Shaxoa's Gift (28 page)

“I can’t imagine there being anything more
important to him right then than telling you he loved you and your
mom. Even if he had asked you to do something else, you have enough
on your plate right now to worry about. Uriah, I know it’s a lot,
but you’re doing a great job taking care of everything, especially
your mom,” I said.

“No I’m not, Claire. She’s so strong. She
misses him, but she still makes it through the day and does what
she needs to do. I can hardly get through the simplest chore
without breaking down. I’ve been avoiding my mom so she won’t see
me bawling like a baby. How is hiding in my room taking care of
her, or you? I need someone to take care of me.”

Uriah was quiet for a moment, but I knew he
had more to say.

“I’ve been avoiding you, too,” he said. “I
don’t want you to see me like this, either. You tell me how strong
I am, how you always know I’ll be there to help you, but I’m only
proving how weak I am.”

“Uriah, nobody expects you to forget your
dad’s death and move on like nothing happened. You’re doing your
best, and that’s all anybody can ask. You can’t do anything more
for your mom than you already are. She’s dealing with her grief and
so are you. Don’t add to it by setting such high standards for
yourself,” I said softly.

Usually I was the one asking him for help. I
was the one who always needed someone to shake me and tell me to
calm down. It felt odd having the tables turned on me, but I did my
best to think of what he would have told me to do in the same
situation. Uriah was usually so calm and sensible, my anchor. He
had taught me so much. It was only because of the many times he had
soothed my anger and hurt feelings that I was able to comfort him
when he needed it.

“You’re doing the best you can. Nobody can
ask for more than that,” I repeated. I turned his face so he was
looking at me. “You are strong. You will get through this, but you
don’t have to do it alone. I’m here for you Uriah. I’ll never
leave, no matter what.”

Uriah was quiet again, but I could tell some
of his doubt had been lifted. We held each other under the desert
sky until we both drifted off to sleep. My last thought before
falling asleep that night was how much I admired him and his mom. I
would never be strong enough to survive if I lost Uriah. I was
barely even strong enough to last one more day.

Astrid stamped her hoof and I realized that I
had stopped brushing her. I began running the brush down her coat
again. I wondered for the millionth time why Uriah hadn’t called
the night before. Lina tried to hide her disappointment, saying
that he must have been travelling or too busy to call. She was
confident he would call this morning to let us know he was okay, if
not where he was or what he was doing.

In his last phone call, he had said he would
be back in a few days. A few days meant two, right? By my count his
‘few more days’ was up at the end of the day. I would give him
until tonight. In all reality, I would give him forever if I could,
but I was a hair’s breadth away from losing all control. If Uriah
was not home by the end of the day, I didn’t want to wake up the
next morning.

The dreams had gotten worse. The battle for
my soul had stepped beyond glowing images of Daniel’s face to
nightmares about what might happen if I didn’t give in. Most of the
dreams warned me of how bad it would get if I didn’t join Daniel,
the pain and fear and desperation, so strong that I ended up
turning against Uriah, hating him for what he had made me do. In my
heart I knew those to be lies, but the terror felt so real.

The worst had been the dream where I had
actually chosen Uriah over Daniel easily. We married and had three
beautiful children. We were happy, taking our children to the beach
for the first time. That was where it happened. Uriah got up from
the beach towel to get a drink when a woman walked by. A wild
Frisbee came flying right toward her, and she jump out of the way,
bumping right into Uriah.

I felt it the second they touched, the bond I
had tried so hard to fight. I ran to Uriah, ready to help him
fight, willing to stand by him no matter how much pain it caused.
He turned and looked at me with a smile that froze my body. “I’m
sorry,” he whispered. Then he simply turned and walked away. I was
stranded on the beach, screaming his name, but he never came
back.

Even remembering the dream had me sobbing
again. My arms were draped over Astrid’s neck, tears darkening her
chestnut coat. I tried to recapture the calm the animal had given
me only a few moments ago, but I was beyond distraction by then.
“I’m sorry, girl,” I whispered. Dropping the brush, I ran out of
the stall, the new sun a gentle warmth on my skin.

