Reprisal (5 page)

The smell of chloroform rolls across my nose again, and the piercing of metal on skin, MY skin, causes me to scream in pain. NO!!

“Sydney!” I hear a woman’s voice. “Doctor DeCarlo? It’s Dana Proffit. Sydney, can you hear me?”

I squirm and realize I’m on the floor, something under my head and a woman above me, shaking something under my nose. “No, no
no!! Get that away from me!” I scream. She leans back on her ankles, but doesn’t get up. As I shake off the smell and regain my focus, I see I’m still in Chuck’s office, but there’s a crowd around me and looks of sympathy are gracing the faces of everyone in the room, except the woman that sits above me. Hers is of concern, not sympathy.

Oh God, I’ve done it again. It’s been three years since I’ve had a panic attack and based on the looks of the people around me, it was a doozy. I try and sit up, strong hands press against my shoulders as I rise up. I turn to look behind me and it’s Gabe, sitting on the floor behind me. He’s strong and steady, his warmth
cradling my shivering body. “Grab her a blanket, Chuck. I think she may be in shock. Gabe we need to lay her back down.” The woman says to him.

“No, I’m okay. I’m sorry.” I say as my hands instinctively cover my face indicating the start of the sobbing. It always comes after one of these attacks, no matter how hard I fight it. A heavy blanket covers my legs as Gabe stands up, the loss of warmth immediate.

“Can you guys give us a few minutes?” The woman asks and the room immediately clears.

Now, it’s just me and this woman, whom I don’t know and is now sitting next to me on the floor.

“Sydney, my name is Dana Proffit, I’m the NYPD Psychologist. Can you tell me what happened?

I shake my head, because I don’t want to tell her. Right now, I want Leslie. She’s the only one that knows my past and the hell I went through. She’s brought me through so many of these panic attacks and as far as I know, she is the only one that can help now.

“I am so embarrassed, I’m sorry. I’m fine now, thank you.” I say as I move to stand up. She doesn’t try to stop me, and allows me to climb to my feet. I brush off the invisible dirt that now covers me and move to fold up the blanket that Chuck brought in.

“Sydney, you had an anxiety attack. Can you tell me what that was about?” Dana continues.

“No. I mean, yes, I can tell you. But I won’t. It’s.....it’s personal and I have my own shrink to talk to. I’ll call her this afternoon. Thank you for your help, but I’m good.”

I cringe at my words calling Leslie a shrink,
cause that is what I am too. I chuckle inside at the remark, a sign that I’ll pull through this attack like I have all of the others.

“Okay, but promise me you’ll call her today. And feel free to come see me any time.” She says as she moves to the door. As she opens it, Gabe and Chuck come marching back in, concern written across their faces.

“Are you all right, Syd?” Chuck asks as he steps beside me.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I.......” and I drift off. “I guess I need to enlighten you a bit, if I’m going to continue to assist on this case.” I say as I sit down in my chair. “Please, guys. Sit.”

“Sydney, you don’t have to do this. I’m aware of your....situation. It isn’t necessary to air your dirty laundry right now.” Chuck says.

“Dirty laundry? You act like my sick and twisted past is something I did on purpose! Thanks for the support Chuck, you of all people were the one that I believed wouldn’t judge me. You guys can solve this shit on your own!” And I stand and move towards the door, but before I exit I look back. “If you think you can solve this case on your own, you are sorely mistaken. But I will not be judged for my ‘dirty laundry’. You know as well as I do, that my ‘dirty laundry’ was your be
st friend. You can go right to hell, Chuck.” I fail to mention that his best friend was my father, cause Gabe sure as hell doesn’t need to know that.

I slam the door behind me and
march down the cold, dark hallway shaking my head. “That asshole. He knows damn well what I went through and he’s calling ME to the carpet? Well he can fuck the hell off.”

“Sydney, wait!”

Gabe.

I keep walking, but I hear him coming up behind me quickly. He grabs my arm, effectively halting my steps. “What the hell happened back there?”

“Ask your friend, the good Chief.” I say as I try to turn back towards the door.

“Would you wait a second? I don’t want to hear what Chief Matthews says, I want to hear what you have to say. Tell me, what’s going on?”

