Authors: Jonathan Carroll
Tags: #Women artists, #Reincarnation, #Fantasy Fiction, #Contemporary, #Shamans, #General, #Screenwriters, #Fantasy, #Vienna (Austria), #Body; Mind & Spirit, #Occult fiction, #Fiction, #Love Stories
"You think he knows you live here? What's this?"
"An old fountain pen clip. I'm sure he knows. There aren't many bikes like this in Vienna, huh?
It's got to be a lot more than _Zufall_ that he parked it in our courtyard."
Frau Noot came through the door with a bag of garbage to dump. Seeing us, she smiled and waddled over.
"What a beautiful bicycle! Did you buy it, Walker? It's very artistic."
"No, it's not mine, Frau Noot."
"We used to do this with our bikes when I was a girl. Don't ask how many years ago _that_ was!
We even put cards like this, too. To make it sound like a motorcycle." She bent over and, struggling, pulled something off the back wheel. "Kids never change. What does it say, Maris? I can't read without my glasses."
Handing the white piece of paper over, she folded her arms and waited to hear what her discovery said. "They won't mind I took it off. There's another on the other side."
"I think it's a calling card for a tailor. 'Benedikt and Sons, _Schneiderei_.'" She looked at me and held it out. "You better look at it."
All that was on the card was their title and an address I already knew on Kochgasse in the Eighth District. I turned the card over and over, hoping there would be more.
"I guess it's time we went over there."
"He's a playful little shit, isn't he?"
Maris spoke in English, but Frau Noot understood that one word and looked at her with shocked eyes.
Getting off the Number 5 tram at Kochgasse, Maris took my hand and stopped me.
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"You really had to tackle him?"
"Yes. I think he would have ended up jumping out the window or something if I hadn't. He was totally out of control. What number is that? The place should be on this block."
"What happened after he went down?"
"The woman wanted me to leave, but he wouldn't let go of my arm. So I hung around awhile and sort of petted him till he calmed down. Then I took off."
"Are you going to go back?" She was walking fast to keep up.
"I don't know. What more could I get from them? Moritz had a beautiful son who's autistic. His mother says it's due to Kaspar Benedikt's powers, and there's nothing to disprove that."
"Kaspar Benedikt's dead."
"Let's hope so. Unfortunately, it's beginning to look like something of him lives on."
The street was narrow and cars were parked bumper to bumper all the way down it. We passed a Turkish bakery and several other small stores before reaching the address. At first we didn't realize we were there because
Benedikt und Söhne had disappeared. In its place was a modern stationery store. Maris and I looked at each other and stepped closer. The window was full of Garfield and Peanuts pencil cases and school notebooks, Mont Blanc ink bottles, pocket calculators, and portable typewriters. I looked harder, knowing something was there, that something _had_ to be there.
It was. In the lower left-hand corner of the window was a large decal that advertised "Mr. Pencil sold here!"
"Look at this." I tapped the decal with my finger and Maris gave a little gasp.
"How'd he know about that?"
"Let's find out." Pushing the door open, I walked in, half expecting to see the wild man on the bicycle behind the counter selling graph paper.
A very attractive middle-aged woman was behind the crowded counter talking on the telephone and smiling. She saw me and quickly got off.
"Good day. Can I help you?"
I looked at her a long moment. "Yes, I'd like to buy a Mr. Pencil. Or some of them, whichever you've got."
Her smile went from friendly to confused. "Excuse me?"
"The thing you have advertised in the window outside, Mr. Pencil"?
"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you mean. Could you explain what it is?"
"Um, why don't you come outside with me and I'll show you what I mean."
She came around the counter and I held the door for her. We almost bumped into Maris coming in.
"She doesn't know what Mr. Pencil is."
"Interesting."
"It's over here. This decal."
"I've never seen that before! I don't even know who put it there."
"You're sure?"
"I should know -- I own the store and do all of the decorating! I've never even heard of Mr.
