Removing the Mask (14 page)

“I have a
day
to pick two students out of two and a half thousand, I
really
need your help.” I plead with Jimmy as we near the school grounds having just passed the Fish and Chip shop.

“Don’t worry; between us and the gang I’m sure we can pick a couple.” The way he says it so blasé makes my hackles rise.

“It can’t just be anyone!”

“I know! Don’t worry, you’re stressing about it too much. Worst comes to shove, you take a couple of us.”  He says referring to himself and our friends.

“Like I could pick. I want to take you, but I can’t pick out of everyone else.” I grumble as I look down to the floor.

His head snaps in my direction. “You want to take me?”

“Yeah, but I hate to have to pick!” I whine as we walk through the school gates. I can already see our gang of friends gathered around a bench; my eyes search and find Jason talking to Ida. If I didn’t already know she likes Bradley I think I’d be jealous.

“Well, then don’t pick!” He turns so that he’s walking backwards and facing me. “Tell them what’s going on and get them to work it out amongst themselves.”

“I don’t know; what if they get into a fight? It’ll be my fault and then what am I going to do? No; this needs to be done right because I literally have one day to figure this- no I have
hours
because mum wants to know when we get home. Oh my gosh; this is a nightmare.”

Jimmy rolls his eyes before turning back around and sauntering to where Jasmine is sitting on the bench; he squeezes himself in next to the armrest and shifts so that he’s mostly facing her. When is he going to ask her out already?

“Are you okay?” Ida sits perched on the arm rest of the bench; her head cocks to the side resembling a bird. “You don’t look yourself.”

“She means you look a mess.” JJ offers from behind Amanda; she’s unravelling Amanda’s plait which looks painfully tight, but when it’s loose you can see the pretty waves that fall over her shoulders beautifully.

“Thank JJ. I feel so much better.” I say drily.

She rolls her eyes much like Jimmy before skipping around the bench and grabbing my hand. “Come on girlies, let’s fix Humpty Dumpty.”

Amanda and Ida hop up and vacate their spots on the bench; following JJ who pulls me with more strength than I’d expect from her slim arms and drags me inside the main building and straight into the girl’s bathroom.

JJ, the more image conscious of the twins pulls out a makeup bag from her bag as well as a brush.

“I swear to God! JJ, you come at me with any of that crap and I’ll give you a shiner.” 

She seems to believe me because she crosses her arms with a scowl on her face. “Ken, you look awful.” She points to the mirror and reluctantly I take a look.

“She means that in a nice way.” Amanda says shooting JJ a look.

“No I don’t! She’s got makeup smudged under her eyes like she’s been out all night on the booze and I doubt she’s brushed her hair this morning.” Her bluntness brings a smile to my face even though she’s insulting me; I can’t deny it though.

“Fine, have it your way!” I step back and lean against the sink before gesturing for them to have at it.

By the time they’re all finished with me, I have fresh, expertly applied makeup and my straggly hair is pulled back into a high ponytail with a few strands hanging around my face.

“Was that so painful?” JJ smirks as she packs all her things away; it’s full of affection though and I can’t stop myself from wrapping an arm around her in a one armed hug.

“Excruciating but thank you anyway.” We grin at each other before walking out the bathroom right before the bell goes.

We scatter like bugs as we head to our tutor rooms.

I’m steps away from the door when my phone vibrates with a notification. A grin stretches across my face when I see who it’s from. 

Jason: Hey :). 

Me: Hello.

Jason: whats wrong.

Me: what makes u think somethin is wrong.

I side step a guy who’s name escapes me before heading for my seat at back, as soon as I’m seated I turn my full attention on my phone.

Jason: U grumpy this morn Y.

Me: Charity im doin. Need 2 pick 2 people to take with me. Want Jim with me but don’t want to have to pick out of everyone else. Have till end of day.

Jason: We’ll sort somthin out.

Me: hope so.

When he doesn’t reply, I sigh with dismay and wait for the bell to ring.

***

Everyone becomes quiet as they mull over the decision that needs to be made by half-three.

