Remember the Time (35 page)

That does it. “Where?”

“I’ll meet you in my parents’ bedroom in five minutes.”

Sheryl looked up and saw the clock. She’d been sitting there for nearly an hour, which meant that Matt had been gone that long, too.
Jesus
, she thought.
Matt is the same age as Paul was when I told him he was going to be a father
.

Sheryl got to her feet and went to the phone. She didn’t want Mike hearing this from his nephew. But there was no answer at her brother’s house.

“D
an, it’s me,” Sheryl said.

“I already know. I just got off the phone with Matt.”

Sheryl squeezed her eyes shut, fending off tears. “How did he sound?” she asked.

“Hurt,” Dan answered curtly.

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth. Just like you told it to me nineteen years ago.”

Sheryl looks at the doctor in disbelief. “How can I be pregnant? I’ve used my diaphragm every time!” And even as the words come out of her mouth, she remembers the one time she hadn’t inserted the damned piece of rubber. Her eyes shift away from her doctor’s face and she wonders if he can see the word “guilty” burning across her forehead
.

“It happens. I know you’ve only been married a couple of months and this could be a hardship for the two of you. You have choices.”

But there’s never really been any choice for Sheryl. A baby is growing inside her now, and that is the only choice she has. She listens numbly as the nurse talks to her about prenatal care
.
Sheryl takes the pamphlets and gazes at them blindly. The only thing she can think about is telling Dan
.

That night in bed, after a very long evening with her parents, Sheryl lies on her back in the dark. She holds her hands together so tightly she can feel her fingernails biting into her palms
.

“Dan?” she finally says. “Are you asleep?”

His weight shifts in the bed. “Almost. Why?”

“I need to tell you something.”

“Tell me.”

“I’m pregnant.”

The springs of the mattress squeal as he sits up. “You’re pregnant?” The light comes on and they blink at each other like owls. “How?”

Sheryl pushes herself up and takes his hand as she settles in front of him. “I’m afraid to tell you.”

“Sherry, I promise I won’t get mad. But we’ve been so careful …”

She holds his hand tighter, not speaking. Dan exhales slowly, guessing what she is trying to tell him
.

Sheryl finally says, “Dan, I want to keep this baby. I’ll understand if you want to leave.”

“But I love you, Sherry. You told me it was only that one time …”

“It was. The only stupider thing I’ve ever done was forgetting to use my diaphragm. The whole thing meant nothing. I already told you that, and I meant it. And I love you for understanding. I know how hard it was for you.”

“But now you’re pregnant with Paul Armstrong’s baby.” For some blessed reason, she can tell he isn’t angry. Just confused. “Does he know?”

“No! Of course not! Dan, I just found out today.”

“Sherry? Do you really love me?”

“Sure I do, Danny.”

“Will you let me be the baby’s father?”

She looks at him and smiles for the first time that day
.
Putting her arms around him, she says, “Of course you’ll be his father. Who else?”

“What about Paul? Aren’t you going to tell him?”

“No.”

Dan is silent for a moment. “If it were me, I’d want to know.”

“Thank God you’re not.”

“But don’t you think he’d want to know?”

Frightened, she says, “But Danny. What if he wants the baby?”

Dan pulls away from her and she can tell he hasn’t thought of that. There isn’t a deceptive bone in his body, so Sheryl is surprised when he answers, “Don’t tell him till after he’s married.”

He’s right. Paul doesn’t have the scruples of a toad, and he’ll never be able to bring himself to tell Kate the truth. And so, that night, Sheryl and Dan enter into their own conspiracy
.

Matt, born the following April, is beautiful—perfect. Eight pounds, eight ounces, of fair-haired sweetness. Grandparents, uncle, and parents are thrilled. A baby couldn’t be more loved
.

And when Kate and Paul are married, Matt is nearly two years old. Paul is entering his first season in the major leagues. Sheryl will never forget the way making this phone call makes her feel. Her heart pounds so hard she’s afraid she’ll pass out. Her palms are so wet, she can barely hold the telephone
.

