Scared Scriptless (26 page)

It’s hard to hear over the noise of the crowd gathered at Pete’s Tavern, but the second the opening credits come on (“Executive Producer: Madelyn Carson”—still gives me chills), everyone starts yelling, “SHHH!” I can’t help but be touched that over a hundred people go from decibel 11 to zero so quickly. I’ve seen the first episode of
Never Cry Wolf
so many times at this point. Now that it’s finally premiering on TV, I am watching everyone else’s faces, not the television hanging in the corner by the bar.

It was Pete Jr.’s idea to host the premiere party here, and I couldn’t have hoped for a better turnout. Everyone is here, and even though they are all silent, it is easy to feel the energy and enthusiasm for the show. A fruity cocktail appears in front of me.

“They love it,” Adam whispers softly so as not to be shushed by the entranced crowd. Where does he even find those little umbrellas in Wolf? “You can stop worrying now, Scripty.”

I smile as he drops a kiss on my ear before moving to stand next to me to size up the reactions. Anticipating this moment, their response has guided me every step of the way of producing this show, especially during the sixty-plus hours in the editing booth last month. I drove myself (and Janine and Joel… and Adam too) crazy making sure that, above all else, everyone would be happy and proud to have participated.

“Look at the lovebirds!” Lily busts us as soon as the show goes into the first commercial break. The second they see an ad, the
whole crowd erupts in loud applause, laughter, and some good-natured teasing.

“Maddy, it’s fantastic!” Brian gives me a quick squeeze. “So, what did you end up telling your parents? Did you let them see the show early?”

It was a tough call—I even brought my brothers into the debate. My parents have been dying to see the show, and they knew I’d been slaving away, editing it. The second I had explained that I sent Hogan links to cuts of scenes, my parents began begging for a sneak peek. But it was a consensus from the Carson children that our parents wouldn’t be able to resist forwarding the e-mail to their entire contact list, like they forward every semi-decent joke e-mail they get. A whole week of secrecy? No way would they keep it under wraps until the premiere.

“Of course not!” I say with such sincere determination that all three of them laugh.

“What do your parents think? You know, so we can keep the story straight,” Lily asks.

“I told them it wouldn’t be finished until the last minute.” I do feel bad about the little white lie, but it really isn’t that big of a stretch since I only got the final approval from the network last week.

The conversation abruptly cuts off as the show comes back on. All of a sudden it’s so quiet again, you can hear every word. I smother a laugh, imagining the network PR team having a coronary over the very unglamorous setup we have here. They’d suggested bringing in a fancy LA party planner to throw up some massive decorations and big flat screens and have a red-carpet press event to cover the occasion. Luckily that idea was overruled by everyone, including Sophie Atwater, the show’s publicist.

“It just feels wrong,” I had said last week at dinner on a double date with Sophie and Jacob. Sophie insisted on treating me to a
special dinner when I sent the group text that the network had officially approved the episode.

As usual, we vowed no shoptalk at dinner, and as usual we couldn’t avoid it when conversation turned to the network pressure to have a big launch party.

I told Sophie how much I hated the idea.

“What makes the show work,” Adam offered succinctly, “is that they’re not Hollywood. A big red carpet event wouldn’t make sense in Wolf.”

“I’ll handle the network,” Sophie said confidently. “You just go have fun with your friends. Tweet a picture from the party so your new fans can feel they were a part of the celebration. Selfishly, it will help me feel like I’m there.”

“I’m sorry we won’t be able to join you this weekend. I am looking forward to getting Sophie back on a pair of skis.” Jacob is always so formal in comparison to the actors I’m usually around, but his deadpan expression didn’t last more than a second with Sophie’s dramatic reaction.

“I told you, Jacob. Not in a million years! I can’t even walk through the door without tripping.” Before she got too carried away, Jacob’s expression let her know he was teasing. She gave him an affectionate swat and then turned to me. “I’m more your snow bunny. I’m happy to wait for you in the lodge.” Jacob whispered something in her ear, and I remember thinking how amazing it is that Adam and I are sitting here watching this coupley moment and it wasn’t awkward at all.

“Maddy and I are so bummed we can’t be at Billy’s premiere. I hope he understands,” Adam says to Sophie.

When I got the official airdate for
Never Cry Wolf
, my heart sank that it conflicted with the premiere of Billy’s latest movie. Adam didn’t even hesitate to let me know he’d be by my side.

“He’ll be fine. Don’t worry. He’s going to tweet about the show too. Help get the word out,” Sophie said with finality. “Enough work talk… we’re here to celebrate
not
working!”