“We could pick a name out of a hat or vote.” Ida offers as she twirls spaghetti around her fork.

Around us is the dull roar of everyone’s conversations combined
. The table we’re taking up has just enough seats for all of us which means we don’t have to ward off anyone who would consider joining us; this isn’t a conversation I’d want them to overhear.

“I think we should vote, we’re all friends and will continue to be after the charity whether we go or not. Rather than leaving it to luck I’d like to think that whoever we choose deserves it the most.” Jasmine says primly before taking a bite out of her home-bought club sandwich.

“As much as we’re all dreading it, I think she’s right; though I wouldn’t expect Ken to vote.” Jason says looking around the table; his gaze catching mine last and lingering longer than everybody else.

“If I’m not going to vote, do I have to be present? I feel sick just thinking about it.” I push my barely touched plate away.

Jimmy’s the one who answers me. “We should decide now so I suggest you skedaddle.” He doesn’t even look at any of the others, just watches me with sympathetic eyes.

“Thanks.” Standing up, I want to wish them good luck but it doesn’t seem appropriate. So without much more than a glance at everybody, I pick up my tray and scurry away with my head down.

I haven’t heard anything when the bell rings and the guys don’t say anything to me during Tutor when they walk in. The girls don’t offer anything either and avoid conversation as we get changed for P.E. making my frustration rise further.

I hope as I walk to the Gymnasium that we’re going to do a sport that’s going to make me tired or get my blood pumping but I’m sadly disappointed when I walk in and find badminton rackets and four nets set up.

We’re split up into teams and while some sit out waiting to play, mine is put up against Lily’s on one of the makeshift courts. The game is slow but our points stay around the same until Jenny, a girl from Lily’s team hits the shuttlecock and sends it my way; I lean backwards, arm raised to it and before I can stop it, the world tilts and pain flairs up in my back and head as I collide with the floor. The girls around me become quite before a choir of laughter breaks out and the jokes and jeers come at me from all angles. Some are in good nature and I can laugh at them, but some aren’t so nice and I find myself gearing up for a fight as I catch a glimpse of who’s throwing them at me, but before I can even stand up, Jimmy’s and Bessie’s faces are flashing in front of my eyes. Being a good girl, I stand up and feign dizziness before getting permission to go to the Nurse’s office. It’s harder to do than I expect.

“Do you want someone to go with you?” Our P.E. teacher is a funny looking lady who seems to always wear frumpy tracksuits that don’t suit her but the most unsettling thing about her is her voice, because it’s the closest to a man’s voice I’ve ever heard any women have. 

“No, I think I can manage.” She waves me away and I make my way unsteadily to the door. I don’t walk normally till I’m outside. The cold air goes straight through the cheap polo shirt, and my skort does nothing to keep my legs warm.

Once I’m changed back into my uniform, I sit down on one of the benches and pull out a pad and a pen; I’ve got a whole hour to kill; I think this calls for a little writing. I plug my ears with my earphones but keep the volume low enough so I can hear is anyone comes in; the door is around the corner out of view.

I’m so absorbed in my writing and music that I don’t notice the girls are filing back in until someone clicks their finger in front of my face as they walk past though I don’t catch who did it.

Ida, Jasmin and the twins come back in and start getting changed next to their stuff which sits beside mine; I don’t wait or think about what their answer is going to be, I just ask.

“Who’s doing the charity with me?”

All four girls exchange looks and it’s Ida that speaks. “It’s narrowed down to two. You have to pick because we tried and we can’t.”

Wincing, I regret asking. “Who is it narrowed down to?” I almost want to cover my ears so I don’t hear the answer.

Amanda bites her lip so hard it turns an angry red and when she talks it’s just loud enough for me to hear. “Me and Ida.”

“Oh f…lipping hell!” Standing up, I wave at them. “I’ll talk to you later, I need to think.” I stalk out the changing room and feel as if a weight has pulled my chest down and I’m dragging it across the floor; I can imagine the dust and dirt brought in on peoples shoes collecting on the outside of my lungs.

