Some Like It Scot (17 page)

“Have you ever wished you weren't in charge? That the burden of taking care of an island full of people had fallen to anyone else but you?”

“Fatigued by it? Aye. But truly wishing the burden away? No. I've had a lifetime to think on it, and to prepare. It's just that…my way of leading, of helping, has been to focus on the betterment of us all by making sure we remain economically sound, and therefore a viable, self-sustaining population. Ualraig, my grandfather…was wonderful in dealing directly with the people, handling the more political and personal conflicts that arise. It's during those times I feel inadequate and less than capable of the job that's been laid at my feet. I know how to take care of us as a whole, but I often worry I'm going to let them down in the other ways that matter.”

“Do they make you feel this way?”

“No,” he said, then paused, as if to truly contemplate that. “No, they don't.”

“Well then?”

He shook his head, and his lips curved into a smile that fully reached his eyes as he continued to regard her. “Well then, indeed.”

They smiled at each other for a few long moments, and she felt for the first time, a true bond had been forged between them. One that wasn't physical or hormonal. Or built on surface similarities. Or tied to the situation currently binding them together.

She realized, all the while they'd been deep in each other's personal space—kissed, even—she hadn't once had one of those vivid, erotically charged visions that had leapt so abruptly and intently into her mind's eye, like before whenever she'd had close contact with him. So maybe it really had been some sort of stress-induced hysteria.

Except maybe not—since he was seeing the same things she was.

She couldn't think about that. Or…any of it. “How much longer,” she asked, remembering there was still so much more left to that day. She couldn't fathom it. She felt…tapped out. In every way.

“Longer?” he asked, looking confused. “Oh, until Castlebay.” He looked across the rail at the horizon that was slowly coming closer and closer. “Another hour.” He looked back to her then and his hold on her tightened briefly at what he saw on her face. “We'll stay in Castlebay tonight.” When her eyes widened, he hurried to add, “In our own proper rooms. That's no' what I was aiming for. It's been a long two days. We should take a night, eat, sleep, regroup. It's no' going to matter if we get to Kinloch tonight or tomorrow. They can wait a wee bit longer, and we can get some much-needed rest.”

She could have cried all over again, but it would have been tears of gratitude. “That sounds truly wonderful. Thank you. I'll pay you back, for—”

“Now yer just insulting me,” he said, but kindly enough. “I've said my piece about this and I won't discuss it further. Ye ken?”

“I ken,” she said, smiling, and feeling better for it. “I just—”

“You need to relax and think your own thoughts for the remainder of the night. Dinnae worry so much about what others are thinking, or might think. You're here for you, Katie. Keep yourself in the lead. Even with me. Maybe especially with me.”

She tilted her head and studied him. “Is this some kind of reverse psychology?” she said, her tone wry.

He smiled. “I wouldn't begin to know how to apply it, so no. I'm wanting you to do what's best for you. I know what I want, and what I need, but that's up to me to think on, aye? I'm no' your responsibility. I can take care of me, just as you can take care of you.”

“Okay then,” she said, knowing she didn't need to hear that to know it was true…but it felt good to hear it nonetheless. Especially from him. She moved out of his arms and he didn't stop her. Step one, she thought, in regaining her perspective, and possibly whatever hope she had of regaining herself.

She was going to have a full night's reprieve to regroup, and that should be uppermost in her mind. A hot meal, a hotter shower, and a real bed sounded like nirvana to her. But those were still at least an hour or more away. “I think I'm going to take a walk around the decks. Breathe the air and enjoy the night that never gets dark.” She smiled a little. “Think my own thoughts.”
And be alone long enough to work that kiss out of my system before we walk into a hotel together
, she added silently.

If he was surprised or offended in any way at her sudden defection, he certainly didn't show it. Maybe he was relieved to get his own space for a time, too. It wouldn't be surprising. She was used to spending her days surrounded by people, and noise, and endless demands on her time and attention. Graham spent his time on a tiny island, stuck out at sea, overseeing fields of…whatever it was he said his baskets were made out of. Baskets. She was still trying to wrap her head around that one. Beside the point, he was used to the solitude. She wondered what he'd thought about how the past couple days had gone and she imagined he was every bit as done in as she was, only for different reasons.

“Probably no' a bad idea,” he said, proving her right, if not, perversely, making her happy about it.

It was precisely why she needed some alone time—to regain some sense of perspective.

“I'll be calling home while you're having your stroll. Get a report on how things are progressing.”

“You're telling them you're bringing me with you, right? I mean, we're not making this some kind of big surprise.”

“No, nothing like that. And aye, I'll be telling them.”

She didn't want to bring up the specifics again. As she mulled it over, she found she wasn't quite as concerned about who knew what regarding where he'd found her…and what she'd been about to do when he had, which must mean she was acclimating to her new circumstances. Or too numb to care. Either way, it felt better than the anxiety that had been plaguing her earlier.

Some apprehension lingered in her expression, because he went on to say, “When I left, only my two closest friends knew the circumstances under which we'd be meeting each other. I don't know who has common knowledge regarding that.”

“Meaning you don't know if your friends told everyone about it?”

“No, they wouldn't. But it's a small island and news has a way of getting about. They wouldn't patronize or be malicious. But that doesna mean the knowledge hasn't spread anyway.”

“Did they—meaning everyone—know what the purpose of your trip was? In general, I mean, if not specifically about me?”

“If you mean did they think I'd suddenly gone on holiday, no. They knew what my mission was. No' about you specifically, though.”

“Do you do that? Ever, I mean. Leave the island on holiday?”

He shook his head. “No' much point in it.”

