Southern Admirer (Southern Loving Book 2) (15 page)

Here he was with a woman who was the mother of his
child and he was falling madly in love. Peeking over he noticed since they’d
been together Jasmine had been glowing and happy, even retaining some sense of
semblance dignity in spite of their situation. Being around her transformed him
into this giddy teenager-like love in him. He didn’t hate it at all, it was
actually wonderful. He loved it and most importantly he enjoyed spending time
with Jazzy and seeing her happy.

It was complicated falling in love again,
especially when you wife died almost two years ago. Saying the L word sounded
like it would come too soon if he said it to Jazzy.

“What is that look for?” Jazzy asked, looking at
him suspiciously.

Shane stood up and placed the empty ice cream
container in the trash. “I can’t breathe when you’re around me.”

“What does that mean? I’m evading your space if
it’s too much for you to handle…”

“You are perfect, everything is perfect; me going
to work and coming home to you is perfect. Shay is perfect.” Shane chuckled
nervously as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I have fallen in love with
you! That’s why it’s so hard to breathe. I can barely function at work because
I'm thinking about our kisses, touching you or the stolen glances that make me
weak in the knees.”

“I…” Jasmine swallowed and stood up from her seat
on the floor “I don’t…”

Shane stepped forward, brows knitted, eyes full of
worry. “Jazzy, you don’t have to say anything…”

“I have loved you since the day I met you,” she
blurted out, and quickly covered her mouth.

Shane looked shocked, for the first time he was
utterly speechless. It was like Déjà vu for him. When the words left Jasmine’s
mouth, his mind immediately went to the argument he had with Sarah.

 
“That little bitch has a crush on you.”

“I see the way you’re looking at me but it wasn’t
like that. Over the years, I kept my distance from you. Tortured myself for
years with unrequited love.”

Shane hurried up and put on his clothes…he just
confessed his love to Jasmine St. Clair and she replied by telling him about
the love she had for him for years. “Do you know the argument I had with Sarah
regarding you?”

“Never! Have I ever approached you about my
feelings toward you?” she exclaimed, pointing her finger at him. “It was always
one-sided, I was never a threat to your marriage or Sarah.”

“Every night my wife argued that you were this bad
omen to our marriage…and I didn’t believe her…you were the person who had Sarah
losing her grip on sanity.”

Jasmine gasped with her hand to her chest. “Yes, I
had a crush on you; there is nothing wrong with liking someone. I never put
myself out there until now.” Here she was risking her emotions, vulnerability and
investing her happiness in this jerk. Did he see that she was taking a huge
leap of faith by confessing her feelings? “I got over you Shane McBride…I got
over a man who didn’t love me back; a man who was taken and eventually, I
created space in my heart for someone who loved me because I knew you could
never be that man.”

Shane took a step toward Jazzy, reaching up he
brushed a strand of her black locks from her face. “You always loved me?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Do you know how it feels to
love someone who can’t love you back? You make me happy. I stood on the
sidelines for years admiring you. Silently loving you from afar.” Jasmine
walked out the room and into the room she shared with their daughter.

He stood in the spot where she left him. A few
minutes ago he sat on the floor hoping that Jazzy felt the same as he did. He
knew first hand that life was too short, one day you were here and next day you
could be gone in the blink of an eye. He didn’t want to waste more time and
energy fighting his feelings for Jasmine. Today he reached down inside himself
and found the courage to tell her that he was falling in love with her only for
her to tell him she been in love with him for years.

Taking a seat at the kitchen counter, he poured
himself a glass of bourbon. He laughed pitifully at himself.
Look at
yourself man!
He thought to himself. His life was almost like the American
Dream story, getting married to his high school sweetheart, joining the
military and eventually a career in law enforcement. Everything was great for
them until bipolar disorder and depression took over Sarah.

He swished the liquor around his mouth before
swallowing it and gasping as the warm liquor soothed his throat. Their life
together became a nightmare, the countless arguments and attempted suicides.
However, he was determined to be a devoted, loving husband and to stand by
Sarah. His marriage was railroaded by mental illness and it didn’t matter how
much love he had for his wife nothing could overcome the result.

Every day was a struggle for him to leave the
woman he loved. The day he told Sarah he wanted a divorce was the last time he
ever talked to her. Yes, he valued the commitment he made ‘sickness and in
health,’ his smart, beautiful and loving wife’s reality became so altered, it
compromised her integrity, civility and intelligence.

