Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (33 page)

“I’d rather not talk.” Beau growled as I wrapped my hand around his protruding length.

“I have an idea.” I dropped to my knees in front of him. “You tell me about a tattoo, I’ll do . . . this . . .” I licked the head of his shaft, and he jerked, gripping my hair with his hand. I grinned as I noticed he’d taken a plastic bag and wrapped it around his cast and was holding it out of the water stream.

“You only have one hand,” I teased.

“You think my one hand will stop me?”

I leaned over and kissed his tip, watching as his eyes shut momentarily.

“I . . . I have a car symbol here bec . . . because . . .” His voice trailed off.

“Because why?” I took him in my mouth but didn’t move, waiting for his words.

“Because my dad loved cars. He taught me all about them.” His words came out like bullets as he rested his head against the shower wall.

I wrapped my tongue around him and sucked, waiting for more.

“I-I have a noose to remind me what ended my life as I knew it.”

I stopped, popping him out of my mouth and standing up. This wasn’t the time for a conversation this serious. I knew his tattoos meant a lot to him, and every one of them meant something extremely personal.

“Why did you stop?”

I caressed him softly from root to tip. “I want to hear everything you have to say. It’s important to me.” I touched the car symbol he’d referred to, then the noose. My fingers traveled up his neck, where a large tree branched out.

“It’s to remind me of my family,” he said. “That they are my family tree, what my past is, but that I am my own man. I got that when I was feeling rather hopeful.”

“That’s great. You should remember that more often. It’s true, you know. Who your family was or the choices they made do not have to define you.” I reached around him and turned off the faucet. “Let’s get out.”

We dried ourselves quietly, both of us lost in our heads.

Beau stood in front of the mirror; the towel slung low on his hips. I came up next to him, and we both peered at each other’s reflections. “I had a vasectomy when I was twenty years old.” I sucked in a breath, even though I already knew that from Natalie. He’d trusted me enough to tell me. That was huge.

I nodded. “You didn’t want to take a chance of a child having the kind of life you did.”

Beau grimaced. “But it happened anyway.”

“Beau, you can’t change what happened. You were young and stupid. You didn’t think.”

“Because I was young and stupid my son has grown up feeling unloved and unwanted. He was born addicted to drugs, for God’s sake. What if he has lifelong effects from that? He’s bounced from home to home. He didn’t think his father cared about him.”

“He knows the truth now. You can’t look back, Beau. If all you do is think about the past, you’re never going to be able to write your future. Look at where you are now, not where you’ve been. The future is bright.”

“I have Robbie,” he said. “I can’t ever have other children.”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t matter.”

His face changed. “You say that now, April. You’re young, and you’ll want your own family. Then you’ll resent me because I can’t. I’m damaged goods.”

I grabbed his face so fast he gasped. “Beau Anderson, listen to me. Are you listening? I want
you
. I want you
and
Robbie.”

“But . . .” I kissed him instead of letting him finish. When we parted, I smiled.

“There are so many kids that need families, Beau. Way before I met you, I’d always wanted to adopt. So believe me when I say that despite what you think, I’m not going to resent you. I couldn’t.”

“I never wanted a child,” Beau said. “But now . . .”

We heard rustling at the door as he trailed off. We both turned as we heard the bedroom door bounce against the wall.

“What the?” Beau opened the bathroom door and scanned the room. The door was still moving after being violently shoved against the wall. “What happened? Robbie?”

It was then that we both froze, our gazes locked on each other. He’d been standing at the door. He’d heard us. He’d heard Beau say he never wanted a child.

“Fuck.” He ran out of the bathroom with me right on his heels. “Robbie!”

We stopped in the doorway of his room, but he wasn’t there. Beau ran to the front door, seeing it wide open. We looked back and forth but didn’t see a sign of him anywhere.

Beau began running back to the room. “I need some clothes! Hurry! We have to find him!”

On the way back to the room to get dressed, I stepped on Robbie’s dog in the hallway. He’d left it and ran. What had we done?

I ran out the door seconds after Beau. I’d pulled on a dress and sandals, not bothering with anything else. Beau had started running left out of my house so I turned right, my eyes swinging back and forth searching for Robbie. Oh, my God, we’d been so stupid. It wasn’t what Beau meant, of course, but to a child like Robbie who didn’t trust easily and didn’t feel loved, hearing that was the same as us dropping him back off at the group home.

I knew he would probably find a little nook or cranny to hide in. I slowed down, my chest heaving. I gripped my phone in my hand, hoping Beau would call me and tell me he found Robbie. I looked back toward my house, praying he’d be standing there waiting for me to find him. No such luck.

Where would he go? Where would
I
go if I was a scared, angry little kid? I paced back and forth, my mind reeling. My phone dinged, and I dropped it in my haste to hit the accept button. “Shit.” I picked it up off the ground and put it to my ear. “Beau? Did you find him?”

“No. I think we should call the police. I don’t know where he could’ve gone, or where to look. We need help.”

The police. Well, yes, that would be a good idea. “I’ll call them.”

“Do you have any ideas where he might go?”

I wracked my brain again. “No. I mean, he’s not familiar with this area at all, so you have to wonder how far he can get.”

“Would he attempt to get in a car with someone?”

My stomach bottomed out. I would certainly hope not, but how did I know for sure? “Honestly, Beau, I don’t know. I guess it would depend on how resourceful Robbie is and how much he knows about taking care of himself. If I had to guess, he’s excellent at figuring out what to do.”

He grunted. “I’m heading back to your house. Let’s get in the car and drive around. We have to find him, April. He misunderstood me.”

“I know he did,” I said. It had been the absolute worst thing that Robbie could’ve overheard. “We’ll find him. I’m headed back to the house, too.” I hung up and jogged back, meeting Beau in the driveway. His face was grim, his body rigid. I wished I could say something to make it better, but we just needed to find Robbie.

