Sue (13 page)

Sue nibbled at her roast beef
sandwich as her dad told her what he’d accomplished while she was gone. “You
can see the blinds are up in here. I also got the bedroom taken care of. Your
windows here are smaller than the ones at home but they look pretty good. The
shades make them look bigger.”

Sue had wanted her new blinds, bed
ensemble, and computer desk she’d bought for her bedroom at home so she’d
brought them with her. She’d bought a bed frame without head or footboards and
a fairly good mattress set. Her folks put her old room back to its original
condition, sans the canopy. All that work, and her dad hadn’t seemed to
begrudge a bit of it.

Now, she stood and admired the
completed project. “Wow. You’re right; the larger blinds make a huge
difference.”

She peered into the bathroom and
saw that he almost had the shade ready to hang there. She’d chosen a wide-slat
deep-green style here to offset the sea green shower curtain and throw rug.

As her dad finished his work, Sue
carried in boxes and set about putting things away. She didn’t have much and
was nearly finished by the time her dad kissed her cheek and left for home. She
kept unpacking until at last she had everything where it belonged. She broke
down the empty boxes and placed them on a high shelf in the storage room. After
a quick shower, she dried her hair and dressed in clean clothes. If she
hurried, she could squeeze in some target practice at the range before her
self-defense class. She picked up her phone to call Melvin.

Chapter 19

Later, Sue awoke with a scream
stuck in her throat. Her eyes probed the room, seeking something familiar
before she remembered she was in her new apartment and realized she had been
having a nightmare. Padding barefoot into the kitchen, she ran a glass of water
and sipped it slowly as her nerves calmed. Zeke still haunted her sleep.

When she’d first returned home, her
dreams had centered on their lovemaking, the way it had been when she first
fell in love with Zeke, when it was tender, sweet, and passionate. These dreams
had tortured her with emotions she didn’t want to feel, with perverse longings,
and sent her in desperation to the phone to schedule extra appointments with
Dr. Camden.

“Why these dreams?” she’d implored.
“What’s wrong with me?”

Dr. Camden had given her a patient
look. “Your mind is still grappling with being set-up. You’re trying to
understand how Zeke gained access to the most protected, vulnerable parts of
you.”

“I already know how he did it. Do I
have to keep dreaming it?”

“Do these dreams arouse you?”

“Of course not!
They disgust me,” Sue had lied.

The doctor said nothing, but her
look said she knew better.

“You have to understand; he loved
me at first.” Sue was defensive. “He said he loved me.”

“A person can say anything, Sue. It
doesn’t make it true.”

“So he lied about loving me? He
never meant it at all? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Some people aren’t capable of
love. It’s not a reflection of you or your worth. It’s a measure of his.”

“Sometimes I miss him so much,” Sue
had whispered, terrified to reveal the secret. “Not the Zeke he turned out to
be, but the one I thought I knew. The way he was in the beginning. I miss
that
man.” She’d held her breath, waiting for the doctor to chastise her.

“It’s natural to feel that way. He
flattered you, made you feel loved, accepted,” Dr. Camden had stated calmly.
“But the person you miss was never real. It was an act.”

“Don’t you think I know that? He
tricked me. And I fell for it.”

She’d come a long way since that
appointment. Those old erotic dreams had faded and violent nightmares had taken
their place. Still, Zeke was never the one who committed the heinous acts.
Just an unseen assailant.
Without consulting her therapist,
Sue understood the reason for this. Her mind was still unwilling to accept the
reality that her lover had been a sadistic killer. Why? Because it would reveal
Sue to be either pathetically desperate for attention or culpable in some way,
and she couldn’t yet handle either outcome.

She’d tried again to open up to
Joyce about her persistent feelings for Zeke. It was impossible to describe her
torment without revealing the secret ordeal she’d suffered through. She’d
faltered through the conversation and Joyce had soon grown impatient with Sue’s
vague complaints.

“You’re too hard on yourself,” Joyce
had finally proclaimed. “It’s over! Just put it all out of your mind and think
about the here and now. Stop dwelling on the past. You’re way too serious
anymore. I don’t know why you can’t snap out of it.”

