Authors: A Tale of Two Vikings
Dog-sex?
Everyone appeared confused…most of all Vagn.
But then he saw Eirik, Eadyth, Tykir and Alinor up on the steps, staring wide-eyed and gape-mouthed at something beyond the moat. Alinor and Eadyth started squealing and hugging each other and sobbing happily. Eirik and Tykir whooped with glee and began grinning from ear to ear. Bolthor hugged Vagn then, a big, bone-crushing bear hug that lifted him off the ground. Against his ear, he whispered, “’Tis a miracle.”
Everyone must be going barmy.
But then Bolthor set him down, turned him about and said, “Look! Can’t you see?”
Vagn did look then. He saw a lone rider coming over the drawbridge. The rider, stopped midway across and was staring…
at him
. Suddenly the man jumped off his horse and came running toward him yelling, “Vagn! Thank the gods. Is it really you?”
At the same time, Vagn rushed forward as recognition hit him. He could barely see for the tears burning his eyes, nor could he speak over the lump in his throat. It was his brother Toste, come back from the dead. Nay, he must have survived the battle, too. Somehow. No matter. His brother was here.
They held each other’s faces in their hands. They ran fingertips over each other’s hair and lips. They embraced over and over, then held on to each other as if fearful they might be separated again. They even kissed each other soundly on the cheek. Finally they stood back and smiled.
Words were not necessary. They spoke to each other
in the silent method they’d perfected over the years.
I have missed you sorely, brother
, Vagn thought.
Likewise. That is some wound you got, Vagn. I have been suffering your pain
.
Hah! I still get your headaches. What have you been doing all this time?
I have been in a nunnery
. Toste waggled his eyebrows mischievously.
How about you?
Ah, so that explains the black crows. Me, I have been recuperating at Briarstead—Gorm’s estate. I have something important to tell you
, Vagn began.
Do not tell me
, Toste said,
I can sense your joy, and not just about our reunion. It is…can it be? You are going to be a father? Congratulations! Oh, I am going to be the best uncle in the world
.
The two brothers walked toward the keep then, arms looped over each other’s shoulders, beaming at one and all. Suddenly Toste stopped in his tracks, which caused Vagn to stop, too. With a hoot of laughter, Toste said, “Holy Frigg! Look who’s over there. It’s Helga the Homely.”
Vagn glanced toward Helga, who was standing next to Clod, watching somberly as he was reunited with his brother. He saw the stricken expression on her face at Toste’s words. Vagn knew Toste was just teasing. Anyone looking at Helga would know she was not homely…not anymore. But she did not know that.
With a deep sigh, Vagn pulled away from his brother and did the only thing he could do. He punched him in the nose. Toste swayed on his feet and almost fell backward. Instead of fighting back, as would be the normal practice, Toste put a hand to his bleeding nose and cocked his head in question. “Up till a few moments ago,
you thought I was dead. Now you punch me?”
Vagn shrugged and said, “You insulted the mother of my child. What else could I do?”
He reached out an apologetic hand, and Toste grasped it without question. Then Toste walked over to Helga, lifted her in the air and twirled her about. “My apologies, beautiful lady. Welcome to our family.”
“Put me down! Put me down, you lout,” Helga said, punching Toste about the ears. Some of those punches were probably retaliation for his long-ago youthling taunt.
And Vagn told his brother, “Uh, Toste, she is not my wife…yet.”
“What? You are losing your touch. Good thing I have come back from the dead to help you, brother. I was ever the more charming brother,” he told Helga, kissing her soundly on the mouth before setting her on the ground.
Just then, Toste seemed to notice the red-faced lady standing at the back end of the crowd that filled the courtyard. “Esme, why are you hiding back there?” he called out. “Come here. I would have you meet my brother.”
She dragged her feet forward till she stood before them.
“Ah, it is the wench who slapped my face?” Vagn said with a grin, rubbing his cheek as if it still hurt.
“You did?” Toste asked the woman. “Why?”
“Because I thought he was you, and he was with that woman, and…well, I think you are both loathsome louts.”
