Second Thoughts (11 page)

And just like that, it did. All of a sudden, fighting didn't feel so much like fighting anymore. If anything, my breathing quickened. Carter's did too. I felt it, puffing faster across my bare neck, along with the increasing beat of his pulse and the heat of his long, solid body.

In seconds, and without my even realizing how it happened, I was facing the other way. Carter grasped my wrists again and pulled me toward him, kissing me deeply, almost desperately. Like he might never get another chance. Before long my wrists were freed, letting my arms twine around his neck and his hands slide down my back to grip my hips.

For a minute or two, kissing Carter there, in the forest and with the sense of danger still sparking in my veins, felt like the sexiest moments we'd ever had. But then reality seeped in along with the cold, damp dirt at my knees. I broke away, reluctantly, and sat up to catch my breath. After a moment, Carter followed suit, pulling me up to stand.

Once we were upright, I shoved him, demanding, “What the hell were you doing?!”

With a sly, sexy grin, he tugged me close and said, “I was kissing you.” Then he did it again.

I refused to be distracted. Much. Finally, I pushed him away again, though not as roughly this time. “I understand that part,” I said. “I was
talking
about your grabbing me in the first place. What are you even doing out here?”

His good humor left abruptly and he raked his fingers through his hair. “Waiting for you,” he said. “And I could have been
anyone,
including someone who actually wanted to hurt you.”

“Well, but you weren't.” I grabbed his hand and started walking back toward campus. He came along willingly, but I still felt tension radiating from him. “You were you and there's no one else around. But…how did you even end up out here?”

“Last time you disappeared and I couldn't reach you, this is where you were. And your roommate told me you'd ‘gone for a walk.'” Damn it. I hated doing it, but I probably should have lied to Amy outright. Then she couldn't have informed on me. Through my irritation, I realized Carter was still talking.
“…trying
to scare the shit out of me? Why would you even come out here, in the middle of the afternoon no less, after what happened last time?”

It was a valid question, one I
couldn't
answer truthfully. I hadn't planned on answering it at all. Thankfully, a plausible lie presented itself. I ducked my eyes and lowered my voice. This lie worked because it was partially true.

“I think about ‘what happened last time' all the time,” I whispered. “And with meeting your uncle…that made it worse. Probably it wasn't healthy to go there; I don't know. But it did make me feel better to walk away and know we're both still alive.”

Carter was silent for a long minute before he came to an abrupt halt and pulled me into a bruising hug. “I'm sorry,” he breathed. “I'm so sorry.”

I am too,
I thought. I felt like shit for lying to him.

We were nearly to campus when Carter finally got around to the questions I'd been waiting for. The slight change of pressure in his grip on my hand warned me it was coming. “You didn't really burn your stomach with that tea, did you?” he asked. I shook my head. There was no point in denying it. “So is this all about my uncle?”

“Yes,” I said. Mostly.

“He really liked you.”

That really wasn't the problem. “I know he did. And I…liked him too,” I said, and I was pretty sure it was true.

“But?” Carter asked, even though I knew he didn't have to. He just wanted me to say it.

“He tried to recruit me, Carter.”

He nodded. “I know. He didn't tell me what you said, though I suppose I can guess it.”

“I didn't say anything.”

That brought him to a standstill. We were about twenty steps from the edge of the tree line; I could see campus, and freedom from this discussion, just paces away. Carter stood in front of me, a wary hopefulness in his voice that pained me. “You're considering it?”

I wasn't. Was I? I
thought
I hated the Perceptum. But maybe it wasn't that I didn't want to work with them at
all;
I just didn't want to do…what they wanted me to do. I didn't even like to think it was necessary. But most of all, I didn't want anything to hurt Carter, including me.

“I don't want to disappoint you,” I told him and he hugged me again.

“I love you,” he said into my ear, kissing just below where he'd spoken to punctuate it. “There's no way you could.”

I very much doubted that was true.

