Second Chances (26 page)

Before anyone could protest further, Reagan turned on her heels and stalked away in the direction of her parked car.

Lucy immediately turned in the front passenger seat to glare at her older sister.  “What did you do
now
, Allie?” she accused.

Allison remained silent and ignored her sister.  She bit her bottom lip and continued to stare out her window at nothing in particular.  Her eyes filled with tears until the trees outside became just blurry green blobs.

+++++

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Allison looked over the contents of the menu at the deli even though she wasn't hungry. It gave her something to do so she wasn't continually checking her phone for the time or for missed calls or texts from Reagan. But just like the last time Allison had messed up, Reagan was ignoring her.
 If they never came back to their hometown, maybe she wouldn't keep doing this. The major difference this time, however, Allison hadn't denied Reagan's existence. This time, she'd denied her own emotions and feelings for her. And of the two offenses, the latter felt infinitely worse.

"We apparently have some serious catching up," Beth said as she unceremoniously sat down in the chair across from her. "How long have you and Murphy been sleeping together?"

Allison felt her face flush. Her eyes darted nervously around the sandwich shop to see if anyone had overheard Beth's outburst. "Do you have to put it like that?" she asked, dropping her tone.

"It's the only way I'll get an answer out of you, Hoge," Beth chuckled.

Allison took a deep breath. This was it. This was her moment to stop being a coward.  “Reagan and I had sex.”

Beth rolled her eyes. “Well, duh.  I gathered as much from that little show in the corn maze.  I figured if you all hadn’t had sex yet, it was just a matter of time.”

“I just need to know that you’re not going to tell anyone,” Allison said, locking eyes with her old friend.  “Not yet, at least.  I need some time to figure this thing out.”

“You mean if you want a relationship with Reagan Murphy.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Allison picked at a napkin.  “But other things to.”

“Like if you’re gay?”

Allison looked up from the table.  She met Beth’s concerned gaze and nodded.

“
Well, don’t worry about Carly.  She actually believed your lame tick story.” Beth chuckled.  “She’s pulled out all her winter scarves and won’t leave the house without her neck covered up.”

“And Vanessa?”

“Vanessa’s a bitch,” Beth spat out.  “And this…whatever
this
is, isn’t any of her business.”

“Why are you being so cool?”

“I’m not a Neanderthal,” Beth defended herself. “And I have a gay cousin,” she revealed. “He tried to commit suicide when the family came down hard on him,” she said in a quiet voice.  She looked up, her eyes unusually fierce.  “I love you like a sister, Allie.  I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

“I appreciate your concern,” Allison said genuinely, “but I’m not gay.  At least, I don’t think I am.”
  She sighed heavily.  “I don’t know anymore.”

Beth’s mouth quirked. “You just like having sex with girls?”

“Not
girls
,” Allison said in a lowered voice. She looked around, nervously.  Why did everyone insist on having these conversations with her so loudly and in public?

“So just sex with Reagan Murphy?”

Allison covered her face with her hands and peeked through her fingers. “Oh, God,” she groaned. “I know, I know. What am I thinking?”

Beth shrugged.  “I always thought she was nice.”  She looked thoughtful.  “A little weird, a little quiet, but nice.”

“She
is
nice,” Allison confirmed, dropping her hands from her face. “Almost
too
nice.  Half the time we spend together I can’t believe she could ever forgive me for what a bitch I was in high school.”

“And the other half you’re making out?” Beth guessed with a broad grin.

Allison dropped her eyes to the table and cleared her throat uncomfortably.

Beth laughed. “Girl, it’s okay. I really don’t need to know those kinds of details,” she teased. “Do you guys ever talk about high school?”

Allison looked up and shook her head. “Kind of.  I mean I’ve apologized to her about a billion times for it.  But no matter how many times I apologize, I always seem to do something else to mess things up between us.”

Beth nodded
. “I’m certainly not an expert in relationships, let alone one with another girl,” she noted, “but I think you have some serious groveling to do in your immediate future.”

Allison raised a questioning eyebrow. 

“Apologizing to Reagan for what happened in the corn maze?” Beth clarified with a mischievous smile.

Allison’s eyebrow dropped back in place.  “Oh shit.”

+++++

Allison Hoge didn’t apologize.  Allison Hoge didn’t grovel.  And she most certainly didn’t beg for forgiveness.
  She felt like a fool.  That’s why, when she found herself standing on the front porch of Reagan’s father’s house, holding a bouquet of flowers, she had no idea what to do next.  This wasn’t her life.  This was a movie – a
mockery
of what she’d become.

“I suppose I should knock on the door,” she mumble
d.  She shook her head. “Great.  And now I’m talking to myself.”

She lifted a lightly clenched fist and rapped her knuckles against the front door.  Taking a single step backwards, she waited.  Like a fool.

Within seconds, the front door swung open.  Allison’s father stood in the doorway.  “I was wondering how long you were going to stand out there,” he said in his deep voice.

“Mr. Murphy,” Allison tensely greeted.

“Allison,” the man stiffly replied.

“I’m not sure what Reagan told you…”

“My daughter and I have no secrets from each other,” the man said curtly.

Allison fought against the urge to run.  She could do this.  She could handle this.
She straightened her shoulders.

“She might be living in the biggest city in the country and
be independent and all that, but she’ll always be my little girl. Her happiness is my priority.”

“I just want to make her happy, too.”

