Saving Toby (19 page)

“Jesus, Claude,” he hissed, and pushed me roughly up against
the side of the house. As his lips found mine, his hard body pressed against
me, and we groaned in unison.

As we stood there in the shadow of my house, our warm bodies
practically molded together, and I felt unchained. Every part of me wanted him,
my mind, my body, and my heart. I loved him.

As his mouth moved over my face, to my throat, I stroked the
hardness of his chest, slowly moving my hands downward, over his tight stomach
to his hips. I didn’t stop until I encountered the solid ridge in his pants. I
palmed him, and, as I knew he would, he groaned low and appreciative in my ear.

With a smile, I pushed him back and reached for his hand.
“Come with me,” I whispered, and led him into the yard.

26. Toby

My lungs were spazzing, and we were both panting as Claudia
led me down a stone pathway into the darkened yard. I was so wrecked, I would
have followed her anywhere.

Twice that summer, I had been in the yard to go swimming
with Claudia. Her dad kept the house and the grounds cosmetically perfect. The
backyard had the same clean lines and orderliness as their house, with
precisely trimmed bushes and a big ass grill on the patio. Just beyond the
inground pool, giant column-like evergreens lined the edges, secluding the yard
from the neighbors.

The night was alive around us. The chorus of crickets and
cicadas were doing its best to drown out music from a party next door. A light,
salty breeze rolled off the bay water nearby and stung my nose, but the breeze
did little to cool the humid air.

Fumbling for her again, I scooped an arm around Claudia’s
shoulders and pulled her back against me. Pressing my face into her hair, I
reached down to slide my hand over the silky smoothness of her thigh. My need
to touch her slowed our progress, but she continued moving forward, hauling me
along with her.

She moved past the pool towards a metal-framed, screened
gazebo. She pulled back the black mosquito netting and motioned me inside. A
low candle flickered in the dark from atop a patio table that has been pushed
off to one side. There was a cushioned poolside lounger next to the table, as
big as my bed at home. It was covered with a sheet.

“Where’s your dad?” I asked, craning my neck towards the
house, looking for any signs of movement inside.

“He’s a nervous wreck whenever I travel. He took a pill to
help him rest. He’s out.”

Claudia zipped the netting closed, and we were cocooned in
our own little space, away from the outside world. I sat down on the lounger
and pulled her to me. As she kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair, I
lifted her nightgown to press my face into her stomach and inhale the
tantalizing scent of her skin. Running my hands up over her hips, I continued
up her ribcage until my hands cupped her breasts, unhampered by a bra. A moan
of pure, unadulterated pleasure fell out of my mouth, and I looked to see her
smiling down at me. As I stared at her, I felt like her prisoner, caught up and
held captive by all that she was.

She drew a finger across my bottom lip, and she slid her
hands slowly down my neck, over my shoulders, and down my chest. Her touch was
deliberate and unhurried, and I felt it all over. When she wrestled to lift my
shirt, I tugged it off and tossed it the ground. Leaning back on my arms, I
gave her full access. Holding my shoulders, she put a knee on either side of my
hips and straddled me.

With her eyes on mine, she murmured, “
Mmm
, I love
your shoulders,” and gently swirled her palms over my feverish skin. Dipping
her mouth downwards, she traced the outline of my tattoo, following her fingers
with her lips.

I closed my eyes and let my head drop back. It was an
indescribable feeling, light and sexy at the same time. I wasn’t able to stay
still for long as a fire raged inside me. Wrapping an arm around her hips, I
began to grind my hardness against her. Thin layers of cotton were the only
things separating us. The friction was wicked, and we both reacted to the
sensation.

I pulled her close and pressed my mouth to hers.

“Claudia, I want you so bad,” I whispered, breathless
against her lips.

She rested her forehead on mine, and in a serious tone, she
said what I’d been waiting to hear. “I want you, too. I want to make love with
you, tonight.”

“You’re sure?” I wasn’t looking to change her mind, but
after how I’d behaved a few weeks ago, I needed to be certain she wanted this
to happen.

Lowering her eyes as if she were embarrassed, she reached
behind me to the table and grabbed something. Picking up my hand, she pressed a
small packet into my palm. Without looking at it, I felt the plastic square with
the circular ridge and knew it was a rubber. I exhaled slowly and smiled. My
girl was prepared.

With our mouths locked together in a fiery kiss, I drew her
down onto the oversized, cushioned lounger with me. Draping my body over hers,
I molded my lips to the warm, soft skin of her neck. She tasted like the salty
night air. Slowly, I planted heavy, wet kisses along the column of her throat
working my way back up to her lips again. Our kisses and touches were slow,
blissfully agonizing, but each movement had an unspoken intent and purpose.
This time, we both knew where it was going.

