Ryder: Hitman Mafia Romance (18 page)

Until she came along, he was just a hitman. Killing for a living, trying not to be killed. Surviving until the next gig. Now, it wasn’t just about surviving. It was about living. She made him feel alive. Despite the pain radiating through his chest from his broken ribs and the pain of missing her and worrying about her, there was still warmth there. The thought of her name or face brought a grin to his lips and warmth through his whole body. How long would it be until he could hold her again, make love to her again?

The thought made him hard, which helped the pain slightly. His blood was diverted for a moment to his raging hard on. But that longing was a pain all its own. He needed her. Simple as that. Ryder, who’d never needed anyone or anything in his whole life, needed this woman. He would get to her. And he would save her.

“Here. Eat.” Lu came into her room and dropped a plate of food in front of her. Then he left, locking the door behind him.

The plate was steaming, a nice big heap of chicken and spaghetti. It smelled okay, but the thought of food made her stomach turn. She could throw up right now from having the food so close to her. She pushed it to the door and went to her bed, pulling the covers up over her head to keep out the smell. She would have tried to get them to take it back out of the room, but it’d be no use.

Ever since her little stunt trying to get him on her side, Lu had refused to even look at her. All of them did. They barely spoke to her. They barked commands. Eat. Sleep. But that was it. She felt so alone and missed Ryder desperately.

She’d thought that by now he would have come for her. It had been more than thirty hours since she’d seen him. If he was going to rescue her, it probably would have happened by now. She knew he was no longer in the house. She spent as much time as possible being silent and not moving so she could hear the conversation in the hallway. They didn’t realize how loud they were. She’d heard one of them say that they needed to track Ryder down. Obviously, if he was still there, he wouldn’t need to be tracked down.

She’d been so excited when she heard that, but it had been over eighteen hours ago. How long did it take to rescue someone? She expected him to be there within an hour or so. Had even gotten some things ready so she could grab her bag and go when he came for her.

But now it had been so long, she started to think she was wrong. That he didn’t really love her, that she misinterpreted everything. Maybe he was far from here, on the road, escaping from Matteo and leaving her behind. Maybe he’d already forgotten all about her. Maybe she was really on her own.

And if that was true, what could she do now? She already knew there was no way she could have Paolo find out about the baby. He’d kill her or the baby or both. But what else was she going to do? Could she really raise this baby alone? She’d thought she could, but she was less sure. It was easy to think she could do anything when she’d thought Ryder was coming for her. But now? Now she thought she was stuck.

How in the world would she raise a baby alone? It was ludicrous for her to think she could do that. Hold down a job while raising a baby? Sure, she had the store and that brought in a lot of money, but she still had to be there to work. And she’d have to take care of this baby. Alone. She’d be the only one getting up for feedings, the only one changing diapers, the only one dealing with the spit up and deciding things like how long to let the baby cry. And she had no idea how long you should let a baby cry. If at all.

And all the emotions that came with pregnancy and motherhood? She’d seen one of her friends go through it. And all her non-pregnant, non-mother friends thought she’d gone nuts. Pia didn’t want to be nuts like that. She already cried over everything and that was too much. But she did not want to get into fights over how much formula was okay to give a baby. That seemed stupid. She wanted to go back to shopping and running her store and pretend like none of this ever happened.

That was when it hit her. If she married Paolo, who was quite rich and powerful, she could have that life—her old life—back. She might have to give up the baby. That would be hard. Impossible almost. But if Ryder was gone, really gone, then what choice did she have? She could be married and safe and rich and go shopping all day and spend her time avoiding her horrible husband. That had to be better than having no husband and being broke and all alone with a baby.

But, if she had Ryder, she wouldn’t have to hate her husband. They might not be rich or have the mafia connections her father or Paolo did, but he loved her. He would treat her well and protect her. And he loved their child already as much as she did. Or at least he had seemed to. But that was before he’d left and not come back. Still, she couldn’t shake the idea of having a happy family. She might not be able to go back to her old life now that she knew what it was like to have love. To have Ryder. He’d ruined her.

How could she lie in bed beside Paolo, let him touch her and have sex with her, when her heart belonged to Ryder? And Paolo was not a good-looking man. That was why she’d rejected him years ago when he wanted to marry her. Of course, then she wasn’t ready to get married, but still. She was not at all attracted to him. So, she’d have money, sure, but she’d have to fake it with someone she didn’t love and was somewhat repulsed by. How could she do that? There was no choice between them. She loved Ryder and their baby so much that she would gladly give up money if it meant being with him and being together as a family.

The tears rolled down her cheeks, silent but continuous. She was only kidding herself thinking she had any choice or say at all in this. Her father was far too powerful. He could make her do whatever he wanted. She knew it, and he knew that she knew it. It was only a matter of time until she caved anyway. She wasn’t strong enough to take on her father. She couldn’t stand up to him. This was why she needed Ryder. He was strong enough for them both. He could take care of her father and keep her far away from Paolo.

But Ryder wasn’t here. And he wasn’t coming. All her strength was missing. She had only herself, and this little baby growing inside her. She felt so weak. In body and in spirit. She had nothing left. If she didn’t have Ryder, which meant she couldn’t have her idea of her dream life, and she couldn’t have this baby, then she had nothing. She might as well marry Paolo. Then she’d have money and status and maybe they’d have a baby of their own. Maybe she would get used to him. Maybe he wasn’t really that bad.

