Authors: Wodke Hawkinson
The following week Melvin showed up
at her door and acted as if nothing unpleasant had ever happened between them.
His usual cheerful disposition was back and it immediately got on Sue’s nerves,
but she held back the retorts.
In one gloved hand, he held an
insulated mug that proudly proclaimed
:
My job is so top
secret,
even I don’t know what I’m doing.
“Cute.” Sue gestured toward the
cup. “Where’d you get that?”
“Baxter got it for me.
Friend of mine.
Baxter’s actually his last name.”
She pulled on her coat and they
walked outside. “Let’s take your car. It’s already warmed up.”
“Okay.” They trudged through the
snow and Melvin opened the door for her before tromping around the front to
slide into the driver’s side. He situated his drink in the cup holder and
started the engine. “Us
Against
the World” by
Coldplay
blasted from the stereo. Melvin reached out and
turned it off.
“What’s his first name?”
“Who?”
“Baxter!” With barely contained
annoyance, she jabbed her thumb toward the cup.
“Oh, him.”
Melvin kept a straight face. “His first name’s also Baxter.”
Sue’s brows drew together. He’d
almost made her smile, and she didn’t appreciate it. “Baxter
Baxter
? You’re lying.”
“That’s true; I am.” Melvin
grinned, then noticed the look on her face and let the smile fade. “His first
name’s Perry, but everyone just calls him Baxter.”
Sue lifted her shoulders in an
indifferent shrug. Melvin didn’t take the hint. “I wasn’t the most popular kid
in school, but I had a couple of good friends. Besides Baxter, there was Steve
Hall. Steve works at the paper mill; his dad’s a foreman. Baxter’s in the Coast
Guard now.
Last I heard, he was in
Alaska
.
I
don’t know when I’ll see him again.” He took a quick sip of his drink and
slowed to allow a woman to cross the street. Her arms were loaded with
packages. Once she’d cleared the curb, Melvin accelerated slowly. “These days,
I don’t have much time for hanging out with friends anyway. What about you?
Tell me about your friends.”
“Well, that’s none of your
business, now is it?” Sue looked out the window and then turned back and smiled
to take the sting out of her words. “Besides, you’re the detective; you should
already know all that.”
“Detective, not psychic,” Melvin
remarked dryly. He signaled to turn and then returned to the subject of his
friends. “We used to have so much fun. In the summertime we’d camp out, go
fishing,
explore
Kettle Creek. A day like this, we’d
be freezing our butts off, racing down Maple Hill on our sleds.”
“I used to do that,” Sue said
softly.
“With some of the neighborhood kids.
I’d
forgotten.”
“It’s a blast, isn’t it? We ought to
go sometime, Sue.”
She shook herself loose from the
memory. “I’m too old for that kind of stuff now.”
He pulled into the parking lot,
turned off the engine, and looked over at her. “You’re kidding, right? I’m
older than you and I still enjoy it.”
“Whatever.” Sue got out of the car
and walked quickly toward the building.
Melvin had to hurry to catch up.
Once settled in Dr. Camden’s
office, Sue discussed her animosity toward Melvin.
“He’s not Zeke,” she said. “I
shouldn’t take out my anger on him. I don’t even know why I feel like snapping
at him all the time.”
“At the heart of anger is fear,”
Dr. Camden said. “What is it you fear from Melvin?”
“Fear?”
Sue scoffed. “I don’t fear anything from him. Believe me, he’s nothing to be
afraid of. I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea about me.”
“What idea is that?”
“You know.
That
I’m a certain kind of woman.
I don’t want him thinking I’ll fall into
bed with him just because of what I’ve been through. I don’t want him thinking
he can try something with me. I guess I’m afraid he thinks I’m easy.”
“Afraid?
Like in
fear?”
Dr. Camden’s smile was gentle.
Sue blushed. “You tricked that out
of me. Okay, so I’m afraid of what he thinks.”
“Not only that,” Dr. Camden explained.
“But, you are also overcompensating. You are not only making sure he won’t get
the wrong idea, you are making
damned
sure he won’t.”
