The Beast (17 page)

Dimitri woke up and found his hands tightly wrapped around Columbia’s throat. She was tearing at them, clawing them and he could see stripes of blood covering the backs of his hands and his forearms. He released them immediately but she fell back, unconscious as he let her go. She had really put up a fight.

“Columbia! Wake up!” he cried and gently shook her. Her face was pale, seemingly drained of blood, and the bruises on her neck now appeared dark red and black. Fresh fingerprints showed on top of the ones from before. He felt like he was going to vomit, a sense of helplessness and uncertainty washed over him and he felt like he might go on a rampage destroying everything in sight to release the feeling.

She gasped, a small sound but one that crashed against his ears with the volume of a jet engine taking off.  He leaned down, pushed the hair off her forehead and kissed her softly. “Please, come back to me. I can’t live like this, knowing I did this,” he whispered and kissed her lips. She responded, moved her tongue weakly against his, then stopped.

“Please, little dove, come back,” he whispered again and cradled her against his chest. She was so
beautiful; he felt tears spring to his eyes. He realized at that moment that he was a much bigger threat to her than anything else on the outside. He was a monster, dark to the core and unable to be trusted with delicate things. He remembered the lamp he had destroyed on purpose, the walls he had punched over the years, the hours spent attacking the punching bag, releasing his rage and darkness.

If he
were around Columbia, there would surely come a time he would turn on her. He was like a rabid dog, ready to turn on the ones he loved in the blink of an eye. She had to leave in order for her to be safe.

He was going to make the hardest sacrifice imaginable. He was going to give her the freedom she still craved. He would have to force her to leave in order to save her from himself.

She shuddered and inhaled, the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. He smiled and kissed her lips, felt her respond with passion this time, and watched as she opened her eyes. She looked up at him, confused and alarmed, obviously unaware of what had just happened. He was grateful for that, at least, that she didn’t know he had almost killed her in her sleep. Now he would face the greatest challenge of his life, convincing her that she had to leave.

She opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was Dimitri’s face, full of concern. She thought she saw tears in the corners, but he wiped them away with the back of his hand.

“Hey,” she said and was surprised at the sound of her voice. Her throat hurt, more than when Dimitri had almost killed her on the platform. She hadn’t realized how rough their sex had been.

“I am sorry Columbia,” he said, his voice low and filled with sorrow. She could hear it in his tone, see it on his face.

“Sorry for what?” she asked and pushed herself up, out of his arms. She had a creeping sensation that this was going to lead to a horrible thing. She knew he was going to tell her something she didn’t want to hear.

“I need you to leave.”

She shook her head, tried to process what he had just said. “No,” she said and stared him down, defying him to say it again.

He did. His voice broke as he repeated, “I need you to leave.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” she yelled, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m your fucking pet, remember? You can’t just kick me out!”

“I am so sorry, little dove, I just need you to leave,” he said in the same infuriating calm voice.

“You can’t say that! Stop saying that!” she said and hit his chest.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he replied and didn’t move, “if you stay I will hurt you.”

“You are hurting me, how can you say that?” she yelled again and hit his chest harder with her little fists.

He grabbed her wrists and said, “I just woke up with my hands around your throat, I was one step away from killing you. I would never survive if that happened. I need you to leave.”

She froze in stunned silence. She noticed the gouges up and down his hands and forearms and realized her throat was really painful, it felt damaged.

He watched her as the truth sank in. His face was now a mask of pain and he said, "Listen to me, Columbia. You have taught me what it means to be human. You reminded me what it feels like to feel anything besides my all-consuming need for revenge. You have shown me how to find my passion and my purpose in life. You gave me back my heart, but because the monster still resides inside of me, I must send you away. I don't want to hurt you Columbia, I would rather tear out this heart than be the cause of your pain."

"But I don't want to go, you can't send me away Dimi, don't send me away," she sobbed as his words hit her and she realized what h
e meant to do. She wept and hung on to his arm, he didn’t pull away, he didn’t seem angered by her tears. He held her close and let her cry, stroked her hair with his fingers and rubbed her back

"You must go back there and face your demons, my pet," he sighed, "as I must face mine. You must go while you can, while you are still safe from me."