I teased her, sliding my hands over her curves, drawing soft
gasps from her lips. Her response only excited me more. I tried to tug her
panties down, but she got skittish and grabbed for my hands.

“I can work around these,” I whispered, letting her hold my
hands still for a second. Slipping a finger under the band of her sexy panties,
I snapped the elastic against her hip. “But it would be easier if they came
off.”

“I know,” she bit her lip. “I’m a little scared.”

“Trust me?”

Her face turned serious as she stared into my eyes. “Yes.
With everything I have.”

My heart did an almost painful somersault in my chest. I
didn’t know how we’d come this far, how she had such faith in me, but I knew I
would take care of her as long as she let me.

“I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

Claudia released her grip on my hands and allowed me to peel
her underwear off. I tossed them to the ground next to my shirt and kneeled
between her thighs. Nuzzling her belly, I slowly kissed her, moving downwards,
aiming to get between her legs and taste her. As my mouth neared her hips, her
body tightened, and she fisted my hair.

“No, no,” she pleaded. “I’m not ready for that.”

“Okay, okay,” I replied calmly. I knew she’d like it, but
we’d hold off on that until next time. Tonight, I would not overwhelm her.

We kissed and touched until we were both shaking. I grabbed
the condom package and ripped it open with my teeth. Picking up her hand, I
pressed it into her palm. Shifting so I was next to her, I whispered, “Put it
on me.”

Biting her lip, she concentrated on rolling the rubber down
over me. “Like this?”

“Yeah,” I breathed raggedly. Her hands touching me with such
intent felt so good.

“Mmm, I just installed my first condom.” With a sexy,
charged expression, she lay back down.

I gazed down over her and shook my head. “Claude, do you
have any idea how freaking beautiful you are?”

“No, tell me.”

“Oh, baby, you’re gorgeous. Your hair, your face, and damn,
your body… A dream. My dream.”

With my insides in a complete twist, I pressed the length of
my hardness against her sex and rubbed along her slickness. The feeling was
incredible, and we both moaned. As the friction grew more intense, she
clambered underneath me. Not able to hold off any longer, I began to push
inside her.

She drew a sharp intake of breath and gripped my shoulders
tightly. Fighting off my impatience to move more deeply into her, I made myself
stay still so she could adjust to the feel of me inside her. Our bond
momentarily sapped my energy, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Holy shit. Nirvana.

I held myself up on my forearms, straining to keep my head as
her visceral white hot heat continued to blissfully sear me.

“You okay?”

“I think so. Yes,” she blinked, her eyes burning into mine.

Her face was so expressive—her eyes full of wonder and
emotion. I felt humbled, like I needed to tell her something, anything.

“Claudia, you feel so amazing.” My voice cracked. I felt
near losing it, overcome with a rush of unexpected emotion. “Thank you,” I
whispered.

The words seemed so stupidly formal, but they were all I
had.

Holding my gaze, she said softly, “No, thank you.” And then,
stroking my face, she whispered, “This is us. Us together, in love,” before she
lifted her mouth to mine.

I began to rock against her in careful strokes, watching her
for cues. Closing her eyes, she wound her arms around my neck and gave her body
over to me. She was mine now.

Caught up in the moment, I pressed into her harder and
faster. She gasped, a strangled cry of pain, and I stopped.

I kissed her temple.

“Sorry, baby, sorry.” Berating myself, I attempted to pull
back, but her fingers dug into my back, urging me to stay.

“I’m okay. Don’t stop. Just love me.”

My head spun. “Yes,” I whispered, dipping my mouth to hers.
Our tongues danced during a hot, endless kiss. I didn’t want to leave this
place—ever. I wanted to stay in the perfect warmth of her body, but the urge to
finish was strong. With my control slipping, I fought the rush off until she arched
her back and murmured my name in a breathless whisper. Lost in the silkiness of
her body and the honeyed sound of her voice, I had no choice but to let go.
Gasping, I bore down upon her and came so hard my whole body shuddered. With a
sigh of pleasure, Claudia clamped her trembling body around me as I collapsed
atop her.

We lay still and quiet for a few moments as we caught our
breaths. She stroked my back gently, between my shoulder blades, in a way I’d
come to know as her caress. I burrowed my face into her hair.

