kept walking. My phone beeped again and you better believe I kept it inside that purse. Not interested in dying for the sake of a text today.

Not that I would ... I tend to exaggerate for the sake of ... actually I don't know why. I'll get back to you on that one.