I don’t make it half way down the hallway when I hear running feet and JJ appears beside me. My stomach drops and I know what’s coming.

“Ken, I know this is hard enough, but…please pick my sister; she’d love it! And I know Ida would get nervous on TV. I know this doesn’t hel-”

“Damn right it doesn’t help! You don’t think I’m not having World War Three inside me right now? I’d love to take your sister! But I’d also love to take Ida as she was my first friend when I moved here! I need to think this through and you’re not helping right now!” I don’t let her get another word in as I turn and make for my Tutor for the end of the day registration. 

The changing room doesn’t have a window so I’m dismayed and surprised to see the sky has turned a nasty grey, a sure promise for rain; as if I need this day to be any worse, but then I shouldn’t hold my breath because I am going home to my Mother after all.

My mood darkens as I realise I shouldn’t feel this way about my own Mum, but she is the way she is and I am the way I am.

Students shuffle slowly in through the door and I watch waiting; for what? I don’t know, comfort maybe? Who would that come from though?

Jason walks
in and his gaze finds me; instantly I feel small and weak and avert my eyes so that he can’t see how upset I am though I think it’s too late. He’s not going to sit with you, guys run away from upset girls.

“What jerks did you hang out with?”

My head jerks up and I see him standing in front of my desk; I hadn’t realised I said it out loud. Instead of saying anything, I just stare at him for what seems like ages before dropping my gaze to the vandalised table.  

“You givin’ me the silent treatment?” He comes round the table and sits in Bradley’s chair; now that he’s moved I can see the doorway again and if he’s here, Jimmy can’t be far behind.

I shake my head.

“You’re not saying anything.” He sits sideways on the chair so that he’s facing me.

“I have nothing to say.” My eyes jump to the clock: forty-five past three. It’s obvious that I can’t go home like this, I need to have made a decision, which I haven’t and I need to be calm, which I’m obviously not.

He leans forward and lowers his voice. “Is this about…Amanda and Ida?” He finished reluctantly and winces.

“I don’t know what to do.” My voice is a whisper like I’m afraid of admitting it.

“Tough decision.” He agrees as he looks down at the floor. His eyebrows pull together as if trying to make a decision before he lets out a sigh and looks up at me. “Want to come over and watch a movie? We
’ll sort through something out.”

“I feel like I’ve heard that a lot today.” I bite my lip; I can’t be home late but I can’t go home without a decision. “Sure, that sounds good.”

The door open at the same time as the bell rings and JJ walks in with an envelope; she hands it to Mr Spire and turns to leave but not without sending me a long look.

“Come one.” He grabs my hand pulls me to the door, ignoring JJ altogether; they’ve never been that close.

Out in the hall, I become more and more aware of the fact that he’s still holding my hand and when our fingers thread together I think my heart skips a beat.  

After greeting Jason and Josh’s mum in the kitchen, we head up the stairs to his room. As we pass the doorway to Josh’s room
, I spot Jimmy in there with him playing Xbox. I’m calmer now than I was in Tutor so I refrain from going in and having a go at him; he’s having too much fun for me to be able to, not without feeling guilty at least

As if reading my thoughts, Jason tightens his hand on mine and tugs me to his room.

“What’d you want to watch?” He lets go of my hand to browse over the DVD’s on the shelf.

“You pick; I picked last time.” I put my bag on the floor against the side of
the sofa before taking off my school jumper and sitting down.

“Okay…What about this?” He holds the case up over his shoulder, never taking his eyes from the titles on the boxes.

“I haven’t seen that in ages, which is saying something.” I pull my legs up underneath me. “Before I came here I watched a lot of movies; my laptop is loaded with them.” I explain just for something to do. 

After putting
the disc in the player, he copies me by taking his school jumper off. “You didn’t tell me that the last time; I would have come up with something else to take away your impulsiveness.” He grins.

“What’s this about my cousin’s impulsiveness? And what’re you doing about it exactly?” I turn to look
at Jimmy; the tone of his voice doesn’t sound right. It’s only when I see his face do I realise he’s twisted it to make a really
wrong
joke.