I reached the house and started to pull the
door open when the sound of raised voices stopped me. Sophia liked
to boss people around, and did it frequently to Lina, but I quickly
realized it wasn’t her voice I was hearing. The rough, irritated
sound of Quaile’s voice halted me outside the door. Adobe walls
weren’t the best for keeping the house warm in the winter, but they
muffled sound wonderfully. I pressed my ear against the door and
held my breath. Bits and pieces of their argument sank through the
door to reach my ears. I listened raptly.

“…she keeps begging me to explain…knows I
know something, Quaile.”

“It’s not your place…You promised me, Lina,
and I expect…said no!”

“He’ll know soon enough…telling him will
only…Claire deserves…”

“…make myself clear. Do not tell her
anything!”

“What if you’re wrong about…?”

“You’ve trusted me with your…Don’t
question…”

“But what if…”

“He’s not ready, yet! And neither is
she.”

Quaile’s voice carried closer to the door as
she demanded Lina not tell me anything. I scurried away from the
house and hid behind a tree. Quaile was an old woman, but I still
didn’t want to be caught eavesdropping on her. I had recently come
to believe in power like hers quite strongly and really didn’t want
to be on the receiving end of whatever she might want to dish out.
It was the only chance I’d had to talk to her, since she left right
after I woke, but as I watched her storm out and slam the door
behind her, I knew it wasn’t the time to risk approaching her. My
dad was looking better and better as a place for answers.

I waited until Quaile’s sedan pulled out of
the driveway and drove far enough away that I couldn’t see her
anymore before leaving the shelter of the tree. Watching her leave,
I realized Sophia’s car wasn’t in the driveway either. No wonder
Quaile had been so free to attack Lina. If Sophia had been there,
she would have thrown Quaile out as soon as she started raising her
voice. I had mixed feelings about Sophia being gone. If anyone
could have helped me drag a few answers out of Lina, it would have
been her. Although, after a dressing down from Quaile, Lina wasn’t
likely to tell me anything, anyway.

Sighing, my feet carried me back up to the
house. At least I knew for sure now that Lina did know something
about Uriah. I wasn’t crazy for believing all my life that there
was something unusual about him. I eased through the front door
just as the phone started to ring.

Glancing around the room and finding it
empty, I grabbed for the phone. I didn’t want the harsh sound
drawing Lina out. I was sure it was Uriah and I wanted as long as
possible to keep him to myself. I didn’t want to let Lina see that
I had been crying again, either. If everybody believed I was
strong, maybe that would make it true. I pressed the phone to my
ear, praying Uriah would have the news I wanted to hear most.

“Hello?” I whispered, ducking into the
kitchen.

“Claire?”

I nearly dropped the phone as the bond
pounded up against me. “Daniel?” The name came out as a strangled
yelp.

“Claire, I’m so glad you answered,” Daniel
said.

His voice rang like alarm bells blaring in my
head. A small portion of them were warning me to run, but the
majority were screaming with joy. “How did you get this
number?”

“Well, I tried your parents last night, but
they said you weren’t home, and that I shouldn’t call back. I
thought that if you weren’t home, you were probably at Uriah’s
house. So I called,” he said simply. “I had to talk to you again. I
have to see you. We have to meet somewhere.”

“Yes, I…,” My fingernails dug into the still
fresh cuts. “I can’t, Daniel. I love Uriah. Please don’t… I love
Uriah, not you.”

“What do you mean? Of course you love me. You
love me like I love you. Every waking minute my head is filled with
you. I know yours is filled with me too. It has to be,” Daniel said
fiercely.

“Daniel, please.”

“Don’t, Claire,” he asked softly, “don’t ask
me to leave you alone. I love you. I can’t imagine getting through
another day without you. I feel like I’m missing a part of my soul
being away from you. I need you to be with me.”

My hands trembled as I struggled to breathe.
“I can’t really be what you want. This bond, it’s telling you to
love me, but this isn’t how it should be, Daniel. You should fall
in love, not be forced into it. I fell in love with Uriah. It’s
real. Please understand that.”