“Listen, I appreciate your concern, but this is personal. I have....a past, one that isn’t pretty and one that I refuse to discuss with a perfect stranger. And I would appreciate it if you would let me go, I need to get out of here.” I say and he lets my arm go.

“Have lunch with me. We can hit the deli around the corner and talk, get to know each other.

Then I won’t be a perfect stranger anymore.”

Yeah, you’ll just be a perfect distraction.

“Fine, we can have lunch. But don’t expect me to divulge any of my secrets.” I tell him as I march towards the door, feeling just a bit better about all of this shit. I make a silent pact to myself to call Leslie later, cause if I continue on this investigation, I’m going to need her a lot.

Gabe

I’m not sure what to make of this, but I’m going to run with it. I get a distinct impression that she can help crack this case wide open, but I fear for her sanity. Chuck refused to tell me what their little altercation was about, so I decided to find out for myself. I grabbed the files off of his desk and took off after Sydney.

Sydney DeCarlo. DOCTOR Sydney DeCarlo. Wow, I had no idea when I spotted her at

Blazer’s last night that she was a doctor. She’s beautiful and apparently damaged, so I may be making a huge mistake by asking her to lunch, but I find myself wanting to get closer. To get to know her, the woman. Though, I expect internally she’ll be ripping me apart with her psychological bullshit. I’m not perfect by any means, but I know a beautiful and intriguing woman when I see one. And her eyes, yes. Those eyes I feel hold many secrets and I plan to dig deep to find them out. She’s got this natural, wholesome beauty about her. Almost like innocence lost, and I pray that isn’t the case. After her episode in Chuck’s office, I know there is more to Doctor Sydney
DeCarlo then she’s making out to be. And I also plan to find out her connection to Chuck Matthews, Chief of the NYPD.

I follow her out the door on
to the blustery New York streets. It’s lunch time in the city, so the streets are full of taxi’s and people on foot, rushing to get a quick bite to eat before heading back to the grindstone. That’s one thing I love about this city, it never sleeps.

My eyes immediately travel to her back side and I feel my dick jump. Easy Gabe, this is not a pick up session. You’re just getting to know her, try not to dry hump her as soon as you sit down.

I get my arousal in check and follow her to the corner. The wind blows her brown locks across her face, her dainty hands tuck the errant strands behind her ear as we wait to cross the street.

She’s not paying me any attention, and I find that...shit, Gabe, get your mind out of the gutter.

It’s lunch with a colleague. The light turns green and we join the crowd crossing the street and turn left towards the deli. As we approach the door, I see there is no line which is unusual for this time of day. I don’t argue with it and we make our way to the counter.

“I’ll have a turkey on wheat bread, light mayo and extra tomato.” She orders. “Oh and a diet Coke.” I
start to wonder why she needs diet
anything
but I shake off those thoughts. I order the Rueben and we seek out a table in the back. Most people like to sit near the window and watch the craziness that is New York City. But being a cop, I prefer to hide myself from it as much as I can.

We sit down and stare at each other, the silence deafening. She smirks at me, like she’s waiting on me to start grilling her, which I really want to do. But I have no plans to scare her off, especially since we really need her on this case. I just wonder what happened in her life to qualify her as an expert in these types of cases. Chuck says he’s used her before as well as the FBI, but she’s in private practice, I believe. I decide to just make friendly conversation. As she gets more comfortable with me, maybe she’ll let her guard down.

“So, what brought you to New York?” I start out with the cheesy one liner for lack of anything better to ask.

“Work.”

Wow, she’s really going to make this hard on me.

“Private practice?” I ask.

She nods, not answering my questions.

“Where did you go to school?” Great, now I really sound lame.

“The University of Illinois, then I interned at Northwestern.”

“
Ahh, a Chicago girl. No wonder this wind didn’t bother you outside.”

She smiles at that, and boy is it a beautiful smile. Perfect full lips, white teeth with just a small gap between the top two. But those eyes, they light up when she smiles. I have to make sure I make her smile more often.

“No, I’m used to it. I grew up in Lincoln Park and decided to stay close to home for school.....” She says as she looks down at her hands, which are balled up on her lap. I get the feeling she wants to tell me more, but she refrains and changes the subject to me. “Where are you from?” She asks.

