Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 2 (16 page)

This week I also had an audition for the new musical version of the film
The Front
. Right after I sang and read, the director, John Caird (
Les Miz
), came up to talk to me. I was ready for some British-style direction. You know like, "I want to see 40 percent more Falstaff with a smidgeon of Lear. And then haul out ye olde Lady Macbeth." Instead, he told me that he was talking about me with someone recently, and he knew my name must be an anagram. Then when he saw it in print, he immediately realized it was an anagram for "Turkey Sheds." I was super-impressed. How can he see a name and immediately form an anagram? I then realized I have a similar talent in that I can see the name of a person and immediately know if they're Jewish. He has the British version of that skill. When I questioned what a turkey shed was, John Caird offered up, "perhaps turkey sheds are where composers go to write bad Broadway shows." I piped up with, "I guess that's where Andrew Lloyd Webber lives!" I was then mortified because I couldn't remember if they had ever done a show together (they did:
Song and Dance
),
and
I was annoyed with myself because making an ALW joke is as cheap as doing a "why do men leave the toilet seats up" routine.
And
because I love all of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musicals. And by "all of," I mean 80 percent of them. I won't qualify which ones are in the 20 percent, but let's just say that the "frequently played songs" list on my iPod doesn't include
By Jeeves
. Anyhoo, I was totally intimidated having a one-on-one with John Caird, but not as much as I was auditioning for a Coen Brothers movie! That's right! I had two high-powered auditions within two weeks. The problem was that the scene I was auditioning with began with the character crying. It's one thing to build up to crying, but it's so hard to go from chatting with the casting director: "Hi! Nice to meet you! Yes…
The Ritz
was totally fun!" to body-heaving sobs. I kept trying to think of tricks to get myself to cry. I remembered my friend Jack Plotnick told me about an actor he knew who brought a bag of cut up onions to an audition, put them in his back pocket and during the audition scene, surreptitiously put some onion juice in his eyes. Unfortunately, it didn't make him cry, but it
did
make his eyes sear with pain. We're both obsessed wondering what the casting director thought was going on when he saw this guy start acting the scene, casually bring his hand to his eyes and then start screaming in pain for no reason
.
P.S. The film was A SERIOUS MAN and Richard Kind got "my" role.

This week I also did some work with the Broadway Artist Alliance, where I interviewed Laura Benanti for the kids taking the program. Laura was, of course, beautiful and hilarious, but she noted that our dry humor was not working on some of the ten-year-olds. Keep up, kids, keep up! How dare you not get my Elaine Stritch joke? I was referring to her active alcoholism in the ‘50s. Anybody? Anybody under 12? Nobody? Someone asked Laura what her strangest experience was onstage and she said that when she was playing Cinderella in
Into the Woods
, someone in the audience had Tourette’s syndrome. I actually have two friends with Tourette's but not with the symptoms this guy had. Apparently, he was only triggered when Laura sang. She gave us an amazing demonstration of what it was like by singing "I wish" followed by a gruff "F*** Sh** A**." She then said that during that performance, she was talking about it backstage and asking how the other actors were dealing with it, and they were like, "Laura. You're crazy. We don't hear anything." She decided she had been imagining it, re-entered with "He's a very nice prince" and was rewarded with a "Son-of-a-b**** Mother******."

At the
Chatterbox
, I interviewed three former contestants from the
Legally Blonde
reality show: Autumn Hurlbert, Celina Carvajal and Lauren Zakrin
.
Again, I’m obsessed that Celina Carvajal changed her name and became Lena Hall. And won the Tony Award
!
We discussed the mortifying Autumn throwing-up episode. As I stated before, the show tried to make it look like Autumn couldn't take the judges' criticism and that's what made her sick, but in reality, it was yogurt that had been left out all day, put in the fridge and then put out again. I told her that I couldn't believe they followed her into the bathroom and filmed her throwing up in the stall, but she said that the shot of her legs in the stall was actually fake! They missed filming her throw up so they had a producer crouch over a toilet in a stall and hoped the audience would think it was Autumn's gams. Tricky! Lauren said that she was actually relieved when they ixnayed her from the competition because the whole thing was such a difficult experience. So, when they did her farewell interview, she was totally at peace throughout it. Of course, that looked too boring for TV, so they began to ask her questions about missing her family, etc. (she's 18), and when she finally started crying, they re-asked her the same questions they had asked before — she gave the same answers, but this time she had tears in her eyes. Why couldn't they have tried that tactic on me before my Coen Brothers movie audition?!?! Celina "regaled" us with a horrifying story that happened to her during
Cats
. She was still a teenager on tour with the show and was promoted from swing to the role of Demeter. To celebrate, she got fake nails put on. The kind that are actually glued to your nails. While she was onstage, she had to grab the hands of another dancer but he twisted a different way than usual and she wound up pulling off two of her fake nails…
and
the real ones underneath! BUT she kept going with the show! As soon as she finished the number, she ran offstage and fainted. What is it with dancers being able to endure crazy pain!? Hmm… although the audience for
Cats
has to endure that endless opera scene on the boat… so I guess both performers
and
audience members can push their pain threshold to the limit during that show.

On Sirius, I interviewed Peter Gallagher, who is one of the nicest guys I've ever worked with (he was Nicky Arnstein in my Actors Fund version of
Funny Girl
)
and
one of the cutest! He grew up in Yonkers and his first high school musical was
The Pajama Game
with the leading lady played by his classmate… Laura Branigan! He was so intimidated by her that he couldn't get any sound out during his one little solo. The theatre teacher made someone else sing it with him because he sounded so timid. His solo became a unison duet. Then, while still in high school, he saw his first Broadway show, which was
Hello, Dolly!
starring Pearl Bailey, and in the chorus was… Morgan Freeman! Ironically, Morgan recently starred with him in
The Country Girl
! As they say, "what goes around comes around." Actually, that saying makes no sense in this case. How about a new one: "What was in the audience is then onstage… with ensemble members graduating to leads." It's sorta catchy, isn't it?
Silence
.

