Rogelia's House of Magic (23 page)

Twenty-six

M
arina sat up straight and held the journal out in front of her. Despite the fact that they were doing magic in public, Marina didn’t care one bit what passersby might think. She felt proud and empowered to be doing a spell to help Rogelia. She had a passion for magic she had never felt for anything before.

Marina opened the journal. She read through her entry and hesitated. All too quickly, her newfound confidence faltered.

You can do it, Marina,
Graciela said in her ear.
Xochitl needs to feel your honesty.

Just speak from your heart,
the woman said.

Marina took a deep breath and read:

Fern and I went to see Los Lobos tonight. She said I’m not a
pocha
anymore, and that really feels good.
:)
When I looked into the faces of the concertgoers, I felt like I belonged to the Latino family. I wish it wasn’t so difficult to even be Mexican in my own house. My mom calls the old neighborhood a barrio, like that’s a bad word and no one would ever want to live there. I wish I didn’t care what she says. She’s so mean sometimes, I’m not even sure she deserves my love. Rogelia would never make me feel so bad. She makes me feel good about myself. She’s taught me to trust the voices I hear.

Marina looked up from the journal. “I’m sorry about the barrio part,” she said apologetically.

“It’s not as if we never noticed, Marina,” Fern said pointedly.

Marina stared at Fern in wide-eyed astonishment. “I thought I had done such a great job of hiding it.”

“Really?” Fern asked with a mix of shock and pity.

Marina glanced uncomfortably at Xochitl, wondering if she dared to go on. She had to. “I didn’t think my mom’s arrogance had the slightest effect on me until you and your nana came into my life.” Marina looked down at her jeans and plucked at the hem of her pocket. “I never bothered to learn anything about being Mexican before. I mean, I ate the food and all, and was pretty happy to be able to tan better than most, but that was it.” She chewed her fingernails and when she next spoke, her voice shook with emotion. “I feel like such a self-centered snob.”

“For your family, being Mexican has been a choice,” Xochitl said matter-of-factly.

“I can’t help wondering if my nana would have kept the family closer or further away from our Mexican culture. I mean, who started this refusal to accept our Mexican side?” Marina listened intently for an answer from the voices, but none came. “I guess it doesn’t matter. But I don’t like how my mom keeps me from it. It’s not right.”

“You know what, Marina, I feel sorry for your mom,” Fern said. “She has no pride in where she is from.”

“She makes me feel so small,” Marina said. “I hate that she can affect me so much. She tries to dictate my identity, choosing my clothes and how my room is decorated.”

“But look at you, breaking away,” Fern said soothingly, leaning around the candles to give Marina a hug.

“Yeah,” Marina conceded.

“I think you’re really brave.” Xochitl jumped in on the hug and they all three fell over. Fern and Xochitl rolled off and resumed sitting cross-legged in front of their candles. “You might just have to accept your mother the way she is,” Xochitl told Marina. “Kind of like I have to accept that Graciela is no longer with me.”

“Her personality defects don’t have to mean anything about you. We all choose our identity by what we choose to focus on,” Fern said, shaking her head thoughtfully.

“You sound like Nana,” Xochitl quipped.

“Well, that’s kind of my lesson here,” Fern admitted.

“Good, let’s get me off the hot seat,” Marina urged with a sigh.

“Marina, you should try to talk to your mom,” Fern insisted. “Promise?”

“Promise.” Marina smiled.

Fern nodded, took the journal, and opened it to the picture she had drawn of Tristán. She showed the book to Marina and Xochitl. “I really like Tristán.”

“This is new information?” Marina asked playfully.

“Well, to me it is,” Fern said, giggling. “I’ve been stopping myself from liking him because of that gray aura I saw around him on the first day we met.”

“You’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover,” Marina teased.

“Yeah, well, I thought gray meant really bad news,” Fern replied. “What I didn’t understand was that auras are like paintings of our feelings. I didn’t realize that until I saw a gray aura around you in the hospital, Marina, and you told me you were feeling fearful. Before, I thought the color was about the type of person you are, like your identity. I saw the same gray aura around Ruben Gomez when he was talking with Analisa. And you know the rumors about Ruben.”

