Secret Regrets (Living For Today #2) (9 page)

“Wait. What?” I asked, checking my rearview mirror to see a white car following me with Jordan behind the wheel.

“Hey,” he said as I saw him wave in my rearview mirror. “I was going to just go to your house when you didn’t answer, then I saw you leave. So now I’m the creepy guy following you. Speaking of, with everything going on, shouldn’t you be a bit more aware of your surroundings?”

Another huff escaped my lips as I pulled into the school parking lot and took my usual space. By the time I was getting out, Jordan was at my door, squeezing every last bit of oxygen out of my lungs in a hug.

Pulling away, he asked, “How are you?” I could see the concern and worry written all over his face.

Shrugging him off, I replied, “I’m perfectly fine. I didn’t need you to don your cape and rescue me, Jordan.” I was frustrated. Irritated.

I
can handle my own.
I have
for years. And this time I
have
something on my side
that the high-school me didn’t.
I
am
prepared. I
know
the man Darren
is, and I
won’t
be caught off guard.

“Walk me in. We can talk while I get ready for the day, but you can’t stay long,” I said as I walked into the main lobby and waved to Becky, who was on the phone. I was certain I’d be fielding questions from her later, judging by the eyebrow raise I got when she caught sight of Jordan.

Once in my classroom, I pointed to a table where Jordan could set the things he was carrying for me. “So why did you fly down, Jordan?” I asked, not wanting to beat around it.

He looked stunned. Confused. “Why?” Are you serious? Your ex-boyfriend who raped you is back, has apparently been making contact, and your current…
fiancé…
” He contorted his face like the word alone disgusted him. “…well, we all know how reliable he is in a crisis. Probably why you haven’t even told him about it all.”

Angered that he would come out attacking Bryant like that, I shoved my shoulders back and narrowed my eyes on him, “First off! He knows everything, more that you actually.” I paused as the pained look on Jordan’s face emotionally stabbed me. I hated hurting him. He’d been there for me so much in the past that it just went against everything in me. But I reminded myself that he’d gone after Bryant, and that all had to end, so pushing on, I continued, “Furthermore, my fiancé has taken the appropriate steps to get the police involved. He also figured out that a coworker here knew Darren, so Bryant helped me get the school board involved. You can’t keep going after him, Jordan. He cares for me so much.” I reached out and squeezed his shoulder in a reassuring gesture, hoping to make him see my side of it all.

“A man who CARES about a woman doesn’t leave her, abandon her when her whole world falls apart. You will never convince me he is worthy of you!”
Jordan was fuming.

“Wow,
man.
Tell me how you really feel about me,”
Bryant called from the doorway
as he looked between the two of us.

Leaning back,
I could see how this looked.
My hand
was
on
Jordan,
and
at some point,
he’d put his hand on my knee.
After jumping up,
I rushed to Bryant, desperate to explain, unsure of what he’d
heard or when he’d
come
in.

His eyes were black, empty, broken. When he looked at me,
they didn’t light up, and there was no emotion, no warmth.
“You forgot the nametags you’d made for the desks.
I wanted to bring them by,”
he uttered as he
dropped the colorful,
laminated nametags before turning and walking out.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

“
B
RYANT,
WAIT!”
I
YELLED AS
I ran after him. I heard Jordan’s chair scrape the floor, and I prayed he would just stay put as I sorted this all out.

Catching up to Bryant, I grabbed him by his arm and clung to him for dear life. “Bryant, look at me.”

Spinning around quickly, he threw me off balance, and I swayed in place, trying to get my bearings.

“Talk to me,” I pleaded, tears flooding my vision.

“Why is he here?” he roared, looking past my shoulder to what I could only guess was Jordan standing behind me. “Why is it always him with you, saving you?” He redirected his sorrowful eyes at me, breaking my heart into a million pieces.

“Let me explain. Please,” I began, but Bryant began shaking his head no.

“Rose, you haven’t figured this out yet, have you? We’ve lived our lives broken and incomplete, fragments of what we could have been because of secrets I regret. I get it. Jordan was there for you when I failed you. But we can’t live in the past. We need to unite together, work together. I need you, and I need you to need me.”

