Second Thoughts (5 page)

And she did. My aunt began a long dialogue with the critics, as well as a crowd of other interested listeners, and I made a loop around the
room, stopping to greet Amy's parents and a few other friends, before drifting over to listen to some of her explanation. I wanted to hear it too.

“…symbolizes the diversity of the student body, but also their similarities. They're all from different places and backgrounds, cut from different cloths so to speak, and have been folded and molded in different ways by their families, their experiences, this school. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but they also all have one thing in common: they're about to take flight. Their future is before them, and we can only hope we've prepared them well. I worry daily about setting my own niece free to fly,”—she gestured to where she'd noticed me lingering at the edge of the group—“but have to believe I've done my best to make sure she's ready. Sending her here, to Northbrook, is certainly one of the best assurances I could have.”

She paused to smile first over at me, and then at the headmaster and other prominent Academy personalities in the group. I knew she was genuine, but after years of experience, she also knew how to spin her flattery in the perfect moments. “You'll note the many openings throughout the form where additional birds can be placed. I've already discussed a project with the Academy's art department so that student-artists can collaborate on a new bird each year to commemorate the graduating class…”

I drifted away at that point to mingle. I thought the last part my aunt mentioned was a wonderful touch, to let the students personalize the installation, and I wondered who would work on the bird for my class this year. I was speculating about that with Brooke Barros, one of my only Sententia friends, when I saw him. A small commotion at the door caught our attention, and we both turned to watch the tall, handsome man begin to make his way through the crowd.

“Oh! There's Senator Astor,” Brooke said. “I'd better go find my parents—they'll insist I ‘greet him properly.'”

She made little air quotes around those last words and giggled before she disappeared into the crowd. I think I nodded, or smiled, or did
something
to acknowledge I'd heard her. At least I hoped I did. I hoped I wasn't as frozen in shock and confusion on the outside as I felt on the inside. I was thankful for a passing waiter so I could deposit my mostly empty champagne glass on his tray before I dropped it.

The senator, and president of the Perceptum, progressed slowly toward the bronze plaque by which my aunt and Headmaster Stewart still stood, stopping every few steps to shake someone's hand or exchange a few words. Aunt Tessa had seen Daniel Astor, just as I had. The look of surprise on her face was probably similar to mine, though hers held only curiosity, not the fear I suspected I hadn't entirely disguised.

He was quite tall, taller than Carter, though not nearly as broad. Senator Astor was slim and elegant, in a fine gray suit that complemented his fair hair, handsome features, and blue eyes. Eyes from all over the room followed him from the moment of his entrance and he was clearly comfortable being in the spotlight. He carried himself in a way that showed his importance but also made him seem entirely approachable. I was sure he was an excellent politician.

I also didn't need Brooke, or anyone for that matter, to tell me who he was. In fact, I'd have known him anywhere, in any setting, and whether he was a senator or not.

He looked exactly like my father.

F
or a moment, all I could think was,
this can't be happening,
followed quickly by,
how is this
possible? I stared at Daniel Astor as he worked the crowd, unsure what to do or even if I believed it. I took a step closer, thinking I was seeing things, that my eyes were playing tricks.

On closer inspection, Senator Astor looked even
more
like my father, with the same sculpted cheek bones and same friendly smile I'd seen in photographs. The only difference was his hair and eye color. No doubt the rest of their nearly identical features they both inherited from the late Jacob Astor, their father. Carter might have thought of the senator as his uncle, but in reality, he was
mine.
The identity of the older, important man Virginia Marwood had been so desperate to hide my father from was obvious now.

I was an Astor. An illegitimate Marwood-Astor and I was petrified.

I was also, as far as I could tell, the only person in the world who knew this and I intended to keep it that way.

Shaking my head, I broke from my stupefied trance and basically bolted toward my aunt. When I bumped into someone in my haste, I realized drawing attention was the absolute last thing I wanted to do.
Practice discretion,
I reminded myself. The Perceptum motto came in handy more often than I cared to admit. I slowed down while I worked my face into something closer to surprise than horror.

