Special Needs (26 page)

“He thinks that we’re attracted to each other.” Liam stroked Ryan’s hair gently.

“Oh. Oh no, no, no!” Ryan quickly shook his head. And there he was, thinking Matt was asking because he wanted to sleep with
him
. Wasn’t he a sad loser. “Liam isn’t... you know. I wouldn’t say he’s
just
a caretaker, but there’s no funny stuff between us.” He wanted to make that clear, so Liam wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.

“What he’s saying is that we have loads of fun, but he still prefers his boyfriend,” Liam added, throwing an arm over Ryan’s shoulders. “I think it must be the accent.”

That wasn’t what he meant. He preferred Liam, but he couldn’t wait around a straight guy forever. “Yeah, and the sex.” He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t force himself to move away.

“No, it’s definitely the accent,” concluded Matt.

“I know, right? Damn...” Liam only pressed Ryan closer.

“Maybe you can learn to speak like him.” Ryan pushed at him with an elbow. If only Liam could acquire a taste for cock when he was at it.

“Tell me, how do you say ‘suck my cock dry’ in Stuart’s tongue then?” Liam’s fingers slid down his back, warming him up much quicker than the fire.

“That’s hot. Keep going,” murmured Matt, who watched them with his eyes wide open.

Ryan just laughed. “That would be... ‘would you like to gobble on my knob, please?’” he said in a overdone British accent. Several people around them burst out laughing, but he was watching Liam, whose face became strangely serious. He was looking him straight in the eyes, his fingers gently brushing over Ryan’s thigh.

“What if I did...?”

“I would probably come in about five seconds, so you know, probably not the best experience for a first time cocksucker.”

“Why, isn't it all about the jizz?” Liam leaned forward, his eyes meeting Ryan’s.

“Liam, stop it. There’s people all around. And naked at that,” he whispered, trying to focus on the heat and dryness from the nearby fire instead on the heat of a nearby body. “I’m having enough trouble holding it in as it is.”

“Which one of us do you like more?” It was a blunt question and even though Liam didn’t specify who he was talking about, it was obvious, and names hung in the air like heavy fog.

“That’s such an unfair question.” Ryan was even more annoyed by the fact that some people around them were obviously listening in on this conversation. Even the music got quieter, as if someone turned down the volume on purpose.

Matt sat by them in silence, pretending to be fascinated by the fire.

“Why is it unfair? I wanna know.” Liam ran his fingers through his hair, biting his bottom lip nervously. The warm glow of the fire illuminated his face and made his blond stubble shine.

What kind of question was that anyway? Ryan liked both him and Stuart in different ways, and there was no reason why he should have to explain that to anyone. Even Liam. And why was he being so pushy all of a sudden? “Because you can’t compare these things. And stop touching me.” Ryan didn’t know what to think of it. Was it brotherly overprotectiveness? Was Liam drunk? Was he hugging him, because he knew Ryan had a crush on him and wanted to be nice? What. The. Hell.

Liam took his hand away as if Ryan’s body burned him and actually moved several inches away. He didn’t say a thing.

“Oh, don’t worry about this douchebag, Liam. You can fuck me if he doesn’t want you.” Matt grinned, winking at them as he downed his beer.

That helped lighten the mood a bit and Ryan forced a smile, but still felt uneasy. Of course, he would rather sit around in Liam’s embrace, but it started being weird at some point, and he couldn’t pinpoint why.

“Look at him. Drunk like the olden days.” Someone laughed and pointed at Matt.

“Matt, Matt! Tell us the ghost-fuck story!”

“Yeah! Tell that one!”

“It’s no laughing matter.” Matt snorted. “It was the best fuck ever.”

“No one believes you, but go on!” Bob yelled at him.

Matt rolled his eyes. “Well, it happened when we were doing the asylum shoot. We were freaking out and the guys left without me... Jeez, I wish one of them were here, so I could pinpoint him with glare of accusation.”

Matt continued his asylum ghost story, but Ryan kept looking back to Liam from time to time. “Are we okay?” he whispered at one point.

Liam sighed, playing with his hair. “If you’re happy with Stuart, then I have to be okay with it, don’t I?”

