The Agreement (17 page)

No frickin' way.

"You're a good writer."

"You are so
stubborn
. Look, Kate,
this couldn’t be easier," he said, moving a little closer. "Your
father wants us to be together. We can meet, talk and I can take you out to
functions as much as we want, we can do as much as
you
want, explore as
much as you want, without having to hide our relationship. No one has to know
why
we're together. They'll all assume they know why, thinking it's because we've
fallen
in love
," he said, his tone mocking. "It's great cover."

"I haven't agreed to become your sub."

"No, you haven't," he said and traced
a pattern on the back of my hand. "I hope to convince you to sign a
modified agreement. I'm going to be honest with you, Kate." He caught my
eye. "I want you. There's nothing I love more than initiating and training
a new submissive. I think I can satisfy your needs. In fact, I think this is
perfect for us both."

"And if I said I just want to write a
research paper and interview you? Nothing more?"

"You didn't
feel
like you only
wanted to write a research paper earlier. You were nice and wet and for a
moment, you kissed me back."

I frowned. "I was overly emotional. You
caught me at a vulnerable moment."

He shook his head. "When you're vulnerable,
your true feelings come out. It's when you're feeling strong that you're able
to hide them. Look, Kate," he said and took my chin in his hand.
"There's something between us. I felt it. You felt it. Pure sexual
attraction. You want to try submission – I
know
you do. You want
to try it with
me
. Why fight it?"

He let go of my chin and I glanced away. 
"You’re so blunt."

"I
have
to be blunt. I have to tell
you the truth about how I feel and what I want and what I can give. You have to
be completely open with me about what you desire. You have to feel complete
trust in me in order to really let go."

"I feel like you're pushing me. I don't
like being pressured."

"Kate," he said, turning my face back
to him. "This is all about
you
. People think that it's the Dominant
who has all the control – and he does, once they're in scene, but to get
to that point, it's all about the sub. Her limits. You have all the control.
You dictate the terms. I fulfill them. You don't have to be afraid. I'm not
going to hurt you, if that's holding you back. I'm not going to reveal anything
about this to anyone. It's just between you and me – and Lara of course.
She's not going to let anything slip. She's totally professional. All I really
want
,"
he said and leaned closer, staring at my mouth, before deliberately moving up
to my eyes. "All I really want is to do whatever it is you need so I can
make you come, over and over again. Is that so bad?"

He licked his lips and I thought – what a
manipulative bastard he is. This was one of his mindfucks,  him knowing
exactly what to say to get me aroused.

"If it's all about me, then let me decide
on the pace."

"I will," he said. "This is just
me trying to assure you that I
want
you. You don't have to worry about
that part of things. This is now all up to you. Like I said, I'm sending you a
revised agreement with my preferences later tonight when I get back to my
apartment, but if you've read my letters, you already know most of it. I want
you to strike off what you don't want to try and include everything you do
want. Then we can negotiate."

"How soon would you," I said and
hesitated. "Usually start things?"

"We can have sex right away, if you
want." He stared into my eyes. "Tonight. But it will take time before
you're ready for the bondage. I won't move too fast for you. You'll decide when
we start."

"So, we just go somewhere and have
sex?"

"My place or yours?" He smiled.
"Kate, have you never just had casual sex with anyone? A one-night
stand?"

I shook my head. "No. I've always known
them first. Dated. Never sex on a first date or a one night stand."

"You've never
wanted
to fuck a man
you just met?"

I glanced away, playing with the cutlery.
"I've been attracted to men I've met, but I can't just have sex with
someone right away."

"Why not?"

"
Because
," I said, frowning.
"This is embarrassing."

"Kate, you have to be honest. You have to
get over your shyness with me.
Tell
me. Why can't you just fuck me
tonight?"

I took in a deep breath. "It's so …
intimate
."
I shook my head, shivering at the thought of just having sex with a stranger.
"Being naked with someone? Letting them touch your skin? Opening your legs
to them? Letting them inside your body? It's so …
you're
so …
vulnerable
."

I looked in his eyes. He was a man. He couldn't
understand.

"Thank you for being honest."

He leaned in and kissed me softly, his mouth
covering mine. I let him. He pulled back when the waitress came with our soup.

"What happened here?" he said,
touching my bottom lip with a finger, running it over the small scar where one
tooth pierced my lip.

"I fell when I was a kid."

"Don’t tell me – wearing your
mother's high heels during a dress-up game?"

I shook my head, fighting to hold back my smile.
"Stilts."

"
Stilts?
You?" He grinned at
that and I couldn't help but smile back, but then I turned my head away.

We ate the rich earthy borscht – the best
I'd ever eaten.

"So," he said, spooning some sour
cream into my soup, "tell me about flyboy."

"How do you  know about
him
?"

"Lara told me."

I frowned. "I'd rather not. Can't we talk
about something else?"

"This is important. I need to understand
what happened, what he did, how you responded. It will help me know what to do
to make you relax and trust me."

I sighed. "I don’t like talking about him.
He's a bad memory."

"I need to know why your memory of him was
bad. Look, he obviously made mistakes with you. He was a total amateur. I won't
make those mistakes. Besides, think of this as research. You tell me what he
did, and I'll tell you where he went wrong and how I'd do it properly. If we
never do anything more, at least you'll understand."

I stirred my soup a bit. "I met him through
Doctors Without Borders. He used to fly people into remote camps as a
volunteer. He was doing his MBA and we started to date."

