The Astonishing Return of Norah Wells (34 page)

Willa's arm is sore and her head's fuzzy and she wants to sleep, but she has to wait for the end of the race.

She wishes she were there, sitting on Daddy's shoulders, rather than stuck in this stupid hospital bed. But then she looks at Mummy holding the iPad and feels guilty: she should be grateful that Mummy's here, looking after her.

She wonders where Onkel Walter and Nat have got to, and why they're not with Mummy Norah.

It'll be nice to have a little brother to take care of, to be the older sister for a change. She'll teach him to speak English properly and she'll look out for him at school.

When Dad holds his phone to the road, waiting for the runners to come through, Willa looks for Louis but she can't find him; he must have gone off somewhere to get a better view of the race.

‘Look Willa, they're coming!' says Mummy.

Willa spots them too, running side by side at exactly the same pace, their arms moving backwards and forwards like they've been programmed to match each other. It doesn't matter that Ella's chopped off her hair, they still have the same white skin and the same freckles – like sisters.

Louis hasn't shown up yet.

As they reach the finishing line Mummy Norah seems to slow down a bit but Ella motors ahead.

She's made it! She's the first junior to cross the line. She even gets there ahead of some of the grown-ups.

Daddy jumps up and down and Willa wants to hug him – she wants to hug all of them.

‘Adam – take a photo!' Mummy says at the screen.

The screen goes the wobbliest it's been all race. And then it freezes on the tarmac while Daddy fiddles with his camera.

Mummy's got the best ideas for when to take photos, and Daddy's brilliant at taking the pictures themselves: they're the perfect team.

Willa's legs twitch. She wants to leap out of bed and skip around and around and around the bed.

The screen goes shaky again, and it's really annoying because Willa wants to see Ella and how she must be smiling her head off at having won.

‘HOLD IT STEADY, DADDY!' Willa yells.

A bit more of a wobble and then a steadier hand and the picture comes back into focus.

Willa sees Mummy Norah reach out for Ella to give her a hug, but Ella brushes her off and turns round and starts running back.

‘Ella! What are you doing?' cries Daddy.

Mummy Norah stands at the finish line, catching her breath. She's smiling as she watches Ella, like she understands why she's behaving so weirdly. She shouts something, but she's too far away for the iPad to pick it up.

‘What did she say?' Willa asks Mummy.

Mummy's eyes have gone all glassy. ‘Run like a song. It's what she used to say when Ella was little.'

Willa keeps forgetting that Mummy was around before Willa was born.

She's not sure she knows what
run like a song
means, but it sounds like the kind of thing Ella would like.

Willa looks back at the screen.

‘Ella! Over here!' Daddy cries out again. But Ella doesn't seem to hear him, or to see any of them. She just keeps running, as though the race isn't finished yet.

And then it clicks.

Willa turns round to Mummy. ‘She's gone back to get Sai, hasn't she? She wouldn't leave him behind.'

And maybe Louis's gone back to do the same.

Ella wouldn't leave behind anyone that she loves. And that's when Willa understands about Mummy Norah and why Ella is so cross with her.

‘Willa… Willa…' Mummy's voice comes through the fog.

Willa sits up in bed. She feels dizzy.

‘I didn't want to fall asleep!'

‘It's okay, you haven't missed anything.'

Willa looks up at the hospital clock. It's been twenty-seven minutes since Ella turned round to look for Sai. On the screen she can see that most of the spectators have left. The officials are clearing up the water bottles and the orange quarters and the banners.

She hears a funny voice she doesn't recognise saying, ‘They should be coming through soon.'

‘Who's that?'

‘It's Sai's mummy, Mrs Moore.' Mummy lifts the iPad screen to her mouth and says, ‘Is Sai okay?' Mummy's always worrying because she's a surgeon and she sees lots of really poorly children.

‘I couldn't stop him,' Mrs Moore says. ‘He wanted to finish the race, even if it meant walking all the way. I could not change his mind. And then Ella turned up and he was so happy it was as if he had forgotten his asthma attack and how worn out he was, and they set off together.'