It was like a blow to Ryan’s stomach. “Stop making me feel bad about it. It’s unfair.”

“I’m just...” Liam pinched the base of his nose. “I don’t feel like he’s what you need.” His eyes shot up to meet Ryan’s.

“Don’t patronize me.” Ryan moved a bit closer, so no one would hear.

“I’m not. I just-- this guy’s bad news.” He sent Ryan a tired look.

“Can we just agree to disagree?” Ryan let his gaze stray to Matt's firm ass.

“No,” Liam snapped, but he was quiet enough not to get attention.

Ryan turned to him, shocked by the aggressive tone. “‘No’?” What were they supposed to do then, and if Liam was angry with him, who would take him home from the beach? He should ask Rod... who at the moment was far too busy flirting with a crew member to even notice his distress.

“This guy, he’s not all there. He’s shit! I’m telling you, Ryan.” Liam’s hissing was getting heated. His eyes opened wide, while all of his face became even more tense.

Ryan just pouted and curled under Matt’s warm towel. He was not going to be a virgin forever just because Liam didn’t like Stuart.

Chapter 13

Ryan looked up at Stuart with a smile that he knew was meek, but he couldn’t help the nerves that made him lose his appetite. They were sitting in the Monster Room, which was now sparkly clean, courtesy of Fay, who thankfully masked the scent of cleaning products with something nice and fresh. The yellow glow of the lamps was soothing to Ryan's nerves and he was glad they decided to stay in the hotel. He was still upset about Liam’s attitude yesterday, especially just after they had such fantastic time in the water. He didn’t really speak to Ryan much since the bonfire and Ryan knew he didn’t sleep in his room last night, probably going off to hook up with some lucky girl. As hard as he tried to avoid thinking about his handsome caretaker on the night he’d finally get his cherry popped, it was difficult to simply forget someone with charisma as powerful as Liam’s. He kept being distracted, especially with the conversation staggering along like an old hobo.

“Stu, can I have a bit of a stupid question?” Ryan started, as they were eating a delicious cherry jelly with cream. Liam hadn't asked what he was supposed to cook, but everything he made was very light and delicious, even though it was clear he disapproved of what Ryan was about to do. Ryan was so nervous that he could hardly swallow another spoonful of the dessert. It was hard for him to eat, since his stomach was clenching with nerves that also made him light headed and a terrible conversation partner. He was sweating so much he was worried that Stuart might find him offputting.

“Go ahead, baby.” Stuart bit the spoon, looking at him from across the table, which Liam and Rodney carried in for the evening.

Ryan swallowed, uncomfortable with the topic he needed to discuss. He played with the pink tablecloth absentmindedly. “You know, yesterday you were all happy about me doing porn, and I’m like... I’m not sure how I feel about that. You want to have an open relationship?” He tried to find an answer in Stuart’s eyes, and his mind was already filling with possible answers he could give if Stuart confirmed his worries.

Stuart blinked, but then his face relaxed into a sympathetic smile. “You know I wish the best for you. And under those circumstances, an open relationship wouldn’t be fair. You don’t have that many options.”

“Yeah.” Ryan licked his lips and looked down at the red jelly. That was a bit blunt. But pretty true, he supposed. Not many guys would like the hassle of dealing with his disability, and even if they fucked him out of curiosity, they wouldn’t stick around for long. “That’s cool, cause I’m not into that anyway. I want only one person. And uhm... you don’t mind, my leg thing?” Ryan was having trouble not to stutter as his chest filled with nauseating heat. The mere thought of getting naked in front of Stu, letting him see the ugly stump, was enough to turn Ryan into a quivering mess.

“Oh, baby.” Stuart reached out across the table to hold Ryan’s hand. Ryan was surprised to feel Stuart's palm was wet, so maybe he wasn’t as calm about their first time as it seemed? “I know many people must have been cruel to you, but I can look past your wheelchair.”

“You just say that cause you like emo twink boys with tats.” Ryan chuckled, but squeezed his hand.

Stuart pushed his dessert away. Ryan's stomach knotted, and he froze with the spoon halfway to his lips. This had to mean the dinner was over. Would Liam be upset if he didn’t finish the jelly?