“Those are just rumors,” Marina said with a dismissive wave.

“Analisa and Ruben are dating,” Xochitl pointed out. “Even I know that.”

“See?” Marina said.

“Then I saw Tristán talking with all sorts of girls whenever he was at Bolsa Chica,” Fern said. “But at least one of them turned out to be his cousin.”

Marina laughed. “Wouldn’t it have been easier to ask Rogelia about the auras?”

“I think she wanted me to find out on my own,” Fern said.

“She doesn’t exactly hand out answers,” Xochitl said.

“So what’s the problem?” Marina asked. “You’ve figured out Tristán isn’t a shady guy, so now you can go for him.”

“Except for the fact that I’ve totally dissed him and now he doesn’t want to speak to me,” Fern moaned with her head in her hands.

“How hard did you try?” Xochitl asked. “How many times?”

“Once,” Fern replied.

“You’ve gotta try more than that,” Marina encouraged, putting her hand on Fern’s shoulder.

“What if he rejects me again?” Fern wailed.

“You never know,” Marina said. “He’s a really nice guy. Did I ever tell you he gave me a lift that night after Rogelia healed us?”

“No!” Fern said, stunned. “That would have been helpful information.”

“You’re so hard-headed, it would have only confused you more,” Marina said. “Plus, it wasn’t exactly a stellar experience to be stranded, then picked up by some guy because your mom won’t drive to come get you.”

“He helped me, too,” Xochitl confessed.

Fern whipped around to face Xochitl.
“What?”

“Yeah,” Xochitl said. “I’ll tell you about it, if you promise to tell Tristán you really like him.”

“Okay,” Fern said, smiling. “But
you
have to promise to bring me a box of tissues if he says to bug off or something.”

“Deal,” Xochitl agreed.

Fern handed the journal to Xochitl. Gingerly Xochitl took the book and opened it to her poem. She handed the journal to Marina to read.

“I’ve been holding back from you both,” Xochitl began slowly. She glanced around the gazebo as if waiting for more courage. Her gaze rested on a rose in full bloom. “When you guys first asked to learn about magic, I told myself it was Nana you were really interested in.”

“Xochitl, that’s not true,” Fern protested, reaching out to touch Xochitl’s arm.

“Give her a moment,” Marina insisted.

Xochitl looked gratefully at Marina. “I missed Graciela so much. I just had to see her, talk to her if I could. I went to Four Crows by myself to get supplies to have a ceremony to summon Graciela’s spirit. I wasn’t sure if it would work. I’d lost a lot of faith in magic after the accident, but I was desperate. Tristán was at the store. I think he figured out what I was up to by the ingredients I bought, but he kept my secret. Never breathed a word of it to anyone.”

Xochitl looked up to the sky before continuing. Marina thought she might begin to cry, her face looked so sad. “Only, the ritual didn’t work,” Xochitl whispered. “Which is why I was so angry at you, Marina. I had tried so hard to connect with her, and you made it seem so easy.”

“I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose a sister,” Marina said, looking at her friend with compassion. “I guess it would make you feel all kinds of crazy things. Because I can tell you this: I care a heck of a lot more for our friendship than I do for hearing voices.” Marina took Xochitl’s hand and squeezed it.

“And I’d give up seeing dancing lights everywhere if I had to, to keep from losing you,” Fern said, reaching out to hold Xochitl’s other hand.

“I guess I have been holding on to Gracie so hard that I couldn’t bear the idea of moving on and making new friends,” Xochitl said.

“Well, we are your friends, and we’ll be here for you, even if you just want to spend hours talking about her,” Fern said.

“You don’t have to let Graciela go so completely, either,” Marina said. “She’s still here, watching over you.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Xochitl admitted. She smiled at her friends. “I feel a lot better telling you what I was thinking. And I’m really glad I was wrong.”

