Sweet Deception (Truth) (15 page)

"Ok honey, you know where I am if you need me." She squeezed my hand and I smiled weakly in acknowledgement.

Chapter 17

The taxi dropped me off first before continuing to Laurel's house. I climbed the steps to the house slowly knowing what was waiting for me when I got in. Gran would have gone to bed, so I would be faced with my room and the darkness alone. Tears started streaming down as I fumbled through my purse to find the keys. Once my hand grasped them I held onto them tightly for fear of dropping them. My hands were trembling. I tried several times to get the key in the lock; anyone watching would think I was drunk. But I had completely sobered and my chest was now heaving with each sob. I let out a small cry as I finally managed to open the door, and flung myself down the hallway kicking off my shoes in the process. I needed this release. Racing up the stairs I reached my bedroom and pushed through, slamming the door behind me. Luckily the house was big enough that it wouldn't wake Gran.

Without undressing I hurled my body onto the bed and let the emotion of seeing Blake with Amber seep through every part of me. My body shook with the force and I ducked my head under the pillow, wanting to shut everything else out. I cried at the memory of my parents. I cried at seeing a future without Blake in it. I cried because my heart was crushed and I worried it would never be whole again.
The next week passed by in a blur of roses, hydrangeas and calla lilies. Weddings and funerals kept me so busy that I barely had time to register anything else. But every now and then the pause would come and Blake would rush through my mind bulldozing everything else out. For those brief moments I would fight the urge to collapse to my knees and drown myself in a river of tears. Gran was getting much better and was able to help out a lot more in the shop. I think part of the reason she came back was to make sure I didn't spend too much time on my own. Between her and Laurel, there was never much time to wallow.
What started off as a busy day, eventually trickled down to a couple of browsers admiring the displays I had set out. I turned round from the work table once I heard the bell chime and was surprised to see James walking through the doorway. I hadn't seen him since the night out at the bar although we had spoken a few times. I just didn't want it to seem as though I was just getting into contact because Blake and I were no longer together.
"Hey there stranger, how you been?" I asked. I painted on the biggest smile I could manage, although I'm sure he could see underneath. He pursed his lips and frowned slightly, "Yeah, I'm sorry it's been a while. I was going to call you but I went away with work. When I got back I heard about you and Blake and I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear from me."
I smiled faintly. "Yeah it's been a tough time around here. I think people feel like they are walking on eggshells around me. So what has brought you here anyway? I'm sure it's not just a social visit."
He chuckled. "That makes me sound like such a dick. I should have called to see how you were doing. I'm so sorry."
I put my hand on his arm. "You don't owe me anything. It's fine. I don't want to make things awkward for you. What can I get you?"
He winced before replying, "His order of flowers. I'm picking them up for him."
"Huh, he hasn't bought his floozy flowers in a while. He must be back in full form now." My voice still sounded so bitter, I wondered if I would ever get over it.
"Floozy flowers? Why do you call them that?"
"Gran said he always came into buy flowers for all his one night bimbos so I just nicknamed them. It was ages ago."
He looked at me and frowned and shook his head. "They aren't for girlfriends Cassie; and he's not been like that since he met you. He goes to visit the cemetery every week. His way of dealing, I guess. Says he never wants to forget. I'm taking them there for him now." The information shouldn't have bothered me but all I wanted to do was hold him in my arms. It sounded like he was completely broken and I wished that I knew what happened to her.
"James can I ask you a favour?" I leant against the table and folded my arms.
"Shoot, anything." He said without any hesitation.
"Can I come with you to the cemetery? I haven't visited my parents in ages and I miss them. I can be ready in two minutes." I held my breath as I waited for his answer. I needed to go and see them. Just the thought was comforting.
He smiled and shrugged his shoulder, "Of course, I'll wait. Do what you've got to do." I closed down the shop quickly whilst he leant against the doorframe playing on his phone then followed him out to the car.
"Are you okay? I can come over with you if you want?"James asked as he sat waiting for me to get out the car. I gave him half a smile and nodded.
"Yes, please. I'm sorry. I just can't do it on my own." I ducked my head and fiddled with my hands feeling immature and pathetic for not being able to do it by myself.
He smiled back. "Hey no need to be sorry, that's what friends are for. And I am your friend Cassie. I can be his friend and yours. I'll make it work." He was so sweet, like the big brother I never had.
We got out and strolled up the cobbled path that passed through the middle of the cemetery.
"Shall we just drop off these flowers for Blake and then we can find your parents' graves? I'll stay here with you as long as you like." He asked.
"Yeah that would be great, thanks." I replied, grateful someone was here with me. I didn’t feel so alone anymore.
He led us to the right and gestured at a headstone. "This is his sister's grave. She was a great kid. She followed us around when we were teenagers, always wanted to be near us."
I took in a ragged breath just looking at the headstone. 'Abigail Louise Richards'. There was a quote engraved after her name. 'It is foolish and wrong to mourn those who died, rather we should thank God they lived.'
It was so positive. And full of hope. Tears pooled my eyes and fell down my cheek. No matter what Blake did, I wouldn't wish the death of a loved one on anyone. James threw his arm round my shoulder and squeezed me into his side. "I'm so sorry Cassie. I didn't think properly. I shouldn't have brought you here."
"It's okay," I whispered, trying to contain the sobs."It just brought back memories of my parents and stuff; it must have been really hard for him. How did it happen?"
I swiped the tears away and turned my head to look up at James expectantly. He considered my face for a moment before reaching his hand out to wipe more tears away with his thumb.
"Please don't ask me that. It's not my place, but to be honest I don't know the full story anyway. If I answered, it would only be speculation, and it's not fair on him."
I sniffed and nodded my head in agreement. "Yeah I know. Sorry I don't want to make things awkward, he just wouldn't tell me anything." I tried to keep my voice free of frustration but the words came out with a bite to them.
"He hasn't told anybody, it's nothing personal. He's not even told me and I'm his best mate, bros before hoes and all that!"