That was the last time Sue had
confided in Joyce, this time probably for good. Sue wasn’t the same person
anymore, but Joyce hadn’t changed. Sue had been touched by darkness; Joyce
still walked in the light, oblivious.

Chapter 20

At her next appointment, Sue told Dr.
Camden about her new apartment and her mother’s emotional reaction to her
moving out. “My folks ought to be glad to have me out of the way. It’s likely
they never wanted me in the first place.” The words caused a soft pain in Sue’s
stomach.

The woman looked vaguely surprised
at this comment. “Did they tell you that?”

“No. But I came along kind of late
in their lives.” Sue twisted in her seat. “You know, they used to go out all
the time. They loved to dance. I’ve heard my relatives talk about how good they
were, and I’ve seen pictures. My dad had a full head of hair and he was so
skinny! And my mom just sparkled. They dressed up in flashy costumes. I mean,
they really knew what they were doing, even won some competitions.”

“They did?”

“Yes. And it wasn’t old
fogey
stuff, either. Swing dancing, jitterbug, stuff like
that. You’d never know it to look at them now; they’re so sedate and plain.
Anyway, there was hardly a dance they didn’t go to; they’d drive hours to get
there. Then I came along.”

“And?”

“And I ruined everything for them.
You know, it’s hard to picture your parents ever being passionate, being crazy
in love, or being impulsive. By the time I was born, I think my folks had
already worked through any relationship turmoil, if they ever had any. Or maybe
it was my fault they lost their zing. I do remember seeing them take a few
dance steps around the living room when I was a kid. And they laughed and
hugged each other. Then they saw me watching and my dad scooped me up in his
arms and pretended to dance with me. I think they didn’t want me to feel left
out.”

“That sounds like a good memory,
not a bad one. Why so negative?”

Sue lifted a shoulder in a
half-shrug. “I think my presence stole the romance out of their lives. They’re
so ordinary now. I don’t see any spark between them.”

“How do they treat each other?”

“Dad’s gentle with Mom. She’s not
what you’d call high-strung, but she’s always been a little on the nervous
side. He’s protective of her. And she’s good to him, looks after him.”

“Maybe what you’re seeing is
contentment, not monotony.”

“Maybe.
But I can’t seem to get rid of the idea that their lives changed because of me.
I never really thought about it until Zeke brought it up.”

“Ah, the
undisputed expert on everything.”

Dr. Camden’s dry tone elicited a
sharp look from Sue. She grew defensive. “Here’s a question, then. If they’d
really wanted children, why’d they wait so long to have me? I had to have been
an accident.”

“Maybe you should ask them.”

“Ask them? Oh, I don’t know. I
don’t want to upset my mom.” Sue stood and walked over to the window. “I’ll
think about it.”

Chapter 21

Late January, Sue came home to find
her door standing ajar, having been pried open. Melvin hadn’t been available to
escort her home that evening so she was alone. Tingles crept up her spine and
she backed away slowly, reaching for her cell phone. Eyes fixed on the front
entrance she dialed 911 and waited in her car for the police to arrive.

The officer who showed up was
friendly but serious and ordered her to wait outside while he checked the
interior. When finished, he asked her to come in and see if anything was
missing. Sue entered the apartment and looked around. Everything appeared to be
as she had left it that morning before going to work. She peeked through the
door before entering her bedroom.

The bed was neatly made and her
computer still sat on her desk. She quickly examined her closet and found
nothing out of order. The bathroom, too, seemed untouched. “It doesn’t look
like anything has been taken. I just don’t understand it.”

The officer stepped forward. “Maybe
they got scared away before they could take anything.” He snapped shut his
notebook and walked toward the door. “There have been some other break-ins in
this area. It’d be a good idea to ask your landlord to install a deadbolt when
the door is fixed.”

“Don’t worry, I will.” Sue closed
the door, propped a chair under the knob, and put the chain on. Then, she
called the landlord to inform him of the break-in and he assured her he was on
the way to repair it.