"It's too late for that," she cried. "I'll never be safe from you again. I’m nothing without you now that you’ve become a part of me. I can’t just go back like nothing happened. Everything happened! You happened!” She paused and let the tears flow. “
We
happened.”

“I know, I know. T
his hurts me as much as it does you. But I can live my life in peace knowing you are ok, knowing that you are living in the sunshine somewhere, married to some gentle lover, making beautiful babies with him, and thinking of me every once in a while. I will live every minute of every day thinking about you, little dove, but I need you to live. If you stay, I might kill you. Sergei might kill you. If you stay, I will wonder every moment if this is going to be your last.”

She stood up and walked off the bed, dropped onto the floor in a determined stance. “I won’t go,” she said and picked up the bathrobe, slipped it on her shoulders and said, “I just won’t go.”

“You have to Columbia,” he said firmly. “I am sorry, but you have to trust me on this. Your life is in danger if you stay.”

“I can’t live without you!” she shrieked at him, “how am I supposed to survive?”

“I will take care of you, I will give you more money than you could spend in a lifetime,” he told her, getting out of bed and walking to her side.

“This isn’t about money, Dimi, this is about us. What happens to us?” she demanded.

“I will never forget you, but I can’t hurt you. If you stay here I will destroy you.”

“I don’t want your money,” she said and looked up at him, “I want you.”

He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. Her heart was screaming; her mind racing and her fists were clenched. She wanted to scream and punch him in the chest until he realized how utterly ridiculous he was being. She sobbed against him, and trembled when he wouldn’t back down.

She pulled back, looked up at him and said, “Please? I’m begging you, can I stay? Is this part of your test? If I beg for your cock, let you whip me into oblivion, fuck my ass, tear at my body...if I let you do anything you want, will you let me stay?”

His silence was his answer. She knew then that he was not going to budge. He wanted her gone, so she would go. She pushed him away from her, wiped her nose on the sleeve of the robe and turned to leave his room. “Will you at least see me out?” she asked and felt a tug of satisfaction when he followed her.

They went to the guest room where she picked out a
nother pretty yellow dress, a summery creation of flowing, airy fabric. She felt light and feminine in it. She chose a light coat and asked him for her old leather boots back. She didn’t care how she looked at this point; she chose the dress to leave him with a memory of how pretty she was.

He took her to the room in the center of the penthouse, the place he’d kept her at first, and removed the wrist cuffs. Columbia sobbed in his arms after he took them back and he said nothing, just made comforting noises and stroked her hair. She felt helpless and guilty, because the tinie
st part of her wanted freedom. But now that she was faced with it, she wanted to throw it back at him and tie herself to the wooden cross in the middle of the room.

He finally pulled her back, kissed her forehead and said, “I’m sorry, but we have to go.”

It was early afternoon, so they went through the apartment, around the kitchen, to the front entrance. A guard was on duty and his face went pale when he saw Dimitri. He immediately recognized the mysterious man he had been working for.

“Sir, is there something I can help you with?” he asked as they approached.

“See to it this girl makes her way to the elevators,” he told the guard, “and give her fare for a taxi home.”

She looked up at him one last time, his face was unreadable but she knew he must be hurting. Her throat still ached and her head hurt. She knew her life would never be the same, and as quickly as she had found him, he was pushing her away.

“Are you sure about this?” she asked him, her voice pleading with him to let her stay without saying the words in front of the guard.

“This is how it has to be
,” he said and gave her a quick hug. “I will think of you every day,” he added and turned, leaving her alone with the guard. She stood there, stunned and unable to move.

“Miss? Right this way please,” the older man told her
and handed her a folded fifty-dollar bill. She took it, looked at it and almost couldn’t comprehend what she was supposed to do with it. She forced her feet one in front of the other, doing her best to remain upright. How does one continue to function when the world has been turned upside down, shaken like a snow globe, and set back down, letting the pieces fall where they would. By the time she got to the main floor, her heart was shutting down. She felt humiliated and used, and had half convinced herself that this was Dimitri’s plan all along.

She reached up and felt her throat and realized that he really did love
her; he was truly sending her away for her own safety. How could she have fallen in love so fast for a man who could kill her as she slept? What kind of strange woman was she?