Picking up the bottle, he started to pour himself
another glass. When thoughts of Sarah arose, it was easier for him to chase
those thoughts away with liquor.

Day in and day out he had to come to turns with
the heartbreaking reality that he didn’t do enough to help her. The guilt was
eating at him for deciding to end their marriage, now he was battling with
survivor’s remorse. In a span of the two years since Sarah’s death, he was now
falling madly in love with someone else and a father to a baby girl.
He was
guilty of moving on with the woman his dead wife hated.

Turning off the kitchen lights, he passed
Jasmine’s bedroom door that was cracked open slightly. He had a clear view of
Jazzy and their daughter in the rocking chair. Shane forgot how beautiful
Jasmine’s voice was. The lullaby she was singing made him envision a happy,
loving life with Jazzy.

 Shane quietly walked in. “We’re so lucky and
blessed,” she said softly, standing up she took slow measured steps to the crib
where she placed Shay down.

“Yes we are,” he replied, while wrapping his arms
around her waist and placing his chin on her shoulder. “She is beautiful and
precious.”

“She looks like you.”

“Nose and eyes are all you.”

“I love you, in a million years I wouldn’t have
thought this would be us…starting a family.” She turned around in his arms and
gave him a kiss. “I’m going to bed.”

“Yeah,” he yawned. “I’m exhausted.” Taking her by
the hand Shane steered her to the bed. Once they were lying right next to each
other, they couldn’t help but stare at one another in the moonlight.

“Goodnight, Shane,” she said in a low voice, as he
reached out and stroked her hair. Jasmine placed her head on his shoulder and
fell asleep quickly.

“Goodnight, doll.” He smiled and fell asleep.

Chapter Seven

The sun was beating down; it was so hot Shane had
to estimate that the temperature had to be at least in the one hundreds. Sweat
poured down the back of his neck, wetting his white t-shirt and collecting on
his forehead. Lifting his shirt up, he used it to wipe the sweat that formed on
his forehead before it could get into his eyes.

“This is not like you, working on the ranch.”

Shane grunted and lifted another bale of hay and
heaved it into the truck bed. He turned to see his cousin standing there with a
smirk on his face. “Why you say that, cousin?”

“Well, Hank called you the Casanova and pretty
boy.” Austin bit back a laugh when Shane glared over at him. “I’m not the one
who said you were afraid to get your hands dirty.”

“I have too much shit on my mind to care what Hank
or anyone else says,” he mumbled.

Austin took a seat on a bale of hay. “Let me
guess, you still sour about yesterday’s events.”

Shane curse as yesterday flashed before his eyes.
“Fuck!” he yelled over and over again.

“What did Jasmine have to say?”

“Not now, Austin,” he growled, working on the
ranch helped get his mind off work and family related issues. “You know what
Jazzy had to say? She had the audacity to ask me if I was racist.”

“Well, her brother did announce in front of a room
full of guests that you wouldn’t marry her because the color her skin,” Austin
whistled. “Cousin, I didn’t know you were that selective.”

“Jazzy won’t let me live this down and now you.”
Shane ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m going to tell you what I told
Jasmine, I don’t care if she was white, yellow or pink it wouldn’t change my
feelings for her.”

“Feelings?” Austin looked surprised to hear that
admission from his cousin. “Well damn! It’s about time I thought it was true
what my mama used to say about you….She’d be like ‘Austin, Shane ain’t got the
good sense God gave a goose.’”

“Austin,” Shane warned, this wasn’t the time nor
place to hear his cousin’s endless teasing.

“What?” Austin held his hands up in surrender.
“I’m just trying to help. Right now you appear like you are one fry short of a
Happy Meal.”

“What am I’m supposed to say!” Shane hollered. “My
partner feels like I betrayed him and Jazzy is madder than a wet hen.”

Austin scratched his head and looked at Shane
weird. “Were we at the same baby shower or shall I say at the surprise ‘Here is
my baby,’ shindig?” He chortled when Shane looked at him with a scowled the
laughter stop. “Sorry man…I’m just saying.”

Sighing, he took a seat next to Austin on the
bale. “Question.”

“Shoot.”

Shane took a deep breath and exhaled, “Is Farrah
the first African American woman you dated?”