I chuckled, and then feigned annoyance. "What are you trying to say about me?!"

He laughed and held up his hands in mock surrender. "I wouldn't dream of it, you're a feisty little thing."

I swatted his arm playfully. "Damn right." He placed the pink gerbera on the mound of soil and we walked slowly back onto the main path. "What are the other flowers for?" I asked.
"Oh just another grave he visits too. I think they are family friends or something." He shrugged it off and looked around to find the right one.
"My parents are just over there so not far." I pointed to our left and James followed my hands with his eyes. He stopped and his whole body went taut.
"Wait, what are their names?" He was holding his breath whilst I slowly replied.
"Kirsty and Robert Mallory. Why?" I frowned, wishing I knew what his trail of thought was.
"So why do you have a different surname?" He wasn't giving anything away, just struggling to make sense of what I was saying.

"My biological dad was in the army. He was shot dead when I was two. My mum met Robert and then remarried when I was seven. I grew up with him as my dad, after all he loved me and treated me as his own, but I wanted to remain a Wilson in memory of my real dad.” I explained.
He rolled his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck hard in frustration. "Oh shit."
I was getting impatient now. "Tell me what's wrong. James? Please. Is this to do with the people you are giving those flowers to?"
"Yes." He turned to look at me, and I could see him struggling.
"Just say it. I’m sick of people keeping things from me." I replied abruptly.
"The flowers are for your parent’s grave." He dropped his bomb then paused waiting for my reaction.
I felt like I'd been hit over the head with a baseball bat.
"What?" I cried.
"I swear I had no idea they were your parents. I've been here before with him, it was a while ago though. He just didn't want to talk about it and changed the subject. When I met you it didn't click because of the names." He took my hands in his and pleaded, "Cassie, talk to me?"
I stood for a second, stunned into silence. There were pieces of a jigsaw swimming round my head but I couldn't find the correct fit for them all. They were just fragmented, and Blake was the only one that could join them together.
James pulled me close, and wrapped his arms around the back of my neck, my head tucked tightly against his chest.
"Hey, I know him Cassie and he must really be hurting right now to have not told you any of this. Look, I need to talk to him. I want the truth once and for all and he needs to know he's the biggest idiot in the world for what he's done to you.”
"No don't James.” I begged. “Do what you've got to do for yourself but please don't talk about me. We're over and I don't want to keep dragging it out." He nodded an agreement.
"Can I take these?" I gestured to the roses and he handed them over. I split the bouquet up equally and settled the flowers over the grave. "Let's go, please." I pleaded linking my arm through his and pulling him away.
James
I was getting to the bottom of this and he was going to tell me exactly what happened even if I had to beat it out of him. I looked over at Cassie in the car, my heart beat faster and I felt my throat close up, struggling to swallow