It’s ten o’clock in the morning and he’s still asleep. The phone has been answered by his roommate, who has to be convinced she is Paul’s wife and it’s an emergency. When a very fuzzy-voiced Paul comes on the line, Sheryl says the lines she’s rehearsed for months
.

“Paul. This is Sheryl. Mike’s sister. I have something really important to tell you. You need to call me back from a private phone right now.”

She’s said it all in one breath, so her courage won’t give out. He mumbles something about giving him fifteen minutes and what’s her number? And she waits as fifteen minutes grow into twenty, and then thirty
.

When her phone finally rings, she pounces on the receiver. “You said fifteen minutes!”

“Hey, I’m sorry. It took me a while to find a phone. What’s up, Sheryl?”

She takes a deep breath. “Remember that party you had a few years ago? You were celebrating your new career.”

Paul’s swagger can be heard through the phone line. “You mean the one where I fucked my babysitter?”

“I knew I could count on you to be sensitive about it.”

“What about it?”

“I got pregnant that night.”

There is a pause and Sheryl wonders if he’s even heard her. But then he says, “So what?”

“So, you know I have a son named Matt?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You aren’t getting this, are you. Matt is your son. You’re the father.”

His voice drops to a whisper. “Shit, Sheryl! What are you talking about?”

“We didn’t use anything that night. You fucked your babysitter unprotected.”

His voice turns suspicious. “Why are you telling me now?”

“Because Dan thought you deserved to know. I didn’t want to tell you. I was afraid you’d try to take him from me. I should’ve known better.”

“Dan knows?”

“Yes, he knows. And he loves Matt like his own. And if you try anything to take Matt away from us, we’ll fight you with everything we’ve got.”

“Christ, Sheryl! You can’t tell anyone else. You got that? If Kate found out …”

“Don’t worry. Mike doesn’t even know.”

“Look, Sheryl. I want a son. But not now. It’s not …” He searches for a word
.

“Convenient?” Sheryl finishes for him. “I have no intention of ever telling Matt about you.”

“Never?”

“No. Why should I?”

“So, you just called to tell me I have a son and that’s it?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“By the way, Paul, you have a son, how’s the weather?”

“Yes. And now only you and Dan and I know. That’s where I want it to end.”

“Does he look like me?”

Sheryl hesitates, not wanting to give up any part of her son to this man who has nothing to do with loving him and raising him. “A little.”

“Tell me.” She doesn’t answer, and he says, “Come on, Sheryl. I need to know.”

“He has your eyes. But he’s not going to be anything like you.”

“I’d really like a photo of him.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Send it to me through the team.”

“I said I’ll think about it, Paul.”

She hears a knocking sound, and he says, “I’ve gotta go.”

“Before I hang up, I have something else I want to say. All your dreams have come true. You’re playing ball with the Giants. You married Kate. You’re gonna be a star. Please don’t ever try to take Matt from me.”

Paul lowers his voice to a whisper. “I just got married, Sheryl. You really think this is something I can tell Kate now?”

When she finally sends the photos, it isn’t because Paul has asked for them. It’s because Mike tells her that Paul and Kate can’t have children
.

Sheryl never hated Paul. Didn’t even dislike him. Her feelings for him were neutral. After all, he had nothing to do with her life. But over the years she’d heard the stories that Mike felt he could tell about Kate and Paul. Kate, who’d gone into marriage with all the pomp and circumstance befitting royalty. Who was now married to the man dubbed the Prince Charming of baseball. Who was being treated like something less than a doormat since he’d discovered she couldn’t bear him a son.

And Sheryl suddenly found herself thinking of Kate. She could feel Kate’s pain across the miles. The only mistake Kate had made in her life was loving the wrong man. But no one knows that until it’s too late. Sheryl’s heart went out to Kate Armstrong, and the child she could never have, and the life she’d dreamed of that had turned into a nightmare.