T
hank God for coffee,
I thought as I waited in line with my classmates in front of a folding table manned by one of the lower grade teachers. She was not a Sententia, I noted, but she did look bored and tired, much like the rest of us. Amy shifted restlessly in front of me. I sipped from my travel cup and pictured the thousands of other kids standing in similar lines in similar hallways across the country. This forced waiting was as much a rite of passage as taking the SATs, the reason why I was there. The reason for my already-accepted-at-freaking-MIT roommate's presence was another matter.

“You're here again, why?” I asked her, though I knew the answer. I just liked to goad her.

She made an exasperated noise and tapped her pencil on her calculator. She had to be the only person in line eager for the test to start, not just to be over with. “I
told
you; I have to try.” By which, she meant she had to try for a perfect score. To avenge the whole one question she got wrong the first time. “I swear I just filled in the wrong bubble,” she muttered and I laughed.

“You probably should have had Penrose tutor you first.
He
got them all right,” Caleb said from behind her, giving her hip a playful squeeze. Amy shoved him without even turning around and I laughed even harder. The one wrong answer was made even sorer for Amy by her unofficial rivalry with Carter. His score was perfect the first time.

Speaking of rivals, my official one was laughing a few places back from us. There was no reason for her to be so loud, or sound so smug, for that matter, so I knew it was on purpose. Sometimes I forgot that Alexis and Amy had a little rivalry of their own. “…just here for the hell of it,” she said. “Georgetown's already waiting for me. I'm so
relaxed
this time, I'm going to
ace
this.”

Amy's face was murderous, and I could tell it was taking all her control not to turn around and glare at Alex, or worse. It might have been okay for Caleb and me to make fun of her little neuroses, but
not
Alexis. I imagined myself saying something like,
Ace
this,
bitch,
and slapping her again, but all Amy ever needed was words.

“The only test she's ever aced was the quiz in Cosmo last month on the A to Z of blow jobs,” she said, in the same smug, too-loud voice Alex used. She started to tick them off on her fingers. “In an Airplane, on a Boat,
behind the Chapel,”
she added with a little extra emphasis.

Alexis's laughing immediately cut off, and I dared a glance over my shoulder. Her face looked as murderous as Amy's had a few moments ago and I wondered what I was missing. I only had time to catch Amy's smirk before the teacher up front called us to attention. It was time for the tests. She made me leave my coffee at the door.

Several hours and one fried brain later, I joined the line to hand in my test booklet. I flexed my aching fingers as I inched closer to freedom, watching my classmates leave one by one before me. We'd been sorted alphabetically, so I got the lucky last chair in the last testing
room. Caleb grinned at me and said, “Later, Lane,” over his shoulder as he left.

I knew I hadn't really needed to be here either. My first scores from the spring had been pretty decent, and might be moot in a matter of days or weeks anyway, but I still wanted to have as normal a senior year as I possibly could, however much of it I managed to get. So, I'd dutifully taken the test again along with everyone else, and I really did hope my scores improved. I'd never come close to perfect like my roommate, but grades still mattered to me too.

“Thank you,” I told the proctor as I handed over my materials and practically bolted for the door.

“Oh, wait!” she said to my back, halting my escape. I spun around to see her frowning at my booklet. “You're Elaine Young.”

“Um, yes? Is something wrong with my test?”

She shook her head. I thought she looked sheepish, for some reason I couldn't imagine. “No, it's fine. I'm sorry. I was supposed to give you this before,” she said and held out an envelope with my name on it.

“Thanks,” I told her again and finally made it out of the room, opening the envelope as I went. Of course, I stopped in my tracks as soon as I pulled out the note.

It was from Daniel Astor.

Lainey,
he wrote,

My wishes for good luck today, though I understand you don't need it. I have on good authority that a certain university in Baltimore is expecting your application with approved stamp in hand. In fact, I've taken the liberty of setting up dinner for us and your aunt with the university president next week during your visit. I so look forward to seeing you then.

Yours, D.A.

Whoa. I didn't know how to take this. Was I flattered? Bothered? I was standing in the middle of the hall, staring at his words, when I thought I heard my name.