"How soon did you have sex with him?"

"A couple of weeks. We went out for coffee
a lot at first, and then had dinner. Then we went to a movie and he came over
and we had sex."

"What was it like for you the first time?
Did you come?"

I exhaled heavily. "Are you going to ask
for a moment by moment accounting of our relationship?"

"Yes." He turned back to his soup and
took a spoonful. "I need details to understand what your experience was
and why it went wrong. So," he said again. "Did you come the first
time?"

"No, I didn't. It took a while. But I did
eventually."

"What did it?" he asked as I ate my
soup. "What was it that allowed you to have an orgasm?"

"You sound like a sex therapist."

He cracked that grin, his eyes mischievous.
"That's one way of thinking about me. But seriously, what did you do that
allowed you to orgasm?"

"I don't
know
," I said,
exasperated, glancing around to see if there was anyone in earshot. "We
were a bit drunk, and I just, I don’t know… I was more relaxed. He
did
things for a long time and I was more ready."

"How exactly did he work you up?"

"Drake!" I turned to him, frowning.
"We're having supper."

He smiled. "I'm not asking because I want
to become aroused. I'm asking so I understand what you need. What you like. A
Dom must trust his sub to tell the truth at all times. She must trust him
enough to tell the truth. Otherwise, it won't work."

"I thought that was what the agreement is
for."

"It is but we have to talk openly. I want
you to get used to being totally honest with me about sex. You can say
anything.
Anything
. I've heard it all."

"Not from
my
lips."

"No, not from
your
lips," he
said, smiling. "And I can't
wait
to hear it from your lips in
particular. I happen to love your lips, especially your scar. All I can think
of when I'm with you is kissing you, licking your scar, sucking your lips,
biting them. And I mean both sets." He licked his lips again just for
emphasis and bit his bottom lip.

I turned away, trying to hide my heated face.
The image of him kissing, licking, sucking and softly biting me aroused me, a
twitch of lust in my now-swollen flesh.

"So, enough about your delicious lips that
I want to suck and lick and bite. Tell me about flyboy. When did he start to
introduce the idea of BDSM into your relationship?"

"After the books came out and it was on the
news."

"What did you think at first?"

"I read the books but I didn't want it. I
thought BDSM was about men who hated women and just wanted an excuse to hit
them and get away with it. I thought it meant I wasn’t good enough the way I
was. He wanted me to shave. He wanted to do anal. He wanted to spank me. He
wanted me to let him mock-rape me."

"And how did that make you feel?"

I frowned. "Upset, of course. I had just
started to enjoy sex and then he starts with all this kinky stuff that scared
me and made me feel inadequate. Why wasn't I good enough as I was?"

"For someone with a kink, plain old orgasms
aren't enough. It's like eating vanilla ice cream after you've had chocolate
truffle. You can eat it but it's not the same pleasure."

"You and Lara," I said and couldn't
help but smile a bit. "With the ice cream metaphor. Except vanilla ice
cream is still sweet. Anal and mock rape aren't."

"They
can
be. It's all in your
preparation and build-up. Flyboy should have studied BDSM before he ever tried
anything. He should have gone to someone and been trained like I was. I
know
how to do this, Kate. You can relax."

"So, is this dinner and this talk part of
how to
do
this?" I said, looking at him, but not in his eyes. I
kept my eyes on his chin or his mouth to avoid eye contact. He tipped his head
down so that I couldn't avoid his eyes.

"Not my usual MO," he said. "But
the general approach is the same. I have to find out what a sub needs and if
we're compatible. Sometimes, I have to seduce them a bit."

"So, in your mind, you're seducing me right
now."

He smiled. "I hope so."

"What do you
hope
will happen?"

He moved a little closer to me and brushed a
strand of hair from my cheek.

"I
hope
," he said, keeping his
voice soft. "I hope that we'll continue to talk like this, with you
telling me in intimate detail what you did that made you feel pleasure and what
he did that scared you. Then I hope you'll agree to take me to your apartment.
I hope that you'll agree to let me fuck you tonight so that the first time is
out of the way. I promise to make you come at least twice if you do. Nothing
will happen tonight in terms of bondage and dominance. It's too soon. But it's
not too soon for us to fuck, given our obvious mutual attraction."

"This is all too, I don’t know –
clinical
."

"I thought you wanted to understand. I
thought if I explained everything, you'd feel more comfortable. I can just
do
it, if you'd prefer. Just train you without explaining."

I said nothing, seriously considering it, a jolt
of desire rushing through me from his so blatant words. I couldn't help but
imagine what he
would
do to me if I let him.

"You seem to have this all plotted
out."

"I do. It's my specialty. I like to study a
problem. I like to break it down into its parts. I like to create a strategy
for solving it, lay out all the steps. I like to follow through."

"So I'm a problem?"

"I want you as my submissive. The problem
is how I can get you to submit. I have to understand you, what you need and
want in order to have you, satisfy your needs. Will you at least consider my
request?" He wiped his mouth with a napkin and held my eyes.

I glanced away, my stomach all butterflies at
the prospect of taking him home with me. "I'm thinking."

"Good. Now, tell me about your love of the
fine arts. Do you paint or draw?"

I took another spoonful of soup but suddenly I
didn't want to talk about art. "Both. I did a lot in high school, but it
was too frivolous for my father."