Say You'll Never Love Me (19 page)

“You’re welcome—I guess.”

The grocery shopping would have to wait. She put the market list away and made a new one: beds, feeding dishes, food, litter box, then headed toward the pet store. Later, she and Silbie would shop for kitten toys.

In the PetSmart parking lot, Raynie counted the silver Chevys. Six from her vantage point. There must be hundreds or even thousands in Lubbock and seeing one on her street didn’t mean she was under surveillance. Ridiculous. She wasn’t even sure if the one from yesterday was a Chevy. Cars looked the same, and plenty of reasons for a driver to pull over.

She buckled her safety belt and glanced at the passenger seat where the black balls curled in their new bed. “Do you think I’m being paranoid?” They didn’t move. She picked one up and dangled it in mid-air. “Did you hear me? Am I going nuts or what?”

The cat yawned.

“You don’t seem too concerned. I guess I shouldn’t be.” She replaced him and lifted the other one. “Hey, girl to girl, you got any advice concerning the padre? Should I stop seeing him? I mean earlier I decided it was the best decision. Between you and me, I’d like to rip his clothes off and have my way with him. From one to ten on the sin scale that’s got to be at least a twelve. Right?”

Kitty ran her tongue across Raynie’s finger. “Yeah, I want to lick him too.” She touched the side of her neck. “In this spot here. And do a few other obscene things. What? Good idea. No more alone time with the minister.”

Two hours later, she stood at the kitchen sink. In the backyard, Silbie and best friend, Katie sat at a small picnic table and pretended to drink tea. They’d spent thirty minutes getting into costume. Hats, feather boas, tutus, strings of colored beads, and long, dangling earrings. Each held a blue plastic cup in one hand, pinkie extended for effect, while the other clutched a kitten.

Silbie fluttered her lashes, bright teal eye shadow blinking like a neon bar sign. She puckered her painted red lips and planted a tight smooch on the kitten’s mouth. Katie put her drink on the saucer and twirled a strand of pearls around her finger, then threw her head back and laughed as if Silbie had told a joke. Over-dressed and weighed down with Maybelline, they resembled two miniature hookers.

Bedazzled with rhinestone bracelets around their necks, and bows on their tails, the kittens didn’t fare much better.

Tears filled Raynie’s eyes and for the first time, she realized how it felt to be a mother. No words to describe it other than her heart expanded . . . bigger . . . fuller. . . . softer. As if fluffed up like a feather pillow and set out in the sunshine.

Jarred from the daydream by her cellphone, she sucked in a deep breath. Even the sight of his name excited her, and although she wanted to see him, she should ignore the call. No question. She’d turned over a new leaf. Vowed to stay away from temptation. Heck, he’d probably delivered sermons on the subject. She hit the green button and placed the cell to her ear. So much for avoiding sin.

“Hey, Jared. What are you doing?”

“I thought we might grab a burger.”

Crap. She’d not even gone one day without seeing him. “What did you do before I invaded your life?”

“Don’t know what that means, because I don’t consider you an invasion. If you don’t want to go, say so.”

Anger edged his tone, and the last thing she needed was to make her only friend mad, but the bond she and Silbie had formed with him wasn’t healthy. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I meant, I’m already intruding enough.”

“Some other time, then.”

He sounded hurt. Crap. Maybe he’d had a bad day and for once, she could offer him the same support he gave her. “Don’t hang up. Why don’t you bring burgers? Silbie has new kittens and I’m sure she doesn’t want to leave them.”

“Great. I know how you like yours, but what about sweet pea?”

“She has a visitor. Order two small cheeseburgers, dry, no veggies and two orders of fries. I have drinks.”

“Be there in twenty minutes.”

He clicked off. Raynie pressed the phone to her chest. She sucked at making resolutions.

By the time he arrived, she’d touched up her makeup, redone her hair, and changed into a fresh blouse. One with less cat hair.

Standing in the doorway, he looked like a ticket to eternal damnation and she wanted to book that trip. The personification of all her secret fantasies, he could make her forget all the high school guys who’d considered her weird, the college jocks only interested in getting into her pants, and all the bad boys she’d settled for because she didn’t want to risk heartbreak.

“Going to invite me in, or leave me standing here?”

“Huh? Oh. Sorry. I lost my train of thought. Sure, come in.”

He put the bags on the counter. “Kittens, huh? What brought that on?”

“A moment of weakness. Silbie has them in the backyard.”

He grinned and headed that direction and Raynie followed. The minute Silbie saw him, she yelled and ran, jewelry, curls, and feathers bouncing. Stringing words together, she told everything at once.

“Father Jared! Look at my new kitties! Aunt Raynie surprised me. One’s a boy and one’s a girl.” She pointed behind her. “That’s my friend, Katie! We’re singing together in the talent show.” She shoved her pet toward him. “You want to hold her?”

He took the animal and stroked it. Raynie’s pulse kicked up as another wicked idea popped into her head.

Jared handed the pet back to Silbie. “What’d you name it?”

“See this little white spot on her toe? That’s how you can tell she’s the girl. Her name is Medusa. Aunt Raynie tells me a bedtime story about her. She was ugly, but then beautiful, and she had snakes for hair. If you looked at her, you’d turn to stone.”

He faced Raynie, and the corner of his mouth curled.

It was difficult to keep pure thoughts when he smiled like that.

Silbie put her hand on his cheek and turned his face to hers. “Yeah, and we named the boy Mordecai, because that goes good with Medusa and it’s from the Bible.”