Fern grabbed Marina’s and Xochitl’s hands. “Its funny how our magical talents play into these confessions,” she said mischievously. “Xochitl disappears in life in more than one way. Marina, you hear voices, and look at how you need to find a solid strength that has nothing to do with what others say.”

Marina squeezed Fern’s hand. “And you need to stop jumping to rash and dramatic conclusions just because of what you see.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Fern said.

Marina looked from Xochitl to Fern and smiled widely. Rogelia had been right. Marina felt more connected to Fern and Xochitl than she had ever felt to anyone.

“So is that it?” Fern asked.

“No, I think we should do a
limpia
for Nana,” Xochitl said. “First thing tomorrow morning, we’ll perform it in Nana’s room. Tonight we can each gather whatever we need.”

“Using our intuition,” Fern added with a wink.

“Then we’ll take the bus back here so no one has to know,” Marina concluded. “It’s time to rely on ourselves.”

Bright and early the next day, Marina, Xochitl, and Fern returned to the hospital. Tiptoeing as fast as they could, they rushed down the hall toward Rogelia’s room. Fern opened the door, and the three of them sneaked inside. Rogelia lay unconscious on her hospital bed with a peaceful expression on her wrinkled face. The monitors beeped in time with the
drip, drip
of her IV.

Marina took a moment to muster up her nerve. Rogelia looked so weak, laying there unconscious. The healer’s normal vibrant complexion was pasty, drained of all energy without her warm smile.

You can do this,
Graciela said.

You are more ready than you realize,
said the woman’s voice.

Marina took a deep breath, walked over to Rogelia’s bed, and leaned over Rogelia to kiss her forehead. “You are going to wake up and be just fine. We’re going to help.”

Fern took a white advent candle, a long bundle of dried sage leaves, a small black cauldron, and a pack of matches from her wool bag. She struck the match and lit the candle. “We welcome the four directions to this healing ceremony.” Fern lit the smudge stick and quickly extinguished the match flame with her fingertips.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Marina whispered.

“No,” Fern said as she handed the sage to Xochitl. “You smudge Rogelia while I read her aura. I can already see she has some funky yellow spots over her heart.”

Xochitl blew out the fire burning the sage leaves and walked to the four corners of the room, then slowly passed the smoke over Rogelia, paying close attention to her chest area. When Xochitl had covered Rogelia’s body with the sage smoke three times, she smudged Fern, Marina, and lastly herself before smashing the sage stick in the cauldron.

Fern took a Tupperware container and sprigs of rosemary out of her bag and handed them to Marina. “Here,” she said.

Marina popped open the Tupperware and took out an egg. She held on to the egg and imagined that it was a strong sponge, ready and able to extract all the negativity and sickness from Rogelia’s body and spirit. She would be the one to wipe Rogelia clean.

That’s the way,
Graciela said.

Keep believing in yourself, honey,
said the woman’s voice.
You are more powerful than you give yourself credit for.

Marina rolled the egg all over Rogelia while Xochitl chanted quietly. Marina cracked the egg into the cauldron. She examined the yolk and white of the egg. At first the white was filled with bubbles and seemed a little cloudy. But as Xochitl continued to chant, one by one the bubbles popped and the white of the egg became clear. “I think it’s working,” Marina whispered. She swooped up the rosemary with a shaking hand.

Take your time,
the woman’s voice said.

Fern leaned over the rosemary and whispered, “Come on, little fairies. Help us make Rogelia better.”

I’m not ready for you to join me just yet, Nana,
Graciela said.

Marina brushed Rogelia with the rosemary. “Graciela says she wants you to get better,” Marina whispered in Rogelia’s ear.

Xochitl took a piece of chalk out of her pocket and drew an equilateral cross on the floor beside Rogelia. She placed their journal in the east. “There’s a lot more work to do here, Nana.” She pulled Marina and Fern close to her and gave them a big hug. “Look, I’m trusting my new friends.”