Just as I started to speak, Jordan piped up from behind, “Your right, Bryant. You weren’t there. I was. I was there as she realized she lost her daughter. I was in the delivery room when Angelica was born. I helped her grieve the loss of that precious baby. Me. Not You—”

Crunch
. A fist met flesh. More specifically, Bryant’s fist most likely had broken Jordan’s nose.

“You just don’t know when to shut the fuck up, do you? Seriously, man. Shut. Up. She isn’t yours. She didn’t pick you. You were second place. You were the backup plan. I am grateful that you were there when she needed
me
. But in the end, man, don’t you see? She wanted me to be there. You were simply a substitute. Get the fuck over yourself. Move on. Stop hounding my fiancée, who will be my wife in just a short time. She will have my last name, carry my babies in her arms, kiss me good morning and good night. It will always. Be. Me.”

Jordan cupped his nose as blood poured out of it, unable to stop the onslaught of Bryant’s words.

It was everything I’d tried to tell him, granted, a bit more delicately, but, coming from Bryant, it just sounded so much harsher. I could see it tearing Jordan apart, and I felt bad. But I also felt relieved. I needed Jordan to understand he would never fill the place Bryant held in my heart.

As Jordan got back to his feet, Bryant wrapped his arm around me from behind, pulling me into him. I could feel his muscles bunching and cording as he physically restrained himself from attacking Jordan again, resisting the urge to take out years of pent-up anger and aggression.

“Jordan, you need to leave,” I whispered, making him look at me again.

“But. No. I mean, Darren is here, and—”

I shook my head left and right slowly as I fought back the emotions of it all finally finishing. “Bryant is here. Bryant knows about it all, like I told you. I am safe, and the longer you stay, the more damage you do to our friendship, or any chance of having one. You need to go. I appreciate… everything you’ve ever done, but you need to live your life too.”

Walking back to my classroom, Bryant and I left Jordan in the hallway bleeding. Yeah, this would go down as a shitty moment in life, but it was past time. It needed to have been done ages ago, yet I’d avoided it and had postponed it, letting it get out of control. It was my fault it had ever gotten this far.

Bryant walked over to one of my bulletin boards that had the students’ names listed alphabetically on a bright yellow colored sheet. He traced the lines as he chewed on his lower lip. Tapping the board twice with his finger, he turned back to me as I stood silently waiting for him to scold me.

“I didn’t think I wanted to know, but I do. I need to. Did anything ever happen with Jordan?”

Shaking my head no, the words stuck in my throat. Tears pooled in my eyes as I saw the pain and despair Bryant was in.

“Okay,” he nodded as his shoulders relaxed, relieved. “I know you care for him. I’m not blind. I know he was there—”

I shook my head no again forcibly, but Bryant continued. “Rose, what he said? It’s all true. But I’m going to ask something of you.”

“Anything, Bryant. I love you. We both reacted horribly to a traumatic situation.” I scrambled to put him at ease, to fix this.

“I need you to stay away from and cut all contact with Jordan.”

My jaw dropped a bit before my brain could catch up with it all and close the gap. My heart clenched.
Doesn’t
Bryant believe me?
Nothing ever happened with Jordan.
It was always Bryant for me. All those years up at Florida State, it was Bryant on my mind and in my heart.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Bryant cut me off. “Just listen. He isn’t going to move on. He is going to cling to any hope you give him, and I know you. You’re a fixer, and you hate people being hurt. You are going to try to make it all okay for everybody, but you are hurting him, and you are hurting us even more by doing it. You need to let him go, let him find what we have, find this once in a lifetime love that moves mountains.” Bryant stepped toward me and pulled me into a hug. “If you make it okay, he won’t go find it, and eventually you will lose him even as a friend.”

I nodded my head against his unyielding chest, and the tears that had been brimming moments ago began to leak out and drip down my cheeks one by one. Trying to make them cease, I listened to Bryant’s steady heartbeat, unwavering in its love for me, never failing to beat for me. He was right. I nodded again, this time agreeing with what he had said instead of placating his request. Knowing this was what needed to be done for the sake of all of us.