Sheryl’s position changed the day Mike told her the way Paul was pushing Kate away, castigating her for a fault that wasn’t in her control. She found Paul Armstrong not worthy of an emotion as deep as hatred. Sheryl found his behavior offensive, and an offense deserved punishment. She wanted to hurt him because she knew Kate was defenseless.

The baby photos of Matt had gone out in the mail the day after she learned of Kate’s condition. It took Paul nearly a year to respond, but when he did, he truly surprised her.

K
ate sat on the chair and stared at the phone, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Her body slowly rocked in rhythm with the banjo clock.

It was late. Why hadn’t Mike called? Surely he knew by now. Surely Sheryl had told her own brother. And surely he would call once he found out.

But there was nothing truly sure in life. Why hadn’t she learned that lesson long ago?

She had to talk to him.
Had
to. When he’d said they needed to spend some time apart, he hadn’t factored in a seismic event of this magnitude. This involved them both. She needed his love now more than ever. They would need each other to get through this … to make sense of it.

The clock struck eleven and Kate made up her mind.

“I know you don’t want to see me right now,” she began, as Mike’s back door opened. “But I have to talk to you.”

“What’s wrong?” He took her arm and pulled her through the doorway. She looked like hell and Mike was afraid that their sorry attempt at intimacy was to blame. Maybe it
had
been too soon.

“You haven’t talked to Matt yet, have you.” He shook
his head. “I didn’t think so.” She took his hand and led him to a chair. “You’d better sit down.”

“Katie, your hand is frozen. Are you all right?”

She turned her back to him and leaned into the counter. “You know how they always say, if you don’t like the weather wait fifteen minutes, it’ll change? But they never tell you it can change from bad to worse.” Shaking her head slightly, her voice resigned, she said, “They never tell you that.”

Mike remained silent. He was aware that every muscle in his body was tensed, and he made a conscious effort to relax. But nothing could have prepared him for what Kate said next.

She sat down across from him. “In the past forty-eight hours an earthquake measuring about seven on the Richter scale hit, and they’re still adding up the damage.” Her eyes met his. “Mike, there’s no other way to tell you this. And I wish to God I didn’t have to be the one to tell you …”

“Jesus, Kate. What the hell happened?”

“Matt is Paul’s son.”

His first thought was,
She’s drinking again, and this is the result. She’s lost her mind
. And he almost said it out loud, but the steadiness of her hands and the new wisdom in her eyes stopped him.

She went on. She had obviously rehearsed everything she was saying. Her composure—her calm—this too was new. He never once interrupted her as she told it all from beginning to end. He listened, his disbelief ebbing away and replaced by a deep, burning fury for the heartbreak she had gone through thanks, once again, to Paul.

And then he thought of Sheryl, his own sister, whom he would have sworn he knew forward and backward, voluntarily taking part in this deceit. The rage at this new pain brought him up out of the chair. It tipped over backward, falling onto the floor with a loud clatter. Kate flinched, and quickly stood.

“He was supposed to be my friend,” he said in a harsh voice. “He desecrated the word, and he contaminated everything I’ve ever loved. And my own sister let it happen.”

Kate knew what he wanted to do next, and she put her hand on his arm to stop him. “Don’t go over there feeling like this, Mike,” she said. “It won’t help.”

Like a skittish horse calmed by his owner’s touch, Mike went still. “How are you dealing with this, Kate?” he asked in a low, tight voice. “Why aren’t you mad?”

“I was. I still am.”

She told him of the two hellish days and nights she’d spent. Of the night she
did
open that bottle and take a drink. Of the anger she felt at even that being caused by Paul’s betrayal, and the subsequent deep cut she’d received in her knee as she knelt to clean up the shards of broken glass after she’d thrown the bottle against the sink. That episode brought her a brief moment of clarity, and she realized she needed help. His help.

She’d fallen into an uneasy sleep only to wake an hour later, sweating and scared, from dreams that seemed too real to speak of. This went on and on, until she finally fought off sleep and had now been awake for over thirty-six hours.