Sue’s head shot up. Did she just
hear her therapist swear? Sue
was liking
this woman
more with every appointment. She wasn’t stuffy and unreachable. “So, why would
I do that?”
“Why do you think you’re doing it?”
“If I knew that, I wouldn’t
be
here asking you,” Sue quipped, then turned serious. “I
don’t know why. I just don’t know how to act around him.”
“Is it just Melvin, or all men?”
“Well, I haven’t really been around
that many guys since I’ve been home; but I don’t like it when men look at me.”
“Who’s been looking at you?”
“I don’t know; people in stores, in
the mall, that kind of thing.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what I think.
Your boundaries were blurred from your time with Zeke, the things that
happened. So now you overshoot. You’ll get things back in balance.”
“I’m not sure that explains why I
get so annoyed with Melvin.”
“Sounds to me like you’re testing
your limits, seeing how far you can push him. Can you think of any reason why
you might go out of your way to provoke him?”
“No.” Sue looked away, throat
suddenly tight.
Maybe I want to know if he has a short fuse, if he might hit
me or something.
“One thing is clear. Whether you
realize it or not, his opinion is important to you.”
“Hardly,” Sue countered. “Other
than making sure he doesn’t get out of line, why would I care about his
opinion?”
The doctor gave her a level look.
“Because you like him.”
“What?” Sue jumped to her feet. “I
don’t!”
“Yes, you do.”
Sue sank slowly into the seat again
as shifting emotions played over her face. “He’s not my type,” she finally
said. “Not even close.”
“You have a particular type of
person you will accept as a friend?”
“You know what I mean. I didn’t
think we were talking friendship here.”
“Why not?
Isn’t friendship the best basis upon which to build any relationship?” Dr.
Camden studied her before making a note on her pad.
“I’ll have to give some thought to
all this.” Sue picked at her fingernail.
“Fair enough,” Dr. Camden said.
“Did you bring your journal?”
Sue gave the doctor an apologetic
smile. “No. I don’t have much in it yet.”
“Okay. But Sue, I really believe
writing about your experience could be therapeutic. I’m hopeful you will bring
it with you to your next appointment. I expect you to take an active role in
your recovery; be involved in the process. This is something we’re doing as a
team. Do you think you can do this?”
“It’s hard, but I’ll try.” Sue
spoke hesitantly.
“Sue, this is for your benefit. I
expect to see the journal at your next appointment.” The doctor’s tone was
firm. “Now, tell me how you’re doing today.”
Sue filled the rest of her
appointment time with her plans for taking self-defense courses. The doctor encouraged
this pursuit and suggested some books she could read for emotional empowerment
as well. “Don’t neglect your psyche,” she advised. “It’s all part of the
equation.”
By the time Sue met Melvin in the
waiting room she was excited to start on her plans to rebuild her life.
To remake herself.
To become strong.
On the ride home, she found herself
chatting and was surprised to discover Melvin was actually pretty easy to talk
to.
As they moved down
Glancing sideways at Sue, Melvin
stuttered, “Uh, um, sure. That sounds like a good idea.” A car pulled out of a
parking spot and Melvin snagged it. They walked in silence to the shop.
“What do you want?” Melvin asked.
“My treat.”
When Sue started to protest, Melvin held up a
hand. “If we ever come again, you can buy.” He blushed as
a
certain
awkwardness crept over the situation.
“That’s okay. I’d rather pay for my
own,” Sue said quietly in a tone she hoped wouldn’t hurt his feelings; she
didn’t want him thinking this was a date or anything.
She caught a trace of mocha in the
air and almost gagged reflexively. Her hand went to her mouth. With difficulty,
she fought the urge, swallowed hard, and the feeling slowly passed. No one
seemed to notice her small private struggle.
Once at their table, Melvin added
three heaping teaspoons of sugar to his coffee and Sue sipped her soda as the
two searched for something to talk about. She finally decided to bring up the
self-defense courses she was scheduled to start tomorrow.
“Self defense?
That’s really cool.”
“Yeah, well, it was actually
Roxie’s idea. She’s a nice lady.”
Smiling broadly, Melvin agreed.