‘Over there!' Daddy's voice.

The screen scans the bit of road leading up to the finish line.

‘Hold this, please,' Daddy says, giving Mrs Moore the phone. On the screen Willa can see Daddy holding his camera to his eyes.

‘You need to hold the phone up to the finish line, Mrs Moore!' Willa yells into the phone.

The picture sweeps across the spectators.

And then, in the distance, Willa sees them: they're holding hands, Sai huffing and puffing and Ella running slower than Willa's ever seen her run – but they're not walking, they're definitely jogging. And Louis is running beside them!

The three of them run across the finish line. Ella and Sai give each other a big hug and start kissing. Willa wishes that they'd give Louis a hug too but they're so wrapped up in each other that they don't seem to notice him.

For a moment, everything's a blur and Daddy says that his phone battery's about to run out so he'd better switch it off. Just before he does, though, he holds it up to Sai and Ella again, who are still holding hands and looking at each other with soppy eyes.

‘Louis, where's Louis?' Willa asks Mummy. She wants to tell him how proud she is of him for running with Sai and Ella.

‘Come on, my darling, you're tired.' Mummy looks at Willa with the same sad eyes she sometimes has when she comes back from a bad day at the hospital.

‘Louis was there. I saw him.'

Willa grabs the iPad. ‘LOUIS!' she yells into the screen. ‘LOUIS!'

 

As her eyes drop closed, Willa sees Louis standing at the end of the road near the Animal Ark.

Louis!
she murmurs.
Over here!

She feels Mummy stroking her hair but she's too tired to open her eyes.

Louis looks over at Willa. His brown eyes sparkle and he wags his tail.

Louis!
Willa calls out again.

But he turns away and runs down the road, his caramel fur blurring into the late afternoon sunshine.

 

Willa's eyes fly open. It feels like someone's playing the drums inside her head.

‘Willa, it's okay.' Mummy runs her fingers through Willa's fringe. ‘It's okay.'

But it's not okay. Louis's bounded off and now Willa can't even hear him in her head any more. She screws shut her eyes. The scar under her eye burns.

Please come back, Louis
,
she says.

But the words bounce emptily around her head, banging away along with those stupid drums.

Ella can't breathe. She looks around the small hospital room: Walter and Fay and Dad and Sai and Mrs Moore – and Mum – all sitting around Willa. Sai's mum has got them an Indian takeaway to celebrate. Too much noise and too many people and not enough air.

She wonders why Dad didn't tell Mum to get lost again, but it would probably upset Willa and she's been through enough today.

Just on cue, Mum gives Willa a kiss on her forehead, which makes Ella wince.

‘Louis will always be with you,' Mum whispers. ‘You just have to let go of the Louis you're used to – the big, smelly, noisy Louis who bounces around us and licks our hands and —'

‘But I don't want to let go of Louis,' says Willa. Her eyes go watery. Ella's never seen her cry before. Not since the day Mum left.

‘I know,' says Mum. ‘I know. But if you do, he'll come back.'

Ella wishes Mum would shut up. It's not her job to comfort Willa.

‘He will?' asks Willa.

‘Don't listen to her,' Ella mumbles.

Mum looks up.

‘
You
didn't come back, did you?' Ella says to Mum. ‘You made us wait for years and years. You let us believe you were dead.'

‘You thought Mummy Norah was dead?' Willa asks.

Everyone goes really quiet. Even Nat stops scraping at his foil tray.

‘I just went away for a little while and your sister wasn't sure where I was.'

‘Don't listen to her, Willa,' Ella says. ‘She doesn't know anything.' Ella pushes past Mum and storms out the room.

 

‘Long loo break,' says Sai as he comes out through the hospital doors to join Ella in the car park.

It's dark and the stars have come out. Ella sits on a low wall. She's been watching the ambulances come and go.

Although Fay has strapped it up, Ella's ankle throbs.

‘I needed some air.'