Everyone around them laughed.
As they all started up the steps to enter the great hall where a great celebration would now surely take place,
Vagn said to Toste, “There is one thing I would ask you, brother.”
“Anything.”
“What is dog-sex?”
Off the wall…
It was hours before Toste could get away and talk to Esme alone. The problem was finding her.
After much searching, he entered an upper bedchamber where she slept along with Eirik and Eadyth’s four daughters. Leastways, the others were sleeping on pallets spread about the room whilst Esme sat nervously in a low chair afore the fire. He could tell she was nervous because she whistled softly.
“Toste!” she exclaimed in a loud whisper when he crept into the room without knocking. “You should not be here. ’Tis not proper.” She indicated the young women sleeping.
“Since when am I proper?” he asked, also in a loud whisper, coming up to hunker down next to her.
“Go away,” she said.
“Come with me to the woodcutter’s hut. I need to talk with you.”
“Hah! I know what you want, and it is not talk.”
He grinned at her and tweaked a ribbon on the voluminous night rail she wore. “That, too. But, really, I must tell you what I discovered at Evergreen.” Esme looked glorious to him, with her black curls furling out about her shoulders and down her back. Her blue eyes appeared red-rimmed, though. Had she been crying?
“Well, tell me here, or out in the corridor. I am not going to that hut again…ever.”
“Esme,” he said in a wounded voice. “I have fond memories of that hut.” But almost immediately he pulled her to her feet and offered, “A compromise then. Get your cloak and we will go out on the parapet to talk.”
She did, and as they walked toward the doorway leading to the ramparts, she said, “I am angry with you, Toste.”
“For going to Evergreen?”
“Nay, for going to Evergreen without informing me first.”
“Ah. Well, I am angry with you, too. Did you have to tell everyone about the dog-sex?”
She gasped. “I only told Eadyth and Alinor. I did not tell everyone.”
“Same thing.”
He took her hand as they climbed the steps, and he found himself smiling for no reason at all. He liked Esme. A lot. And he had missed her. “Did you miss me, sweetling?”
“Nay.”
“Good. I missed you, too.”
“Do you hear only what is convenient for your ears?”
“Yea. ’Tis the best way.”
“You are impossible.”
“I know. ’Tis one of my best assets.”
“I do not want to know what the others are.”
“You already know most of them,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at her.
There was a full moon out, but it was chilly up on the parapet. He nodded to a passing guardsman and pulled Esme back into an alcove where there would be some protection from the wind.
“You must be ecstatic to have found your brother alive.”
He nodded, still too overcome with emotion to discuss his joy at being reunited with Vagn. They had talked and talked for hours on end, bringing each other up to date, once they were able to remove themselves from all their well-meaning friends. Right now, Vagn was off somewhere trying to convince Helga to marry him. Who ever would have thought that his brother would end up with Helga the…nay, he must stop thinking of her that way. Helga the Handsome? Yea, that was how he would think of her now.
“Did you discover anything at Evergreen?”
“Yea, I did,” he said, brightening. “It is all about water, Esme.”
“Water? You mean water, as in wells, underground.”
“Nay, I mean water as in river, as in water rights.”
She frowned with confusion. “Are you speaking of Evergreen River which passes along the northern border of the estate?” The holding was a fairly small and narrow one, rectangular in shape, with the river going along its northern, longer length.
“’Twould seem that your father recognized some fifteen years ago that the neighboring estates had need of that waterway to feed their cattle and for passage of peat boats from the western shire to eastern towns. He has been charging exorbitantly for that privilege these many years.”
“I don’t understand. My mother’s family always permitted neighbors to use that water, which is abundant. It is an unspoken agreement.”
“Can I assume you have seen none of these toll monies?”
She shook her head.
“As I thought. In addition, your one brother owns a peat works and the other owns the boats that carry the products to market. Your father is a shrewd businessman.”
“My father is an evil businessman. I suspect that all that peat is contaminating the water for livestock.”
Toste shrugged, knowing nothing about that. “In any case, that explains why the property is so important to your father.”
