Authors: Immodesty Blaize
‘Come on then, Rex, let’s get that champagne open,’ urged Sienna, arranging Danish pastries on a platter in Tiger’s kitchen.
‘Bit early for you, babe?’ replied Rex, waving a plate of croissants in the direction of the radio crew who were testing their mics.
‘It’s not for me, it’s for Tiger,’ she sighed.
‘Oh yeah? Not trying to get her drunk in the morning are you?’
‘’Course. She needs oiling up. I imagine she’s nervous.’
‘Well maybe … but you’d better not give it to her in front of Lewis or he’ll think you’re trying to throw a spanner in the works,’ said Rex provocatively. Sienna looked up from the artistically arranged plate of pastries.
‘Now whatever gives you that idea?’
‘Just saying.’ He shrugged, before wandering over to talk to the radio crew.
‘Coo-ee!’ came the unmistakable call of Blue as he clattered through the front door with Richie in tow. ‘Where is she then?’
‘Who?’ said Sienna, sullenly.
‘Ooh, Nefertiti,’ replied Blue as he stood in the kitchen doorway. Sienna looked up blankly.
‘Your sister, dumbo, who else?’ he retorted.
‘Oh. Upstairs doing her make-up. Although why anyone
needs make-up for a radio show is anyone’s business.’
‘Because she’s Tiger Starr, that’s why. You could take a tip or two from her you know, and then maybe
you’ll
be glamorous one day.’
Sienna gasped out loud at Blue’s rudeness.
‘Richie?’ barked Blue. ‘Stay down here, babes, I’m taking these up to her ladyship. This interview shouldn’t take long. Half an hour tops.’ With that he flounced off up the stairs.
‘Is he always that bitchy?’ asked Sienna, looking at Richie.
‘Oh, er – I wasn’t listening, sorry,’ replied Richie awkwardly.
‘Come in, don’t be a stranger,’ offered Sienna. Richie hovered outside the door.
‘No, no, er, it’s okay I’ll wait here.’
‘Don’t be silly, come in, have a pastry.’ Sienna held up the plates for Richie to see. He glanced at them before sweeping his eyes round the room. He seemed to recoil slightly as his eyes settled on the radio crew with Rex chatting to them cheerfully.
‘Thanks but I ate breakfast. In fact, I think I left something in the car. Tell Blue I’m outside, thanks.’
‘What? He’ll be ages …’ But Richie had already slipped out of the door.
‘Peculiar boy,’ muttered Sienna, deciding to indulge in a flute of champagne after all.
* * *
Blue knew something was wrong the second he opened the bedroom door. Lewis was in there with Tiger and the body language was flashing red alert. They were on opposite sides of the room and Tiger looked rigid as a frozen leg of lamb, with the dog clamped firmly in her lap.
‘Ahh, just in time,’ said Lewis sternly. Well, he seems normal so far, thought Blue, draping his armloads of dresses on the back of a beautiful antique armchair.
‘Are you in on this too?’ asked Lewis quietly, bobbing on his heels with his hands held behind his back.
‘
Quoi
?’ asked Blue, innocently.
‘
This
!’ roared Lewis, holding aloft a pile of pink letters. Gravy jumped down and ran under the bed for cover.
‘Ah.’
‘And when were you both thinking of coming clean?’ Lewis hissed through clenched teeth.
‘Well, Tiger – you see – er …’ Blue was tongue tied as he tried to think of how to explain without dropping Tiger in the shit that she had pretty much concealed them from him too.
‘What the FUCK were you both thinking hiding this from me?’ Lewis scolded. ‘Now it all becomes clear, all this … all this
madness
, the ridiculous behaviour.’
‘Okay, but how did you find – I mean—’ started Blue.
‘Oh! I only found out because stupid over here asked me to fetch Gravy’s new cricket jumper for the interview; although why on earth the fucking DOG needs an OUTFIT for RADIO!’ Lewis bellowed, turning puce
before composing himself again. ‘And then what did I find stuffed in Gravy’s drawer? Oh piles of the stuff! Now let me see, “I know your secret.” “I know what underwear you have on today.” “I know your secret” again, err, “I have a bullet with your name on it,” oh and another “I know your secret.” Want me to go on? There’s plenty more!’ The room fell silent. Gravy peered from under the bed. Tiger fiddled with her hair.
‘Aaaatchoo!’ Lewis sneezed. ‘Tiger?’ he whispered urgently, crouching down to look her in the eye. ‘Now listen to me, lady. I need to know what skeletons you have in that fur-lined closet of yours. What’s this secret, huh? If you have even so much as an
arm bone
—’ he paused for dramatic effect, ‘—you tell me right now. For your own safety. I
need
to know. Got it? Now’s your chance.’ A deadly hush fell on the room. Tiger looked up and opened her mouth. Nothing came out. She looked away. Lewis sneezed again.