“Lainey? You okay?” Brooke Barros was right in front of me, waving a hand in front of my face. Her arms were full of testing materials.

I shook my head, but said, “Yeah, sorry. Hey, Brooke. You at work hours?”

“Yeah. Mr. Wislowski sent me to help the test proctors,” she confirmed. “Though seriously, I almost took the test myself just to get out of this. So. Boring. Anyway, what's got you all statue in the hallway? You're the last one in the building, you know.”

“It's a note from Senator Astor,” I told her. I couldn't see any reason to lie.

“Wow, you really are a rock star! Personal notes from the senator.” She studied me for a beat, her eyes flashing a tell-tale amber. “And you want him to like you.” It wasn't a question, not from Brooke, a Sensor with a handy gift for reading what people wanted. I guess it answered how I felt about the note.

“I suppose I do,” I admitted and I blushed.

“Don't we all, yeah? Nothing to be embarrassed about. Sorry,” she added. “I couldn't resist.” She looked as if she wanted to say something else after that but hesitated for some reason. It made me wary.

“What?”

Brooke bit her lip and sighed. “Lane, listen. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this, or if I should even mention it but someone…someone
wants
something to do with you. And I don't mean all the boys who've got the hots for you. Some of the girls too. I mean something…not good.”

I'd almost have laughed if she didn't sound so ominous. Instead, I said, “Alexis wants my boyfriend. That's nothing new. In fact, she probably wants me to disappear or maybe explode in a cloud of dust.”

Brooke shook her head. “No, that's not it. Well, it
is
true. Still. But that's not what I mean this time. I felt it first, I don't know, a few weeks ago? Just by accident. Maybe it was at the unveiling? I keep checking, and every once in a while, I feel something again, but I can't quite figure it out. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but it doesn't feel right, Lane. Lex is harmless. This…isn't.”

I frowned, and before I could stop it, my mouth said, “Is it Carter?”

But Brooke didn't understand. And really, who'd have thought I wanted to know if Carter was going to harm, possibly kill me? “I don't think so, no. Alexis is the only one who thinks she still has a shot at him. I'm sorry. I'll keep trying to find whoever, whatever it is. Shit, I've probably freaked you out now. It's probably nothing, but…just in case. I just couldn't keep it to myself.”

I leaned over and hugged her and her test books, putting on my brave face for reassurance. “Thanks, Brooke. But I'm sure it's nothing. Don't worry.”

In reality, I was sure it was something. I just wondered where it would rank on my ever-growing list of things to worry about.

I'
D BARELY MADE
it out of the building when I heard my name again.

“Young!” someone called. It was Derek Wei, a sophomore on the swim team. He'd been headed around the side of the building, walking quickly toward the auditorium. “Sullivan's girlfriend is about to get into it with that hot eighth grader. You probably want to see this.”

I almost couldn't understand what he meant. “Amy?” I asked, but who else could he be talking about? Caleb was the only Sullivan at school. I nearly stumbled down the steps as I hurried to follow him.

Sure enough, by the side of the auditorium, in the middle of an excited group of students, were Amy and Mandi Worthington. Mandi had her back against the wall and was smirking in that irritating way
only bitchy pretty girls can. My roommate looked ready to slap the smirk right off of her.

“Hey!” I shouted. The crowd easily parted for me, most probably hoping I'd get into the fray. “What the hell's going on?” I inserted myself between them.

Mandi paused in her smirking long enough to tell me, “Your crazy roommate was just threatening me to keep away from her boyfriend. I told her I can't, since he
volunteered
to be my algebra tutor.”

“The hell he did!” Amy shouted, and when Mandi laughed, I actually had to put my hand on Amy's shoulder to keep her away from my charge.

I was in a very awkward position, literally, what with trying to restrain Amy, and also because she was my best friend while Mandi was one of my students from Sanderson. And I was on the Honor Board, which would be tasked with disciplining either or both of them, if necessary. I couldn't win here, so I had to get them separated, and fast.