Remind Me Again Why I Need a Man (44 page)

The applause almost raises the roof and Jay takes the microphone from me as I make my way back to the table. ‘Well, thanks for the cabaret, Amelia,' he says, a bit stunned. ‘I think we'd better go to a commercial break after that!'

And we're out.

They're still cheering and clapping as I get back to the table. With all the dignity I can muster, I pick up my handbag and make to go.

Suzy hugs me, squealing. ‘I can't believe what I just saw with my own two eyes!' she screeches. ‘Way to go!'

‘That was some spectacle,' says Dave. ‘This is the only gong show I've ever been to where the lifetime-achievement award is going to be an anticlimax.'

‘You'll all forgive me if I call it a night?' I say, trembling. ‘I … I just … I need to be where other people are not.'

There's a chorus of: ‘No! Not at all! Congratulations!' from the gang and it's just brilliant. I so badly need to be out of there.

Shit. One thing I forgot. Philip.

I turn to him, aware that everyone's still looking at me.

‘I really am very sorry,' I say.

‘Not your fault your ex is a headcase.'

‘I meant about leaving now. You understand I can't stay.'

‘Shortest date in history, then.'

I can't even say: Yes, I'm sorry, let's do it again sometime. Mainly because I don't want to. ‘Goodnight, Philip,' I say. ‘I'll see you in work.'

I smile and am about to go when I hear him say, ‘And to think we gave women the vote.' It's a
Philip Burkeism, but they're not my problem any more.

I get a huge round of applause as I leave the ballroom and I wave as gracefully as I can. It's only when I get outside that, with a trembling hand, I think to check my mobile phone.

Fifteen text messages.

Jamie:
SO PROUD OF U MY DARLING! U R LIKE THE WINNER WITH FEET OF CLAY
!!

Rachel:
IT WAS EMPOWERING WATCHING U GIVE THAT BASTARD WHAT FOR ON LIVE TV! SO PROUD TO BE YR FRIEND! WHO DO U THINK WILL PLAY U WHEN THE EVENTS OF TONITE R MADE INTO A MOVIE
?

I've made it outside the Four Seasons and the doorman, seeing the state I'm in, hails me a taxi. ‘Are you all right, madam?' he asks, concerned. ‘Can I get you anything? Some water, maybe?'

‘I'm … I'll be fine, thanks,' I half whisper, taking in deep, soothing gulps of air.

He backs off, tactfully realizing that I need to be alone, and my mind races.
Did that really happen? Did
He-whose-name-shall-forever-remain-unspoken
really propose to me, live to the nation? And I turned him down …

And you know what the really funny thing is?

Now that the initial shock is wearing off and I'm starting to think straight, I'm absolutely rock-solid one hundred per cent certain that I did the right thing. It would have been so simple just to say yes and forget the
past and hope he'd have a personality change and that I'd have some chance of a happy married life with him. I could have gone back into Ira's class next week and gloated. I could have finally got a foot into the Vera Wang. But it wouldn't have made me happy. The easy thing would have been to say yes; the hard thing is to hold out and believe that there has to be something better out there for me.

Then a text from Caroline:
SWEETHEART U DID THE RIGHT THING. ONLY THING U COULD HAVE DONE. SUGGEST U LEAVE THERE RIGHT NOW AND COME OVER HERE. WE R WAITING FOR U WITH A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE TO TOAST OUR WINNER. A WINNER IN EVERY WAY
.

My eyes start to well.

Bless them. Where would I be without my friends?

The taxi pulls up and I hop in, give the driver Caroline's address and ask if he can get me there as fast as he can.

OK, I think as the car pulls off.

So … I've just turned down a proposal of marriage.

So … I walked out on a date with a guy I wasn't really interested in and who sure as hell didn't seem to have the slightest interest in me.

So … I spent the last few weeks chasing ex-boyfriends in the hope it would help me find a husband, all with zero-percent success.

So … I've been chasing rainbows.

There's nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing wrong with me. I just haven't met the right one.

Not yet.

But you know something? Watch this space …

 

THE END … ?