“You don't believe in rest and relaxation breaks? Is it so demanding, being responsible for these people, they can't do without you for a short time?”

“No, it's no' that at all. I simply don't see the need to caravan about when there's work to be done.”

“There's always work to be done. That doesn't mean you can't occasionally wave and say you're taking a little break. In fact, I'd bet it might even improve things, allow you to gain a fresh perspective on whatever the problem of the day is. Or month. Or year,” she added, noticing his expression darken a bit.

“How often was it that you put into practice the advice you're giving in your tidy little speech?”

She opened her mouth, all ready to shoot him down, then stopped, and closed it again.

His knowing smile would have been irritating if it hadn't been so charmingly adorable.

“Okay, okay, touché,” she said, before taking the mature path and sticking her tongue out at him. “But, unlike you, I actually wanted a break, wanted to take time off to explore and get away from…things.”

“Understandable, given what I know of your situation. For me…if it took me somewhere to learn more about what it is I'm trying to accomplish, then the travel and time away would be well worth it.”

“But you don't feel the need to just get away from it all? Even briefly? To some degree, you have to be in much the same situation, in terms of the constant inescapable demands of your position.”

“It's no' that onerous a task, really. I know what I said earlier, about mediating issues, but we're a small population and generally just going about our business. Perhaps that's where we truly differ.”

“I know we look differently at dealing with what's been expected of us, but—”

“I'm no' referring to that. What I meant was, it's more cultural. You live in a very busy, very high-volume world. Just driving to Annapolis from the airport was like being dropped on another planet. Even when I went to university on the mainland here, there was never that sense of absolute, live or die urgency to get anywhere to do anything. I've never been in such a palpably anxious environment. We're far more relaxed in going about our daily lives. Nothing is so urgent that we feel the need to be so tightly wrapped or tense about getting to the next thing. So perhaps I have less to want to get away from,” he explained. “By and large, we're a happy people, but always aware that life is bigger than the task at hand. We appreciate what we have, what we've accomplished, and take pride in bettering our situations, but no' to the degree that we let it devalue the quality of the lives we're leading.”

She'd like to take offense of his portrait of American life, especially her specific slice of it. She'd traveled enough to know, comparatively speaking, Annapolis had a far more relaxed and bohemian vibe about it than many other mid-Atlantic cities of the same or greater size. Mostly due to it being both a port and a sea town, complete with all the recreational sports that went with it. Overall, she suspected he was absolutely right. It was a little stultifying to think she was part of that cultural environment…but also intriguing to know she was about to get a chance to see what it was like to live in his.

“We take great pleasure in the small things, like time spent with friends, tipping back an ale or two, playing some music, dancing, singing and the like. As a rule, we dinnae work ourselves to exhaustion, nor do we feel compelled to do so time and again, without taking some respite.”

She nodded, thinking the world he described sounded like a lovely place to inhabit. She'd long thought her own personal time clock was a bit out of whack, but between working with family and living with family, very little of her time could be completely claimed as her own. At work, there were constant business demands, and at home, constant social ones—which were usually business oriented. There wasn't much down time. Time spent with Blaine was usually her escape. Of course, they spent a good part of their time together bitching about that very life, so she wasn't entirely sure it could be claimed as an escape or true respite.

His expression shifted to one of amusement, and a very attractive twinkle sparkled in his eyes when he smiled. “You must think me—us—quite provincial and backward.”

“No,” she said, quite sincerely, “I think you sound healthy, happy, and well-balanced. I'm quite well aware of the imbalances in my life, but I don't know I'd ever thought of an alternative quite as lovely as the one you're describing.”

“It is a rather bucolic lifestyle, and we are provincial in many ways because of it. Though I don't think of us as backward.” His smile flashed wider for a moment. “Aye, so perhaps a wee bit, then.”

“I'm sure you're not. Not if you're representative of the people on your island, anyway.”

His smile grew again and she thought she might have seen a brief flush as well. Not used to being complimented, it appeared. She smiled to herself, rather liking that particular insight. In fact, she was liking most of the insights she'd gained where he was concerned.

“Okay,” she said, thinking it was as good a time as any to take off on her own. “I'm off for a bit. Where should I meet back? And when?”

“You'll see us coming into port long before we arrive. Right here's as good a place as any. We'll go retrieve your luggage, but we won't have to do that until we're in the docking slip.”

She groaned inwardly, thinking of having to drag all the stuff into town, then back out to whatever ferry they were taking the next day. Maybe there was some way they could store most of it at the docks.

“Enjoy your exploring,” he said, then reached into the odd-looking pouch he wore strapped around his waist.

It amazed her that he still looked relatively fresh and crisp in his formal kilt getup. She was quite certain she looked anything but, and she'd had the chance to change clothes since leaving the church. He'd been wearing what he had on even longer.

“Here,” he said, handing her some pound notes and a few Euros. When she stared at the money he was handing her without taking it, he added, “There's a place inside where you can get something to eat. It's possible we can find a pub still open in Castlebay, but it's been a long day with little to eat. No sense waiting when you can get something now.”

She took the money, knowing better than to say anything about paying him back. But she took careful note of how much he'd given her, and mentally added it to her running tally. “Thank you,” she said. “I think I will.”

He looked both surprised and pleased.

“I'm not a complete ingrate, you know,” she said with a laugh. “I can accept a helping hand now and again.”

He nodded, and that twinkle surfaced again. They smiled at each other and it felt more intimate. Shared knowledge and shared experiences did that. It made her feel far too warm and fuzzy. She waved a hand, then turned in the direction of the rear of the boat, deciding she'd search out food first. Much better to formulate her game plan on a full stomach.

If only she had the first clue what her game plan was going to be.