Pencil. Is it an American product? What is it?"
"How long have you had the store?"
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why do you want to know?"
"Because one of my relatives used to have a tailor shop here, Benedikt and Söhne."
"Then you should know what happened to the Benedikts. My father bought the store from the widow, and we've been here ever since. Did you want to look at the store, or buy this Mr. Pencil thing? You still haven't told me what it is yet."
"Have you ever met any of the Benedikt family?"
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"No. It's cold out here and I have to go back inside. Is there anything else you would like?"
Maris spoke. "Is your father still alive?"
The woman looked fed up with us. "Yes."
"Does he ride a bicycle and have a beard?"
"No! He's blind and is retired in Weidling. Excuse me now."
She left us there. As she was about to go back into the store she stopped. Turning, she went to the decal on the window and pulled it off with one long, dramatic _zip_. Crumpling it in her hand, she looked at us and dropped what was left of it on the ground. I was going to pick it up, but what for? There would be others. That was about the only thing I was sure of.
"What do you remember first? The first thing you remember about your whole life?"
"Papa, you _always_ ask me that. I don't know. I told you."
"Come on, you must remember something."
"Why do you always want to know?"
"Because I'm your father. I want to know what's in my son's head. The more a boy can remember, the more grown up he is."
"What do _you_ remember?"
"How beautiful your mother was. What a nice voice she had."
"I know that. I think I remember when she sang to me. When I was a little baby."
"See, you do remember things. What else?"
We were walking in the forest. Papa said we would be near Vienna by the end of the day, but I was already tired. I asked him to carry me again, but he said I was too big to be carried all the time. I was almost bigger than him.
I liked the forest, but most people stayed away from it because they were afraid of what was in there. Not Papa and me. He said we were magic and nothing could hurt us. He said nothing could kill us, either, because we were so special. We were from someplace else. I didn't remember where, because I
was just a little baby when we had to leave.
I didn't want to tell him because it was my own secret, but the earliest thing I remembered was being carried out of the city where I was born on
Papa's back, and looking at all the castles and towers. I think he was running, because I remember going up and down and up and down, and maybe I was crying because I was scared. I remember the castles and the towers and horses and people all over the place.
I also remember my mother leaning over my bed one night and crying because there were so many names in the world and she couldn't find the right one. She had long red hair and I think my bed was made out of gold.
"Do you remember how they tried to stop us? Maybe that was too long ago for you."
"Tell me again. I like that story about how we ran away together."
"All right. Your mother was the queen and she was very beautiful. But her heart was white and cold as a star. She didn't keep her promises. That's one of the worst things in the whole world a person can do."
"That's very bad. I keep my promises, don't I?"
"Yes, you do, Walter, and I'm very proud of you for that. If you promise me you'll go get wood, you always do it. That's a very important quality in a person. Don't ever forget it."
That made me feel good. "But Papa, if you loved Mama so much, why did you take me away from her?"
"Because she loved only herself. Her heart was only big enough for one person. She would have made you sad your whole life. When I first met her, she was a poor girl who would have done anything to be rich. She got her father to lie to the king and tell him she could make gold out of straw."
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"You can do that. I've seen you."
"But normal people can't. Your mother thought she would be beautiful enough to make the king forget about gold when he saw her. And he thought she
_was_ beautiful, but he loved gold more. That's what got her into trouble in the first place."
"The king was my first father, right?"
"Yes, but your first father isn't always your best father. He was as cold and greedy as your mother. That's why they fit so well together. I knew that if they ever did have a child, the only thing they would like about it was that it was theirs, like their gold. When it grew up, they wouldn't treat it any differently than a ring or a bracelet. When they weren't wearing it or showing it off to the world, they'd throw it in a drawer and forget about it."
That made me mad. "But you said Mother loved me!"
"She loved you because you were just another piece of jewelry, Walter, not because you're a wonderful little boy."