When I finally reached my aunt, she put her arm around my waist and pulled me close to her while smiling at the small crowd still gathered. Headmaster Stewart remained nearby but was, I noted, actively tracking Daniel Astor's progress through the room. Good. I needed her distracted. Aunt Tessa lowered her voice and started to say, “Lainey, did you see—?” before I cut her off.

“I know, Auntie. I saw him. It's amazing, isn't it?” I hoped she couldn't feel my hands shaking.

She nodded and glanced back at the rapidly approaching senator. I had to get this taken care of before he reached us. “His resemblance is so…I can't even…But who is he?” she asked. “Do you know?”

I giggled softly, like this was only a strange coincidence and no big deal, and kept my voice as low as my aunt's. “Of course I know who he is. He's Senator Astor, Carter's uncle. The girl Jillian's father too, remember? He's also like the most important alum in the world right now.” Here was my one chance to get her to drop it and I had to make it good. “So
please
don't say anything,” I pleaded. “Please? It's just too weird. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable and I…I don't want to talk about what happened to Mom and Dad tonight. Okay?” I threw in that last part on an inspired whim; it was actually harder for
her
to talk about them than it was for me.

She eyed me for a moment but then nodded in agreement. “Okay, I won't say anything. Yes, I promise,” she added when I gave her a skeptical stare. My aunt was known for being chatty and rarely holding back what she wanted to say. “Honestly though, I'll have a hard time not staring at him.”

“It's okay,” I replied. “Everyone stares at him. See, even the headmaster.” I gestured to Dr. Stewart, whose eyes still followed Senator Astor's every move. “I think he's probably used to it.”

It was my aunt's turn to giggle, and if I hadn't been so freaked out by my own thoughts I would have realized that should have worried me. “He's certainly handsome, just like…well, you know. Yes, I'm sure he gets stares all the time.”

He was also almost to us. Aunt Tess and I both put on our best smiles, hers completely natural, mine the best approximation I could come up with, just as Dr. Stewart stepped into our line of sight.

“Senator,” she said smoothly and reached to shake his hand. “So good to see you, and thank you for attending. It's an honor to have you at such a unique event in the Academy's history.” I wondered if I was the only one who realized the headmaster was a tiny bit in love with Senator Astor.

“Constance,” he replied, grasping her hand in both of his. His voice was rich and warm, an extension of his charming smile, and as I observed them, I changed my mind. I probably wasn't the only one aware of the headmaster's feelings. “Lovely to see you, as always. And it is my honor to be here tonight. I only wish I'd been in time for the initial introduction, which I understand was extraordinary.”

He turned to my aunt and me then and, if possible, turned on his considerable charm even more. I'd always thought Carter was especially charming and now I knew where he'd learned it. “Ms. Espinosa, I presume? Along with my nephew's winsome girlfriend? What a beautiful pair you make, almost as much a work of art as your magnificent installation. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Daniel Astor.”

He extended his hand to my usually confident and unflappable aunt who—no joke—grasped it demurely and glanced down at her feet before meeting his undeniably appreciative gaze. Tiny warning bells sounded in my head, but they were faint and not yet enough for
me to take seriously. My aunt couldn't really be
attracted
to a man who looked just like my father. Could she?

“Thank you, Senator,” Aunt Tessa said. Her smile was absolutely radiant. “Just Tessa will be fine. ‘Ms. Espinosa' makes me feel like my mother.” She laughed lightly. “And it's certainly my pleasure to meet you and also to introduce my niece, Lainey. I understand you haven't met in person before?”

I fixed my smile in place as Daniel Astor focused his gaze on me. “No, not before now, though I've heard so many wonderful things about her, and, of course, will forever owe her a debt of gratitude. Lainey, how do you do?” He shook my hand and held it. “And let me take this opportunity to thank you again for your bravery in saving my daughter.”

There wasn't much I could really say to that, especially considering the true nature of my “saving” Jill. “Thank you, Senator. I hope Jill's doing well, and it's nice to finally meet you.” I did my best to sound
actually
pleased to meet him, instead of panicked. I thought I succeeded.