“I like to think of myself as open minded.”

Ryan just sighed. Stu didn’t really get his jokes. “You must be, if you’re spending a night with me in a room like this.” He smiled and slowly wheeled away from the table.

“Well, I think it’ll make you comfortable to be in a place you like.” Stuart left his hoodie on the chair and slowly strolled towards Ryan. “And here, nobody will disturb us.” He nodded towards the locked door.

Ryan reached out to touch Stuart’s thighs, trying to contain his breathing. “No, just you and me.”

“Strip.” Stuart grabbed the hem of his shirt and made a show of taking it off, even though his chest wasn’t all that impressive. Ryan didn’t mind though. He was about to have sex and hearing that word sent shivers down his spine. It only took him a moment to comply and take off his shirt.

Stuart groaned and pushed Ryan's chair closer to the bed. “You’re so hot, baby.” He bowed his head down to trail lazy kisses over the arch of Ryan’s arm and neck.

And Ryan did feel like that now. Hot. Desired. His smile widened as he tilted his head to the side, making more room for kisses.

“Can I take the braces off for you so we could get you ready?” Stuart bit into his skin, making Ryan’s cock twitch.

“Uhm... I admit I’m more comfortable with them... Feels better and holds a spasm in place if it happens.” Ryan swallowed, looking up into the smiling face of his boyfriend. Having the braces on also helped his own personal fantasy of not being able to move them.

“Sure, of course, baby. But we need to take your pants off.” Stuart pressed a wet kiss to his lips, spreading one hand over Ryan’s breast bone, but the hug didn’t help the growing tension in Ryan’s chest.

“Uhm... How about just pushing them down a bit? Stu... I... my legs are not a super-pleasant sight,” he whispered, suddenly as insecure as ever.

“Don’t be like that.” Stuart pulled away just to squat in front of Ryan. “I don’t mind it if they’re thin.” He reached for the first buckle, already eyeing Ryan’s crotch like it was the ultimate prize.

“I mean... I’ve got scars and... stuff.” He could use a moment with his inhaler right now, but he didn’t want to come off as some unlovable weakling.

Stuart grinned at him, his eyes dark. “Lots of paras have scars. Don’t worry about it.” He was opening Ryan’s braces with ease, one buckle at a time.

“You did your research, huh?” Ryan laughed nervously, trying to keep his legs relaxed. He loved that feeling of weightlessness, forgetting they were even there.

“Sure. Plus, I was with a guy on wheels before, I told you.” Stuart’s breathing became erratic. He hooked his hands under Ryans armpits and dragged him towards the bed.

Ryan grabbed onto his arms, suddenly losing his ground. He was excited but also... well... a bit scared. As much as he wanted the experience, there was something nerve wracking about doing it for the first time. The bed was nice, not too soft under him as he laid sprawled on his back, with limp legs cascading to the floor. Stu smiled at him, his eager hands stroking up and down Ryan’s thighs, squeezing them as if they were made of soft dough. Eventually, he slid them down to slowly remove Ryan’s creepers. Ryan closed his eyes and murmured in pleasure. His cock was already hard and dying to be out of his pants. As if reading his thoughts, Stuart opened his fly and yanked both Ryan’s jeans and underwear down. Cold air tickled Ryan’s skin, suddenly making him very aware of being laid bare like a roasted piggy on a plate.

He gasped and lifted himself on his elbows to see Stuart’s reaction. The last thing he wanted was being disgusting to his partner. Stuart looked up at him with a warm smile, his eyes shining with excitement. “Wow, your legs are so... nice, not that thin at all.” He dropped Ryan’s pants to the floor and traced his fingers along the edge of Ryan’s prosthetic foot. It was embarrassing enough for Ryan to be on the verge of hyperventilating. Never before had he willingly shown it to anyone. If he only could, he’d rather pretend it wasn’t happening.

“Are you sure you want to take the socks off? You wouldn’t have to... uhm... distract yourself with it.” Ryan didn’t even notice when his arms began to tremble. Stuart’s body was shivering too, though it certainly wasn’t fear that shook him.