I’m so glad we stuck to our guns about the premiere party, because this night is exactly what I pictured: intimate, warm, and low key. I’m almost dizzy from the feelings coursing through me as I stare out at the sea of family and friends, with Adam’s arm around me. Just as the second act ends, my eyes fall on the giant basket of champagne, flowers, and cupcakes with the show’s logo that Sophie sent. Thank God I remembered about the picture I’m supposed to take for Sophie. Perfect timing, since there’s another commercial break.

“Hey, everyone!” I shout over the dull roar that breaks out in an instant. Adam sees me pulling my phone out and gives a loud whistle that gets all heads turning. “Picture time!” he shouts.

“Come on, everyone, over here!” I have my phone lifted over my head as high as I can, but I can see on the screen that I’m getting only a small portion of the people. Before I can figure out where to reposition myself, I feel my feet leaving the ground. Adam grabs me around the thighs and lifts. My head is spinning, but not just from the altitude. Even though we’ve been back together for a few months now, I still get an electrical charge every time he touches me. I think I always will.

“One! Two! Three!” Everyone yells and cheers as I take the picture.

Adam lowers me back to the ground, but even with the crowd all around us, it’s such an intimate moment. His hands are wrapped around me with my back pressed against his chest, his face over my right shoulder.

“I love you, Maddy.” He whispers it into my ear. Simply. No fancy gestures, no elaborate buildup. It’s the first time he’s said those three little words, and it happens in a noisy, crowded bar
in the middle of the premiere of my show. Somehow, coming from him, it’s just right.

“I love you too.” I can’t believe how easy it is to finally say it, how wonderful it is to get off my chest something I’ve been feeling and thinking for so long. I turn around and bury my face in his delicious-smelling chest.

“Hey, hey, get a room, you two,” Matthew jokes loudly, and then Mike, right behind him, grumbles, “Can you please not say things like that?” Mike will never let go of being the intimidating big brother, which he’s made clear at every family barbeque this summer. But I know he loves Adam and is so happy for me.

“I love it, sis. You did amazing.” A big Mike hug follows. As he heads back to the bar, I feel a buzz in my back pocket.

It’s an incredible pat on the back from Ed. I’m still glowing, staring at the text when Adam calls my attention to the table in the corner where my parents have sat all night with their friends, beaming with pride. I see the back of a head full of shaggy, gray overgrown hair. Hogan’s here.

I take Adam’s hand and drag him over to say hello.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, ” Hogan says, giving me a big hug.

“I can’t believe you made it at all.” I know how hectic his schedule is, getting ready for season three.

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

“How do you think the show will do, Hogan?” my mom asks.

“Honestly, Helen, I don’t care what the ratings say.” That’s not exactly something you hear every day from a Hollywood producer. Even Adam looks surprised by Hogan’s response. “I’m proud the show is an HCP production. No matter how it does. I know I was right in trusting it to her.”

It’s too much. I swallow a huge lump in my throat as I hug Hogan again.

The show is over and someone shouts, “Hey, you DVRed it, right, Pete? Let’s watch it again.”

And then Brian steps up. “Great idea. But first, a toast. Maddy, get up here.”

I do as I’m told, and Brian says all sorts of lovely things about how proud everyone is of me and how much the show means to everyone in Wolf. I try to take in all of his words as I see all of my friends and family around the room. Through the tears I finally can’t hold back, I think: This is not how I would have imagined this script ending, but there you have it. I never thought I’d say it, but life is just better without a script.

I had such fun writing this novel. In some ways, the process is not that much different from acting. It’s so exciting and rewarding to create a world full of characters that I would want to hang out with… and I’ll be honest, a lot of them are based on my real-life friends and family. Is that cheating? I do have a friend whose motto is “Never trust the actors”—she says it in a joking voice, but she’s
so
not kidding. I wonder if this book will change her mind… I doubt it. My makeup artist is definitely every bit as sassy as Stella is. The tight-knit dynamic I attempted to re-create among the crew on
The Wrong Doctor
definitely mirrors my experiences both at
The Biggest Loser
and
Days of Our Lives.
When you work together for such long hours, in sometimes tense, often exhausting situations, you get close quick, you learn to rely on each other, and it is very much like a second family.

I can never say enough how important being a part of
Days
has been to me for the last twenty-one-
plus
years. Adam’s story gave me the chance to reveal a little of what life is like there, a bit of how we do things, and maybe most importantly, how indescribably meaningful the experience has been.

