Soul Betrayed (6 page)

My gaze snapped up to him. “What do you mean if he was here right now?”

Father clenched his jaw. “Jackson’s been reassigned.”

My throat closed up, making it hard to breathe. “But he stopped appearing to me. That was the deal. Why would you take him away from me?” My voice rose. The baby chose that moment to wake from its slumber and roll around, adding to the fire that burned inside of me. My life was spiraling out of control. I’d lost my husband to my sister and now I’d lost the love of my life. Father would have gone to extreme lengths to keep us apart.

“Believe it or not,” Father said, with no hint of regret, “he asked for the reassignment.”

“You’re lying!” I spat.

Father sighed and shook his head.

My skin flushed as an emptiness in my heart spread across my chest. I darted toward Father until we were face to face. “Tell me you are lying.”

His gaze fell onto mine, his eyes distant.

I blinked back the haze that started to settle on the edge of my vision as I waited for his response.

“If you continue on this path,” he said softly, “you will not be able to fulfill your destiny.”

What did that mean? I brushed off the question, a bigger one burning inside of me. A frustrated sob broke past my lips. “Just tell me where he is.”

Father turned from me. “When you start thinking of others instead of yourself, maybe I will tell you.”

I grabbed father’s arm and squeezed. The pressure made my hand ache but I couldn’t stop myself. Something deep inside of me had snapped. “You will regret this,” I threatened.

Father turned to me, his mouth pressed in a hard line. “The only thing I regret is not separating you sooner.”

We both stood our ground, facing each other, neither backing down.

Tristan appeared in the doorway, his eyebrows raised. “Is everything okay in here?”

Father spun on his heel, facing my husband. “Everything is fine.” Father patted Tristan on the back as he brushed by him. “Good night.” He turned to me one last time just as my peripheral vision clouded, splintering the memory as I rocketed back to the present.

***

I awoke lying on the plush love seat in my father’s study. I tried to sit up but the room tilted again. Gingerly I placed my head on the pillow and squeezed my eyes shut, taking several controlled breaths before making the decision to try again. As I reached a seated position the door to the study opened, revealing my father holding a tray with Cooper close behind him, the tightness of his jaw slackening when he saw me awake.

Pulling my fingers through my hair, I twisted it around my fingers and pushed it off my flushed neck. I fought down the nausea churning in my stomach. One of the sensations I didn’t regret losing for a century.

Father placed the tray down and poured two cups of tea. “What did you see?” Always straightforward and to the point.

I accepted the cup and saucer he offered, the steam from the drink warming my face. “Memories. Of us.” If he could be business-like, so could I.

He sat on the chair across from the couch. “Go on.”

I glanced up at Cooper who gave me an encouraging smile as he made his way to the other side of the room to stand by the bookshelves, his posture at attention. I took a sip of tea before speaking. The hot liquid burned my throat and I coughed lightly, letting the herbs soothe my nerves. I detailed everything I had seen in the vision without interruption. My father regarded me with an impassive expression, taking in my side of our shared memories, but as I spoke, my emotions heightened, matching each scene as I recalled it. The effect was unexpected but remarkable at the same time. By the end of my recounting I felt like my body and soul had started to meld into one person. It was a strange sensation to have the new human feelings accompanying my soul ones. When I began to recount the argument we had had, Father’s mask faltered. A slight twitch in his cheek was all that he revealed but I remembered him clearer now. He was a man of few words and expressions, but the smallest quirk of his mouth spoke volumes.

When I finished speaking, the room went silent, the lack of sound deafening as if my head was stuffed in a pillow.

Father blinked. “You say there are gaps of memories.”

“Yes,” I replied.

He placed his cup and saucer on the side table and stood.

I looked at Cooper, but his eyes were on my father.

“It seems there needs to be a trigger, sir,” Cooper said standing at attention and keeping his gaze lowered as if he were speaking to a Caeleste.

Father nodded his head several times and scratched his beard. “Those memories that are being blocked, around what year do they start?”

