Shattered Hart (21 page)

It's
heavenly, feeling her under me, and I revel in the sensation as I slide my cock back and forth over her clit, picking up speed as I feel her
pussy
rel
easing more and more arousal as
her moans get louder.

Scraping her nails down my shoulders, she yells out and starts to cu
m again.
I’ve been with multi-orgasmic girls before, but Brooke outshines them all.
 
"Oh god Damien!
What'
s happening to me? 
Don't
stop. 
Don't
stop!"

She's
still riding the wave of her orgasm as I place the head of my cock at her dripping wet entrance. 
I’ve never had sex without a condom before, but knowing that she’s on the pill, there is no way I’m not going in totally bare.  We need to be skin to skin. 
Rubbing the tip
of my cock
in her fluids for lubrication, I get as wet as I can to make it easier for her to take me before I start pushing inside of her.

God she's fucking heavenly, her pussy wet and hot, pulling me in like nothing I've ever felt before.
 
She's
incredibly tight, and it takes a lot of effort to work the head of my cock inside of her.  Gently thrustin
g in and out, I start
working more and more of myself inside of her as she pants and moans under me.

Pulling her legs up, I press her knees against her chest to make it easier to work more of my prick inside her quivering cunt. 
I'm almost out of my mind with pleasure
, desperate to join myself to her entirely.

When I feel the
barrier
,
my heart skids to a halt in my chest as understanding of what I've come up against hits me.

Brooke is still a virgin.

I groan in agony as she clenches around the tip of my cock.  I'm in fucking hell.  Every fiber of my being wants to take her, to make her mine, but I
can't
do it. 
It
doesn't
stop me from sliding back and forth inside of her, halting at the barrier each time, but it stops me from pushing forward and making her mine.

Sliding my hand down to her wet cleft, I start r
ubbing my fingers over
her clit as I gently rock back and forth.  When she starts cumming again, I feel my balls tighten up for my own release, and I pull out and jerk my
dick. 
My cum
spews
all over her tiny pussy
and
I rub
it in
to her
skin
with the tip of my cock
as I recover.

Flopping on to my back, I throw my arm over my face as I try to catch my breath.  The room
is filled
with the scent of
our
sex, and
it's
like a constant reminder of what a piece of shit I am.  I
can't
believe I almost took her virginity. 

The silence stretches until Brooke finally breaks it.  "Damien, what just happened there?  Why
didn't
you
come all the way inside of me?"

Shaking my head, I sit up. 
"God Brooke, what kind of an asshole do you think I am?
 
You're
a virgin.  I'm so not the guy
you
want to give that gift to."

Staring at me, she frowns.  "Shouldn't that be my decision Damien?  I'm a
big
girl.  I know who I want
,
and
it's
you
.  I want
you
to make love to me, to take my virginity and make me a woman. I'm giving this to
you
of my own free will. 
Don't
let this ruin the night.  Take me.  I want
you
to."

Flopping back on to the pillows I groan.
  "No Brooke.  I
couldn't
live with myself if I took your virginity. 
You've
saved yourself for all this time for someone special, someone you love and respect. 
Don't
waste it on someone like me.  Find someone worthy of
you
, someone who will commit.

Glaring at me she says, "I am trying to give it to someone special, someone I love and respect.
  There's no one else
but
you
Damien, and you damn well know it
,
even if y
ou'r
e too stubborn to admit it."

And there it is… the elephant in the room.  Dammit.  Why do these Tyler girls have no filters? 
Obviously I realize that
she has feelings for me, but
she's
just
twenty-
three
years old which is far too young to be saddled with my bullshit.  I'm not even sure I could be faithful.  Lord knows I've never tried. 
The idea of agreeing to be in a relationship with Brooke and then failing her because I can't handle the one man one woman thing is my biggest fear.
 

I avoid looking at her as I shake my head.  "Brooke, I
couldn't
live with myself if I took your virginity. 
It's
not mine to take. 
It's
you
who is too stubborn to admit how wrong that
would
be."

Making a choked sound, she stares at the bed in silence for a moment before speaking. 
"So what you're saying is that if I wasn't a virgin, you'd be inside of me right now.
  But because I am a virgin,
that's
it?"

I nod at her.  "
Yes.  Clearly
my judgment
was flawed
tonight. 
I shouldn't have touched you to begin with.
  But I'm present enough to know that taking your virginity would be the worst thing I could do to you."

Staring at me in frustration, she gets up from the bed and grabs her chemise and puts it back on.
 