Sai nods at the cigarette in her hand. ‘Strange kind of air.' He takes the cigarette, stubs it out on the wall and flicks it into the bin. Then he leans over and kisses her. His warm breath mingles with the smoke and he's so close that she can feel his heart – the breath and the heart that let him down today.

He pulls away and looks at her. ‘My champion,' he says.

‘Ditto.' She smiles.

‘Why don't you come back in?'

‘Not yet.'

She can't cope with it all. Willa lying there, her eyes tired and sad, missing Louis. Nat sitting on Mum's lap, sleeping, making Ella feel guilty for wanting Mum to leave, because it means that he'll miss out on having a family. Dad still angry with Mum, not knowing that she's sick. And Fay, not eating a thing, pregnant with Dad's kid – something else he doesn't know about, that he's messing things up again and that he doesn't even have the chance to make it right.

Ella's head spins. Too many secrets and too many lies.

‘So, are you and your mum going to make up, then?' asks Sai.

‘Give it a rest, Sai.'

‘
Give it a rest?
Christ Ella, you don't know how lucky you are.'

Ella moves away from him. ‘Lucky? To have your mum walk out on you when you're a kid? Not to hear from her for years and years – and then to have her turn up out of the blue and give you a crappy excuse for leaving? And for coming back? Anyway, Dad's told her to get lost. By tomorrow she'll be heading back to wherever it is she's come from.'

‘You should fight for her to stay.'

‘Haven't you listened to a word I've said? I don't want her to stay. She's not my mum any more.'

Sai jumps off the wall and turns away from Ella.

‘Don't tell me you're on her side,' she throws at him.

He shakes his head. ‘Whatever she's done, she's still your mum. And she
did
come back. And she's been trying to get through to you.'

The crow's flapping again. Flap, flap, flapping so hard Ella wants to scream.

‘Mum's ill. And she's not getting better.' Ella takes another cigarette out of her jacket pocket, places it between her fingers and lights it. ‘It's the only reason she came back. Not because she loves us or missed us.'

‘How ill?'

Ella pauses to draw on her cigarette. ‘She's got cancer.'

‘What?'

Ella blows a ribbon of smoke into the starry sky. ‘She came back to say goodbye.'

‘Then you've got an even bigger reason to fight for her, Ella.' His chest wheezes.

Ella shakes her head. ‘You don't get it.'

‘Don't get it?' He takes out his inhaler and sucks in a few sharp breaths and then goes on: ‘I'd have done anything to have just a few more minutes with Dad. A few more seconds, even. And you're too stubborn to give your mum a second chance. You're willing to throw away the time you've got left with her?'

The crow pokes its beak into Ella's ribcage.
See
, it says.
See how selfish you are? How you can't think about anyone but yourself? You're just like Mum. You're worse than Mum.

Ella steps towards him. ‘I'm sorry, Sai. But it's not the same as with you and your dad. Your dad was a good person. He'd never have chosen to leave you.'

Sai steps away, holding up his hands. ‘I can't be with you right now.' He puts his inhaler back in his pocket and walks out through the car park. ‘Tell my mum I've gone home.'

The world is going to sleep.

It's going to sleep in the attic of Number 77 Willoughby Street, where the teenage girl tosses and turns in her bed. She thinks of the boy she loves and of his words:

I'd have given anything to have just a few more seconds with Dad
.

One floor down, The Mother Who Stayed draws the father closer.
This is my last night with him,
she thinks. Once he finds out that The Mother Who Left is ill, he'll ask her to stay.

The father strokes her skin. The accident changed everything. He loves her, his true wife.

Downstairs, the little boy dreams of foxes and dogs and gardens and his two new sisters. He doesn't want to go. This feels like home.

The Mother Who Left sits beside her brother and whispers,
As soon as we can get the tickets, we'll go back to Germany.

Have you told him?
the uncle asks.

She shakes her head.
It wouldn't make a difference.
He doesn't want me here. No one does, not after what happened to Willa
.

Across town, in the hospital bed, the little girl thinks of tomorrow, when they'll all be together again.

And above the hospital, above Number 77 Willoughby Street, above Holdingwell, the big dog keeps watch over the people he loves.