Mr. Murphy regarded the girl on his front stoop.  It was no secret that Allison Hoge had bullied his daughter relentlessly throughout high school.  He honestly couldn’t pretend to understand why Reagan had so eagerly entered into a friendship with her, let alone why she would want to pursue a romantic relationship.  But that wasn’t his decision.  He trusted his daughter.

“She’s upstairs in her room.  For you sake, I hope you have a brilliant apology prepared.”

Allison climbed the stairs slowly, one at a time.  She couldn’t help but feel like she was being sent to a firing squad.  Reagan’s father’s home was just as she remembered it.  It even smelled the same.  It was comforting and familiar, but it also brought back residual guilt that it had been so long since she’d been within these four walls.

The door to Reagan’s childhood bedroom was closed and Allison found herself standing like a fool, once again.  She tentatively knocked.

“I told you before.  I’m not hungry,” came Reagan’s voice.

“Well that’s good.  Because I didn’t bring any food with me.” Allison waited, her body tense.

She heard the creak of a mattress and bare feet on hardwood floor.  The door flung open.

“
And I told
you
I wouldn’t let you make me feel insignificant again,” Reagan said flatly.  She was physically exhausted from not getting much sleep the night before and emotionally drained from Allison’s waffling.

Allison felt panicky. “I don’t like being am
bushed,” she defended herself. “And I know I can’t blame Beth and Carly for seeing us.  It was my fault; I shouldn’t have been...doing
that
to you when I knew we could have gotten caught.” She worried her bottom lip. “But maybe a part of me
wanted
to get caught.”

“Why?”

“Because then I wouldn’t have to actually say the words.”

“That you had sex with
Reagan Murphy?” Reagan wrinkled her nose and frowned.

“No. That I think I’m gay.” Allison was quiet a moment, letting the words settle in the air.  There.
She’d said it. But what did it mean? “Believe me when I say I’m not embarrassed by you.  I don’t know how to get that through your thick skull.”

“Stop shoving me away like I have cooties.  That might be a good start,” Reagan grumbled.

“So does that mean I’m forgiven?”

Reagan took a step backward into her room.  “It’s a start.”

Allison walked into the bedroom and thrust the bouquet of flowers under Reagan’s nose.

Reagan’s
lips twisted and she took the flowers. “For future reference, I don’t really like flowers.”

“What girl doesn’t like flowers?” Allison asked incredulously.

Reagan shrugged. “I like them growing in the ground – not picked and ready to die in a few days.”

Allison pinched at the bridge of her nose.  “You are unbelievable,” she muttered.

Reagan tossed the bouquet onto her vanity. “Rumor has it.”

Allison rested her hands on Reagan’s hips. “I can’t s
top thinking about last night. I didn’t know I could enjoy something so much.”  Her hands tightened on Reagan’s hips. She nuzzled her nose against the column of her neck.  She pressed her lips against the sensitive skin, and when she began to lightly suck, Reagan made a small noise in the back of her throat.  Allison licked the flat of her tongue against the small pink mark she had made.

Reagan felt herself panting
, but she somehow managed to pull away. “You have to stop.”

Allison’s f
eatures scrunched together. “Do you not like it?”

“I like
it just fine,” Reagan breathed out shakily. “Maybe a little
too
much.”

“It’s my body, isn’t it?” Allison worried out loud.  “I know I’m not as in as good of shape as I was in high school,” she frowned. “You must think I’m disgusting.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Reagan quickly corrected.  “Your body is amazing.  I mean, your abs…” She mentally pictured herself licking along her strong stomach, the muscles twitching and flexing under her tongue.  She shook herself.  “Your body is so hot, it should be illegal.”

Reagan’s compliments did nothing to appease Allison.  The frown stayed on her lips. “Well
, what’s the problem then?” she demanded.

“Ever heard the phrase no one’s going to buy the cow if you’re giving away the milk for free?”

Allison frowned deeper and nodded.

“I care about you, and yes, I’m really attracted to you,” Reagan said.  Her face felt warm
and she hugged herself.  “But I don’t know what your intentions are.  Do you want to be fuck buddies or do you want something more?”

Allison winced at her coarse language.  She didn’t know if she’d ever heard Reagan swear
like that before.  The word sounded ugly coming from her mouth. “More like what?”

Reagan put her hands on her hips. “Do you want to date me, Allison Hoge?” she asked impatiently.

“I –uh – is that something
you’d
want?”

Reagan’s face was unreadable. “That’s not what I asked.”

Allison rubbed at her face with frustration. “You’re really not going to go easy on me, are you?” she grunted.

Reagan’s features softened. “I just want us to be on the same page.
  We keep hinting at what’s happening – where this thing is headed – but neither of us has made the plunge yet.  That has to stop.  We
have
to make a decision.”

“I’ve never, you know, dated a
girl
before,” Allison admitted. “I’m not even sure I’d know how to do that.”

“You hadn’t had sex with a girl before last night,” Reagan pointed out.  “And that seemed to work out fine.”

Allison ducked her head.  “I-I have a lot of fun with you,” she admitted. “And not just the sex stuff either; although that was amazing, too.”

“I have fun with you
, too,” Reagan agreed.  “And I have nothing against us continuing to have fun together, but I’d like to figure out what this is between us, you know?”

Allison licked her lips.  “I know.  And, don’t take this the wrong way, but can I sleep on it before I give you an answer?  This is…a big deal for me.”