. She looked so beautiful, so innocent, and I swore then that I would stay close and protect her. I couldn't see her hurt again.
"Thank you for taking me with you today. I'm glad I got to see their graves briefly. I feel more connected with them now."
She looked up at me and smiled sweetly. I covered her hand with mine.
"No problem, I'll take you anytime. Just let me know."
When we first met I struggled with how attracted to her I felt, but I knew she had belonged to Blake. I wouldn't have stood in their way. Now, after getting to know her, she was becoming more like a little sister who I would do anything for. After dropping her off at home, I drove like a maniac to Blake's house and pounded on his door.
I had half a mind not to even bother knocking. The door swung open and he stepped out slowly, shock and confusion swept quickly over his face. "What the hell is wrong with you, man? I have a doorbell!"
"You son of a bitch," I yelled as I lunged and my fist connected with his face.

Chapter 18

Cassie

Gran let me have a day off today as business was slowing. I had planned to go along and help her anyway but she wouldn't let me. She said I needed a break and I should do something that would make me happy. I decided that I would bake a cake for James to say thank you. I followed a recipe that I found in my Gran's cookbook methodically, and set it in the oven to bake. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for effort even if it turned out inedible. My gaze drifted round the mess I had made in the kitchen. There was flour and sugar all over the worktops and I had bowls and cutlery scattered across the room. It didn't take long to clear up, and just as I flopped down on the sofa, the doorbell rang. It made me jump and I quickly adjusted my clothes and hair before answering.
I grabbed the handle and pulled only to straighten and raise my head as my eyes settled on Blake's. I frowned and put my hands on my hips. "What the hell happened to your face?"
"Hi to you too," he mumbled. I raised my eyebrows so he could see I was not impressed. "Can I come in? Please?" He asked. "I really need to talk to you."
I shook my head. "There's nothing we have to say to each other." His fists tightened and his whole body went rigid. "Well there is plenty I have to say so you will just have to listen. I'm not leaving here until you hear me out." He barrelled through the door pushing past me and went straight through to the kitchen. I closed the door and followed behind.
"You are making this even harder, Blake. I can't be around you. I've been doing really well at trying to forget this whole ordeal ever happened."
His eyes found mine and he stepped closer to me. His presence was making my body alert and I swallowed hard. He spoke softly as if he was worried I was going to run.
"You know that you can try all you want to forget about me, about us, but it will never work. How you feel about me will always catch up with you." He circled me as I stood still and I sucked in a deep breath. The only sound was my heart hammering against my chest.
If I had any chance of fighting this I had to think. And I couldn't do that with him standing so close. I stepped back.
"I don't feel a-anything for you anymore." I stuttered.
He stepped forward. If I wasn't careful we were going to be playing cat and mouse and the look in his eyes told me I wouldn't win.
"You know that's not true," he whispered. "Your whole body is giving you away." He leaned closer so I could feel his breath against my ear.
"You're breathing heavily." He placed a large hand over my chest, where my heart was jumping out to meet it. "Your heart is beating faster. You're stuttering. You shiver at the thought of my touch." A shiver swept through me right on cue, and I heard his smile as he trailed his finger lightly down my arm. If I turned a few inches my lips would meet his and I wanted it so much. But my head was screaming
stop
. This had to stop now before it got out of hand. I raised my hands to push at his chest.
"This isn't going to work. All you proved is that I'm still attracted to you. Which I won't deny. But there's a lot more to a relationship like trust and honesty. Telling each other the bad stuff and then knowing you can rely on the other person to catch you when you feel yourself falling. We don't have any of that so it can't and won't work. I think you should go." I blew out a frustrated breath and watched him walk over to the kitchen table and slump back in a seat.
"How are you finding this so easy? I can't stop thinking about you. When I close my eyes you're all I see. I don't want anyone or anything else."
I joined him at the table. "This is in no way easy! But I'm not enough for you." As much as the words hurt I had to get them out.
"What? What do you mean not enough?" His mouth was wide open in shock.