I thought of what I knew of my human life so far and shook my head as I tried to remember the oldest human event I could that wasn’t my death day, which I had experienced enough times already to have it burned in my memory. “The memories I am missing start when I am around sixteen.”

Father and Cooper shared a look. Even though I knew they weren’t telling me everything, I kept quiet. I was the one who had something to make up for here. At least to my father.

The seconds dragged by like hours. I took another sip of tea just to have something to do other than wait for someone to speak.

Father sat back down in his chair, casually crossing his legs. “I’ve been informed of what memories Jackson has given you, but I need to know if there are any more.”

I hesitated, remembering the last kiss with Jackson that he showed me. The tea cup clattered against the saucer, but I recovered and placed them on the side table. It was a personal memory that Father didn’t need to know, but my chest ached thinking about that kiss and then how he didn’t stop Hannah from killing Leha. I swallowed, attempting to stop the tightness in my throat. Why had Jackson even bothered to show me my past if he knew he was just going to leave? He must have known me well enough to not want to go with Hannah. A part of me knew I was missing something, and only Jackson had the answer. The sooner I could earn back my father’s trust, the sooner I would be reunited with Jackson to begin my revenge.

“There is one more.”

***

I detailed the memory to Father. Jackson had showed me the memory through him and I explained his emotions as they were passed through me. I gave an abbreviated description of our last kiss, careful not to make eye contact with Cooper. It was embarrassing enough talking about kissing in front of my father.

When I was finished Father spoke quickly. “He did as I asked.” Then he got up from his chair again and stood in front of the fireplace, facing me. “It wasn’t until after he did that the change in you occurred. I’m just wondering where it all went wrong.”

“He must have influenced her first, sir,” Cooper suggested.

I spoke up. “Since he was with the Shadowed the whole time, maybe he had already done his job and then requested to leave before I did what I did?”

Father pressed his lips together and shook his head once before speaking. “There is something more, but she needs those memories back to uncover her motives.”

I hated when people spoke about me as if I wasn’t in the same room. I stood up to get their attention, “What do you want me to do?”

My father glanced at me. “We are meeting later to discuss our plan. I shall inform Cooper then.”

“Or you can just tell me,” I challenged.

He turned the weight of his gaze on me. “I’d like to have as little contact with you as possible.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised since I knew he hadn’t wanted to see me for years, but I couldn’t hold back a choked gasp at his brash comment. “But—”

His friendly blue eyes turned to icy daggers, chilling me to the bone as he stalked toward me. “I still remember, Margaret. The hate in your eyes that night was something I’ve only seen in the most evil of places. The Guard are supposed to protect humanity, not destroy it. You made your choice the night you murdered our family. Just because we are on the same side, don’t think for a second that I trust you. I just want to ensure no one else from my family dies.” He glanced at Cooper and dismissively said, “Take her through the property and see if anything else triggers a memory.”

Then he left the room, leaving the door wide open. For the way his words struck me, he could have slammed the door. I sank down onto the couch staring at the place where he had stood. As if I hadn’t felt guilty enough since I found out about my past, I didn’t need him shoving it in my face. But the last memory that I had experienced of my father and I had triggered a different response. I was so angry and willing to do anything to get what I wanted. I shook my head furiously, attempting to rid my head of the dangerous and hateful thoughts. But they stuck, burrowing deep in my gut.

“He’s right you know.”

Cooper came to my side. “What about?”

I exhaled deeply. “I am evil.”

He scoffed. “Maggie, you’re not evil.”

“My father is the most observant man that I’ve ever known—”

“He’s just upset about Leha.”

“It’s not just that—”

“I’m sure with time—”

My head snapped up. “Time? He hasn’t seen me in over a century because he’s still upset about Gemma and Tristan. And rightfully so. No amount of time will make him okay with what I did.”

Cooper lifted his hand to reassure me. “Maggie—”

I shrugged away from his touch, standing up. My heart rattled in my chest as if I’d just run a marathon. “He is right. When I first realized what I’d done I felt horrible and guilty. But now, with my memories, I still feel it was the right thing to do.”