‘Right, I’ll take that as an all clear. Right?’ said Lewis in a low voice. ‘Now, I shall take care of the phantom letter writer
my
way, you hear?
Nobody
threatens you, hoax or not, and gets away with it.’
‘L-l-lewis…’
‘No buts. Aaatchoo! Oh that bloody dog. Aaatchoo! Right, I’m going to get rid of the radio crew, you’re in no fit state for publicity today.’
‘Oh, b-but Sienna and—’ started Tiger.
‘I’ll take care of them, I’ll take care of it all. I wish you’d
let me do that a bit more often. Aaaatchoo! Christ. Blue, fetch me a tissue, please. Aaatchoo!’ Blue hurried from the room dutifully.
Within twenty minutes the radio crew had packed and gone, with the promise of an exclusive live interview from Vegas as recompense. A moody Rex followed out the door with Sienna soon after, exchanging measured hostile glares with Lewis. Blue was confused that Richie seemed to have disappeared altogether and set about messaging him.
Tiger came down into the parlour sheepishly once she knew everyone had gone. She padded across the room to the minibar in her mink-lined slippers, and started to rinse a Martini glass with vermouth, breaking the deafening silence with her clattering.
‘You want one?’ she asked, waving the bottle of Tanqueray over at Lewis, who was stretched out in an armchair, studying the ceiling. He regarded her through narrowed eyes.
‘Oh what the hell, it’s lunchtime. Scotch if you’ve got it,’ he grumbled.
‘Coming up.’
‘Tiger.’ Lewis paused, deep in thought. ‘Tiger, I’m worried about you. I’ve never seen you like this. Can I be honest?’
Tiger didn’t reply. Lewis continued regardless.
‘Tiger, this is getting too messy. “I know your secret.” What’s that all about? There’s no smoke without fire you know. The Americans know something’s going on. I’ve
calmed them down. Put them off the scent. But we can’t have any more upsets. You know you can talk to me if there’s something you need to get out in the open. I can help you. We trust each other, right?’ Tiger simply busied herself pouring out a Scotch.
‘Look. I’ll say it again. I’m worried about you,’ continued Lewis, ‘I – I want to come and live with you for a bit.’ Tiger dropped the ice tongs with a clang and looked up.
‘What? Here?’
‘Yes, here. Just for a while. I just want to keep an eye on things – aaatchoo! That bloody dog.’
‘Well, I don’t think that’s really necessary. Blue’s here.’
‘Correct, and you’ve already been hiding things together. No, I need to be here. We’ll just keep our heads low while I think about how – aaatchooo! We’ll just camp out here until – aaatchoo! Hang on, I just need some fresh air for a second.’ Lewis jumped up and went to the front door. As he opened it a wall of paparazzi clicked and flashed frantically in front of his face. Lewis slammed the door shut immediately and returned to the parlour, blinking.
‘Okay, scrap that. I’m taking you out of here.’
‘Huh?’
‘A break. We need to get away from this circus for a few days.’
‘Ooh a Sunseeker Trideck if I’m not mistaken!’ squealed Georgia, barging past from the rear and running across the gangplank. ‘Bagsy the owner’s stateroom!’ she yelled behind her as Blue and Tiger looked at each other with wide eyes and open mouths.
‘Since when was Georgia a yacht expert!’ giggled Tiger.
‘Intriguing!’ winked Blue, mincing towards the ropes. Tiger sighed and gave him a big bear hug from behind.
‘Oh darling, the sun is cheering me up already,’ she declared. ‘I’m feeling great. Just feel the heat! Let Georgia have whatever room she likes – after all, this was Lewis’ idea. He’s the one who has to put up with her gobby mouth, anyway, so god knows he deserves
some
perks, eh!’
‘Ha, yeah, poor Lewis!’ laughed Blue. ‘Come on, darlings, all aboard the pleasure boat!’ he shouted back at Sienna, Rex and Lewis who trailed behind lazily, the two men gassing about last night’s big fight on Sky. ‘And fuck Richie, wherever he may be,’ declared Blue triumphantly over at Tiger, who was standing eyeing up the gangplank.
‘That’s the spirit, darling,’ she agreed supportively. ‘It’s his loss. Fancy just disappearing like that. Look what he’s
missing. Silly boy,’ she chuckled as she daintily slipped off her mules ready to board the boat.
‘Oh, Tiger. Oh, look at this vision, my word! Oh, I think I’m over Richie already!’ Tiger looked up to see the most fantastic specimen approaching. He stood a little taller than her, all broad in the chest and chiselled in the face, with a killer tan, and salt-and-pepper hair in short thick waves under his Captain’s hat.