“Well, I’ll be damn you scared to say black.”
Taking off his cowboy hat, he flipped it in his hands a few times before
putting it back on his head. “Yep, she is the first black woman I ever pursued,
dated and married. We’re both new at this interracial dating…it ain’t easy
especially when my life is dissected by the media and bloggers. I have fans who
threaten to boycott my music or buying my albums because the color of my wife’s
skin.”

This was a bombshell to Shane; he didn’t know that
Farrah and his cousin were experiencing so much hostility. “Damn,” he murmured.
“How is she doing with everything?”

“Rebuilding Southern Rose Eatery…my wife is taking
everything in stride.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I’m trying
to protect her from everything.”

“Benjamin opened a huge can of worms, when he
mentioned race and now Jazzy is all up my ass,” Shane said.

“Well, we know that your mama’s daddy was the
grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. How is your momma taking it that she got
herself a mixed grandchild?”

“Honky dory,” he mumbled. Now that he thought
about it his mother seemed happy and content with having another grandchild to
love on.

“What else is bothering you?” Austin asked.

“Race!” Shane shouted causing a few ranch hands to
look at him. “Something Jazzy mention last night has me still thinking…the race
of our children.”

“What about it?”

“Farrah is black and you are white.” Leaning
against the barn wall, Shane pinched the bridge of his nose. “What does that
make your child? Black, mulatto, biracial, mixed race.”

Silence.

Austin quietness told Shane everything he needed
to know. It was plainly obvious that his cousin hadn’t thought a great deal
about race when it dealt with his unborn child.

“Farrah doesn’t believe in that Jim Crow one drop
bullshit…and neither do I…Our child will be a perfect blend of Farrah and me.
I’m betting my bottom dollar that our children will not define us by our skin
color—they would see us as mom and dad. It’s like what Farrah talked about the
other night we live in a culture where some people still define others by their
skin color,” Austin replied looking at his cousin. “What do you want for your
daughter to know about her race?”

“I want Shay to know that she is special and
unique. My hopes are that my daughter grows up comfortable in her own skin and
to know that it doesn’t matter what color somebody is—it’s based on the
person’s character.”

“You think I didn’t think about those thoughts?
When I found out Farrah was pregnant, I worried endlessly if my son or daughter
would adjust in this world with a black mom and white dad. But I look at my
wife and my hillbilly ass and know that our children will adjust just well…and
I will never make them choose one race because they will identify as more than
one race.” Austin stood up and wiped the s
w
eat that’d form on his head.
“Enough about race, tell me about Jazzy and you falling in love with her.”

“Boy, it’s hotter than a billy goat’s ass in a
pepper patch.” Shane picked up his cold bottle of water and took a swig. “Damn,
that’s refreshing.”

“Yep, I would be sweating like a whore in church
if I was you stalling and shit,” Austin said, getting impatient. “If you was
asking me for my opinion just take Jazzy on a date…just the other day some man
came calling on the ranch for her.”

Shane stood up abruptly. “What man?” he asked.

Austin ignored his cousin barking question after
question to him. Instead of sticking around for Shane’s interrogation. “It’s
not like you care who is wooing Jazzy, she is not your type and quite frankly
you don’t know what the hell you want. Dammit Shane, quit goin’ around your ass
to get to your elbow.”

 “First I do care who is wooing Jasmine,
secondly she is my type and thirdly why the hell I’m explaining this to you?”
Shane ticked off on his fingers. “Now who the hell called security?”

Austin hooted with laughter as he opened his truck
door. “Do you hear how insanely jealous you sound?” Stepping inside his vehicle
he turned around and smiled at Shane. “Go talk to Jazzy, I’m pretty sure if you
ask nicely she will tell you.”

“Err.” Shane kicked dirt before heading back to
the barn where he hauled the last two bales of hay before he made his way back
to the house.

                                                                            
***                     

Jasmine finally put the baby down for a nap. She
didn’t want to depend on Shane’s connection to help her get a job in her career
field. Sending off her resume to countless news stations and newspapers,
Jasmine was hopeful that she would get a few callbacks in the coming days. She
was about to press send when the French doors swung open and in strolled an
angry looking Shane McBride.

“Who’s been calling the ranch seeking a visitation
with you?” he demanded.

Her mouth form into an ‘O’, slightly taken aback
by Shane’s behavior. “What are you talking about?” Going to the refrigerator,
she took out a bottle of cold water. “Drink this before you bust a gasket. How
was work on the ranch this morning?”

“What? Are you purposely trying to change the
subject?” he asked looking at her incredulously, accepting the bottle of water
he took a drink. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand he stared at her
like a hawk. “Answer the question. Who is this man?”