Flushing, I burrow into the sofa cushions. “You’re disgusting.” I refuse to laugh but I can’t deny that the immature part of me is sniggering inside.

Jimmy barks with laughter as sits down beside me but he sobers up as he looks at me. “Have you decided?” He shifts uncomfortably.

“No; I need
to think about it a little more, though advice would be greatly appreciated!” I say with just a hint of desperation.

“Be selfish; this might be one of the last charities you do for a while, so take who you want up there.” He doesn’t offer anything els
e as he gets up and leaves as though he was never here.
“Helpful.”
Jason smiles at my sarcasm and takes Jimmy’s place as the movie starts playing.

Halfway through the movie my phone pings with a text
.

Mum: When are you going to be home?

Me: When the movie’s over.

When she doesn’t reply I settle back into my spot leaning against Jason
, telling myself to enjoy this as much as possible before the movie ends.

When the movie finishes neither of us
say anything until he returns the movie to the shelf.

I know I need to decide on who to take, and thinking about it from every angle isn’t helping, so I take a deep breath and the pendulum that’s been swinging between Ida and Amanda stops; my decision made.

“I think I know who I’m going to take.”

His eyebrows twitch with surprise. “Who?”

***

“And you’re sure about this? As soon as it’s set up we can’t change it.”

I busy myself around the kitchen as I fix myself a drink; mum watches me, her phone sitting on the kitchen table in front of her.

“Yeah; it was a tough decision though.”

Her eyes are sympathetic as she nods in agreement. “I can imagine. Well, it’s done now so you can relax.” Smiling, she stands up and waves her phone at me. “I’ll get on it.” She leaves me standing in the middle of the kitchen with the glass of juice in my hands. I can relax? With this weight on my shoulders? I don’t think so.

I shuffle into the living room because I know Jimmy’s in there with the puppies.

“Did you hear?” He glances up with a smile on his face.

“What?” When I sit down on the floor
, one of the puppies comes up to investigate me; she has chocolate ears that look out of place because of the rest of the markings covering her body. She gazes up to me with big brown eyes; being the only girl she’s a gem in the rough with her three brothers. She’s my favourite and she seems to be fond of me as well.

“A family in the village wants to come and look at the puppies. I wouldn’t be surprised if we come home and find we only have three to look after.” He roughly rubs one of the boy puppies’ heads before getting up to go to the kitchen; the puppy follows him in hope of more fuss.

I look down, saddened by the thought of coming home and not finding this little girl here; surely if they saw the look in her eyes I see, they’d want to take her. I haven’t thought about being without these pups; they were here when I got here and the thought of them being adopted by other families hadn’t crossed my mind.

Scooping her up
almost possessively, I carry her down the hall to Bessie’s office; she hasn’t moved since we came back from across the road.

“Hey Bess’,
I want to ask you something…can I keep this Girlie? I’m too fond of her to let her go.” I pull her tighter to my chest and rub her head between her ears; she tilts her head in appreciation and closes her eyes. If she was a cat I think she’d be purring. 

Bessie smiles and I see the amusement dancing across her eyes. “I didn’t think you
were that impressed with them, but sure, I don’t mind as long as you take
full
responsibility.”

Grinning, I walk over to plant a kiss on her cheek,
“thank you Bessie, you’re the best.”

“Yeah, I know. I’d keep her in your room tonight though, but put her with the boys before you go to school tomorrow; she’s going to need to get used to not having them around all the time.”
She waves her hand towards the door, dismissing me. “Skedaddle; I’ve got work to do.”

With a skip in my step, I walk back to the living room; Jimmy’s returned
from his rummage in the kitchen; his beaming smile’s gone and replaced with a frown and a look of distaste.

“What’s wrong?” I put my little girl down before sitting on the floor in front of him because he doesn’t reply straight away.

“Let’s just say, I think there’s going to be a lot of drama tomorrow.” He pursues his lips in annoyance, but doesn’t offer anything else as he stretches his legs out in front of him.