Jared swallowed hard. “The Bible, huh?”

“Yeah, we looked it up. Aunt Raynie said he had a strong moral code, and the king favored him. Do you like it?”

“I do. Are you going to call him Morty?”

Silbie giggled. “No. Not Morty! Mordecai.”

“Mordecai, it is. I brought you girls’ burgers, so you should come inside and eat.”

Raynie stepped away to get the food ready and when she turned around, Jared stood so close, heat radiated off his body in a steady stream. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

He pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Raynie.”

He spoke her name as if it were a prayer. If he made a move on her, she’d be a goner. She stared at a button on his shirt. “What?”

“I have to tell you something.”

Oh, God. She knew what was coming. The longing looks. The almost kiss. The way he touched her hair. All the signs were there, and even though she wanted him, he deserved better. A woman who could help in his career instead of hurt it. Who loved this city the same as he did. A person who wasn’t trying to figure out her new life. Someone stable and confident.

“Yeah, I need to talk to you, too. We shouldn’t see each other anymore. You’re getting too involved with us, and that’s not good. It’ll make things harder for Silbie when we leave. I appreciate all you’ve done, but I can’t let it go on. I still want you to take her to the dance.”

Where did that come from? It was like once she started, she couldn’t stop. She drew a breath. His expression broke her heart. For a fleeting moment, she wished to take it all back and tell him the truth. She was beginning to care for him. The worst possible thing that could happen.

He reached for her, but she took another step back, so he dropped his arms to his sides, but before he spoke, his phone chimed. He checked the message and went pale.

“I have to go.” He walked away, but when he got to the door, he stopped and turned back to face her. “This conversation isn’t over.”

He slammed the door behind him and she couldn’t remember ever feeling more alone.

Ask yourself what is important,

then build your life around the answer.

~Unknown

JARED’S MIND REELED.
So many thoughts he couldn’t concentrate. It’d only been a couple of hours since he’d been with his dad and now he was in the hospital? He called Jace to get details and the words
possible heart
attack
thundered in his ears. He’d given little thought to life without parents. That worry, reserved for twenty years down the road. At fifty-six, Dad could easily live till then . . . or longer.

And then there was the situation with Raynie. Dammit. Couldn’t deal with it at the moment, but once Dad got out of the woods, Jared would straighten it all out. What if she’d met someone? A bad boy who’d never give a shit about her or Silbie? Raynie had convinced herself that’s all she deserved. Why did Jared even care? He barely knew her. Not true. He’d already learned more about her than most women he dated.

His mind spiraled out of control. In fifteen more minutes he’d be at Covenant Hospital. Jace said to come to emergency. According to his brother, Dad never lost consciousness. Light-headed and arm tingling, Mom insisted he go to the ER. He agreed only if she drove him.

Talk about stubborn. Raynie was in the same category. Maybe her reason was as simple as she claimed. But she wasn’t taking too much of his time. Hell, he wasn’t seeing her enough. Sure, he’d told himself not to get involved, but last night when she looked as if she wanted him to kiss her, that notion became history.

There could be more than friendship. He knew it. Felt it in his soul. Well, if she forgave him for lying and stayed in Lubbock. Two major hurdles, but not impossible.

What would he do if Dad died? What about Mom? Didn’t want to think about that. She’d be lost. They’d been together so long. Without him a big part of her would die, too.

Jared’s chest tightened. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not when business was good, and he’d finally met a woman who made him crazy in a good way. Shouldn’t even be thinking about her, but that was easier than facing dad’s condition might be serious.

He turned into the parking lot and found a space near the entrance which was a miracle within itself. Maybe that was an omen. God’s way of getting Jared inside as soon as possible to see his dad one last time. He stepped out of the truck, leaned both hands against the fender, and told himself to be strong and stay positive. He pushed away and rushed across the pavement at a fast clip.

As he strolled down the long, tiled corridor, his mind continued to race right along with his heart. He’d always hated hospitals. It was the only place he’d seen his father cry. Accidents. Those were the Sloan curse. Not heart trouble. First, Dad’s parents killed in a boating mishap, then Jace sentenced to life in a wheelchair from a car wreck.

He rounded a corner and caught a glimpse of his mother. She wasn’t crying, so that encouraged him. He rushed and wrapped her in his arms. “How’s Dad?”

“They’re still doing test, but so far, they don’t think it was a heart attack.”

She trembled when she said it and Jared glanced at Jace. He nodded agreement, and relief overwhelmed Jared. “Thank God.”

Mom pulled away. “He’s been working too hard and if he wants to or not, he needs to slow down. You’ve got to make hiring an intern a priority. Regardless of what the doctor finds, I want your dad to cut back to three days a week.”

Guilt churned in Jared’s gut. She’d given him the responsibility, and he’d put it off. If he hadn’t, this might not have happened.
My fault.
“I’ll start on it first thing tomorrow, and until I hire someone, I’ll take up the slack. I haven’t been pulling my load, but I’ll change.”

“No, that isn’t what I meant. You work hard, too, and I don’t want to trade one worry for another.”

Her voice quivered, and Jared decided it was a good thing Raynie didn’t want to see him anymore. At least he’d have plenty of work to keep him busy.

RAYNIE CURLED ON
the sofa in her favorite pajamas and finished her third glass of wine. Silbie had been asleep for an hour, and to keep Raynie’s mind off Jared, she’d caught up on tarot submissions.