The classroom door handle jiggled and soon opened with several students flooding in and taking their seats. Stepping back, I quickly swiped away the few remaining tears and put on a smile. Bryant looked at me skeptically, evaluating me before giving a firm nod of his head and putting on a smile.

“Ms. Barnes,” Mandy, one of my students I’d met at Open House called out from beside me.

I pulled a deep breath in and strengthened my smile. “Yes, Mandy?” I asked, looking at her in her cute scooter skirt and colorful top, smile beaming as she gained my full attention.

“I brought this for you for our first day.” She unveiled a sunflower that she had hidden behind her back and lit up as she reached it out toward me.

“Oh, Mandy!” I exclaimed, squatting to her level. “However did you know these are my absolute favorite flowers? Thank you so much, sweetheart.”

Bryant knelt beside me. “Mandy, you are going to get me in trouble with Ms. Barnes. Now I will need to go out and buy her some flowers,” he teased with a wink for the girl. He placing a quick chaste kiss on my cheek then stood up. He held out his hand and helped me stand. “Well, I need to head off to work myself. I hope you have a wonderful day, and I will see you this evening. I love you.”

As he left the classroom, a few more students piled in. I propped the door so they wouldn’t need to open it as they arrived and moved to the front of the class. “Mandy, will you help me put my flower in water please?” I asked, drawing her eyes away from the door.

“Of course, Ms. Barnes,” she agreed, skipping over then following me to the sink.

“Ms. Barnes, he is so nice and handsome. I want to marry him one day too,” she said with a smile.

Nodding my head, I giggled. “I don’t blame you, Mandy. He is pretty wonderful. Now go on back to your seat so we can begin class.” As she skipped back to her desk, I let my thoughts drift off. I turned off the water and put the flower in the little vase I had in my classroom. This was what I had dreamed of doing, and now here I was, a teacher. A smile came easily to my face, and I knew I was ready to face this day and all that lay ahead.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

N
INE
DAYS.
T
WO
HUNDRED AND
SIXTEEN
hours. Twelve thousand, nine-hundred and sixty minutes. That was how much time had passed since I’d last seen or talked to Jordan. More accurately, since I’d left Jordan, gushing blood in the hallway of my school after Bryant had punched him square in the nose. As Bryant had asked, I had not contacted him, I’d ignored his attempts, and I’d squashed my need to fix the whole affair. After day four, Jordan had stopped trying to reach me and had sent a final text that had crushed me.

J:
I get it. It’s him.
I’m here though, know that.

I’d promptly deleted it, not wanting to see it each time I went to my text messages.

It was Friday, and the school day was done. I felt light and at ease, maybe even — joyous? As I pulled into the airport parking garage, I could feel myself breathe again. I quickly made my way toward Terminal D, sign and balloons in hand. Okay, maybe I had overdone it a touch, but, oh well. The information board showing arrivals indicated the flight had just landed, and I knew any moment people would start flooding out of the gate like a herd of cattle. Looking around, I smiled brightly. I adored airports. So much emotion could be found here on each end of the spectrum, but today? Today I focused on the happy.

With an announcement over the PA system, and the ding of doors on the tram as they opened, the noise in the waiting area escalated and overwhelmed my senses. People poured out of the tram and scanned the area for their loved ones. Children ran into the arms of a parent who had just arrived home beside me, but my eyes locked on a strawberry-blond head I could just barely see over the crowd, and my ears recognized her voice above all.

“Grant, I can’t see her. Can you see her? Oh my God, I missed her. Yeah, yeah. You know I need girl time.”

I’d know that voice anywhere. I widened my smile as the crowd moved closer and parted just in time for me to see my best friend.

With an ear-piercing scream, Leslie thrust her large bag into Grant’s chest and took off toward me. “Rose!” she bellowed. Once I was within arm’s reach, she wrapped her little arms around me and held me in a death grip. “Rose, Rose, Rose! I missed you. This baboon is not nearly as good of company, and you never called. I thought for sure you would call. We talk every single day. How did you go over two weeks without so much as a text. What the hell, woman!”