Seeing Black (15 page)

“Nah. I think you just left everyone totally
confused.”

“I just . . . I don’t know. The more I spoke, the
angrier I became. Do you think it was obvious?”

He threw his head back and barked a laugh. “Babe,
you almost climbed over the stand and wrung his neck.”

“Oh my God. What was I thinking?” Her face was
flushed. She started to walk away. “I think I’m going to be
sick.”

“Relax. It’s fine. Come here.” He held his arms
open, and she walked to him. He held her, caressing her back.
“Shhh, it’s fine. Just breathe.” Slowly, her pulse began to slow
down.

There was commotion coming from down the hall.
Students were walking out, whispering, laughing, and talking. Paul
stormed out behind them, frantically looking around. When his eyes
locked on Jillian’s, he pointed to her. “My office, now!”

“Fuck,” Jill mumbled. Only Alexander heard. He
released her from the hug and walked slowly behind Paul, who took
long and fast strides up the stairs and towards the administrative
building. He glanced back and stopped. “Alone. Jillian. My office,
now. Alone.”

“Absolutely not. I’m not leaving her alone for one
second with you.” Alexander came closer to Paul as they continued
to walk, leaving Jill a few feet behind. When they arrived at his
office, Paul opened the door, entered his office, and slammed the
door shut. Alexander waited for Jill, grabbed her hand, and opened
the door to Paul’s office. “I said alone,” Paul hissed, actually
hissed.

“It’s fine, Alexander. I’ll be fine.” Alexander
looked at Paul intently. He seemed unsure as to whether to leave or
not. “Go, Alexander. Just wait outside.”

“If you touch her or hurt one hair on her head, I’ll
kill you. You hear me?” Alexander inched closer to Black, who stood
with his arms crossed, breathing in and out with such force that
his nose flared and his chest rose and fell. She could see the
artery in his neck pulsating.

Paul took a step closer to Alexander. “I would never
hurt her. Ever.”

“You already did, asshole!” Alexander said.

“Stop it, both of you. Alexander, just go. Paul,
make it fast,” Jill said.

Alexander was about to walk away but turned around
and walked to Jill, cupped her cheeks, and kissed her. Kissed her
hard. Possessively. A few seconds too long for what would be
acceptable in public. Jill pushed him away. “Just go.”

Paul cleared his throat. “I get it, Jacobs. I get
it. You don’t have to defile her here on my account.” Paul’s fists
were by his sides, opening and closing.

“I’ll be right outside, love.” Alexander walked out,
slamming the door.

Paul pulled a chair out, took a small pile of papers
off it, put them in another corner, and gestured for her to sit.
Then he pulled a chair out for himself and sat down, his elbows on
his knees and his head against his palms. He didn’t speak for a few
moments. When he finally looked up, he rubbed his hands down his
face. He looked angry, but more than that, he looked hurt.

“Jill. What the hell was that about?” She didn’t
respond. “
You
were the one who stopped calling me.
You
broke it off with me.
You
chose that guy over me,
and now, what? What the fuck did you just accuse me of in front of
my students, my colleagues? Rape? Assault?”

“I know you’re not who you say you are, Paul, if
that’s even your real name.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. While I was on the island, I read
your text to Brian or Ben or whatever the hell his name is. He
slept with Heather to get to me or to see how much she or I knew
about Rocco. Heather read your text to him. You told him you tried
to sleep with me and told me you loved me to get me to open up
about my father. You’re an asshole! I can’t believe I ever fell for
you. I had real feelings for you, Paul. You were not who you said
you were. You were just using me for information on my father.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Fuck.” Then he stood up.
“Fuck!” He seemed so torn over something. “What exactly do you
know?” He was pacing around now.

“I know that you used me. You toyed with my
emotions. You told me you loved me. I believed you, and you lied to
me. You broke my heart.”

“Pfft! Hardly.” He pointed to the door to indicate
Alexander.

She stood up. “No. You don’t get to tell me anything
about Alexander. I chose you over him. Over them, actually. I was
actually falling in love with you. I was so heartbroken when you
didn’t call. Thank God we never had sex. You used me. How could
you? How could you do that to me? How many women have you done that
to?”

“Fuck!”

“That’s all you have to say?” Jill asked.