"If I was all you had ever wanted, you'd fight for me. You would tell me everything and trust that I will be there for you. You can't just lie to me because you think I won't be able to handle the truth. I don't want a relationship based on deception. I want truth."
Up close I took the time to study his face. He looked worn down, worn out, his eyes were sunken in and his stubble looked days old. He closed his mouth and brought his head up to look in my eyes. "You're right."
"Excuse me?" I asked, wondering which part he thought I was right about.
"I want you and I will fight for you. I had a much needed wakeup call." He pointed to his eye which was all shades of purple and blue. "It was from a certain big brother type that you have been hanging out in graveyards with. Ring any bells?"
"I did ask him not to talk about me but obviously he didn't listen." I rolled my eyes and looked at the time; Gran would be getting back soon.
Blake took my hand in his. Although I wasn't quite comfortable with him doing it, I didn't want to pull away. "Cassie, I want to tell you. And then you can decide whether we are over completely. If you say we are after you hear, then I will go and I won't bother you again. Please, just say you'll listen?" His eyes were begging me. I looked at him intently and saw a broken man looking back at me. He wasn’t the man I met a few months ago. Was that the consequence of having to tell someone you love the honest truth about you?
Did I even want to hear now? It was too late and nothing would change. How could I trust him again? If what he told me was worse than I had been imagining, would I be able to recover? My heart was already broken, what if this made it irreparable? So many questions and I wouldn't get any answers unless I heard him out. I nodded once and took in a few short breaths to try and control my heart which was frantically pounding against my chest.
Blake
She looked scared. She was probably imagining the very worst thing possible and I'm sure I was about to confirm her fears. I was getting choked up just thinking about saying the actual words. Her hand was still in mine and I'd be damned if I was letting it go. I gripped it like it was my lifeline. I traced my thumb slowly over her fingers and cleared my throat.
"My sister was a good girl when she was young. She had fantastic grades at school. Wanted to be a doctor. My parents divorced when she was fifteen and it was then that she turned. She started cutting class, smoking, possibly even drugs. We were quite close, she confided in me sometimes. She had her own room at mine as you saw. We would sit on her bed watching movies and eating ice-cream. She'd tell me how unhappy she was. That her friends didn't want to hang out with her anymore. She fell in with the wrong crowd and got carried away. She behaved like a brat, really gave my parents reason to worry. It also included a boy, her first boyfriend. He was heavily into drugs by the sound of it. I met him once briefly and instantly disliked him."
I sighed heavily, and struggled to find the words to say what happened next. My eyes were glassy and I shook my head to make sure no tears fell. I couldn't fall apart right now. I had to get it all out. It was my one last chance to get Cassie back. My eyes fell to our entwined hands and she gave me a gentle squeeze to urge me to continue.
"One night they thought it would be funny to steal my car. They were both too young to drive legally of course. Ben, her idiot boyfriend, had been drinking."
I glanced up to see if she had figured out where I was going with the story but she still seemed oblivious which made it harder.
"He was too far gone to realise he was driving down a one way street, and they hit another car. The impact sent the other car spiralling into a lamppost and the people in it were killed immediately."
I heard her sharp intake of breath and her hands covered her mouth. She let out a soft cry and my heart felt like it was being ripped out again. Her body was shaking and tears were pouring down her face. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and whisper words of comfort to her but I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to do that again and it was enough to bring me knees.
I had to continue.
"He drove off and rang the police and ambulance anonymously. Abbey was still with him in the car. She only told me days later what had happened, and I managed to convince her to go to the police. She was going to confess everything. Ben had completely disappeared and she said she felt too much guilt to keep it in. The next day I went round to mum's to take her to the police station and..."
I trailed off and bile rose in my throat. My own tears were falling, and I swiped them away fiercely but they just kept coming.