Teach Me (15 page)

             
“Hey, baby girl,” he says quietly.

             
“Hi, Daddy,” I respond, and he takes my hands. “So I see you’ve met Cooper.” My dad nods and sighs.

             
“Yeah,” he says slowly, “we should talk about that, but when you are feeling better.”

             
“I didn’t know that he was going to be my teacher
. . .
I met him before that
. . .
we broke up.” My words spilled out, and I could hear my heart monitor beeping more frequently. “I love him, Daddy.”

             
“Calm down, honey,” he said softly. “I’m not upset anymore.” His smile was conflicted. “I’ve had the last day to get to know him, and he is a decent guy—not that any guy is ever going to be good enough for my Ali-Oops.”

             
The last day?
“How long have I been in here?”

             
“Thirty hours,” Dad answered sadly. “The wall of your heart is weak, just like your mom’s had been. If Cooper hadn’t been with you
. . .
” We didn’t say anything for a while, we didn’t have to. Before my mom had died, they thought they had caught the problem in time. They didn’t. I am
in the same situation she was in ten years ago. “The doctor says your heart appears to have been weak for some time. Had you been experiencing any of the symptoms that you know you should be looking for?”

             
I would be lying if I told him no. After my mom died, we learned that this could be a genetic disease and what symptoms to look for. They include abdominal and back pain, leg pain or numbness, feelings of stress, nausea, anxiety, and rapid heart rate. I had felt most of these, and I should have seen the signs, but I just thought it was all because of my metaphoric broken heart.

             
“It will be okay, Dad,” I tried to assure him and ignored the question he asked.

             
“I was so lucky to have your mother.” He sounded wistful. “She was the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen, and when she agreed to marry me, I didn’t think life could get any better. Then she told me she was pregnant.” He paused. “Life got better.” Tears slid down my father’s face, and I felt them well up in my own.

             
“I miss her too,” I whispered.

             
“You are only eighteen, but you have lived through things which have made you seem
older,
or more mature to me.” He closed his eyes in thought. “I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if your mom hadn’t said yes to me. Those years with her were the best of my life. She gave me a chance at love.” My dad hasn’t talked about my mom this much
since she died, ever. He looked across the room and past me. I followed his gaze and saw Cooper watching us.

             
“He loves you,” my dad told me.

             
I smile and would blush if my blood was flowing properly. “I love him too.”

             
“You are going to be fine.” He kissed my forehead. “I just wanted you to know that things like life don’t always go as planned. Sometimes you just need to work with what is given to you and recognize them as gifts. Ali, you are my gift, and I love you more than anything in the world.” The tears were still coming.

             
“What is it, Dad?” He seemed so distraught as if he was trying to tell me something without giving me any information.

             
He shrugged. “I just want you to be happy.
To be as happy as possible for as long as possible.
I don’t want you to miss out on anything, because you and I both know how fragile and short life can be.”

“I’m happy, Dad,” I assured him. He smiled and kissed my hand.

             
“Get some rest, honey.” He stood, resting his hand on the bed.

“I’m not tired.” I yawned, and my eyes closed involuntarily. “I just need to rest my eyes for just a minute.”

The next time I opened them, almost five hours had passed. I focused on the wall clock then noticed Cooper was sitting next to me with his head on the side of my bed. He was breathing softly, sleeping. I lifted my arm and laid my hand on his head. If I could have moved, I would have kissed him. At least they had exchanged the breathing mask to some of those tubes that stick in your nose. I ran my fingers though Cooper’s hair. It looked darker now that he hasn’t been in the sun surfing. My fingers ran lightly over his cheek, and the stubble from not shaving for almost two days was showing. Cooper turned his face then sat up.

He blinked a few times, looking at me. “Hey,” he said sleepily.

I smiled. “
Hey,”
and he took my hand. “I’m glad you’re here, but don’t you have to work?” After the words came out, I wished I could take them back. I didn’t want him to go anywhere. Cooper made me feel safe, like I was going to make it through this.

“That is one of the things I wanted to talk to you about,” he said evenly. I tried to encourage him to continue with my eyes. “I, well
. . .
” He sounded nervous. “I quit.”

What?  “You did what?” I didn’t understand. “You wanted that job so badly.” He took my hands into his and smiled.

“I don’t want anything as much as I want you, Ali,” he said, and if my heart could beat any harder, you would probably be able to see it though
my hospital gown. “I realized that nothing was more important than being with you—nothing.”

“But
. . .
Cooper.” I didn’t know what to say. He’d given up so much to take this job in the English department. He’d essentially had given up us.

“But nothing,” he said, smiling and kissing my hands. “You are my world, Ali. I can’t stay away anymore.” Cooper shifted in his seat and turned to face me. “There was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
             

T w e l v e

Cooper

             
“What is it, Cooper?” Ali asked me anxiously. “You look upset, so please tell me what is going on.” I feel like
my
heart might give out. I swallow and think about the conversation I had with Robert Starr yesterday.

             
“I didn’t know I could feel like this for anyone, Ali. The day I realized I was in love with you, I knew there was only one future for me—you. I have tortured myself staying away from you, and I can’t do it anymore, even for just an hour. Your dad and I had a talk about how quickly things can change, and I thought I had almost lost you, more than once. I never want to lose you, Ali. That is why I want to ask you something.” I filled my lungs. Ali’s beautiful eyes were wide with wonder, and her pale cheeks had a light blush.