I borrowed Maddy’s quirky movie-quoting habit from my own life. I love movies. I especially love quoting movies. It goes way
back to my brothers and I sitting around the dinner table making John Hughes movie jokes as kids—everything from
Planes, Trains & Automobiles
to
Vacation
. It’s still one of our favorite bonding activities. On set at
Days
, we don’t go a day without referencing the classics—and by that I mean
Arthur
(the original with Dudley Moore),
Dirty Dancing
(“Nobody puts baby in a corner”),
Princess Bride
(in its entirety)… I could go on and on. So it seemed only natural to make Maddy a movie quoter. I referenced lots of classic TV shows too,
Friends
,
Seinfeld
, etc. but here I have compiled a list of the movies that I referenced in the book:

Looking at this list, I’m cracking up at how I’m dating myself. But these movies shaped my generation. If you don’t know them, you should. “If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up”—ha, see that, I just tossed in a
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
quote for good measure. But seriously, if you’ve never seen these movies, or it’s just been a while, add them to your queue. Rent, on-demand, download them. You’re welcome.

I find it’s both easy and difficult to write the acknowledgments for this novel. Easy because there are lots of people to thank, I know who they are, they know who they are, and listing them is pretty straightforward. It only gets complicated because I hope to sincerely express to every person mentioned how important they are to me and how grateful I am to have them in my life.

So, Deidre Decker-Wilson, you’re first. And we both know why. “He’s taking the knife out of the cheese… do you think he wants some cheese?” But seriously, I hope you know how much I appreciate working with you every day. Our jokes, your serenades, talent, and, most especially, your compassion.

Matthew Elblonk, you were the first person to meet Maddy Carson. I love how open you are to brainstorming with me and allowing me to bounce every crazy idea off you. Thank you for gently guiding me in the right direction. Thank you for championing me every step of the way.

It was such a joy to work side by side with you on this novel, Christine Pride. You kept me on track and focused. It sometimes felt like we were Maddy’s friends, concerned for her love life and excited for her career opportunities. Thank you for helping bring her to life.

I have to say, Max Stubblefield, you really did come through on this one. I can’t thank you enough for letting me pick your brain to make Maddy’s experiences developing and pitching a show as realistic as
possible
I wanted it to be.

Hearing your initial feedback, Leslie Wells, lead to an initial sigh of relief—
Whew, she gets it!
—followed by a slew of activity. Thank you for your fresh insight into this character and to everyone at Hachette for believing in her story.

You will never hear enough from me how grateful I am to have you as my best friend, Carrie Simons. I continue to grow, learn, be inspired and challenged by you. Every reference to Sophie’s saving-the-day style in this novel is the closest she gets to being like you.

I love my team at UTA, I’m so lucky to have you guys on my side. Barbara Rubin, you are a role model to strong women everywhere and an inspiration to me. When thinking of people in my corner, Stephanie, you deserve a special shout-out. Thank you for always striking the perfect balance between loyal, unquestioning friendship and objective insight and counsel. Corina, I know we will work together for the next twenty-plus years, laughing and cursing every step of the way and I can’t wait.

In writing this book, I glorified the movie quoting habits that make my friends and I laugh every day. It started with my brothers, Sten & Ryan, “Happy pie…” still gets a snicker. The award for Most Accurate Quoter goes to Kyle Brandt. Dave Braun, Bryan Dattilo, Eric Martsolf, Patrick Muldoon, Lauren, Mel, MK and Lisa, all get honorable mentions here for quoting and loving movies and TV as much as I do.

I am filled with pride to be working on a reality TV show like
The Biggest Loser
. With Bob, Jillian, Dolvett, and the executives and the whole
BL
family, it is incredibly inspiring to be a part of
helping people change their lives; the contestants on the show as well as the fans who watch.

I cannot miss the opportunity to thank my parents for their constant support and guidance. Papa, your business sense is only outshone by your thoughtful parenting and wise counsel. Thank you for sharing all of the above with me. Mom, thank you for every new experience you introduced me to as a kid. The classes, especially the violin (yes, it’s now officially in writing) the auditions, all the extracurricular activities helped shape my belief in myself and my ability to dream big. I try every day to share the lessons you’ve both taught me with Ben and Megan.

Ben and Megan, it is the most incredible gift ever to see the world through your eyes. Thank you for reminding me how beautiful, fun and surprising every day can be.

Dave, I’m so lucky to be on this journey with you. Thank you for putting up with my crazy work hours and my
sometimes
kooky artistic temperament. Thank you for making me laugh, for making our life together so wonderful. I love you.