“She is that. She and Will are like family to me. They’ve pretty much taken me
under their wings; they give me research jobs and they let me work around my
college schedule.”
“What are you studying?”
“Criminal Justice
to start with.
I’m not sure about later.”
“Wow, really. That’s interesting.”
Conversation stalled for a minute
before Melvin broke the silence. “You know, you could add firearms training
along with your self-defense classes.”
“Firearms
training?”
Sue pretended to mull over the idea as if it hadn’t occurred
to her already. “I think maybe that’s a good idea. Can a person carry a weapon
in Maine?”
“Well, Maine
is a shall-issue state.” When Sue looked confused, Melvin continued. “That
means concealed carry permits can be issued to a qualified applicant. After a
background check, the applicant is issued a permit valid for four years. You
have to have been a resident of Maine
for at least five years and there’s a small fee…”
Sue cut him off. “I’m sold. How do
I get started?”
Melvin grinned. “I’m a member at a
gun club. I can take you there, introduce you to some different weapons, and
then, after trying them out, I’ll get you the info on signing up.”
“Why should I wait?” Sue asked,
looking irritated.
“You don’t have to wait,” Melvin
explained. “I just thought you might like to have some gun sense before
standing in front of others to shoot for the first time.”
After a brief pause, Sue nodded.
“You thought right. When can we go?”
“I’ll check for openings at the
club and let you know. Then we can figure out a time that works for both of
us.”
They finished their drinks and
talked about this and that as Melvin drove Sue home. At the house, Sue got out
and groaned. Standing with the door open, she leaned down and said, “My feet
are killing me.”
“Too much walking?” Melvin asked
unwittingly.
“No.” Sue stared at him as he
stepped from the vehicle. She slammed her door closed and glared at him over
the roof of the car.
“Too much time with a psychopath.”
“Oh, god.
I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
“No. You didn’t.” Sue strode
angrily to the door, Melvin on her heels.
“So.
What
do you do to make your feet feel better? Soak them in Epsom Salts?”
Sue frowned. “Yes. And I rub them
with Vitamin E oil.”
“Can I help with that?” Melvin
asked, as if trying to make up for his earlier blunder.
Staring right into his eyes, Sue
growled, “Can you help me? Can you help me rub oil on myself? What the hell do
you think? Do you think I want you touching me? Do you think I’m just going to
spread my legs and let you climb on top of me? Do whatever you want with me? Is
that what you think?” Her face was bright red and Melvin’s was dead white.
Melvin sputtered, “I don’t
understand why you’d say those things? All I asked was if you needed help.”
“Yeah.
Like you haven’t read my file.
Like you don’t think I’m easy.
Well, you make me sick.”
She reached for the doorknob but
before she could insert her key in the hole, Melvin grabbed her elbow firmly.
Now he was mad.
“You listen to me, Sue. I don’t
know what your problem is but I think you’ve got everything wrong.”
Sue yanked her arm away and started
to speak but Melvin didn’t give her the chance.
“Yes. I’ve read your file. Have
you?” He looked at her and saw the answer in her eyes. “You haven’t, have you?
Well, how about we get back in the car right now and I’ll take you to the
office so you can see for yourself. There’s not much in there. Certainly
nothing that would lead me to believe you are...what did you say? Oh yeah,
easy. Let me tell you something right now. When I think about being around you,
‘easy’ is not the first word that comes to mind.”
Melvin’s face was afire with anger.
He and Sue stood glaring at each other. Finally, Sue turned and marched back to
the car. She put on her seat belt and waited while Melvin caught up with her.
Neither spoke on the way to the detective agency.
Melvin and Sue trooped through the
foyer and down the hallway. Melvin poked his head through Will’s open door.
“Can I have Sue’s file, please?”
“Sue Cox?” Will’s eyebrows arched.
“Yes. Sue Cox. Can I have it
please?”
Will
stood
slowly. He walked to the door, peeked over Melvin’s shoulder, and spotted Sue
standing behind him. Both looked angry.
“Could you excuse us
a moment, Sue?”
Will asked, as he eased Melvin inside the room and
gently closed the door.