It seemed like that was her best option. Give up her dreams of marrying Ryder and having a family. Give up and do what her father wanted. In the end, he would force her whether she chose it or not. Whether she wanted it or not. Didn’t matter how much she wanted Ryder and the baby. She was doomed to follow her father’s orders. Unless she wanted to die. At this point, even that didn’t seem like a terrible choice.

There was no way out, no good solution. She was trapped and nothing could free her from this situation. She tried to stop thinking, and cried until she fell asleep.

***

She was awoken by her stomach churning. She sat up, waited a moment, then threw back the covers and ran to the bathroom. She had barely made it to the toilet before she was sick. She fell to her knees, heaving into the toilet until her stomach, which hadn’t contained much to begin with, was empty.

She sat there a few minutes, waiting, making sure it had passed. She got up and flushed, then went to the sink. But as she was washing her mouth out, she got a whiff of her lavender-scented hand soap, and it sent her right back to the toilet.

At least this time her stomach was already empty. She dry heaved for a while before her stomach settled. She got up more slowly and went to the sink. She swished some water in her mouth and brushed her teeth, then crawled back into bed, her throat aching and raw.

Her door opened a short time later. She stayed where she was. She figured it was just one of the guys bringing her breakfast. That she probably wouldn’t eat.

“Pia? What’s wrong with you?”

Her father’s voice. He was here to see her? She pushed back the covers and forced herself into a seated position.

“Morning, Daddy.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I was just sleeping.”

“You just threw up twice. Are you ill?”

Her face grew hot. He knew she’d thrown up? Crap. “I think so. The flu or something.”

“The flu?” He harrumphed.

He grabbed her arm and yanked her out of bed, her feet hitting the floor hard enough to hurt. Her knees wobbled, but she stood up under her father’s grasp.

“Ow!” She pulled her arm free and rubbed it. “What are you doing?”

He inspected her carefully, looking at her stomach and breasts especially. He grabbed her arm to pull her closer and hissed in her ear, “Exactly how involved did you get with that scum, Ryder?”

“It was nothing,” she muttered, pulling her arm away again.

“Are you pregnant?” The look in his eyes was downright murderous.

She was afraid to look at him, but if she didn’t, he would know she was lying. Her body was trembling and she felt like she might be sick again. But she couldn’t let her father see her throw up again. Not after he knew she just had twice.

She forced herself to meet his eyes and said coldly, “No.” Even the lie tasted bitter in her mouth.

“Then why do you look like this? Why aren’t you eating? Why are you throwing up?”

“Maybe you don’t know how the flu works.” She put her hand on her hips, hoping the pose would both make her look thin and show her attitude. “You feel like puking and you puke. That makes you not want to eat. It makes you sweaty and pale and gross. Like I am right now.” She held her hand to her forehead. “I think I have a fever. I’m hot.”

He pressed his own wrist to her forehead. “You don’t feel feverish to me.”

“Well, I am.” She turned from him to get back under the covers.

Before she could get into bed, he put his hands on both of her shoulders, turning her back to face him. She stumbled toward him. He pulled back his hand in a fist and swung it through the air, right toward her stomach.

Everything moved like slow motion to her. She saw his fist, saw it coming for her. For her baby. She put her hands to her stomach and jumped back. Without thinking, she cried, “Don’t hurt the baby!”

He dropped his fist and she gasped. Her hands flew to her mouth in shock. Tears filled her eyes.

Her father looked at her with extreme disgust. “You little whore,” he whispered. “I never thought my daughter, whom I gave everything to, whom I gave the whole world to, would do something like this to me. Would stoop so low as to not only sleep with trash like Ryder, but to get pregnant by him. You disgust me.”

“Daddy!” she whimpered. Tears flooded her eyes. “Don’t say that!”

“If I could disown you, I would. I can’t get you married off fast enough, apparently. You went spreading your legs for some low class ghetto boy. To lower yourself to that level. Don’t you have any self-respect at all?”

She covered her face with her hands. She couldn’t stand to even look at him when he was being so cruel. Now that he knew, what would happen? She’d never been so afraid of her father. She’d never seen him so mad at her or heard him talk like this to her. She didn’t know what to do or what he would do. He’d already raised a hand to her once. Would he follow through with his punch?

She wished Ryder would just burst through the door and rescue her. But as the seconds went by, he didn’t show. He was nowhere to be seen.

“Only one thing left to do,” Matteo said.

Pia forced her fingers to separate so she could see her father. She half expected to see him pointing a gun at her face. But he stood there, arms crossed over his chest.

“We’re going to have to get this taken care of before Paolo arrives. I wouldn’t put it past him to kill you for this. I’d like to do him the favor of giving him a somewhat pure wife. At least your womb will be empty, even if your pussy is tainted.”

She whimpered and stepped back from him.

“We’ll get rid of it, then I’ll be able to get rid of you. I never want to see your tramp face again. I don’t even like you being in my house. Try to keep your legs closed for the next few days until Paolo gets here, will you? Can you manage that, you little slut?”

She kept crying and didn’t say anything.

“Can you?” He stepped closer to her and got a fistful of her hair in his hands. He pulled her closer to him, his spit flying from his mouth and landed on her cheeks. “Keep your legs closed. Got it?”

She nodded and he let her go, hard. She tripped and fell onto the bed.

He stormed from the room and slammed the door closed behind him.