"Damn
you
Damien. 
It isn't for you to make some grandiose gesture and decide that you aren't who I want to give my virginity to.
  I'm a
n adult, and I knew who and what
I was doing
.
I made my choice, as an adult.  I’d thought it out, and you were what I wanted.
This is t
hree times now
that
you’ve
pulled this shit.
Don’t touch me again, because if you do, I’ll probably murder you. 
I'm going to bed.  See
you
in the morning." 
With that
she leaves my bedroom, the door closing softly behind her.

I lay in silence staring at the ceiling.  I feel like such a worthless piece of shit. 
I let my guard down for one second and almost took something from the
girl
I care about most in the world.
 

There is no doubt in my mind that if she knew how many women I've had sex with, how many threesomes I've been involved in, how many sex clubs I've been in, she would be repulsed and disgusted.
I’m not fit to shine her shoes, much less fuck her. 

I've spent the last ten years fucking my way through life.  If I'd met Brooke earlier I
wouldn't
be so far beyond redemption, but the fact is that I did all of those things and there
is
no going back.  I made my bed, and Brooke is far too
amazing
to lie in it.  I could never defile her purity with my abysmal history.

And
yet, I still ache for her.
It's
just my fucking luck that the only girl I've ever
cared for
is a virgin, ensuring that I can never have her.

I hate the fact that
she's
mad at me, and my stomach is in knots.  I wish there was something I could do, but I
can't
take her virginity.  I just
can't
. 

Laying
in the bed and smelling her scent all around me has me hard as a rock, and I need to calm the hell down. 
Sliding from my bed I head in to my bathroom to take a cold shower in the hopes that it will help.

Leaving Damien's bedroom with my head held high was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I'm so mortified by what just happened. 
I feel like I have a giant sign over my head that says "DESPERATE VIRGIN" on it.
 

Why does he keep pushing me away?
 
It’s
killing me.  I keep trying to find someone else to like.  Anyone! But, it never works.
 
There is no one else I'd consider losing my
virginity to.
For me,
it's
Damien.

My m
om always told me and
Sabrina that when we met
our
true loves we would know
,
and that we should remember that having sex with someone you
didn't
love was a recipe for regret.

As a teenager, my hormones were all over the place. I was horny all the time
,
and
I wante
d to experience sex.
Sabrina is the one who talked me out of it. 
She told me that she'd felt the same way I did when she was my age, and that she'd had sex with her high school boyfriend and was really disappointed in the whole experience.
 

At the time
we had that discussion Sabrina had been with her college boyfriend Peter for eight months. 
When she told me that she'd been having sex with him for four months and wasn't really enjoying
it, and that she had never even had an orgasm with him, I just about died.  She said she was about to break up with him because it just wasn’t right.

I asked, “How do you survive?”

Blushing, she’d been blunt.  “I masturbate almost constantly. There’s no shame in taking care of your own needs.  If I could turn back
time
,
I’d have fucked myself silly, but kept my virginity for the man of my dreams.”

It
wasn't
an easy decision,
but I decided to do what she hadn’t and wait for “the one.” 
I begged Sabrina to take me to a local sex shop to buy a bullet vibrator, whic
h thankfully she did.  I craved it so badly that by
the end of my senior year I was using the damn thing two or three times a day.  N
othing much has changed. 
I use my new bullet at least five days a week.

I've made out and fooled around with plenty of guys.  During my freshman year
in college,
I
’d
dated a guy named Nick for ten months. 
I actually enjoyed giving him head almost daily, but it wasn't enough to get me as hot as I
did
when I pleasured myself.
Nick went down on me
a
least a hundred
times during those ten months, but I never had an orgasm with him, even though I let him think that I did. 
It's
not that I
didn't
enjoy it.  I just
couldn't
get there.

I never knew what it meant to be at fever pitch with a man until I was with Damien
for the first time.  One slide of his fingers, one swipe of his tongue, one taste of his sweat and I’m either cumming or right on the damn edge of cumming. 

God, being with him was
good
.  He mak
e
s
me so hot
,
it’
s unreal.  As mad as I am, my body still aches for him.  I've never been so turned on
and
it's
killing me.

Stomping my foot in frustration, I make my way in to the bathroom and turn on the shower.  I throw my hair up in a clip before stepping in to the shower and pegging it to cold.  I need to
cool
down and get my equilibrium
back
.

Once I exit the shower, I brush my hair and throw my chemise back on before going back in to the bedroom.  My steps halt when I see Damien lying across the bed, propped up on his elbow with his face resting in his palm as he stares at me.

We silently assess each other for a few moments
,
the silence stretched between us like an invisible rubber band.