***

I know it’s bad when I walk up to Ida and she barely looks at me; her eyes travel over everything, like she’s searching for something; but they stay firmly away from me.

“Ida, you okay?”

She glances at me but then winces as if she didn’t mean to but it’s too late, I see how red and puffy her eyes are; she’s been crying.

“I think you made the wrong decision.” Her voice is tired and…defeated? Why?

“Why? Why would you say that?” A guy rushes past me and bumps painfully into my shoulder, this doesn’t seem to slow him down, if anything he gains momentum. I scowl at his back as I gently lead Ida in the direction of the class we share next; she barely seems to notice.

“JJ said some things and…she must have really wanted Amanda to go.” He voice becomes barely audible as we walk into the classroom; JJ’s sitting in her usual seat at the front and glares a gaze of fire; not at me, at Ida.

Ida cringes before slinking towards the back where her seat sits in front of mine. She looks like she wants to be able to turn sideways and disappear.

Before I can call JJ out on her behaviour to her ‘supposed’ friend, a substitute teacher walks in a
nd ushers me to my seat with a brisk wave of her hand; it’s thin and fragile but when I see the old women’s eyes, I see the fire in her belly which’s obviously why she’s still teaching; she’s probably too stubborn to retire. The image of her dropping down dead in front of a class one day makes me wince; I’m obviously not in the brightest frame of mind today.  

“Settle down! Just because your teacher isn’t here doesn’t mean you get a free lesson. My name is Mrs Parkinson and I’ll be filling in for…”

My gaze goes out the window as I think about what I’m going to say to JJ. She can’t act this way towards Ida. I choose; it’s my fault, so if she wants to get angry with someone it should be me.

“Girl at the back? I know
the rain is very interesting and all but could you please pay attention?” Her tone is almost sarcastic.

I turn my head back to the front of the class and look to the teacher. “Sorry Mrs; it’s just very distracting.”

She’d already turned her attention to someone else and looks surprised that I answer her; she stares at me to see if I’m serious. A moment passes and I raise my eyebrows and widen my eyes in a sarcastic look, this earns me a cold scowl; did she honestly think I was serious?

Laughing under my breath, I wait for the sheet that we’re supposed to be doing to reach me at the back. When Ida passes me the last one, there’s a piece of notepad paper hidden behind it, scrawled across it is:
I don’t want you to get involved in what’s happening between JJ and me. I don’t want you getting in trouble.

Sighing, I take the lid off my pen with my teeth before scrawling a reply beneath:
Trouble has a way of finding me (at least that’s my excuse). I’m not going to sit and watch her eat you alive, I’m sorry; I can’t do that. I’ll deal with it.

And it’s JJ and
I.

Slipping the note under my book, I focus on what everyone else is doing and read through the questions on the sheet, before answering them in my book. I try to get my mind to focus fully on the task at hand but I keep asking myself what I’m going to do and the truth is: I have no idea.

By the end of the lesson I’m so caught up in my head that when the bell rings signalling the end of the lesson. I don’t react straight away; it’s the sudden surge of movement from the whole class that has me scrambling out of my seat to make it to Art in time.

Watching JJ walk out the door, I consider running after her to see if I can straighten this out, but I don’t think a two minute conversation will stitch this wound closed.  

I want to feel angry at her for reacting this way, but instead I can’t help but admire her; she’s obviously really upset that I didn’t choose her sister. She’s not jealous that I chose Ida; she just wanted her sister to have this opportunity.    

What can I say to her? ‘Sorry?’ ‘Your sister’s really nice and I love her but I’m closer to Ida?’ It makes me feel so horrible when I think of it like that; like I’m being selfish by picking Ida but really, she’s going to benefit from doing this because she can’t be shy when the camera goes on her. I’m hoping she’s going to realise this and steel herself up for it; I know it’s going to be hard for her but after seeing her bury herself into our ‘gang’ I know she can handle this. Amanda’s already really outgoing and it’d be just an experience for her rather than a challenge like Ida.  At least that’s what I’m telling myself.