“Don’t worry Shane, you don’t have a reason to get
jealous.” She went back to the table and closed her laptop.

“I’m not jealous,” he sputtered.

Standing there, she smiled at the sexy specimen
that stood before her with his muscular sun-kissed chest glistening in sweat.
Jasmine licked her lips as ogle his tight worn blue jeans. Shane was dessert no
matter what time of day it was. She thought about dripping chocolate on his
naked body.
Stop it,
she told herself. The snapping of fingers brought
her out her daydream. “Yeah.” She reached over and grabbed a nearly empty bottle
of water to quench her thirst.

“Who was the man?” he growled.

“I don’t know,” she answered softly. “It’s kind of
odd because no one know that I’m on the ranch except you.”

“What about your boy toy?” he mumbled.

“Max?” she scrunched her face up. “He wouldn’t
want anything to do with me—especially since I told him that we hooked up.”

He narrowed his eyes further. “Why didn’t you tell
me?” he asked.

“What was I’m supposed to say…Hey, Shane my
boyfriend broke up with me because I slept with you…I cheated and deserved
everything that was said to me.”

“Did you love him?” he asked, moving closer to
her, closing the gap between them in one stride.

“No,” she whispered. Her breath caught in her
throat as she looked up at him. Somehow he managed to back her up against the
counter.

Shane placed his hands on either side of her head,
caging her in. “We’ve known each other for a long time, haven’t we?” She nodded
her head unable to speak. “You asked me if I’m jealous and the answer is yes…I
don’t want another man to touch you like this. Do you only want my touches?”

Jasmine breathing became pants as Shane’s chest
pressed against her chest. He placed his hands on her chest, just above her
right breast. She was pretty sure he could feel her racing heart that matched
his own.

“Answer me!” he demanded.

“Ye-Yes.”

His lips meet hers in a bruising kiss. She moaned
as he nipped at her bottom lip, swiping his tongue along the seam, she opened
her mouth allowing him access, as their tongue clashed. Their hands gripping,
grabbing and pulling.

When he lifted her up, she wrapped her legs around
his waist as he grinded himself onto her. Her finger traced the faint scar on
his chest. Shane claimed her lips again, slower this time as if he was savoring
this moment.

Leaning her head back, she moaned as his thick
fingers traveled to the hem of her shirt and slowly lifting it up, revealing
her soft, brown abdomen. Cupping her breasts in his hand, rubbing her nipples
before dipping down to take one in his mouth.

Jasmine moaned his name as he sucked her breast.
She was becoming impatient as she grinded herself against him. Picking her up
and stroll over to the living room to the sofa where he quickly undid the
button of her shorts, pushing them along with her lace panties down her legs.

Jasmine’s breath was lost, if felt like she died
and went to heaven as Shane licked at her slit. He feasted on her like a
starving man. He moaned against her clit, closing her eyes tightly she could
fell his fingers trailing up the inside of her thigh and pushing one…two digits
inside of her. She moaned louder as she grabbed a fist full of his hair.

“Shane,” she begged.

“Your wish is my command darling.” He settled
himself down over her, placing his cock at the entrance of her wet heat. He kissed
her as he pushed inside her. They both gasped at the feeling.

Jasmine arched her back as they found a slow
rhythm. That afternoon, while their daughter slept, they made love on the sofa.
Panting and mumbling incoherently confessing their love to one another. Shout
of ecstasy rang out throughout the house as they both tumbled over the point of
no return.

***

Jasmine sat on the bed, her sleeping daughter in
her arms and Shane lying beside her. She couldn’t get over how amazing Shane was
to her. Throughout the night, he woke up with Shay telling her, ‘I got her and
go back to sleep.’ She couldn’t help but gawk at her beautiful daughter. She’d
seen plenty of babies before, but none of them were hers. It was something
truly different about those ten fingers and toes that had Jasmine transfixed.
Shay Melody McBride was utterly breathtaking with her smooth tawny skin.
Jasmine always thought that Shay’s green eyes would turn hazel but instead they
stayed green just like her dad. Thumbing away a strand of silky black hair that
one day would turn into a rich chestnut waves like hers, Jasmine could already
see the magnificent woman that her beautiful daughter would become.

“Jazzy.”

At the sound of Shane’s sleepy voice, she turned
to look at him. His eyes were half opened and half closed.