Paul paced around the office before speaking again.
“Jill, sweetheart, sit down, please.”

“Do not sweetheart me, Paul. You used me. I felt so
disgusted with myself when I found out. So betrayed.”

“It’s not what you think. You have to trust me,
Jill. I swear to you that it’s not what you think.”

“Are you even a professor?”

“Of course I am.”

“So what else? Tell me.”

“I can’t tell you, Jill. I want to. Trust me. But I
can’t.”

“Why? Why can’t you?”

Paul looked pained. Hesitantly, he said, “If I tell
you, I’ll put you in danger. I cannot tell you, Jillian!”

“I’m so sick of everyone thinking I can’t handle
things. I’m not a little girl. Just leave me the hell alone. You
hurt me. A lot! I don’t trust you, and I don’t want to talk to you
ever again. Leave me the hell alone.” She started to get up and
walk out, but he grabbed her by the arm, causing her to swing
around. He was mere inches from her body. His hands slowly moved up
to her cheek, very tenderly.

“Do you love him, Jill?”

“Yes, I love him.” She didn’t pull back.

“Could you have loved me?”

“Maybe, but something was always off. Something just
felt wrong.”

“You’re so perceptive.” His knuckles softly traced
her cheeks. “I can’t tell you everything, but I can tell you that
my feelings for you were real. They were so very real. I’m not that
good of an actor, Jillian. I just . . . There were things that got
in the way. Things that I can’t explain to you, but—”

“Things about my father?”

“Shit! It’s not what you think.”

“I don’t even know what to think. What are you? Who
are you? What do you want with my father?”

“Jill . . . I . . . He’s . . . You . . .” He shook
his head side to side. “I can’t talk about it.”

“Alright, well, I’ll tell him you’re looking for him
when I see him tomorrow.”

“Wait, what? You cannot see him, Jill. Have you been
seeing him? I thought you said you didn’t know him, that he was
dead.”

“Well, I was wrong, and I’m not telling you anything
else. I know you want to hurt him, and I will not be the cause of
that.”

He pulled her close to him, holding her by both
shoulders, shaking her. “Jill, you cannot see him. Listen to me.
You cannot see him. Oh my God. If I’d known you were in contact
with him, I would have been around. I would have protected
you.”

“I don’t need protecting. He’s my father, and you,
Black, are no one to me. You used me. It was all a lie.”

His face contorted. “Fuck!” He ran his fingers
through his hair. For the first time since meeting him, he looked
out of control. Unsure. Scared, even.

“Okay, okay. I have to fix this. Fuck!” He grabbed
her again but this time less forcefully. Tenderly, as if he really
needed her to understand, he said, “It’s not what you think.”

She rolled her eyes.

He shook her. “Damn it, Jillian. It is not what you
think!”

Paul let her go, opened the door, looked side to
side, and motioned for Alexander to walk in. When he stepped
inside, Paul closed the door and locked it. Alexander took a step
towards Jill, his arms crossed, legs slightly parted. He looked
menacing.

“Jacobs, you can’t let Jillian see Taylor. Are you
listening to me? She cannot see him. He is a dangerous man. Do you
understand?” He was staring at Jillian.

“And why should we trust you?”

Paul plopped down on his chair, looking defeated.
“You just have to. You may not trust me, but you certainly cannot
trust that man for one second.” He stood up again and grabbed
Jill’s forearms. “Do. Not. See. Him. Again.” He shook her as he
spoke.

“Enough!” Alexander pushed Paul back and laced his
fingers in Jill’s hands and pulled her out of the room. The last
thing Jill heard before Alexander slammed the door was “Fuck!” and
something being thrown against the door inside Paul’s office.

Alexander was parked a few spaces next to Jill’s
car. He led her by the hand but was walking ahead of her and so
fast that Jill was practically jogging behind him.

“Would you slow down!” Jill said, trying to remove
Alexander’s grip on her hand.

“Sorry,” Alexander said, but didn’t slow down
enough. When they reached her car, he turned her around, a little
forcefully.

“What the fuck, Alexander?” She pulled her arm away.
“That hurt!”

He seemed to ignore her. “Listen. I don’t like that
asshole Paul, but I agree with him. You can’t see your father—”

“We’ve already been through this. You can’t tell me
what to—”

“God damn it, Jillian. Just stop it!” He paced
behind her car, his fists clenching and unclenching. When he
finally spoke, the words were like an arrow straight through her
heart. “If you see him again, then we can’t continue seeing each
other.”