             
“Cooper?” Her voice was hardly audible. I took both her hands in mine.

             
“I don’t ever want to be parted from you, and I need you to fight to stay with me.
To know that when you get out of surgery tonight I’ll be here waiting for you.
I love you so much sometimes I don’t know how I lived before I met you. I know that I can’t live without you. Allison Marie Starr,
will you marry me?” The room went silent, except for Ali’s heart monitor. I noticed that the rhythm was faster than it should have been and her breathing was labored. I brushed some loose hair off her face.

             
“You don’t have to answer now. I just had to ask you. I just needed you to know that I am serious about us—as serious as you can get.”

             
“You talked to my dad about this?” she finally asked me.

             
I nodded slowly. “Yes. I told your dad how much I love you and we talked about the future. I explained to him that I am serious about us being together. I need you to know that when you wake up, I’m not going anywhere.” I kiss her hand. “I need you to pull through so you can marry me with your strong heart.” I watched as tears welled up in Ali’s eyes.

             
“Cooper,” she said, and the tears spilled over, and she looked at our hands. “No.” I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her face. She silently sobbed, and her thumb traced the back of my hand. Neither of us said anything for a long time. I need to get out of here so I don’t break down in front of her. I need to keep a strong disposition. Leave it to me that when I realized this is what I wanted and needed to do, I’d forgotten to take into account that Allison may not want me anymore.

             
“Fair enough,” I managed and swallowed the enormous lump in my throat. I stood and kissed her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to,” I said quietly into her skin. She didn’t say anything as I left the room.

             
Trudy and Robert were in the waiting room as I came out. They both stood smiling. I blew past them, unable to even make eye contact. That is not how I saw this going. I made my way to the men’s room and locked myself in a stall, leaning against the closed door.
No, nothing like this.
I let the tears come and rip at the very center of my soul. I guess I had it coming. I had put too much space between us and pushed her away.

             
I let out a hard cynical laugh. The thing is I do want to marry Ali. I think I knew it on our first date, sharing that first kiss. The thought of losing her is unbearable, but it seems I have lost her.
God.
What was I thinking? I punch the metal frame of the door before I know what I am doing. Who did I think I was? Blah-blah, I love you. Blah-blah, marry me.

             
“I am so stupid!” I yell in the empty bathroom. I crumble to the floor, not worrying about germs, and lose it. I am full-on sobbing as I hold my chest, as if it would keep my heart from bursting out. I’m not sure how long I was on the floor, long enough to have stopped crying, but now found myself lost in a maze of emotion. The side of my face is pressed to the door of the cold stall and my arms still wrapped around my chest. I am numb and don’t want to feel anything.

             
“Cooper,” a low voice echoed in the tiled room. I didn’t answer—I didn’t know if I could. A pair of shoes stands outside of my confined pity space. He tries to open the door. “Come on, Cooper, open the door.” It’s Robert Starr.

             
“No,” I mutter, wondering how long he has been in here. He sighs and tries the door again. “She said no,” I say louder. Robert stops trying the door.

             
“I know, I just talked to her,” he told me. “Open the door so we can talk.” After a short debate, I turn the silver lock, and he tries to open the door. He pulls me to my feet and is holding me up. I have even lost my will to stand on my own. The way Robert is looking at me makes me want to break down again. Instead I fall into his chest and let him hug me. I have only known him for less than two days, and since that time I told him I am his daughter’s teacher—I got punched in the face. I told him I loved his daughter—he understood but wanted to take another swing at me. Then I told him I wanted to marry his only child—he made me explain while he made fists with his hands. I guess I’m lucky for only being punched that one time. I truly should be pummeled for my stupidity.

             
I explained to him how I felt about Allison. I told him about the most beautiful girl I had ever seen on that beach in San Diego. How when we talked it felt like I had found my home in her. I explained about the mix-up and how I became her teacher and how yesterday I quit my job. I told him I tried to break it off but, by doing so, felt like I was breaking off my arm. I told him that my feelings haven’t and wouldn’t change. I need her to know that I’m not going anywhere and that she has something to fight for. I know now that it isn’t for me, but it needs to be something.

             
I broke her heart. I am prepared to heal it every single day for the rest of our lives. My only wish is that she would just give me the chance to.

             
“She doesn’t know if she is going to make it—like her mother,” Mr. Starr finally said. “She doesn’t want to put you through that pain.” I turned and held the sink. I had to swallow back the bile that was rising in my throat. I expected him to be relieved that she had turned me down, it was her choice, but he almost looks disappointed. Robert understands and wants a full future for her, no matter how long it may be.

             
“I just want to make her happy,” I tell him. I want to give her as much happiness as possible, I can hardly bear to think what the next part of this, because if she doesn’t make it
. . .
no, she has to make it. I want her to know how much I love her so she can pull through.

             
“I know my Ali-Oops.” Robert clears his throat. “From what I gather over the past seven months, she can’t be happy without you either. All she is doing is trying to give you an out, to make you happy.”

             
“That is the most ridiculous, stupid
. . .
”