Cooper tilted his head incredulously. “You don’t mean that.”

I didn’t know if I did or not, but I wasn’t sure of anything at that point. I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts. “This is me and it’s only going to resurface more as I get more memories.” Especially those where Jackson is involved. If I ever got those back.

I left the room, hoping that Cooper would come after me and argue on his behalf, but he didn’t.

You wanted distance, you have no right to be upset with him.

I continued down the hall and a picture of my bedroom flashed before my eyes. Picking up my pace, I sprinted around the corner before coming to an abrupt stop in front of the door. I looked both ways down the hall before my hand touched the knob. A lightness bloomed inside of me and I pushed the door open.

Inhaling deeply, I was now prepared for the onslaught of memories.

CHAPTER SIX

I waited a few seconds before I realized that nothing monumental was happening to me. Not like it did with the other memories. A few mundane memories flickered in my mind, mostly when I was younger, but nothing important.

My hand fell from the knob as I stepped into the room. It looked exactly as I remembered. It was as if the room had been frozen in time just as my body had been. I smoothed my hands across the thick quilt on the bed. It was cool to the touch and a chill raked down my spine. The fireplace was unlit, making the room much colder than I remembered and I walked over to the hearth and closed my eyes remembering that each day a roaring fire had filled the room with comforting warmth. I opened my eyes, taking in the lifelessness of my environment.

Something moved behind me and I twisted around. An image of Gemma standing at the doorway made me stumble back.

“Maggie?” Cooper’s form broke through the vision of Gemma as he rushed toward me, his strong hands gripping my shoulders—and me—in place.

The nearness of his body did funny things to my insides. Even though I wanted to push him away, I found my body unable to connect with my head. Instead, I stared up at his warm gray eyes. Cooper was constantly trying to save me, even though I knew I was far beyond that. We barely knew each other but for some reason he kept coming back to me, even when I had fallen for Jackson again.

“Did you see something else?”

I shrugged, the movement of his fingers sending sparks through me. “Nothing important.”

Cooper nodded. “Maybe seeing another part of the house will help?”

I knew what was going to trigger the rest of my memories but I didn’t dare suggest it. When I had met Jackson that night, I knew what I was looking for. And I knew Jackson had all the answers. If a picture or Father could trigger the memories, I knew seeing Jackson again would bring everything I was missing back. Then I would be fully armed to fulfill my intent to destroy Hannah and him. A hole widened in my heart at the thought of losing him.
Damn him for making me love him.
Even though I didn’t yet possess our shared memories, the ones that he had given to me overpowered the rest, even those of my father. Why had our connection been so strong? I thought of Cooper and Ally. He had a strong love for her but not the other way around. What was different between me and my Guard? Was it because he made himself known to me? Or because he knew all of my feelings and could manipulate them?

The idea slammed into me with the strength of a broadsword.

“Our connection!” I exclaimed.

Cooper tilted his head to the side. “Your connection?”

My heart raced in my chest. “You said the body was the connection for a Guard and its Prognatum.”

“Yes?” Cooper dragged the word out, his confusion palpable.

I reached out and clutched his arms, willing him to understand. “Do you think when I came back to my body, Jackson could have known?”

Cooper’s eyes widened. “If that is true, then he would already know where you are.”

My heart leapt, “If he knows where I am, I am sure he will come for me.”

“Or the Shadowed will come for us.”

I shook my head. “He had plenty of opportunities to take me to them, but he never did.” Brushing past Cooper I waded through my more recent memories of Jackson. “There is something more and the only way I can figure that out is by seeing him again.”

Cooper stepped back as if I had slapped him. His shock turned to fury. A side of him I’d never seen before. It was terrifying yet it reminded me that the Guard could be just as dangerous as the Shadowed, just as formidable. “I will not put you in danger again. He stood there and let Hannah kill your daughter and now you want to find him?”