Her mouth opened. She was going to throw up. It was
just too much. “Are you giving me an ultimatum? Are you telling me
that if I continue to see my father—my fucking father—you’ll break
up with me?”

He didn’t say anything in response.

“You have the fucking nerve to stand here, after
disappearing for a week with some woman, and give me an
ultimatum?”

“It’s for your own good, Jillian. He’s going to hurt
you. He killed someone. Don’t be stupid. You saw the murder charges
yourself, and now this son of a bitch, Paul, confirmed it. You
can’t see him. I can’t live my life thinking you’re hurt
somewhere.”

“Don’t you fucking worry. You’ve made yourself
clear.” She pulled her keys out of her purse and stomped to the
car.

“I know you’re upset. I’ll give you a few days to
calm down and call him if you feel you have to tell him you can’t
see him anymore.”

“You have lost your fucking mind, Alexander. I will
not just obey your command as if you’re my father! You’re acting
more like my father than my boyfriend!” Jill looked at him
incredulously. He actually thought, actually assumed, that she
would bow down to his ultimatums and stop seeing her father because
he commanded it to be so. He had lost his goddamn mind! Jill flung
her door open, sat down, and slammed the door closed. She peeled
out of the parking lot, fuming.

One day,
your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth
watching.

-Helen

It was Wednesday, two days after the mock-trial
debacle, two days since Jillian had fought with Alexander, and two
days since she’d spoken to him. She had barely enough time to see
him at the mock trial seminar, much less actually talk to him.
Besides, she was still angry at his high-handedness regarding Paul
and her father, not to mention the whole Miriam incident. More than
the incident itself, it angered her that he didn’t believe her,
that he would actually think she’d lie about what Miriam had said.
Luckily, Paul had failed to attend the seminar on Tuesday, which
meant less drama to endure. Suffice it say, the week thus far had
been shitty. She had a pending engagement to have an early dinner
with Rocco, one she wasn’t too excited to keep.

The time Jillian had visited Rocco had consisted of
a light meal while they reminisced about her mother. Everything was
benign and superficial. In fact, she had begun to feel warmth
towards him. She wasn’t even concerned about the medical tests he
had mentioned at the initial meeting. He had gained her trust. But,
today, Jill was cranky, sleepy, and overall bitchy. The warning
Paul had given her yesterday floated around in her head. She tried
to ignore it, but it lingered and nagged at her. He had planted the
seed of doubt.
Damn him!
Before her final seminar of the day
ended, she snuck out to the bathroom and dialed Rocco. He didn’t
pick up. As she was about to dial again, her heart beat wildly.
First, there was nausea. Then her palms grew cold, but her body
temperature began to rise until she was sweating. She could see or
hear nothing except the voice of a very evil man, the man who had
threatened her friends two previous times already.

“Heather is a sweet girl. You wouldn’t want to see
her hurt, would you?” That was all that was said. The blackness
must have lasted thirty seconds, but the toll it took on her would
last much longer. She tried to rush to the sink to splash her face
with water, but she felt as if she had weights holding her down.
She leaned her hands against the sink and slowly, with all her
effort, was able to take a few deep breaths and splash cold water
on her face. The formerly cranky Jill was now in full-out bitch
mode: exhausted, tired bitch-mode.

She dragged her feet to the parking lot where she
saw Rocco’s usual driver. He opened the door and she sat inside,
immediately closing her eyes and falling asleep. She couldn’t even
process the threat.

When she awoke, they were still driving. She wasn’t
sure how long she had been asleep “This isn’t the usual drive,
Jim.” Jill poked her tired head through the division between the
back seat and the front seat.

“We’re going to Mr. Taylor’s other home this
afternoon,” Jim, the chauffer, replied.

Jill shrugged and sat back down. She was too
exhausted to question anything. It was the kind of exhaustion that
didn’t matter where or when she slept. She just needed sleep right
away. Upon arrival, she would definitely give Rocco a piece of her
mind. If these threats to her friends did not stop, she was going
to end all ties to Rocco. That would be her threat to him. She was
going to Rocco willingly; threats were unnecessary.