“What does Uriah have that I don’t?” Daniel
asked, pain radiating in every word. “Just tell me, Claire. I’ll
change. I don’t care how my love for you formed. I don’t want to
lose it. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I have to be with you.
Just tell me what Uriah has that I don’t and I’ll change.”

“My heart, Daniel. Uriah has my heart,” I
said. It took a tremendous amount of strength to build up even the
smallest amount of desire to refuse Daniel. I tried for anger, but
I couldn’t manage even the tiniest amount. “What you feel for me
isn’t real. What I feel for you isn’t real either.”

“But it is real. I know it is,” Daniel said.
“I used to dream about you long before we ever met. How can you say
we aren’t meant to be together?”

I sobbed in agony. Not telling him that I had
dreamed of him as well was torture. The gods were telling me to
give myself to him, but I just couldn’t. My silence hurt him
deeply, and every bit of pain I caused him doubled back on me.
Daniel’s voice softened even more, a perfect caress for my
heartache.

“I love you,” he said. He was employing every
ounce of sincerity a person could possibly contain. In that brief
second, I believed him. He did love me. My heart struggled to
remind me that his love was not the kind of love I was looking
for.

“No you don’t, Daniel.”

“I do, Claire. I think about you constantly.
I want to be near you. Not being with you, it…it hurts.”

I blanched at that. I didn’t want to hurt
him. I would break the bond, no matter the cost, if I could, but I
hated hurting him. Please come home, Uriah, I begged silently.
“Daniel, you don’t even know me,” I said. He immediately started to
object, but I cut him off with a question. “What do you love about
me?”

“I…think you’re beautiful, Claire. You’re the
most beautiful woman I’ve ever met,” he said.

My anger was suddenly much easier to find. “I
said what do you love about
me
, not what do you love about
how I look,” I said. My jaw was clenched tight in a familiar kind
of frustration. “I am much more than that.”

“You didn’t let me finish, Claire,” Daniel
argued. “That’s not the only reason I want to be with you, but I
keep seeing your face every time I close my eyes. It was just the
first thing that came to my mind. There’s so much more about you
that I love.”

“You don’t know anything about me, Daniel,” I
scoffed.

“I do. I know that you are strong and loyal,
because you would never be trying to hold off the bond if you
didn’t have strength and a fierce loyalty to Uriah. You’re kind.
You’re trying not to hurt me even now when you really want to.
You’re strong willed and wonderful. And I know you must be an
amazing girl, the best, because Uriah loved you so much. I know
this probably sounds strange coming from me, but even though I was
only around Uriah for a few days, I got to see him do some
incredible things. He was willing to die for you, Claire. I know
you must be an amazing person because of everything he was willing
to do to save your life.”

The beauty of what he said stole my control.
I sobbed into the phone, barely keeping myself standing with how
weak I felt. “If you really believe that about Uriah, then why are
you trying to take me from him? You know how much he loves me.”

Daniel sighed. “Because you don’t belong with
him, Claire. You belong with me.”

“No I don’t. Even what you just said, Daniel,
those are only things you know about me because you were with
Uriah, not because you actually know me,” I said. “Do you want to
know what Uriah loves about me? He loves how adventurous I am. He
loves how I’d rather wear blue jeans and help shear sheep than go
shopping at the mall. He loves that I’ve read
Pride and
Prejudice
eight times, and that I’ll read it many more. He
loves how I can make him smile without even doing anything. He
loves
me
, Daniel, not the idea of who I am, or must be.”

“But, Claire, I’ll learn all those things
eventually,” Daniel said, pleading. “You’ll never have with Uriah
what we can have together. We’re meant to be with each other.”

His words sank into me like a knife over and
over again. He believed it so strongly. Part of me believed it,
too. I was meant to be with him, but “meant to be” didn’t mean “had
to be”. It was still a choice. I still had control over my life, I
told myself firmly.

“Daniel, I refuse to let my father, fate, or
the Twin Soul bond tell me who to love. That choice is mine. I
won’t give it up.”

Daniel started back into his arguments, but I
refused to listen. He was too close to convincing me. Pulling from
deep inside of me, I found enough strength to say, “Daniel, don’t
call me again, and don’t come here, please.”