“Baby, that was so good.” I’d somehow always known being
with her, even with her inexperience, would be totally different from others
I’d been with before. I felt her chest contract with a sigh, and I shifted my
weight to see her face.

Propped up on my elbow, I asked, “Was it okay for you?”

Her eyes were bright. Laying a hand across my cheek gently,
she nodded her head, but her lack of words concerned me.

“I was a little nervous. I didn’t want to hurt you. Next
time, it’ll feel better. A whole lot better,” I hurried to explain.

She pressed a finger to my mouth.

“Stop. Believe me, it was perfect, really,” she said and
grinned, shyly. “I liked watching you get so excited.”

I laughed and kissed her face. “I only wish I could explain
how good it felt for me,” I said, feeling insanely happy.

“Toby…” she started to say, then got quiet.

I twirled a strand of her hair around my finger. “What,
baby?”

She looked up at me, and suddenly her eyes filled with
tears. Stroking my cheek with a shaky hand, she whispered, “I love you.”

For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. My lungs filled with
fiberglass. Even though I sensed this was coming, and I was both amazed and
charged that she felt that way towards me, I also knew she would expect me to
say the words back to her.

“Toby, please don’t leave me hanging here all by myself,”
she pinned me with her watery eyes. “I just told you I loved you. Please tell
me you feel the same way.”

I grew hot and then cold, and opening my mouth, I hoped a
convincing “I love you” would fall off my tongue. But,
nada
.

Instead, I smiled lamely at her. “Of course, I do.”

I thought she was satisfied with that until I inadvertently
tasted the salty wetness of tears on her cheek. With a tight sob, she began to
cry, really cry. I’d totally bailed on the love thing, and now our night was
crashing down around us.

“Claudia, please don’t cry. Don’t you know how crazy I am
about you? And that being with you like this means so much to me?”

“I do know,” she said. She ran her fingers through my hair.
“I’m crying because I’m happy.”

I heaved a sigh of relief. “Shit, if you’re crying because
you’re happy, then I should be sobbing, 'cause I’m mad-happy. I just had sex
with the girl of my dreams.”

She pressed a kiss on my mouth and grinned, “No, you made
love to the girl of your dreams.”

“Yes, I did.” I could at least give her that.

After we both cleaned up and straightened our clothes, I
pulled her back to me and held her tightly. “Claude, I really hate that you’re
leaving. Are you really, really sure you want to go?”

She lay there quiet in my arms, and I sensed that she didn’t
know what to say. We were supposed to talk about this last week, but I had been
too preoccupied with Dev’s threats and dealing with Ray. A small part of me
hoped that after what had happened tonight, Claudia would change her mind about
going.

She glanced back up at me, her eyes soft and thoughtful. “I
know it might not sound like the best thing for us, considering where we are
now, but I still want to go. I’ve never done anything for myself or been on my
own. I need to do this, for me. Can you understand that?”

I said sure, but all I really understood was that she was
leaving.

“I have to get up in a few hours. I really need to get some
sleep.” Despite her words, she snuggled in close to me. “I wish you could come
upstairs and sleep with me.”

“Okay. Let’s go,” I said. Before she could respond, I got up
and pulled her to her feet.

She tipped her head to one side and eyed me. “You’d
seriously risk going up to my room this late?”

“Felicia’s at the house with Julia, and your father’s in a
self-induced coma. This is the best opportunity we’ll ever have.” I blew out
the candle and unzipped the netting. “I can be out before he wakes up.”

She hesitated. “You do realize it’s just to sleep. With our
eyes closed.”

“Yes, just sleep,” I nodded, and held my hand out to her.
“Do you want me to stay or not?”

She glanced around nervously. The simple question was
loaded. She risked her father finding out. But did she think staying with me
was worth it? Finally, she laid her hand in mine.

“Yes,” she nodded. I let her lead me into the house and up
to her room.

I awoke with a start, wondering where I was, but when I felt
Claudia’s warm body sleeping next to me, I relaxed. I’d been in her room a
couple times over the past few months, always when
El Capitán
wasn’t
home. The first time I’d seen it, I was surprised at how much it looked like a
little girl’s room, with its bright yellow walls and matching set of white
furniture, the shelves full of stuffed animals and school awards. Trophies,
framed certificates, and dangling medals—all with words like honor, merit and
scholar inscribed on them—things she’d been awarded, for her smarts. Though the
little girl theme didn’t fit the Claudia I knew, I was very impressed by all
her awards, especially the photo she had of herself standing with Bill Clinton.
She told me she had met him during some charity dinner, the event a fundraiser
for some human rights organization she had been involved with.