“Born and raised in Brooklyn.
Papi was a cop and mama stayed at home.” I see the interest in her eyes, so I continue. “Mama raised three boys and one girl while Papi worked double shifts to keep food on the table.” I know she can now see sadness in my eyes as I remember when Mama got sick. I was seventeen, and I’m the oldest. With Papi working, I ended up being the one to raise my siblings after she died. Not a job for a seventeen year old boy, but I did what I had to do. I debate briefly if I should tell her this, but I decide it’s too much information right now.

“So you’re a true New Yorker.” She says in her Midwestern accent, attempting to sound like a New Yorker. I chuckle at her attempt,
cause no one can fake a New York accent. Well, lots of people try but very few succeed.

“Yeah, never lived anywhere else. Never wanted to. The Big Apple is inside me and this is home.” I say, smiling at her.

The waitress brings our sandwiches and I watch her take a bite. She even eats a sandwich sexy. I know she doesn’t mean to, but she exudes sexy. Her personality is so nonchalant that I don’t believe she even realizes how beautiful she is. I take a bite of my sandwich and freeze with a mouthful as her tongue sneaks out to lick a drop of mayo away. Oh good grief, I really need to get a grip, in more ways than one.

“What made you decide to be a psychologist?” I ask, then watch her face fall slowly. I can tell I’ve hit a nerve, but I keep a stoic face.

“Umm, I knew.....a girl growing up that went through a.....a traumatic.....ummmm, experience and.....well, she had someone that helped her through it....and I wanted.....I don’t know. I wanted to help people in the same way.” She stutters through her answer as she sets her sandwich down on the plate. Her fingers push her chips around, but she doesn’t pick one up. She looks lost all of a sudden, and I figure it’s time for a conversation change.

“So, not married?” I ask as I glance at her left hand and notice her ring finger is bare.

She jerks her head up and glares at me. “No, not married and no kids. I have one older brother and one older sister. Both of them, including my mother, still live in Lincoln Park.

There, is that all you want to know? Because frankly I’m tired of the inquisition.” She wipes her mouth with her napkin and stands up. “Look, thank you for lunch but I really need to get home and go through these files. I’ll be in touch.” And she turns and leaves.

I’m left sitting there with my sandwich in my hands and my lower jaw resting on my chest.

What in the hell just happened here? Things were quiet and then....bam! I guess I crossed the line at
asking if she was married. Something is broken in her and I plan to do my best to find out what that is. Whatever IT is, could hinder this investigation and I can’t have that. I resign myself to keep a close eye on her and if I feel like she’s in too deep, she’s gone.

Grabbing my cell I hit the speed dial for Chuck. “Chief Matthews.”

“Chuck, its Gabe. Just had an.....interesting lunch with Doctor Sydney DeCarlo.

She’s.....um, how do I say this?”

“Unstable?”

“No, not unstable. Guarded? Like she’s hiding something. What happened between you two at the office? If she’s going to assist in this investigation, I need to know what’s going on.”

“Look Gabe, if Sydney wants to tell you then that is up to her, but it’s not my place to.....”

“D
AMN IT CHUCK!” I scream in the phone as I slam my fist on the table. Everyone turns to look at me, so I lower my voice.

“Chuck, if she’s going to assist in this, I need to know what her weaknesses are. She can hinder this investigation if she flips out again like she did in your office.”

“We’ll keep Dana close in case that happens. Her secrets are not mine to divulge, Gabe. You have to respect that. Would you want me spilling your secrets to a total stranger?”

“I don’t have any secrets, Chuck. You know that, so think of something else.”

Silence fills the other side of the phone and I wonder if he hung up on me.

“Look, she has.....a past. A very.....shit, just let it go Gabe. If she wants to tell you, then that is her decision.”

Instead of waiting on him to hang up on me, I disconnect the call and place my phone on the table, probably a little heavier and louder than needed. I start to wonder if I can find out her secrets on my own, with a little help from Greyson down in archives. But this is New York.

Whatever happened must have happened in Chicago, damn it. I’ll just have to keep pushing her, get her to trust me. Then maybe she’ll clue me in,
cause if she can’t get a grip on whatever happened to her, then this investigation will go straight down the toilet.