“Did you call the police?”

“I’ll do it once we get in the car,” I said. “Let me go in and grab my purse.”

“Hurry, April. The longer he’s out there . . .”

“I know, Beau. We’re going to find him.” I dashed inside and grabbed my purse, fishing for my keys as quickly as possible.

Movement caught my eye from the back yard, and I stopped, scanning the yard.
Must’ve been a bird
. But then the neighbor’s dog started barking, and I stopped in my tracks. I peered out the kitchen window, looking back and forth but not seeing anything. The dog was running back and forth along the fence, and I stepped out of the kitchen and to the slider that overlooked the yard. I hardly ever heard that dog bark, much less run back and forth like that. It was almost like he saw something.

Robbie
. I slid the door open and stepped onto the porch, my eyes scanning every part of the yard I could see. I had a big back porch with a table and chairs, a hammock, and large potted plants. I didn’t see him anywhere. Stepping out onto the concrete outside the patio, I scanned the various mature trees and shrubs that lined my property. The dog stood at the fence, wagging his tail and looking back and forth between me and the huge oak tree I had in my yard.

“Robbie?” The dog yipped and barked as if he agreed with me. He had to be back here. I walked to the tree and peeked behind it, hoping to see the small nine-year-old crouched there waiting to be found. Nothing.

I looked back at the dog, still wagging his tail at me like he was encouraging me to keep going. My phone rang in my purse, and I grabbed it quickly, seeing Beau’s name on the screen.

“Come to the back yard. I think Robbie is back here somewhere.”

Beau sighed in relief. “I’ll be right there.”

Just as I hung up, I heard a rustling in the tree above, and I craned my neck back. I still couldn’t see anything, so I stepped back from the tree. “Robbie?”

More rustling but no response came from the tree. Beau rushed out the door, and his eyes settled on me. “Nothing?”

I pointed up to the tree but didn’t respond. I was rather sure Robbie could see me and just didn’t want to answer. Beau’s eyes searched the tree, keeping his distance so he could see better. Being quite a bit taller than me helped, too.

My heart started beating normally, the scare of him running around in traffic or getting in someone’s car having passed. As upset as he probably was, he’d been smart enough to know he couldn’t run away. He not only had no idea where he was, but he hadn’t wanted to leave us.

“Robbie.” Beau’s deep voice resonated through the branches of the tree. “Son, are you there?” My heart clenched every time he said the word “son.” Robbie laying in the bed last night asking if I was going to be his mom popped into my memory.
I want to be his mom
.

I cleared my throat and began to speak. “Robbie, we want you to come down and talk to us. You misunderstood what B—your dad said. Come on, buddy, get out of there before you fall and get hurt. We don’t want to spend our time together going to the hospital because you fell from a tree.”

Beau nodded at me as he spotted Robbie, but there was still no response from the boy. “He’s high up in the tree. I’m going to go up there and get him.”

“Uh, okay. Should I get the ladder? How will you get up there with your cast?”

“I’ll manage. Are you coming up here like that?” He looked me up and down suggestively, and I realized it would make it rather hard to get in a tree in my current attire of the flimsy dress and sandals I’d put on in a hurry to find Robbie.

“Get up there and get your son. I’ll be right back.” I watched as Beau grabbed the branches with his good hand, swung himself up easily, and made his way to Robbie.

He seemed so small in that big tree. A smile played on my lips as I turned away to grab the ladder from the garage. Beau didn’t think he had it in him to be a dad, but he already was. He didn’t need to think about how to do a good job because he was a natural.

After quickly changing into a pair of workout pants and sneakers, I hauled the ladder to the back yard. “Beau?”

“Up here,” he said. “The view is great from here. Come on up and join us.”

I heard nothing from Robbie, so I wondered if Beau had gotten him to talk at all. I set the ladder up and climbed the rungs until I could get to a branch. How in the hell had Robbie gotten up here? I heard whining from the ground and saw the neighbor’s dog lying down by the fence, watching us.

When I finally got into the tree, I immediately saw Beau but not Robbie. Making my way to him, I moved slowly to make sure the branches were sturdy. I wasn’t necessarily afraid of heights, but I sure as hell didn’t want to fall.

Beau’s hand reached out for me as I got closer and I took it, settling next to him on an opposing branch. Robbie was within arms length but still far enough away to seem like he didn’t want to be bothered. “Well, there you are. I’m sure glad we found you, Robbie.”

The look on Robbie’s face knocked the breath out of me, and there was no more time for joking. His gaze flitted to Beau and then back down. That’s when I saw that his knees were scraped and bleeding.

I wasn’t sure what Beau had already tried, but we needed to get this child out of the tree. I thought about all the kids I’d talked to over the years, many of them upset about being taken from their families or from what they had been through in the process. It was time to pull out every strategy I’d ever been taught.

“Robbie,” Beau said before I could say another word. “What you heard me say is not what I meant. Can I explain to you what I was talking about?”

Robbie stiffened but didn’t say anything, his gaze focused on the bark of the branch he was sitting on.

“Think about what we were talking about last night, Robbie. Do you think I don’t want you?”

I watched as he worked his lip between his teeth, thinking about what Beau was saying. When Robbie still didn’t speak, I decided to interject.

“Sometimes when you’re an adult, things happen that you aren’t prepared for. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t make you happy or doesn’t end up being the best thing, but things take you by surprise sometimes. Does that make sense?”

Robbie glanced at me briefly, nodding his head once. He was listening. I heard Beau blow out a breath. Progress was progress.

“That’s exactly what I meant by that.” Beau took over. “My whole life, I didn’t think I wanted to have kids. Remember when we talked about when we get upset and angry?”