“He was willing to end my life so he could continue to amass his wealth.”
“Some men are like that. You are not to worry, though. This information will help us with your plea to the Witan. You may very well have your answer within the next few days if enough of them are here.”
“Thank you, Toste. You are a lout in many ways, but thank you for doing this for me.”
“Ah, I do so love backhanded compliments,” he said. “I wonder how you are going to thank your knight for this latest chivalry.” He pressed her back against the wall.
“A silken scarf?” she offered.
“I have way too many silken scarves already,” he said, nuzzling her neck. “By the by, Esme, why did you leave the woodcutter’s hut? Your ‘punishment’ was not yet over.”
She tilted her head at him in question. “You left all my clothing on the chair. I assumed that was your silent message that I was free to leave.”
“I was giving you a choice, dearling. I thought…I hoped…that you would wait for me there.”
She slapped his shoulder. “You rogue! You did no such thing. As far as I knew, you were never coming back.”
That surprised him. “You thought I had abandoned you?”
“Of course I did.”
“Heartling,” he said—and he could see that she liked that endearment ever so much and made a note to himself to use it again—“I would never abandon you.” That was as much as he intended to say at this time. Later, he hoped he would be in a position to say more.
“What are you doing?” she squealed as he lifted her gown by the hem up to her waist and began to undo the laces on his
braies
.
“It is not a question of what I am doing, but what
you
are doing,” he said against her mouth. He kissed her deeply, till she was slack with surrender, then explained, “
You
are welcoming me home.”
With that, he lifted her off the ground by the buttocks, arranged her legs around his hips and entered her moist folds with an exultant, “Yea!” And she did welcome him then with hot, rhythmic embraces of his hard staff. It was the best kind of welcome, in Toste’s opinion.
A short time later, when they leaned against each other, panting out their mutual release, she eyed him suspiciously and asked, “Is that another one of women’s favorite sexual positions?”
“Yea. Wall-sex,” he said. Then quickly added, “But do not tell anyone about it.”
“You are such a scamp.”
He looped his arm over her shoulder and kissed the top of her hair as they walked back toward her bedchamber. “That is another of my best assets.”
“You have many of those assets, do you?”
“Hundreds.”
She laughed, then asked, “Will you and Vagn both be
coming back to Evergreen with me, to head my troops…assuming we get the right answer from the Witan?”
“Nay. Vagn has other irons in the fire.”
She arched her brows at him.
“A babe.”
“Really? How wonderful! I mean, I assume it is wonderful.” Her face clouded over then. “You and your brother have never been separated…except in death. Will you be going with him?”
He shook his head.
“Will you come to Evergreen with me, then, to be my castellan?”
“I am sorry, but I want more from life than that. Vagn’s ‘death’ taught me much about what is important in life. I will not be your hired soldier, Esme.” Toste was about to add,
but I will be your husband
.
Before he could get those last words out, however, Esme’s face suffused with the red of outrage and she shoved him away from her. “Once a lout, always a lout!” she proclaimed as she stormed away from him.
He thought about going after her and making a formal declaration of his intentions. But he wanted everything to be just right before he asked her to wed with him. One more day…two at the most…and he would make everything right.
And after she accepted his proposal, he was planning on suggesting a different type of sex to her—a favorite of most women, hahaha. It was called cock-in-mouth sex.
Lights out at ten, candles out at eleven…
Vagn came to Helga’s tiny bedchamber carrying candles.
Her room was right next to the garderobe—not the
most desirable location, but he suspected she found it a welcome spot, what with her often uneasy stomach and her frequent need to relieve herself.
“What are you doing here, you bothersome oaf?” were her first words of welcome. Her second were, “Those candles had better not be for what I think you intend.”
“Tsk tsk, Helga, get your mind out of the midden. I knew you were in a small room and would welcome some light when we talked.”
She was under a bed fur, naked he hoped, but not asleep, though the room was dark. Her long blond hair hung in a single braid down over her shoulder. “I do not welcome the light.”