Peter majored in economics, but finally, after doing summer stock and loving it
and
realizing that economics is as interesting as that opera scene in
Cats
, he decided to pursue theatre and gave himself six years to make it. He remembers going to the open call for
Grease
in 1977 and his number being in the 2000s. They asked for something from the ‘50s, and he sang "Put Your Head on My Shoulder." The late, sweet Vinnie Liff was the casting director, and after Peter sang, he looked up and said, "That was beautiful." Peter said that his knees buckled, his eyes filled with tears and he thought, "Thank you God. That's all I need to keep going for the next six years." He wound up not having to test his resolve, because he then tried out for the
Hair
revival and got called back six times along with a bunch of newcomers: Ellen Foley, Charlayne Woodard and Annie Golden! He finally got the offer to be the understudy for Claude
and
to be a singer/dancer in the ensemble. After a few days of rehearsal, he was still the understudy for Claude, but the slash between singer/dancer was removed and he was just a singer. Peter told me that he comes from a long line of coal miners (seriously!), not dancers.

He also sang the solo in "Electric Blues"… in a sequined unitard. I was horrified at that image, but was immediately interested again when he informed me that he took it all off for the nude scene. Werk! While
Hair
was in previews, he got offered the role of Danny Zuko in the bus and truck of
Grease
. He told Vinnie Liff that he already had a job on Broadway and Vinnie asked him if he had ever seen the nation. Peter thought about how fun that would be and about how he had never played a lead. He finally approached the director, Tom O'Horgan, and asked if he could leave
Hair
to play Danny Zuko. Tom looked at him and said, "You want to go on the road? In a bus and truck? And leave a Broadway show? Before it's even opened?" Peter responded with a resounding, "Yes!" He told me that none of it would have happened if he had an agent at the time. The agent would have told him not to take
Grease
, or the agent would have asked the
Hair
people and been told no way. But because Peter asked himself, Tom listened and said he'd speak to the "guys" (Galt MacDermott, Michael Butler and Jim Rado), who all said it was fine. Tom then offered him a chance to go on for Claude, and Peter said
no way
. They had never rehearsed the understudies, and he thought he would die of a heart attack if he had to go on. He wound up doing
Grease
on the road and then did the show on Broadway.

Peter then got cast as the young lover in
A Doll's Life
(the musical version of
A Doll's House
), where, at one point, he had to play a little phrase on the violin in a scene. He practiced and practiced and, when he finally tried it out during rehearsal, he realized practice didn't make perfect. Right after Peter played, the conductor, Paul Gemignani, snatched the bow out of his hand and left the room. He returned and gave the bow back to Peter who tried the phrase again and this time produced the soothing sound of silence. Paul had put soap on the bow, so Peter could mime playing and not ruin the show. Ironically, the show wound up being one of the biggest flops on Broadway, so Peter
could
have played his screechy solo and it probably wouldn't have made the run any shorter (one weekend).

All right everyone, I'm signing off. I'm gearing up for my big Obama benefit that's coming up
.
It worked
!
Hopefully, I'll return next week, writing to you from my new apartment with my new slender fingers madly typing on my iPhone. If not, I'll see you
omtahe
!

Seth and the City

August 11, 2008

Last week I got an email from Lin-Manuel Miranda asking me if I'd partake in an internet film he's doing based on
Legally Blonde The Musical
:
The Search for Elle Woods
called
Legally Brown: The Search for the Next Piragua Guy
. I showed up at 37 Arts (where we filmed the TV show and where
In the Heights
played Off-Broadway) and filmed a "rehearsal" with each of the "contestants": Telly Leung from the upcoming
Godspell
, Derrick Baskin from
The Little Mermaid
, Noah Weisberg from
South Pacific
and Hunter Bell from
[title of show]
. It was
so much fun
, and the character I created was so horrible. My improv with Derrick was especially mean:

ME: Are you in a show now?

DERRICK: Yeah! I'm in
Little Mermaid
.


SETH:
Little Mermaid
? You are? Who do you play?


DERRICK: I'm one of the eels.


SETH: Really? Because I saw it… and… I don't really remember you…

DERRICK: I'm always next to Ursula. I’m one of the two eels.


SETH: I don't think so…

DERRICK: Maybe I was out the night you saw it.

SETH: I guess so…


DERRICK: When did you see it?

SETH: Opening night.


DERRICK: Oh… well I was definitely on that night.


SETH: You're
in
it? (pause) Huh…

Lin was planning on doing one episode for
YouTube
, but I think he got so much great material from everyone that's it's gonna be multi-episodes!

Still speaking of
In the Heights
, I interviewed Chris Jackson (who plays Benny in the show) at my
Chatterbox
. He's such a sweet guy and so fantastic in the show. He's from the Midwest and came here when he was 18 to go to AMDA (American Musical and Dramatic Academy). He had no real training, so it was super-helpful for him. He recalled going to Capezio’s in the West 50s to buy dance shoes and not being able to figure out what subway to take back uptown… so he walked 30 blocks instead. I asked him why he didn't simply ask someone for directions, and he said that everyone in Times Square was a tourist, just like him. He thought he sassed me until I realized a) he was in the West 50s, which isn't Times Square and b) why couldn't he ask someone else in the ensuing 30 blocks? I still have not received a response.