That evening she called Melvin and
told him what happened. He wanted to come right over.

“No, that’s not necessary,” Sue
told him. “I’m fine. Nothing was taken and now I have a deadbolt.”

“Still...”

“Really, Melvin.
I don’t think it was directed at me personally. The cop said there were other
crimes in this neighborhood.”

“Did you tell your parents?”

“Yes, and it freaked them out. But
what can anyone do? It was a random thing.”

Melvin relented but Sue could tell
he wasn’t at ease. “Call me if anything happens,” he said. “No. Call the police
first, and then call me. Okay?”

His concern gave Sue a warm
feeling, which she quickly pushed away. “I will, Melvin.”

When Sue opened the newspaper a
couple of days later, she was shocked to see a report of the incident. It was
just a small blurb buried on a back page, but it contained her name and new
address.

The following week the first letter
arrived. The envelope was typed with no return address. It was postmarked in Bangor,
just seventy miles or so to the southeast. Inside she found a poem that had
been clipped from a magazine.

My soul aches

My heart cries

Remembering your feather touch,
your liquid eyes

My mind screams

My body spasms

Remembering your tender flesh,
your trembling orgasms

I can’t let go

Don’t you know?

I can’t let you go.

~Unknown

The paper fluttered from her hands
to the floor. It was exactly the weird kind of poetry Zeke would write.
Fumbling with her phone, she called Melvin. Though he’d been napping, he
arrived within minutes, eyes wary and hair askew. “Did you call the police?” he
asked before he’d even removed his jacket.

“I called Detective Sanders. She’s
on her way.” Sue glanced at the opened letter as if it were a snake coiled on
her coffee table.

“It’s too bad you touched it. Maybe
there are prints on it.”

She turned angry eyes toward him.
“Well, for god’s sake, I didn’t know what it was until I opened it.”

“I know, I know,” he soothed.
“Just slipped out before I thought.”

The detective arrived, asked a few
questions, and bagged the letter. “I doubt we’ll find anything on it, but this
is significant enough to be taken seriously, given your history. It could be
just a prank, though. I don’t want you taking matters into your own hands
again. Got that?”

Sue nodded.

The detective spent a few minutes
questioning Melvin before leaving. Sue closed the door behind her and turned
around, a haunted look on her face.

“I’m staying with you tonight,”
Melvin announced.

“What? No! That’s not happening.”

He looked hurt. “Just to make sure
you’re safe, Sue.
Nothing else.”

“I’m fine. I’ve got my gun.” She
patted his arm to take the sting out of her reaction. “I appreciate the offer,
but it’s not necessary. It’s just a letter, not like someone’s trying to hurt
me or anything.”

Inside, she felt weak and shaky.
The letter had to have come from Zeke. That could mean one of two things:
either he mailed it from Bangor, or
he mailed it from here but did it late enough in the day that it was shuttled
south for processing. Her heart beat faster. She could hardly wait to get rid
of Melvin so she could sit down at her computer and focus her internet searches
on the Bangor area.

“Thanks for coming but I think I’m
okay now the excitement’s over. Go on home and finish your nap.” She
practically pushed him out the door.

At the threshold he paused. “Want
me to follow you to work tomorrow?”

“Sure, yeah.
That’d be great. See you then.” She shut the door behind him and locked it.

Peering through a slender gap in
the curtain, she saw him linger on the small porch for a moment. Then he
shrugged and strolled to his car. Before opening the door, he slipped the
inhaler from his pocket and took a few puffs. Sue exhaled loudly and let the
curtain drop.

An hour later, she gave up on the internet
search and fixed a light supper. She ate as she watched television, but her
mind kept wandering. The wind had picked up and every sound made her jump. She
cleaned her gun and reloaded it before checking all the windows and doors.
Flipping on her front porch light, Sue finally put on her pajamas and crawled
into bed. Lying on her back, she listened as cars drove by, the shadows from
their headlights creeping across her ceiling. It was hours before she fell
asleep.