‘Hello there, Ms Starr! Welcome!’
‘Hi there.’ Tiger beamed, proffering a manicured hand.
‘I’m Captain Robert Crowe, your skipper for the weekend.’ He smiled, deep laughter lines showing around his eyes.
‘Superb! Pleased to meet you Captain Crowe!’ she replied, unable to stop herself beaming from ear to ear as she allowed her eyes to roam over his muscular sturdy bulk.
‘Robert, please. Much obliged to have you on board the
Jezebelle
. Let me help you. I see one of your guests has arrived already.’
‘Hmm, that’ll be Georgia. Hard to miss.’
‘Georgia?’ repeated Robert, a tiny flash of amusement registering in his eyes, ‘Indeed, madam. Oh and might I add I’m a big fan of your work.’ Blushing a little, Tiger took Robert’s strong hand for guidance and tottered up the gangplank on to the luxury yacht, letting the fresh air fill her lungs and the sunshine fill her heart. ‘Oh Blue, what a day for sightseeing!’ she trilled behind her blissfully.
By lunchtime the aperitifs were well under way. Everyone had staked their claim on the cabins and were now up on the sun deck sinking green apple Martinis and shovelling back deliciously plump caviar on warm blinis. Georgia had changed into her teeniest white hot pants and highest strappy sandals and was leaning over the deck, sloshing her drink everywhere and loudly acquainting herself with everyone in the marina. Tiger, channelling Liz Taylor and wearing a thigh-skimming cream kaftan with her hair piled up under a chic turban and arms loaded with enough gold to sink the yacht, hadn’t exactly been thrilled about Georgia coming on the trip for the reason that she hadn’t wanted her finding out too much about what was happening in Tiger’s life. However, deep down, she knew she couldn’t really begrudge Georgia’s presence; after all it was only natural Lewis would want to bring his girlfriend.
Lewis in turn was mighty peeved that Rex had to come, but he had thought it essential that Sienna attend to cheer her sister up; if Rex had to be part of the deal as Sienna’s boyfriend then so be it. The reality was, Sienna was fuming that she had to endure a long weekend with her charlatan of a so-called ‘sister’, but knew that she would have to comply to keep Rex happy, who, incidentally, had been particularly enthusiastic about coming. Sienna sensed the honeymoon period of their relationship was well and truly over, so keeping Rex happy and entertained was top of her priority list. Besides, if Rex thought for one minute
he was having a weekend in Tiger’s presence unsupervised, he had another think coming. Sienna would be watching the pair like a hawk.
Standing on deck in a tiny black tube dress and nothing else but her long pins and bare feet, Sienna craftily eyed up Georgia in her equally revealing hot pants, unsure as to whether she was a potential rival, or a kindred spirit. Sienna suddenly became self conscious about the extra few pounds she was carrying of late. The appearance of a few curves meant she was in no way as skinny as Georgia any more. Rex seemed to be more turned on by her new curves, however, so if he was happy, so was Sienna. As she mused she hovered at Rex’s elbow and made a concerted effort to keep herself on the opposite side of the deck to Tiger at all times. It was an easy task since, unbeknownst to Sienna, Tiger was keeping well away from Rex in every effort not to torment herself with the sight of him with her sister. Strangely, he seemed to be spending more time gassing to Lewis about business, boxing and broads, leaving Sienna dithering by his side awkwardly.
‘So what’s the plan for lunch, guys?’ asked Blue, slightly listlessly. There was no doubt, thought Tiger, that Blue was unusually subdued. She guessed he was still smarting that Richie had stood him up. Despite the bravado, Tiger knew him to be a sensitive soul; in a drunken moment he had hinted that Richie might be ‘the one’. Tiger suddenly felt overwhelmed with guilt as she stood there that she had chastised Blue for holding back. Instead she had
encouraged him to grab the bull by the horns and throw himself into the relationship. After all, Richie had seemed so sweet, and genuinely enamoured. A girl could tell these things. Now she felt like kicking herself. She hated to see Blue suffering. Little did she know that Blue had his own waves of guilt to deal with, too.
‘I vote we go to 55 for lunch,’ suggested Georgia.
‘We have a perfectly good chef on board in case you hadn’t noticed,’ sighed Lewis, helping himself to another cocktail as the waiting staff circulated with a tray of fresh Mint Juleps.
‘Nah mate, let’s get straight over to Nikki beach and check out the laydees!’ roared Rex, rubbing his hands together. This was met with firm disapproval by both Sienna and Georgia. Blue quietly watched the ensuing heated debate unfold. Normally he would have steamed in with his queeny wit and whipped the afternoon into shape; but for now, he just sat quietly. He couldn’t even sip at his Martini, for the truth was, his stomach was turning somersaults.