She walked to
a nearby store for change, got to the bus stop and caught a bus that would drop her off near home. Eden would be home from school by now, and she would have an hour or two until her father made it home. She wondered if her mother had even noticed her absence, or if she were hiding out somewhere gambling away her last dollars.

Columbia didn’t know how she could ever go back to her old life, but until she made any big changes, she would have to face her family. She wished Dimitri
were here, holding her hand, giving her the strength she needed to get through the days ahead.

She wished she had taken him up on his offer to kill her father.

*****

“Where have you been?” Eden screamed in delight when Columbia walked through the door. She was happy Eden was home, she had no keys to get in on her own. “Where did you get this dress? Why do you look so different?”

“I borrowed it from a friend, and what do you mean different?” she asked and hugged her little sister.

“You look...mean and sad, and like you got in a big fight,” Eden said and dove into an explanation of her homework, school drama and the two night
s she’d gotten to spend at Kate’s place. Columbia was relieved, at no point was Eden left alone with their father. She felt hollow though, listening to Eden’s rambling stories. Previous to Dimitri, she almost lived vicariously through her little sister, hanging on her every story about all the things she’d wanted to do herself. She reached out and ruffled Eden’s hair as she spoke. Eden stopped talking, looked her up and down and said, “What was that for? You’re acting weird. Were you abducted by aliens or something?”

“Ha
, no, I just missed you,” Columbia replied. “I need to go lay down for a bit before I start dinner,” she added and went to her old room. She flopped onto the single bed and tried to ignore the scratchy, cheap blankets. She closed her eyes and thought about Dimitri, how weird and intense the past two days had been. She didn’t think being away from him would hurt as much as it did, but she felt at times as though a great weight was on her chest, pressing down and making it impossible to breathe.

She reached up and pulled the collar of the jacket down, put her hand around her own throat and squeezed gently. It hurt, she could feel the damage Dimitri had done
while she’d been sleeping, but she still kept her hand there, allowing the pain to calm her nerves. The pain kept her focused and alert, and she would need that over the next little while as she put her plans into place.

She m
ust have fallen asleep. She woke to her bedside alarm beeping, she always had it set for an hour before her father returned from work so his dinner would be ready.

She sat up, stretched, and contemplated changing her clothes so her father wouldn’t notice the new dress. The thought of taking off the last thing she had of Dimitri was sickening though, so she kept it on and pulled an old, heavy knit cardigan over top to hide the dress and the bruises.

She went through the motions of preparing him his meal, frying hamburgers, making mashed potatoes and gravy, and setting it all out.

He arrived b
efore his usual time, ten to five. The sky was still light, as it was this time of year. The season was getting warmer and it would be full on summer soon. When he opened the door, she got a whiff of the cherry blossoms from Mrs. Douglas’ tree next door.

He hung his cap on a hook, sat down on a chair and unlaced h
is boots. He worked on the docks, so steel-toed boots were part of his uniform, as he always said.

He got up slowly, walked through the small kitchen past the table and opened the fridge. He took two bottles of beer, opened them both and returned to the table.

He sat, both girls were silent and waiting for him to talk so they could gauge the mood he was in.

He set one bottle on the table near the top of his plate and took a long swig out of the other. He set it down with a deliberate thump, settled his mean, dark eyes on Columbia and said, “Well, look what we’ve got here, the little slut dragged herself back
home.”

Eden looked down at her hands and said nothing. Columbia stared at hi
s narrow face, his thin nose, his eyes that were too close together and said, “Yup, I reckon I did. Now would you like some potatoes?”

His expression was almost comical if she didn't know what was coming next. He stood up, so did she, and he held his hand back and slapped her across the face.

“How dare you speak to me like that,” he shouted and Eden cowered. Columbia, however, stood tall, straightened her spine and stared him down.

“I will speak how I want,” she told him in a steady voice, “I am old enough to have my own voice. In fact, you’re just damn lucky I’ve decided to keep that voice quiet over the years or you’
d be in jail.”

He hesitated for a moment, his ugly face searching hers for signs of a bluff. When he realized she wasn’t backing down, he sat and said, “Eden, give me them burgers.”

Columbia had her small victory, but she knew she would pay for it eventually. She made small talk with her father and kept getting up to get him another beer, so that night she was safe at least, he was passed out in his old leather recliner before eleven.