He held my gaze and didn't release my hand for what felt like an eternity. “You as well, Lainey. And please call me Dan. Both of you. I insist.” He nodded to my aunt. “Unfortunately, my late arrival caused me to miss your introduction. Would you mind repeating the story? I'm fascinated by what you've done here…”

Aunt Tessa gladly complied and she and Senator Astor became absorbed in discussion while I lingered nearby. Headmaster Stewart also lingered in the vicinity, growing visibly more annoyed the longer the senator—Dan, I reminded myself—worked his magic on a woman other than her. I was half listening to my aunt and half trying to figure out what to do about my new knowledge, when strong arms circled my waist from behind.

I almost screamed before I heard Carter's familiar voice in my ear. “Hey gorgeous,” he said, kissing me on the cheek. “I'd ask what I missed, but I can see most of it, and it's incredible.” Lower, he added, “Speaking of incredible, love the pants,” and my skin flushed, only partly out of surprise.

“Hi!” I squeaked. I cleared my throat and turned, unable to hide my smile as I took him in. He looked great, as he usually did, but he'd changed out of his typical daily uniform of comfortable jeans and a simple T-shirt into a blue dress shirt with a tailored jacket and slacks in a color like steel or gunmetal. The combination made his already pretty blue eyes nearly arresting and somehow enhanced the handsome angles of his features. “You surprised me,” I tried again and I was relieved that I sounded more like myself this time.

He returned my smile. “I know,” he said. “You looked like your body was here but your brain was in another room, or like you'd just seen a ghost. I even waved at you when I came in.”

I swallowed an inappropriate laugh or, possibly, a sob. He was more right than he knew and I was suddenly glad he
hadn't
been here earlier. “Sorry. I…guess I was daydreaming. And listening to my aunt talk about the installation. I didn't hear the whole story the first time.”

“It's incredible,” he repeated. “I should have been here.” He glanced over my shoulder and nodded in the direction of Aunt Tessa and the senator. “And it looks like your aunt and my uncle have hit it off well. Did you meet him already?”

“Yes!” I said, too quickly and far too brightly. I mentally reminded myself to relax and Act. Freaking. Natural. I would have plenty of time to worry over what to do about my newly discovered relation. For now, I
had
to pretend that everything was perfectly fine.

But Carter confused my over-eager response for something much more common. He laughed and squeezed me a little tighter. “Yeah, my uncle's been known to have that effect on women.”

I blushed again, but it worked. He couldn't know how creepy the idea that I found Daniel Astor attractive actually was, so I went with it. “No, it's not that! I mean, yeah, he's good-looking, for an old guy. He was just very nice.” I lowered my voice. “You know I was…nervous to meet him.”

“How many times did I tell you not to worry? And was I right?”

“You were right.” I smiled and stepped closer to him. “Now kiss me hello while no one is looking.”

He did, one hand running over my hair, the other slipping dangerously across the smooth black satin of my pants, before his lips pressed mine and held there longer than was probably polite. Kissing Carter was an invitation to a private world, like Oz or somewhere over Dorothy's rainbow, where time was inconsequential and my troubles melted along with my heart.

Tonight, he was exactly the distraction I needed.

T
HE REST OF
the reception, and the dinner that followed, was actually fun, once I postponed my major freak-out and started to relax. I stuck close to Carter, letting his presence and his touch calm me while we mingled with the other students and our families. Senator Astor barely left my aunt's company after their introduction, except to spend time with Alexis and her parents. Mr. Morrow and the senator, I realized, were probably lifelong friends. Alex's cousin Mandi was with them too, and Senator Astor put his arm around her shoulders like a familiar uncle.

Alexis and I studiously ignored each other but she did manage a wave and a blinding smile for my boyfriend, not to mention some less-than-subtle glances his way throughout the private dinner for Legacy families and special guests. For my part, I barely bothered to sigh. I wasn't the only one who noticed though, and I don't mean Carter. Amy was always on top of things.