I picked up a rock and threw it against a tree. The tree yelled "Ow!
Stop that!" and rubbed the place where it got hit. I looked at Papa and told him to stop being crazy. He laughed.
"Don't you like talking trees?"
"Trees don't talk."
"We can make them talk."
"But they don't _really_ talk. Now you're lying!"
"You're right. I'm sorry. What a smart boy. Are you hungry?"
"No. Tell me more about the time we left the city."
"Your mother promised me if she got to be queen, she would let me take care of you when you were born. But when that happened, she told me to go away. She didn't 'need' me anymore."
"That's not nice."
He put his hand on my head and smiled at me. "That's what I thought too, son. But I would have gone away because I loved her. But then I waited around till you were born and saw how she treated you. Even as a baby I knew your life would be terrible and sad if you stayed with her. So I went to her and said she'd made me a promise and had to keep it, whether she liked it or not.
"Do you know what she said to me? 'Go away, little man. I already have a court midget.' But I knew her well by then, so I didn't even let that insult bother me. Instead, I pointed at her and turned one of her fingers into gold.
I said I would do one more every day until she kept her promise to me.
"Walter, she didn't even know my name! All of the things I had done for her, and she never once asked who I was. She just used me to get what she wanted and then after that happened, wanted me to disappear like a cloud after the rain."
Was he angry! We walked for a long time before he said anything again.
Then he only said, "Go away, little man," three or four times. I knew when Papa was mad that I should be quiet. Once, when a man was making him mad, Papa made a big bird fly out of the man's mouth. But the bird was _really_ big and it couldn't get out of his mouth. Papa made me walk away, but I think the man died because he fell down on the ground and was making funny sounds and was hitting his mouth, really scared. I saw that.
"Yet I still gave her a chance. I gave her one more chance to prove she was at least a little human."
"She had to guess your name. I remember that part, Papa."
"That's right. I gave her three days to find out my name. If she could do that, then all right, I'd go. At least she knows the name of the guy who gave her all she ever wanted in life. That's not asking so much. I loved your mother, Walter. Never forget that. I would have stayed with her and helped forever, even though she was married, if only she had shown the smallest kindness or
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gratitude." He laughed, and that made me happier. I took his hand.
I didn't understand everything he was saying, but if he laughed then things were okay. He laughed again.
"She was finally scared! She finally realized she was going to lose something and there was nothing she could do about it. Oh, how she sent them running! They ran all over that kingdom trying to find out who the little man was. The names she guessed were as wrong as she was.
Ratbod! Pankratius! Names as old and stupid as stone. Have you ever heard a man with that name? I gave her a chance, but knew she'd never get it right because her imagination was as small as her heart."
"I know your name, Papa."
"I know you do, son. You own the greatest secret I have. That's what gives you your powers. No other people know that name, so no one else can do what you can. There's no other person like you in the world. That's what I do for _my_ son: give him everything I have.
"But your mother was too blind to know I'd have done that for her, too.
She was too used to buy and sell, I'll give you this if you'll give me that.
Not 'I love you, so I want you to have this. It's free, straight from my heart.'
"She guessed over two thousand names in the time I gave her. After those three days her tongue was as red as her eyes, but still she wasn't even close.
Do you remember what her last guess was?"
"Rumpelstiltskin!"
"That's right. She thought my name was Rumpelstiltskin. What desperation! I can't even say that name. You know what the funniest part is?
All she had to do was ask. All she had to say was 'Please tell me what your name is.' And I would have done it immediately.
"Come on, let's eat. This talking makes me hungry."
We took off our packs and put them down. He took out apples and cheese, and a bottle of water.
"What happened when she couldn't guess?"
"She called me a little frog and said she was going to have her guards kill me. I told her first to look at her left hand and think about that. On her right hand she already had one gold finger.
You know what was on her left?
A big fat frog instead of her hand. The worst part was, it was alive."